| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:15:29 PM | HELLO WE WERE NEVER MARRIED WE WERE DATING for 2 1/2 year we were 6 months away from geting married and we broke up about 2 1/2 years ago! what don't you get???
Hence the term EX not Husband NOT Boy friend not Ex husband BUT EX | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:19:10 PM | | Me and him broke up because A he cheate on me with a 17 year old and 2 because he decided to get physicly abusive HOW IN HECK was it selfish to leave his father. you need to get you head out of the i'm perfict land and come back down to reality. BTW is it selfish to NEVER go out without my son?? to never take a brake??? i will not go out with out my son!!! plain and simple if i am not working my BUTT off he is with ME i don't go out and party, i don't go out and do the things i enjoy anymore BECAUSE MY SON NEEDS ME! I have given up SO MANY THINGS for my son. I have cloths that have holes in them I don't Buy new clothing i go to second hand stores so my son can have BRAND new clothing. I go without what i want so he can have what he needs. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:12:22 PM | Grow up...separated only deals with committment, married.
You broke up so both a free deal then. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:05:45 PM | We have a young woman, saying that she started her post
>Because I liked the way it looked in print
Whatever makes you happy I guess.
Abused Woman's Castration Manual I'm sure you are feeling pretty smug throwing that zinger in there. What a sad,sad state of affairs .
I am speechless about the ignorance of the extent of abuse directed at women by their intimate partners. ( Relax ... I'm not saying it doesn't happen to men ... all of it is equally unnacceptable and should not be denied by someone lamenting her upbringing by divorced parents. At least you're alive to talk about it. Countless other women aren't. Think about that.)
Back on track: I have great kids who have come to understand their Dad based on the way they have intacted with him, something totally independent of my relationship with them. ( News flash : this is what happens for together parents too!!!) I can't be held responsible for the choices someone else makes or the way someone else behaves just because we had children together. Pregnancy and childbirth didn't bestow this particular responsibility on me! *My kids have a reasonably good relationship with their Dad btw. *
I love the title of this post but it's content is so disheartening .
So much overt and covert hatred in these posts.
All of a sudden some of the frivolous threads seem remarkably appealing. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:27:56 AM | Me thinks the ladies should stop loving losers or stop making babies with them by making sure thems using jimmies.
My babies-mammas all cool with me-except for the one who put me on the bus for back child support.
The rest of them except for the ones in Vietnam all work with me to make sure they care for the chilren and I just stay out of their way.
Womens are the ones sposed to raise them babies anywho.  | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:38:35 AM | Where gypsy_rose85 wrote:
BTW is it selfish to NEVER go out without my son?? to never take a brake??? i will not go out with out my son!!! plain and simple if i am not working my BUTT off he is with ME i don't go out and party, i don't go out and do the things i enjoy anymore BECAUSE MY SON NEEDS ME! I have given up SO MANY THINGS for my son. I have cloths that have holes in them I don't Buy new clothing i go to second hand stores so my son can have BRAND new clothing. I go without what i want so he can have what he needs
Your post, when added to the sacrifices the father has made and continues to make for his child is at the center of the intent of this discussion. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:52:39 AM | dreamboat - I suggest you look in the mirror before you make comments about my being bragging and personal attacking (which by the way, had nothing to do with you). I have NO bitterness towards my ex, doesn't sound so with you so who are you calling bitter and angry?
My ex and I definitely had a painful bitter divorce, we were very young, and we worked extremely hard to get over that in the best interest of our child. We were awful as a couple but together as parents and friends we were incredible. I have the utmost respect for him as a man and father.
You call my post bile, who's attacking who? The fact that I recognize no parent is perfect, no home is a fairytale, are you arguing that point? Are you perfect? Your arrogance is ridiculous. I am not bitter at my successes - I am very proud as I know how hard it is for divorced parents to find a balance for their children on both sides. It was not easy to accomplish but we both loved our child so much that we "bit our tongues" to do it.
My point was that I felt that someone without children doesn't have the personal knowledge that other parents have. That her information is easily gained on the internet or at libraries ect. That I would much more value input from a single/nonsingle parent then someone with no personal understanding of what it takes to be a parent - mother/father, single, married. I wouldn't ask a waitress how to do my taxes or the postman to fix my engine. Although the reference material OP provided was nice, it isn't her own experience. It'd be like asking you how it feels to give birth. You can relate to what you observed but you really can't say how it felt personally could you.
dreamboat - the success that I have in relating to my ex is a gift, it took alot of hard work and swallowing pride but to see my child in life now - well it was so well worth it. Believe me, I'd choke on my tongue if I had to to get along enough for my child and had to do just that many times. Pride is such an obstacle and causes us so many handicaps. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:13:59 AM | fab_mom - wrote:
I love the title of this post but it's content is so disheartening
Contribute something uplifting and encouraging instead of whining.
So much overt and covert hatred in these posts.
Don't take it personally - some of my best friends are Canadian...
If you feel so overcome with remorse at what you call overt hatred share some love.
All of a sudden some of the frivolous threads seem remarkably appealing.
It is not the least bit surprising to find you consider the frivolous to be appealing.
It takes genuine inner strength and an authentic desire to do the right thing in order to overcome the apathy.
Nobody is going to be heart broken if you go away and bury your head in the frivolity. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:58:55 AM | sweetjem - you wrote:
My point was that I felt that someone without children doesn't have the personal knowledge that other parents have.
If you don't like the thread go away. It doesn't matter how you feel about my qualifications on the matter.
You can either go away or join the discussion - but to join the discussion only to hate on me - what we need less of is that.
That her information is easily gained on the internet or at libraries ect.
Yes, we know, you are just sooooo bored with it all. So the solution is to poke at me and try to bait a flame war? Mature much?
That I would much more value input from a single/nonsingle parent then someone with no personal understanding of what it takes to be a parent - mother/father, single, married.
Okay - I opened this thread for constrctive dialogue and the PLENTY OF FISH policies prohibit exclusivity as much in this area as any other.
So, while you're preference is noted - I am perfectly justified in my post and presentation - so what?
What percentage of CPS workers, Day Care workers, Pediatricians or family law attorney or Judges are themselves parents?
Should we not accept that these authorities may have insights of value? Or is it that anyone who is not a parent has no voice and no right to speak?
For that matter, having a child does not give you some magical transcendental wisdom - and how does making a wreck of your marriage make your relationship advice more valuable than anyone elses?
How does anyone even know for sure that the people who say they are parents here are indeed parent?
So judge the statements according to their merits or pizz off. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:13:08 AM | rebecca352 wrote in response to sweetjem
For that matter, having a child does not give you some magical transcendental wisdom - and how does making a wreck of your marriage make your relationship advice more valuable than anyone elses? Sounds like flamebaiting to me..Honestly Rebecca, you do not know this woman any more than the rest of us, does it not bother your conscious to accuse someone so cruelly, of "wrecking her marriage" when you do not even know her? Have you no feelings or heart? I thought this thread was to promote healing and cooperation between parents for the sake of the child/children of divorce or seperation. Seems to be just about "bashing" each other...Sad....because I know you are now going to take a jab at me..go ahead kid, give it your best shot! | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:17:23 AM | [qoute]Your post, when added to the sacrifices the father has made and continues to make for his child is at the center of the intent of this discussion. [/qoute]
that is my point he makes NO sacrifices. you make men comeout looking like gods and like mothers are nothing important! He is out making his third child with a THIRD woman!!! yes she is pregnant. He has NEVER made any form of sacrife for our son. the ONLY reason i am now geting child support his wages are being garnished. My point (if you read my first post on here) is that you need to relize that while it is idealistic that both parents are in a childs life sometimes it is imposible. You are unfair to the single parent in general. Not everything can be peaches and daisys sometimes there is a reason why a single parent AND THE COURT do not want a child around their other parent.
edit: he is on his third child with just as many women and still out smoking pot, partying and doing whatever he pleases. He is an abusive man with MANY MANY mental issues good guy untill a girl gets pregnant then he treats them like crap, cheats on them, gets physicly abusive with them, does not even help pay for dipers untill 2 years and 4 months down the line the state finnaly garnishes his wages. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:30:16 AM |
Statistics show that children who are raised in families without a strong biological father role model experience significant emotional, physical, social and financial problems later in life.
My boys had their bio-father and just recently got to see him try to kill himself and beat up their step mother so what you are saying is that it is better for them to continue to be exposed to this type of behavior than to be safe at home with me and he can just stay out of their lives?
I prefer a positive male role model in my boys lives over that of a biological figure. I don't believe in biological parents as being the save all to children who have psycho-social issues. It only takes one positive influence biological or external to make a difference in a child. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:32:58 AM |
I prefer a positive male role model in my boys lives over that of a biological figure. I don't believe in biological parents as being the save all to children who have psycho-social issues. It only takes one positive influence biological or external to make a difference in a child.
I agree 100% i was adopted at birth and turned out just fine. BTW Merry meet naturalwiccan | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 12:13:33 PM | Rebecca,
I don't hate on you. I find that your so willing to stand by your boyfriend and even take time to research all this to support him very commendable. That being said, rereading your posts tells me that you, in your wonderful support of your boyfriend, have generalized all single mothers into something they all are not. You show immaturity in calling the ex the crazy lady. Regardless of what she is, you don't know her side. There are two sides to every relationship. Both have a part in it's success or failure.
As for maturity, mmmm, reread your posts. You talk about working together, opening this for dialogue ect, yet if anyone disagrees with you you become catty and spew out little highschool girl remarks. Grow up. You can only share from your personal experience as a child and a girlfriend, not as a parent. Although I do appreciate what you went through as a child, been there myself, you still haven't gone through what I went through as a wife and parent.
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For that matter, having a child does not give you some magical transcendental wisdom - and how does making a wreck of your marriage make your relationship advice more valuable than anyone elses?
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LIfe experiences help people grow and learn. How do you know I made a wreck of my marriage, you don't know anything. And this is a clear example of how you think you have the right to judge someone else even tho the only information you have is from some website. How are your snide little remarks to be considered constructive dialogue. Maturity is being able to accept that not everyone agrees with you without the juvenile putdowns.
The fact that I and my ex were able to work through those things and learn to work well inspite of past issues - isn't that the point of your thread? To address how parents should learn to get along after divorce for the sake of their child? IF so then I would be a success wouldn't I? And I have personal experience to that affect. I was able to seek out other individuals in the same situation and learn from their personal experiences.
I wonder how much support you give your boyfriend in trying to work together with his ex for his child's sake. If she stepped up and really tried to work together with him for the benefit of their child would you have issues with that? Would you try to interfere by continuing to call her the crazy lady and be a hinderance or a help?
Besides the little info you got from others, you haven't given a whole lot of positivie input here yet you wail about people joining the conversation for support and all that. Take a little of your own advice.
Question - You state your in such a great relationship yet your profile states your looking for ltr with romantic man. You joined not long ago. Did you get into a relationship since you joined? Did you go through all this with him and his ex in such a short time? If so, I think that you have only heard his side. Standing by your man is all good, but don't be completely blind. It takes two. Just as it wasn't all your mother's fault or your dads. This is where life experience helps to see more then one side. Wisdom comes from going through trials, knowledge from reading books.
Both my ex and I were at fault for our marriage failing for many reasons, mostly we were way too young. But that doesn't make either one of us bad people or bad parents. We are blessed in that we were able to find a way to work together. It was not easy but we did it. And we had older couples (both together and divorces) with parenting experience help us by sharing how they did it. Our child is the winner for it. Our child has benefitting from our biting our pride to work together. Isn't that the whole point of your post??
Yes anyone can have valid input, but I find that the ones who know the struggles of parenting firsthand are the ones that offer the most valuable advice because they have made their own mistakes, learned from it and grown. This can be applied to many instances in life, not just parenting. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 12:24:02 PM | awildirishrose - thankyou for your words. I am not upset because I understand the meaning "Contempt prior to investigation" so Rebecca cannot offend me, she is ignorant to many things (ignorance is NOT equal to being stupid). I hope that she doesn't have to go through really painful things in her life to understand the complexities that many of us has had to learn.
I agree on your points completely, this should be about healing and cooperation. That is why I can read other posts and feel ok to say something. Though Rebecca started this post, it isn't about her, it's about single/divorced parents learning to work together for their childrens sake. Fairytales would make us all the BradyBunch, reality isn't that way. And parents struggle whether married or not.
Divorce and separation are so hard on all those involved no matter who the parties are or how strong and stable they may be. It is never easy and without huge effort and willingness on both parties, there is always problems. My personal experience was painful difficult and yet wonderful because we did learn, it took time and mistakes but we did and not only did our child benefit and is off to college but we are really good friends today.
Maybe this might frighten Rebecca, the thought of her bf learning to be friends with the "crazy lady" for their child's sake. To support that would take alot of maturity and insight on Rebecca's part, and that takes having life experiences.
Again awildirishhorse - thanks again for your words. And if she does take a stab at you, just remember, ignorance is not the same as stupidity. But also bad manners - well there really isn't any excuse for that is there.  | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 12:29:31 PM | | I have got to tell you sweetjemgirl your posts are VERY impresive i give you a roud of aplase for the ability to keep things civil...i wish i had been as calm i just guess when people are pretty much saying i am a bad mom that i get defensive. You are a good forum role model and make very good facts! | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 12:53:18 PM | | You are most welcome SweetJem, I am happy your relationship worked out beneficial for all involved. That is all I desire also, for my daughter to be a happy and healthy adult. I too am learning as I go, I may not be in love with my ex anymore, but I do not hate him, he gave me a gift so precsious, my beautiful daughter that I am so blessed to be the mother of here on earth. He and I have our moments still as he is an Alcoholic, it is difficult at best for me to understand him at times, but for the sake of our child I try. I try and encourage as much time together with her as possible as it seems he stays fairly sober when he knows he is "in charge" of her welfare (by this I mean I am not there as the responsible party) It is a struggle as I am always afraid of him slipping, and having that extra drink, just one more... and then becoming the man I had to finally divorce..It's like he has 2 personalities, the sober nice man and the drunk I do not know and am afraid of. Weird how life is, for the first few years of dating and then marriage he was a social drinker, bashed his ex-wife as a b.tch that didn't understand him, turned their daughter against him etc..I remmber the first time I met her, she just laughed and shook her head and siad ..good luck, he's all your's now!. I too thought you b.tch! Then after a few years into the marriage the drinking got worse, and the nightmare began....but there is light at the end of the tunnell and it is NOT a train! There is hope..I have faith in God, Hope in my heart and my daughter will have her Daddy in her life..come hell or high water I will see to that! Because Yes, children need both their parents..when at all possible! | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 1:24:19 PM |
Maybe this might frighten Rebecca, the thought of her bf learning to be friends with the "crazy lady" for their child's sake. To support that would take alot of maturity and insight on Rebecca's part, and that takes having life experiences.
This statement is just one more in which someone seems to believe they have the answers to all of the problems in the world. Have you ever encountered anyone in your "life experiences" that you could not "learn to be friends" with? If you say no, I say you lie or you lead a very sheltered life because everyone has encountered a narcissist, a sociopath, a psychopath or someone with borderline personality disorder at some point in their "life experiences". For many people all that needs to be done is to walk away from them to not feel the effects of their wrath. When a child is shared with one it is a completly different story. If you have not found yourself in a situation of having to deal with one of the afore mentioned or something similair with a child in common with that person, then you have no business even commenting on the subject of this thread or any like it because their is no way you can even have a clue to what some of us and our children are forced to endure. The only reason I can imagine anyone would post such junk comments about subjects like the one of this thread is because the posters are full of guilt or they are attempting to devert the efforts to stop the abuse rendered by some very sick people.
Kenny | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 1:25:45 PM | Not entirely certain what I did to deserve the Gr 3 playground outburst from Rebecca352 ....whining ....hmmm....maybe my points hit a little too close to home for your comfort. Glad though as it gave you a great chance to show your true colours!!
and by the way I wasn't whining, I was trying to gently point out your ignorance of abuse against women as a real phenomenon, not something for you to be sarcastic or dismissive about .
As for taking any of this personally, don't give it a second thought - I'm not. (BTW , not surprising that some of your friends are Canadian - we are fantastic :hug: )
Lastly, don't think you can scare away strong voices with this sort of nonsense :
Nobody is going to be heart broken if you go away and bury your head in the frivolity If you can't handle the heat maybe you should get out of the proverbial kitchen!! In the forum you, have to wear your big girl panties rebecca!!
Good luck - you are going to need it. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 1:53:43 PM | I find it hard to believe, Kenny, that you aren't in favor of parents trying to work things out together for the sake of their kids. Finding a way to get along seems like the perfect solution to your pet issue of parental alienation syndrome. Or am I missing something? Are you just looking for a handy way to lynch a few people (who may very well have done bad things), rather than trying to work towards the overall good of the children of divorced parents?
I mean, you can't possibly be arguing that punishing people for PAS is BETTER than eliminating the problem at the source... can you? | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 2:28:39 PM | rhino are you for real? Where do you come up with the things you post? Before you attempt to bait me into an argument with you about issues pertaining to children I suggest you become educated on the disorders I pointed out in my last post here as well as on the vast amount of information which I and others have provided in my shared parenting thread to include PA, PAS and HAP information. I have survived as a target for quite sometime so don't place yourself too high on your horse and think you can knock me down or aggravate me like I have observed you do to others in this forum. It is funny how you are one of the first to respond.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it bud. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 6/28/2008 2:39:35 PM |
Maybe this might frighten Rebecca, the thought of her bf learning to be friends with the "crazy lady" for their child's sake. To support that would take alot of maturity and insight on Rebecca's part, and that takes having life experiences.
The only reason I can imagine anyone would post such junk comments about subjects like the one of this thread is because the posters are full of guilt or they are attempting to devert the efforts to stop the abuse rendered by some very sick people.
rhino are you for real? Where do you come up with the things you post? **points up**
Great, Kenny... YOU reconcile the above statements and come up with something other than trashing someone for suggesting that the parents try to work together amicably. It has nothing to do with my ego. | |
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