| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/29/2008 9:19:58 AM | Some on here have suggested that those on A/D meds have something to apologize or ask forgiveness of. That is not true. It is not a total lack of moral character that can cause a person to become depressed.
And as for the reference to people commiting suicide while on the meds, yes, this does happen sometimes. The patient needs to be monitored closely by a physican for how the med is reacting and can be changed to another that may be more suitable for that patient. But you have to realize that there was a reason that the patient was put on the med in the first place, DEPRESSION. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/29/2008 9:49:28 AM | Ummmmm smileee4u.....
Where on earth are you getting your information?
Why is he asking for Forgiveness? You are correct that guilt and fear are two emotions held frequently by anti-depressand and anti-anxiety meds users.
What makes you think that he has done anything wrong? Most of the people I know, and believe me, I know many have carried around "issues" since childhood...they have done nothing to be forgiven for. The guilt and fear, are usually the feelings felt during choldhood.
Newsstory from Florida.....5 year old boy, who is in the process of being diagnosed with "autism" is "voted out of class by his teacher and classmates, because he is "annoying and disruptive"". Oh, and coincidentally, he is afraid to go back to school....there's that fear thing......
I wanna talk to this kid in 15 years, and see how good he feels about himself. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/29/2008 10:03:00 AM | | To those of you who would not date someone on antidepressants or anti-anxiety meds, can you tell me how you know they are on anything when you start communicating with them? I don't share my pharmaceutical history with anyone; it just doesn't come up in conversation. What happens if you meet someone you really like, then find out they are on Wellbutrin or Effexor or something? Do you just drop them? I don't mean anything by posting this, I am just curious as to how you know. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/29/2008 10:13:26 AM | As a person on anti-depressants, I know that the admitting to being on such can end the relationhip.
With myself and most others that I have met on anti-depressants, the cause old their depression was that they lost in a personal conflict between their morals and their supervisor's greed, bullying or other abuse. People who don't give a s..t don't get depressed. Would you prefer to date the person who cares only about themselves (the oppressor, or the oppressed)?
Some of us who have gone through the grind prefer not to go back to the rat race. We have chose a more laid back life. We are no longer lured by the almighty dollar and the high-priced lifestyle because we don't want the high stress that goes with trying to maintain it. We become more content (even without the anti-depressants). The others are merely setting themselves up for the crash that the people on anti-depressants have already encountered, and that crash is far lower than where we are now.
In general, if you're looking for partying and fun, don't date someone on anti-depressants. If you are looking for long term contentment in a more laid back relationship, do. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/29/2008 12:12:42 PM | | I haver no problem dating someone who is taking medicine for a problem. It's way better than the people who need to be on meds but refuse to take them. I didn't realize there was still such a stigma for people with depression & other mental health issues. It's not their fault how their brain is wired. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/29/2008 12:18:58 PM | | As being someone with bipolar and being on medication I see that some people still call what I take as a drug a drug is something you buy off the street. When I am on my meds you can see that I am just like anyone eles. I have my ups and downs, and do just fine with my life but if I don't take my meds, then you will see another person. So with all the things that we are looking for in life do want someone with a problem taking care of it or not. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/31/2008 2:26:40 AM | To all you folks out there who wouldn't date some one taking A/D meds. What would you do if you met a happy, beautiful woman down the Gym (as you were exercising to keep depression away) Imagine you fell in love and decided to start a family. How about if that normally happy woman fell prey to post-natal depression. Would you support her as she seeked help from the doctor and counsellors to treat this depression for a year until the chemical imbalance in her brain righted with the help of the meds? Or would you tell her to get down the gym, eat better foods and make sure she has a regular bowel movement?
Would you tell a soldier just back from Iraq who watched his comrades die in battle and witnessed the bodies of children lying by the road side the same?
Would you tell the woman who fled from her war torn country after watching her family massacred by machetes and gang raped by soldiers the same?
Depression happens to people for a variety of reasons, sometimes its the result of trauma, sometimes its a chemical imbalance in the brain.
Anyone who takes the plunge to seek help in the form of meds and counselling should be applauded because they are the ones that say " I don't want to be like this, I want to be happy again" Its not an easy thing to do when there is obviously so much stigma still attached to depression. Popping the pills doesn't make you happy - they give you a clear head to be able to address the cause and thats why you need the counselling/therapy too.
Depression can happen to anyone at anytime - Ironman it could even happen to you! | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/31/2008 7:33:35 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
very well said  ginnytonic!
you hit the nail right on the head....
I would like to add....what if you lost someone in 9/11
and had to rely on medication to deal with the pain of
losing a loved one? Many people living in New York or
had someone working in the vacinity of the World Trade Center
or Pentagon had to deal with that
face that first hand.... | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/31/2008 7:50:58 AM | Would you date someone on antidepressants?
In America, you probably already have.
I apologize if someone already said that, but I'm not ABOUT to read 12 pages of thread just to avoid a repetition! | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:20:32 AM | The meds are only as good as the Dr. diagnosing the disease being treated. Bad diagnosis...bad results (just like garbage in...means garbage out). I was treated for three years...for bilpolar disorder...that I never had. Do you have any idea what that did to my life? Bad diagnosis...means inappropriate meds...means inappropriate responses by the patient/victim. Too many practicioners should not be in practice. If indeed the diagnosis is correct...life can return to normal...minus the self defeating depression side effects. The key there is...return to NORMAL...and the key to that is...the correct diagnosis. No med is a miracle cure...or even a help at all...unless there is a problem in the first place...a problem severe enough...that it needs correction...in order to live a normal life. Insulin saves many lives...but kills fast if you are not in need of its' functions. The SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) class of drugs are quite effective...in appropriate cases. Inappropriately administered...the results are often tragic. On the flip side...more people die each year from untreated depression, than die from cancer...heart conditions...and accidents...ALL PUT TOGETHER. The danger is very real...but the need for a correct diagnosis is also imperative.
The wiser you get, the more you will realize, that everything is not black and white...but actually everything is shades of gray. The facts change, with your perception of the facts. Perception is not always the truth. Nothing is either all good...or all bad. Your actual truth lies somewhere in between...and if you change perspectives...you often change that truth. The truth...that you held so dearly...for so long...will metmorphasize before your eyes...if your mind is open enough to actually allow you to see it.
The first rule always...nothing is for real (a given)...and surely nothing on this earth is permanent. Everything needs occasional analysis. Unlock your mind and amaze yourself with what you can actually see around you. Never allow youself to be locked into any etched in stone belief. If a med works a certain way for 10,000 people...there will always be that one exception...referred to as idiosyncratic. Your husband died...no one can accurately say it was the med's fault...anything proposed is pure speculation...until it is proven fact...and even that, is often open to interpretation. The police spoke out of turn...and gave you a needed answer...a scapegoat. His comment does not make your situation fact. That of course is not much comfort to you...but it is the way things are in life. Sorry...there are very few easy answers to this type of question. I doubt you will ever know, what actually happened. You have to simply let it go an move on. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 6/5/2008 2:51:54 PM | Been there, Done that, Will not again.
The BPD is hard to diagnose and most people that even get diagnosed like all negative diagnosis go into shock over it. Most want the diagnosis turned back by another Dr.
The key is to stay on the meds and go to therapy and change meds if they are not working. his goes against the desires of anyone with it. I feel terribly for anyone diagnosed with any life long issue. The difference here is that there tends to be alot of pressure, trauma, and pain put on anyone cloe to people with BPD.
There is no black and white answer on the original question. If you know someone like this and is on meds, get more understanding of it and ask tough questions of the person with it. Be supportive, but protect yourself too.
Can you stand by a person who blames you for everything?
Can you stand by a person who spins everything negative?
Can you stand by a person who causes you physical and emotionaly pain?
Can you handle being in a vortex of emotions?
Support, learn, protect. Read the book, "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality" by Jerold J. Kreisman, & Hal Straus.
I have been there, I choose peace now. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 6/5/2008 3:10:07 PM | blueiiz2008,
Good job lumping multiple mental illnesses into a single category and treating them interchangably. The question is about antidepressants, and you talk about BPD. You speak about understanding, yet you show surprisingly little.
The key is to stay on the meds and go to therapy and change meds if they are not working. his goes against the desires of anyone with it. While it may go against the desires of some with it, to make such as general statement is to show blatant ignorance. Addressing these from the point of view of depression: Can you stand by a person who blames you for everything? Many of us are generally content to simply blame ourselves, however I will acknoweldge that this can be an aspect of dealing with a loved one's depression. Can you stand by a person who spins everything negative? This is definitely common, and can be difficult for all involved. Can you stand by a person who causes you physical and emotionaly pain? While emotional pain is quite common for those who love somebody with depression, physical pain is not necessarily linked. I actually find this implication to be rather offensive. Can you handle being in a vortex of emotions? If you think you've got it bad, imagine the vortex of emotions for the person suffering from the illness. (Not to mention, all of the above questions imply unmanaged mental illness, while the question was about somebody who is taking antidepressants, and therefore, hopefully, undergoing treatment and a bit more stable.) Loving a person who suffers from mental illness can be very difficult, and I can't blame those of you who would rather avoid it. (I know I'd avoid suffering from it if I could.) However, what bothers me is the misconceptions and misinformation that is put forth. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 6/5/2008 3:25:35 PM | This is a good topic.........like others have said, if someone is proactive in being aware and treated for ANY health condition, then I would definitely see how things go. I wouldn't not date someone for taking insulin or having a kidney stone either!
Those kind of drugs aren't 'uppers', they don't work if you don't actually need them, or change your personality. I know a few people on them, and probably a few more that I don't know are on them.
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 6/5/2008 5:18:54 PM |
The BPD is hard to diagnose and most people that even get diagnosed like all negative diagnosis go into shock over it. Most want the diagnosis turned back by another Dr.
The key is to stay on the meds and go to therapy and change meds if they are not working. his goes against the desires of anyone with it. I feel terribly for anyone diagnosed with any life long issue. The difference here is that there tends to be alot of pressure, trauma, and pain put on anyone cloe to people with BPD.
There is no black and white answer on the original question. If you know someone like this and is on meds, get more understanding of it and ask tough questions of the person with it. Be supportive, but protect yourself too.
Can you stand by a person who blames you for everything?
Can you stand by a person who spins everything negative?
Can you stand by a person who causes you physical and emotionaly pain?
Can you handle being in a vortex of emotions?
Support, learn, protect. Read the book, "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality" by Jerold J. Kreisman, & Hal Straus.
As Steve said, Borderline Personality Disorder is a complicated PERSONALITY disorder that requires much more than anti-depressants to manage effectively.
But, if I'm not mistaken, 10 percent of the population is Borderline.
That suggests, that we all know at least one or two.
And, we might not even realize it.
I know a few "families" that are very dysfunctional...parents and children alike are Borderline....but they don't realize it....and neither does anyone else.
The dysfunction is "normal" for them, and no one ever questions that.....life goes on. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 6/5/2008 7:31:36 PM | | I did and I later married her. It turned out to be a horrible 5 year nightmare. The depression was actually a rapid cycling skitzo-bipolar and was later combined with cocaine. She nearly destroyed me before I was able to get out. Now, three jobs, two cars and one home later, I'm out and I'll never go back. If you are involved with someone who has these issues be extremely cautious. Don’t believe that you can fix them. Don’t believe that they will fix themselves if they love you enough. Don't expect them to be able to participate in the mutual caring and partnership that a relationship needs to flourish. The medication****ail they have to take and the issues that are causing the need to take that****ail require their priority and attention and a future spouse , partner or married partner will alway be second or third. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 6/5/2008 8:03:54 PM | I like Bill have lived with it as a co-dependant. I was able to support it and be there for it for many years. Once our daughter was born and saw how she treated her and spun more out of control, I would concur entirely with Bills notes and make sure anyone is aware. No, someone on antidepressants does not always have BPD, but it is a damned big red flag that you best understand, because most people taking those meds don't understand. My life and my daughters were torn and destroyed and we never knew when it was coming or from what angle or what would se it off.
You deserve more out of life! Be aware and informed of why that person is on them. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 6/5/2008 8:13:50 PM | | Skitzo-bipolar and depression/ anxiety are two different things. It's like comparing stage 3 cancer to diabetes. I wish people would stick to the topic and stop going off into things that the thread is not meant to be about. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 6/5/2008 8:48:45 PM | Bill....
How long did you know your wife before you married her? Were there any signs of schitzo-bi-polar before you got married....and....why didn't you get out then? Or was it when the cocaine came on the scene that things got bad....decide what you want to blame please.
Blueiiz2008
People taking anti-depressants is a red flag? Hogwash....with uncomplicated depression, or anxiety, often the person will be on the A/D's short term....six months maybe for uncomplicated post-partum depression...just long enough to re-balance the hormones.
Same questions....no warning before you got married? If things were that bad, why would you bring a child into the world?
Does anyone want to take responsibility for their part in the "horrible" experiences that they had....like maybe why didn't you leave? | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 6/6/2008 9:27:28 AM | I take zero responsibility for her attempted suicide and oppression on me or her child.
Yes, it is a red flag if you ask about it and it gets swept under the rug by the other party.
We are not talking about post-partum, we are talking about fully diagnosied BPD.
I had to "part" other than standing by them through the "horrible" experiences.
I hung in until the domestic abbuse kicked in to me and my daughter.
My responsibility then is to protect myself and my daughter. There is no soft-shoe around that. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 6/6/2008 9:32:52 AM | | Yes I would if they were someone that was trying to live a balanced normal life. If it was someone that could do things in their life to get rid of the things causing them depression and they did not try to improve that, no I would not date them...I'd consider that unhealthy. It is pretty common these days and you might be surprised the number of people in society using antidepressants. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 6/6/2008 9:38:57 AM | blueiiz2008,
The problem is that you are looking at her illness and her behavior and drawing the conclusion that others who suffer from the same or similar illnesses would behave in the same way.
I personally see nothing wrong with holding a person accountable for their actions. However, holding her behavior against other people is neither reasonable nor fair. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 6/6/2008 12:59:53 PM |
I take zero responsibility for her attempted suicide and oppression on me or her child.
Yes, it is a red flag if you ask about it and it gets swept under the rug by the other party.
We are not talking about post-partum, we are talking about fully diagnosied BPD.
I had to "part" other than standing by them through the "horrible" experiences.
I hung in until the domestic abbuse kicked in to me and my daughter.
My responsibility then is to protect myself and my daughter. There is no soft-shoe around that.
I don't recall asking you to take responsibility for her attempted suicide and her oppression on you and her child.
If she in fact has BPD, there should be waaaayyyyy bigger flags than taking anti-depressants....c'mon.
I never asked you to stay with her, in fact I asked why you married her, and had a child with her in the first place.
The point I'm trying to make, is that we all have choices in life. If you decide to stay with someone who has mental issues, frankly you will be dealing with the behaviour of a person who has mental health issues. If it looks like a duck......
Contrary to popular belief, Borderlines do not set out to ruin other people's lives. The behaviour toward others is an offshoot of how horrible they feel in their own lives. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 6/7/2008 9:33:37 AM | | I know quite a few people that NEED to be on them, and are much more pleasant to be around when they are on them. So yes, I would. It's actually quite common to be treated in this way nowadays. | |
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