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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:29:50 PM | I've thought about dating some on on anitdepressants, but there are so many wonderful and positive aspects of life, I guess I would rather spend my time and energy with someone who is content with their life and has reconciled with reality.
Since I've started with online dating, I've encountered many depressed men. It's well....depressing! What's interesting about them is that on the surface, they appear to be well-integrated members of society who have sound careers and lots of reasons to feel content. Yet under the surface, they are depressed, displeased with everyone around them and have even digressed to "self-medication." What's worse is that depression can truly be contagious if one let's it.
Nope. No drunks either! Because I'm highly active and enjoy the sun, surf and fresh air, I've found I just can't humour that type of mindset for very long. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:43:55 PM |
and I know why..anti depression pills.
With all due respect, it is impossible for you to know what was going on in another person's head. While you may believe that the antidepressants were the cause, I don't think it's fair for you to say that you know with any certainty that this is the case.
If you have any actual evidence, feel free to present it, but the only evidence you have presented is that when he started taking the medication, you noticed a shift in his personality and that he eventually killed himself. That in no way even implies, let alone indicates, a causal relationship. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:08:42 PM |
What's interesting about them is that on the surface, they appear to be well-integrated members of society who have sound careers and lots of reasons to feel content.
That's an interesting and frustrating thing about depression; it seldom ties to what is going on in one's life. The problem is that we tend to ignore the positives in our lives.
Us depressives are often well-reconciled with reality, it's just that we have a tendency to overly focus on the negative aspects of reality, to negatively predict future events and trends, to blame ourselves for things, and to blow things out of proportion.
What the antidepressants help us to do is to not overreact and to put things back into their proper perspectives.
Of course, this does not apply to all depressives, all antidepressants, etc. Another interesting, frustrating aspect of depression is that no two cases are identical, and that the exact way antidepressants will affect each individual is unpredictable. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/9/2008 10:43:05 PM | Oh Jeez, Steve...when am I going to learn? 
I just finished having a very pleasant evening with a dear friend and we had lots of smiles, giggles and joy about a common hobby. We got to talking about our grandparents and I was contemplating on my grandmother's life. Her mom died before she was a teen and as the eldest, she ended filling the role of "mother" for her brothers and sisters, the youngest being two. When she was 14, her father died and she took over for both parents.
All her life she worked--both in traditional male and female roles--and it wasn't easy. Yet, she always saw the glass as being half-full instead of half-empty. She always had a smile on her face and spread great joy to her husband, child and grandchildren. I suppose she knew how to live a life of simple abundance.
I too have had my challenges, but each day, I know that I have a choice--I can either choose to see adversity as a lesson and character building experience or I can "spread the gloom". I do my best to keep positive, although I have had let depressive men cut into my leisure time on occasion. Once, when I perceived things to be really bad (after divorce), I was prescribed some antidepressants. I didn't like how they made me feel...like I was in a fog or something. I choose to overcome my state of mind through sheer will. Everyone faces adversity at some point.
I know very well that there are evils out there and that life isn't always fair, even when you are doing all the right things. I suppose I just don't understand why someone would choose to be miserable. If there's a problem, deal with it. Most depression can be moderated with exercise, nutrition and filling one's life with positive things, such as literature, art and nature. Honestly, I see "self medication" as an excuse, laziness, and a crutch that only intensifies any bio-chemical factors that influence depression. In essence, if one succumbs to the negativity, they are rejecting life. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 2:26:40 AM | I am on an anti-anxiety medication. I take it knowing full well it's a temporary thing to help me while I use other methods to help me sort out and learn how to deal with the causes though. And I have made a ton of progress in that regard. I think I am a much better person now, and have started to ween off the medication at this point. I don't regret taking it in the slightest. It helped me out a lot.
It's not good to write someone off just because they are on these meds. If you like the person, you should at least learn what their situation is. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 2:41:12 AM | One person can NOT make another clinically depressed. If you couldn't handle the ups and downs,then you ought not date that person,but to say that you might be clinically depressed if you date that person is completely incorrect. - julia beau
> Try telling that to a woman who gets beaten up regularly by her husband/partner/lover/boyfriend, who treats her like a dishcloth, who cheats on her at the drop of a hat, and who deprives her of love, compassion and decency.
> These women exist right now, here in New Zealand, where I live - a country with one of the highest rates of abuse in the world. I have lost count of the documentaries made here about this alarming subject.
> I cannot imagine a woman not being clinically depressed at the hands of some of these men - men who can be so brutal and cruel to their womenfolk.
> But of course, I'm sure you know better now that "your back." Tell us, my dear, tell us what you think. Tell us why a person cannot be made clinically depressed at the hands of another? Edify us with your acumen.
> Best wishes - Soul Union. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 2:43:53 AM | | yes malibu . waht hapend to his mind was due to anitdrpressants. u can say the anti depressants had nothing to do with it till the cows come home. but u do not have a clue what they done to him...I do. I was here to watch it slowly deteriorate his mind.. you were not. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:13:09 AM | Kittenshere,
I'm not saying antidepressants had nothing to do with it. I'm stating that you have given no evidence (and I suspect that there is none) showing that the antidepressants were the cause. Lack of evidence showing they were the cause also does not prove that they were not a cause. I'm simply saying that no evidence has been presented to show either way.
justjanedoe,
Unfortunately, I don't think that you understand depression at all. It is not that we "choose to be miserable." I don't think anybody would choose that. What you (and many others) don't seem to understand is that we don't want to be this way, but for some of us, it is not something that we can simply decide upon.
Chronic depression is a disease that is every bit as real and potentially fatal as cancer. While most people have depressive episodes at some times, chronic depression is something altogether different. It's hard to put into words the feeling of frustration, helplessness, and hopelessness that can come with depression. It can be physically draining, and even physically painful at times. Have you ever had the flu where you woke up and still felt exhausted and had muscle aches? Imagine waking up like that each day.
Most depression can be moderated with exercise, nutrition and filling one's life with positive things, such as literature, art and nature.
This is a great point. Another natural thing that can help is to simply get some sunlight. These factors are far more powerful than many people realize, and should definitely be used in addition to any anitdepressants a person is taking. However, for some people, even these are not enough. Also, for some depressed people (I was certainly this way for awhile), it's difficult to believe that these things will work, or to find the motivation or energy to do them. ("Motivation" may not be the right word here. We're motivated in the sense that we want to stop being depressed, but when depression takes over, it's hard to get yourself to do anything, regardless of the benefits.)
I'm glad that your friend was able to maintain a positive outlook despite her difficulties, but please do not minimize the struggles of those of us who battle depression. The fact that our struggles are more difficult to prove does not make them any less real, important, or valid. It's not that we simply have a negative outlook; it's that when we are depressed, we are unable to have a positive outlook.
I have two sons who are currently ages 10 and 8. Both have very similar lives. When things go bad for my older son, he is able to understand that it's only temporary and that things will change. However, when things go bad for my younger son, no amount of reasoning can convince him that things will ever be different. Trying to argue this with him is as successful as me trying to convince you that your name was something different than you know it to be. Unfortunately, he has inherited my depression. Even at this early age, he has been in therapy. We spoke with a psychiatrist, and we all agreed that medication would not be an appropriate course of action with him. Still, this is something he will have to battle against for the rest of his life. No matter how well things in his life go, he will always need to struggle to keep from focusing on the few things that go wrong.
If you choose not to date people who are depressed and/or are on antidepressants, I can understand that. Loving a person battling depression or any other mental illness is no easy task, and it can be very frustrating. I'm not asking you to change your opinion. I'm simply asking that you stop aruing that depression is something that can be overcome easily. While it can in some cases, there are many of us who have to work much harder at it, and even need chemical assistance. Just because your body may properly regulate insulin, I'm sure you don't criticize diabetics for using the "crutch" of insulin injections. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:48:08 AM | if someone admits they have a problem, seeks treatment and takes initiative to correct their issues, i have no problem with it.
however, i do take offense when they refuse to acknowledge any sort of disorder, demand i take care of their emotional needs, dominate conversations with whining and turn abusive when i can't help them.
oh, yes...alcohol abuse/dependence is a deal-breaker.
so it all depends on the individual in question and their attitude. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:53:33 AM | Steve, perhaps I don't fully understand chronic depression as my last post would indicate. However, I do understand how to overcome situations in life that may cause one to become depressed. I do understand the physical and emotional pain and the exhaustion. Most people feel some form of depression at some point in their lives.
Trying to argue this with him is as successful as me trying to convince you that your name was something different than you know it to be.
I've found this to be true of chronic depressive people. I know that I may have come off as being a bit cold and uncaring. If my child was suffering from depression I would probably come to a similar understanding that you have. I'm lucky, because my son arguably has an even more positive worldview that I do and God knows I don't want to pervert that innocence. That's why I won't (or will stop) dating someone when I discover these sorts of illnesses. I didn't break up with my last boyfriend because he was also a diabetic, the relationship ended because he was a self-medicating depressive.
Anyhoo...off to yoga class and balancing my brain cells! Good luck to you. 
however, i do take offense when they refuse to acknowledge any sort of disorder, demand i take care of their emotional needs, dominate conversations with whining and turn abusive when i can't help them.
Amen! | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 10:16:15 AM | Malibu Steve... I have been reading your posts and applauding your willingness to attempt to educate people about what it means to be a depressive. So many people are given to thinking that everything is a "choice" rather than to acknowledge that there ARE circumstances beyond our control in this life. To me, this is the opposite end of the negative spectrum where some would rather not acknowledge that we do not, in fact, have control of everything. Thank you for your willingness to speak about the issue of depression.
I think people tend to confuse the "feelings of depression" with being a depressive and this leads to confusion.
Personally, I don't know how a person of conscience lives in this world where the vulnerable are being hurt by a sociopathic system and doesn't experience some sense of futility from time to time. I have heard it said that depressed people have a far better grip on reality than those who float through life without ever letting the struggles and hardships of others affect them. Who is to say when that becomes a "disorder"?
I would date someone taking anti-depressants. I would hope to be his inspiration during his low points because to me, that is what loving someone is all about. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 3:33:09 PM |
I think people tend to confuse the "feelings of depression" with being a depressive and this leads to confusion.
SF I think the above statement is most true. We all face bouts of sadness and adapt accordingly. When a person becomes "clinically depressed" that means their bout of sadness engulfes their life and they can no longer function as a human being performing activities of daily living. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:08:27 PM | A lot of this is frustrating to me. I see a lot of people talking about not dating a depressed person. Most of these seem to be talking about someone who hasn't sought proper medical treatment. I would guess most of you know at least one person on antidepressants and don't even know it. When properly medicated, you don't know a person is on the meds. That's the point of them. By getting treatment, we are taking care of our medical issues (for me it is chemical).
Many of us don't want to be on meds. Trust me. I fought long and hard before I went on them. I can't tell you how wonderful it is though, to be able to reacte like a normal person. Spilling a cup of coffee no longer sends me into an uncontrolled crying jag. Getting an unexpected bill on Friday no longer keeps me from sleeping for the next 48 hours. You would never know that is what I used to be before I got treatment. I'm a happy, healthy, well adjusted person BECAUSE my brain chemistry is properly regulated, something my body was unable to do for itself. There is a difference between a depressed person that refuses to seek professional help and one who does. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:24:43 PM | waht hapend to his mind was due to anitdrpressants.
I have in fact read through all of these and I am simply floored...Kitten, I am sorry to hear of your loss, but did anyone share with you that the depression could have deteriorated his mind in the same way? Or possibly that it wasn't depression at all, but rather depression as a side effect of something else that his doc didn't catch such as TIAs, or some other condition, which could most certainly do the same thing? My point would be that if he was deteriorating so much, this should have been something that his doc would have been monitoring no matter the cause and if it was the meds, a responsible doc would have changed them.
Anyway, to the OP, I take every situation on a case by case basis. I have no issues with someone being on the meds if it is a short term issue or a matter that does not cause violence or other similar issues. I think most would say the same.
I, myself, am currently on a low dose anti-anxiety med for the first time ever...don't know that it is helping just yet as it is very new but we all do what we need to do to function at our best level. I certainly was functioning without the meds, but with MANY headaches and trouble sleeping...I am hoping that this helps. Time will tell though... | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:56:34 PM | | malibu i read about it on computer so i do know. to you and others i may not have 100 percent proof the pills were the cause of it but at same time i dont have 100 percent the pill didnt cause it either. but i do know how he changed for the worse once he got on them. im not arguing what depression is. im saying the pills hurt him instead of helped him. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:27:10 PM | | sure.......I think the only trouble with someone on antidepressants is they have a bit harder time in the sexy part....but with patience I think it wiould all work out fine jmo | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 8:24:28 PM | | Yep...as long as they are stable and present a good understanding of them self . If I discovered the person was able to talk honestly about how they feel and what they think then normal is normal. Usually the only reason you know someone is on a med is because they told you or you discovered the bottle. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 8:34:30 PM | Absolutely.
I take them myself and don't feel there's any shame in it for two reasons:
1-My profile will illustrate more clearly, but fighting cancer for 8 years will wreak some havoc with your psyche.
2-I'd rather them be taking antidepressants to face their depression and challenges than to pretend the problem doesn't exist. I've dealt with that and it is much worse.
Bring me someone who is self aware, and understands that our minds are complex organs with the potential to get out of kilter. The same as a heart, lung, liver or gall bladder. I'll take that anyday rather than someone in denial who has issues that have never been addressed. Those are the ones that go postal. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 8:40:27 PM | Addendum:
I should also state I still choose to face my challenges, laugh at them, and take the help that is provided for me so that I can. If I didn't THEN is when I would be making the poor CHOICE.
And I did write a book advocating laughter in the face of adversity. I don't post that much because I don't want to appear to be hocking my wares.
There are different kinds of depression too...situational and biological. I think its a little rash to rush to conclusions. Since each case is individual. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:12:07 PM | kittenshere41, anyone who has been in your shoes would be devastated for their loss. Sometimes meds that are supposed to help us get better appear to be the culprit in a person's death. For example, I had a girlfriend who had hodgkins (cancer) and although she had been in remission for a number of years, it came back. She had restarted chemo and over a 6 month period it took a toll on her lungs to the point she was on oxygen. Finally her lungs gave out (perhaps having been affected by the chemo?). I wouldn't blame the chemo on her death, as it is one tool in the arsenal of medical help for treatment. Yes, it's harsh that these things happen, however, these things also save lives. We don't know the medical details of your partners illness and so we can't know for example, how long he had been on antidepressants, what the dosage was, if he had tried several, and if there were other factors that contributed to his state of mind (schizophrenia?).
Again, sorry for your loss. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 10:24:19 PM | I believe you Kitten, and am sorry for your loss. I've seen it first hand too.
It is old news that antidepressant medications can have some ugly side effects in some people. Lots of people clearly find great relief in their use, but if it were not a concern, I don't know why the USFDA, Health Canada, European and Australian Health Agencies would issue press releases and public warnings like this one:
U.S. Food and Drug Administration
FDA Public Health Advisory
March 22, 2004
Subject: WORSENING DEPRESSION AND SUICIDALITY IN PATIENTS BEING TREATED WITH ANTIDEPRESSANT MEDICATIONS
Today the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) asked manufacturers of the following antidepressant drugs to include in their labeling a Warning statement that recommends close observation of adult and pediatric patients treated with these agents for worsening depression or the emergence of suicidality. The drugs that are the focus of this new Warning are: Prozac(fluoxetine); Zoloft (sertraline); Paxil (paroxetine); Luvox
(fluvoxamine); Celexa (citalopram); Lexapro (escitalopram); Wellbutrin (bupropion); Effexor (venlafaxine); Serzone (nefazodone); and Remeron (mirtazapine).
Warning Information
Health care providers should carefully monitor patients receiving antidepressants for possible worsening of depression or suicidality, especially at the beginning of therapy or when the dose either increases or decreases. Although FDA has not concluded that these drugs cause worsening depression or suicidality, health care providers should be aware that worsening of symptoms could be due to the underlying disease or might be a result of drug therapy.
Heath care providers should carefully evaluate patients in whom depression persistently worsens, or emergent suicidality is severe, abrupt in onset, or was not part of the presenting symptoms, to determine what intervention, including discontinuing or modifying the current drug therapy, is indicated.
Anxiety, agitation, panic attacks, insomnia, irritability, hostility, impulsivity, akathisia (severe restlessness), hypomania, and mania have been reported in adult and pediatric patients being treated with antidepressants for major depressive disorder as well as for other indications, both psychiatric and nonpsychiatric. Although FDA has not concluded that these symptoms are a precursor to either worsening of depression or the emergence of suicidal impulses, there is concern that patients who experience one or more of these symptoms may be at increased risk for worsening depression or suicidality. Therefore, therapy should be evaluated, and medications may need to be discontinued, when symptoms are severe, abrupt in onset, or were not part of the patient’s presenting symptoms.
If a decision is made to discontinue treatment, certain of these medications should be tapered rather than stopped abruptly (see labeling for individual drug products for details).
Because antidepressants are believed to have the potential for inducing manic episodes in patients with bipolar disorder, there is a concern about using antidepressants alone in this population. Therefore, patients should be adequately screened to determine if they are at risk for bipolar disorder before initiating antidepressant treatment so that they can be appropriately monitored during treatment. Such screening should include a detailed psychiatric history, including a family history of suicide, bipolar disorder, and depression.
Health care providers should instruct patients, their families and their caregivers to be alert for the emergence of agitation, irritability, and the other symptoms described above, as well as the emergence of suicidality and worsening depression, and to report such symptoms immediately to their health care provider.
(Abridged.)
http://www.antidepressantsfacts.com/2004-03-22-FDA-SSRI-warning.htm
Or these:
SUICIDE, SUICIDALITY, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS & SELF-HARM
2004 09/14 FDA US
Antidepressant "BLACK BOX WARNING" On Suicidality Risk Recommended
2004 08/26 FDA US
New Warning Required: Antidepressants Induced Suicide in Children & Adults
2004 08/20 FDA US
FDA Update Review SSRI's: data suggestive of increased suicidality risk
2004 06/08 HealthCanada
ZYBAN WARNING: Risk of suicide, self-harm, behavioural/emotional changes
2004 06/03 HealthCanada
Stronger warnings for SSRI's & other anti-depressants
2004 05/26 HealthCanada
REMERON WARNING: Risk of suicide, self-harm, behavioural/emotional changes
2004 05/26 HealthCanada
ZOLOFT WARNING: Risk of suicide, self-harm, behavioural/emotional changes
2004 05/26 HealthCanada
CELEXA WARNING: Risk of suicide, self-harm, behavioural/emotional changes
2004 05/26 HealthCanada
EFFEXOR WARNING: Risk of suicide, self-harm, behavioural/emotional changes
2004 05/18 HealthCanada
PROZAC WARNING: Risk of suicide, self-harm, behavioural/emotional changes
2004 05/18 HealthCanada
PAXIL WARNING: Risk of suicide, self-harm, behavioural/emotional changes
2004 04/23 EMEA/EUROPE
CPMP/EMEA warning EUROPE: Paxil should not be used in children & adolescents
2004 03/22 FDA US
FDA: Cautions for Use of Antidepressants in Adults & Children
2004 03/22 FDA US
FDA: Worsening Depression & Suicidality with Antidepressant Medications
(*List Abridged*)
http://www.antidepressantsfacts.com/antidepressants.htm#suicide
Search for warnings, recalls and advisories:
Health Canada: http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/index_e.html
FDA: http://www.fda.gov/cder/index.html
I'm not a doctor nor do I play one on TV. If you're taking a prescribed medication, of any kind, do not suddenly stop taking it, but seek the advice and care of a physician. Your health care is your responsibility, so educate yourself and find a practitioner you can trust.
On topic: I've also seen antidepressants help people function perfectly well where without them, they couldn't get out of bed ... so yes, I would continue seeing someone I was into, if I found out later she was on such meds. | |
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| Would you date someone on antidepressants?
Posted: 5/10/2008 11:46:43 PM | I think the question should be, is anyone out there not on antidepressants, and where would you find them?
Prozac has done far more good than harm, I'd rather date someone who takes it than someone who should and doesn't. | |
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