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Posted: 6/2/2005 9:11:57 PM | When sex becomes casual both parties have become desensitized to the wonders that is the full package such a walk is dysfunctional and causes unoticed long term harm. | |
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| Casaul Sex with Strangers
Posted: 6/2/2005 9:32:28 PM | marathonman, you seem like a pretty decent guy. I don't get the impression that you are trying to tell women what they want to hear from reading your posts, you sound genuine and I appreciate what you bring to the table. Your heart is in the right place
However, I strongly disagree with you in this matter.
I have known women who have never been alone in their entire lives, from the time of their first boyfriend they have gone from one man to another in a constant succession of relationships - long-term (ie measured in years). The woman who first told me about this used the term "Serial Monagomy". Neither she nor I believe that this is a healthy way to go through life.
Being independant and learning about who you are as an individual in this world is something that many people are terrified to explore. Just because a person isn't either in a long-term relationship or desperately seeking one in the arms of any available partner doesn't mean they are dysfunctional or doing themselves harm.
I think deluding yourself into believing that you have no self-worth unless you are in a relationship is infinitely more damaging to the human spirit and psyche than casual dating.
We are social animals, we do not mate for life, wolves and swans mate for life. | |
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Posted: 6/2/2005 10:11:52 PM | | I also disagree with marathon man. I do not feel I am worthless now that I'm a single person. I'm single, I have discovered that I am strong, capbable and can do it all on my own. I accept certain aspects of my psyche and induldge them in a safe way. Sometimes sex is just about sex. (laughs) I do myself nor others any harm, I don't lie, and I am very open about what I want/don't want emotionally and physically. I do not beleive I am missing the wonders of the whole package, for me, this simply IS the whole package. Because I want it that way. | |
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Posted: 6/3/2005 12:04:32 AM |
I have known women who have never been alone in their entire lives, from the time of their first boyfriend they have gone from one man to another in a constant succession of relationships - long-term (ie measured in years). The woman who first told me about this used the term "Serial Monagomy". ....................l.......Being independant and learning about who you are as an individual in this world is something that many people are terrified to explore. Just because a person isn't either in a long-term relationship or desperately seeking one in the arms of any available partner doesn't mean they are dysfunctional or doing themselves harm.
I think deluding yourself into believing that you have no self-worth unless you are in a relationship is infinitely more damaging to the human spirit and psyche than casual dating
This is why I believe your perspective and argument is off. Your 1st premise seems to be based upon an assumption that "I have known women who have never been alone in their entire lives, from the time of their first boyfriend they have gone from one man to another in a constant succession of relationships - long-term (ie measured in years). " I advocate that behavior,I don't.I find it unhealthy as I do serial casual sex,although I think comparing the 2 is like comparing herpes to HIV(serial casual dating) in that neither is healthy.
I always maintain people should take time off in between dating and relationtionships.
Your next statement about "being independent....." is totally off topic unless you infer that one needs to have casual sex lol. The statement " Just because a person isn't either in a long-term relationship or desperately seeking one in the arms of any available partner doesn't mean they are dysfunctional or doing themselves harm."
NO.....not at all,never said it wouldn't think it,doesn't have ANYTHING to do with anything I've EVER said.However, what I DO say is someone (desperately or NOT) seeking casual sex IS dysfunctional and inclined to experience dysfunction.
Your last statement I quoted " think deluding yourself into believing that you have no self-worth unless you are in a relationship is infinitely more damaging to the human spirit and psyche than casual dating" has again,NOTHING to do with anything I've advocated or stated.NIETHER situation is healthy,BOTH are dysfunctional.But YOU seem to advocate 1.
THIS IS what I advocate (from another of my post):
Many "heartbreaks"/dysfunctional situations would be avoided if people just:
1)ASK questions.....ANY and ALL questions ask for DETIALS,ask follow up...if for no other reason but to get to know the intricacies of an individual
2)Observe......watch to see how ACTIONS/deeds meet up with WORDS
3)WAIT....is it surprising to find something unfortuante about someone with whom there is sex PRIOR to commitment? or prior to the investment of LOTS of REAL positive time and energy nonsexually face2face LONG before sex?.....
Wait.....At LEAST 2-3 months(but as long as it takes) after getting out of a sexual relationship BEFORE beginning to date(build and shows independence and confidence)...take time to HEAL properly,do the WORK necessary to heal/cleanse/gain perspective and learn from mistakes.....WAIT...........then date........
once you find someone you are interested in wait at least 2 months AFTER establishing a commitment of exclusive dating? This gives more time to build greater fondation,builds greater trust,builds greater longing,makes greater more intense sex and greater objectivity.Also,it will certainly do wonders to weed out the imposters.
If these things can't be done the "heartbreak" comes from making the CHOICE of another path...then its less heartbreak due to the Choice to be in the arena the heartbreak that comes from stubborness.What is the lay definition of insanity? | |
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| Casaul Sex with Strangers
Posted: 6/3/2005 12:39:17 AM | Seems to me that sleeping with a stranger, or having a 1 night stand, is like using a sperm bank. If ya gotta make a deposit go do it at a liscenced facility, it doesnt belong in the one night stand mecca so many people hold up high on a pedestal(right next to thier std's,many illegitemit kids, hurt partners, and low self esteem)
If your with a member of the opposite sex, there must be more than pure attraction, your not a plastic sex doll and niether is the other person! | |
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Posted: 6/3/2005 1:09:28 AM | The fact is (and it is a fact or there would not be one divorce) that human beings are not monogamus by nature. We are not like bears that naturally have one mate for life. The difference with us is we have intelect, and are able to make decisions. Unfortunalty, most people today seem to think that entertaining a decision is the same as actually making one for the rest of your life. Those who cheat on their significant other have not made the decision to stay with one person, but they have entertained the thought of staying with one person. Those who say they have never thought about having a one night stand are probably lieing through their teeth (sorry). Human nature is a very powerfull thing, and it takes a lot of integrity to stick with your decisions concerning monogamy.
Do you have what it takes? | |
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| Casaul Sex with Strangers
Posted: 6/3/2005 1:10:20 AM | This is why I believe your perspective and argument is off. Your 1st premise seems to be based upon an assumption that I advocate that behavior,I don't.
I have known women who have never been alone in their entire lives, from the time of their first boyfriend they have gone from one man to another in a constant succession of relationships - long-term (ie measured in years).
I find it unhealthy as I do serial casual sex,although I think comparing the 2 is like comparing herpes to HIV(serial casual dating) in that neither is healthy.
I always maintain people should take time off in between dating and relationtionships.
Being independant and learning about who you are as an individual in this world is something that many people are terrified to explore.
THAT is totally off topic unless you infer that one needs to have casual sex  
Just because a person isn't either in a long-term relationship or desperately seeking one in the arms of any available partner doesn't mean they are dysfunctional or doing themselves harm.
NO.....not at all,never said it, wouldn't think it and it doesn't have ANYTHING to do with anything I've EVER said.However, what I DO say is someone (desperately or NOT) seeking casual sex IS dysfunctional and inclined to experience dysfunction.
think deluding yourself into believing that you have no self-worth unless you are in a relationship is infinitely more damaging to the human spirit and psyche than casual dating That again,has NOTHING to do with anything I've advocated or stated.NIETHER situation is healthy,BOTH are dysfunctional.But YOU seem to advocate 1.
THIS IS what I advocate (from my post on another thread):
Many "heartbreaks"/dysfunctional situations would be avoided if people just:
1)ASK questions.....ANY and ALL questions ask for DETIALS,ask follow up...if for no other reason but to get to know the intricacies of an individual
2)Observe......watch to see how ACTIONS/deeds meet up with WORDS
3)WAIT....is it surprising to find something unfortuante about someone with whom there is sex PRIOR to commitment? or prior to the investment of LOTS of REAL positive time and energy nonsexually face2face LONG before sex?.....
Wait.....At LEAST 2-3 months(but as long as it takes) after getting out of a sexual relationship BEFORE beginning to date(build and shows independence and confidence)...take time to HEAL properly,do the WORK necessary to heal/cleanse/gain perspective and learn from mistakes.....WAIT...........then date........
once you find someone you are interested in wait at least 2 months AFTER establishing a commitment of exclusive dating? This gives more time to build greater fondation,builds greater trust,builds greater longing,makes greater more intense sex and greater objectivity.Also,it will certainly do wonders to weed out the imposters.
If these things can't be done the "heartbreak" comes from making the CHOICE of another path...then its less heartbreak due to the Choice to be in the arena the heartbreak that comes from stubborness.What is the lay definition of insanity? | |
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| Casaul Sex with Strangers
Posted: 6/3/2005 1:47:35 AM | | Bull shit. A bear never cheated. You on the other hand have a high probability of doing so. Smooth talker. | |
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Posted: 6/3/2005 6:18:36 AM | Perhaps marathonman would go back and read the entire paragraph I posted. (smile)
"I do not beleive I am missing the wonders of the whole package, for me, this simply IS the whole package. Because I want it that way."
The above sentence was the last in my post. How is it dysfunctional? My post was meant to be taken in it's entirety.
And I don't NEED a hug, but I'll take it anyway..... | |
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| Casaul Sex with Strangers
Posted: 6/3/2005 8:13:28 AM |
My post was meant to be taken in it's entirety.
I took your post in its entirety. However,you began by addressing me then making a statement that had NOTHING to do with ANYTHING I said. That is all I felt merited rebuttal.That is still something you have failed to explain.
I do not beleive I am missing the wonders of the whole package, for me, this simply IS the whole package. Because I want it that way."
I will NOT tell you you don't feel this way What I would suggest,is that alcoholics in generally are the last to realize they are alcoholics.Just because they don't "feel" they are doesn't mean they aren't. I don't mean to overstep my boundries,(what the heck,maybe I do ) but IMO a married woman who is newly separated has a multitude of emotional issues to deal with.A failed marriage is a sign of dysfunction for WHATEVER reason.That dysfunction may have entered the marriage from the other partner but it affected at LEAST 2 people otherwise...no divorce. This is ALL my opinion that I believe you asked me to give. There are many women who have gone through similar issues when deciding to divoce.Most,will tell you they did not realize how off their perspective was until AFTER they got into some situations,trials and tribualtions they would rather not have been in,and went to HKU.......aka Hard Knocks Univ.=the school of hard knocks What I'm suggesting is....perhaps,its a great idea to wait.....the healing process gets stagnated when there is extra focus (even if "mainly sexual")is OUTSIDE of the healing process itself.
Do people sometimes just want to have sex? yes.Does that mean its wise or HEALTHY to act upon every impulse we have? No.
Perhaps I will elaborate in detail another time........but work calls
BTW,my comments are meant to uplift the positive energy within and remind of perspective...through challenging thoughts that may not be as grand as current perspective may lead you to beleive. It may not come through in this post as well as I'd like...but I've got to work.....
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Posted: 6/3/2005 9:11:15 AM | | What is your driving force to stomp everybodies opinion (and fact) into the ground? Is that a sign of dysfunction? | |
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Posted: 6/3/2005 9:19:25 AM | | hmmmmmm...scary, scary...too many nasty diseases out there...The whole oral thing with one nighters is terrifying. I can't believe people treat oral so casually..YOU CAN GET STD's in your mouth! | |
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Posted: 6/3/2005 9:27:06 AM | Quoting: "hmmmmmm...scary, scary...too many nasty diseases out there...The whole oral thing with one nighters is terrifying. I can't believe people treat oral so casually..YOU CAN GET STD's in your mouth! "
I was listening to NPR one day and NPR was talking about oral sex and STD. The thesis is that human digestive system is very strong. Few viruses/bateria would survive the human digestive system, AIDs virus certainly couldn't. The scientist who was talking about it said that there was no documented case of women catching AIDS from oral sex, even if they swallow. | |
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Posted: 6/3/2005 9:28:39 AM | I'm with you, mainegrad. The whole disease thing scares me. Plus I despise condoms, so that pretty much keeps me from ever seriously entertaining something (that, being married) I shouldn't be doing.
However, a part of me is sad that I wasn't the right age during the free sex days of the '60s and early '70s. | |
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Posted: 6/3/2005 9:48:18 AM | I was listening to NPR one day and NPR was talking about oral sex and STD. The thesis is that human digestive system is very strong. Few viruses/bateria would survive the human digestive system, AIDs virus certainly couldn't. The scientist who was talking about it said that there was no documented case of women catching AIDS from oral sex, even if they swallow.
The Health Departments STD site,says it IS POSSIBLE to contract HIV via oral sex. I'd wager that there is no documented case of a WOMAN contracting AIDS from anal sex,yet scientist have concluded anal to be the riskiest form of sexual contact.What do you think are the chances WOMAN would have engaged in anal OR oral ONLY, with a partner who has been documented to have the virus? THINK about that....... Fact, people have cold sores and cuts they THEMSELVES are not aware of in their mouths exposing a cut or sore to infected seaman IS a process by which the GIVER of oral can recieve more than she bargained for | |
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Posted: 6/3/2005 9:59:15 AM | From Stanford's Website:
Oral Sex
Many people are unclear on the risks associated with oral sex. Questions about oral sex and the risk of contracting an STD are very common in outreaches and at the SHPRC. Many people engage in unprotected oral sex, and are particularly concerned with the risks associated with not using protection.
What are the risks:
Herpes is probably the biggest STD risk during oral sex. Both strains of herpes can live in the mouth or the genitals, and particularly during outbreaks (cold sores, herpes lesions) can be passed from one place to the other. Many people have oral herpes, more than 50% of a random group of people will have antibodies to the virus (indicating some level of infection). Having oral herpes for most people is no big deal, a cold sore during times of stress or illness is usually little more than an annoyance. Genital herpes can be more complicated and uncomfortable, but there are treatments (see Herpes Fact Sheet for more info). Care should be taken so that oral herpes are not passed to anyone’s genitals. In general it is not a good idea to have unprotected oral sex while any lesions are present.
Chlamydia and gonorrhea can infect your throat, strep like symptoms, and are curable with antibiotics. These can also infect the eye, and though rare, eye infections can have serious consequences, so be careful with fluids.
HIV can be passed through unprotected oral sex, but it is more likely to be passed during unprotected penetrative sex. The infected semen/precum or vaginal fluid must enter the body through a cut or sore in the mouth or esophagus. The virus is unlikely to be passed from a person’s mouth to another person’s genitals.
HPV can be passed during oral sex, but it is rare. HPV has been found on vocal chords.
Syphilis can be passed similar to HIV. Syphilis is curable.
Hepatitis A is a risk particularly in oral-anal sex, and people engaging in this unprotected might want to look into getting a Hep A vaccine. Hep A is not a chronic condition like Hep B and C, but can make a person quite sick several weeks.
Reducing Risks:
To reduce the risk of infection during unprotected oral sex, limit exposure to sexual fluids and ensure that no cuts or lesions are present in mouth or on genitals.
Use barrier methods — though many people feel that barrier methods detract from oral sex, they are very effective at preventing STD transmission:
Oral-penile sex: Male condom, no spermicide (kills taste buds), flavored condoms are available.
Oral-vaginal sex: Dental dams (aka Lollys) — can buy them, or you can use non-microwaveable saran wrap, or cut up a latex glove.
Oral-anal sex: Dental dams, non-microwaveable saran wrap, cut up latex glove
Spit or swallow? Limiting exposure to semen reduces risk of infection, so ejaculation away from partner’s body is the safest. That said, the mouth is the place most likely to contract something like HIV, so the conventional wisdom is, “swallow or spit, just don’t let it sit.” | |
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Posted: 6/3/2005 10:00:47 AM | Umm...I think I'm going to join a nunnery after all these STD-filled Messages.
It's enough to turn a lady off sex completely.
Maria XOXO | |
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Humans by nature have the abilty to make CHOICES those who make bad choices don't do it because the choices they make are natural but because they CAN CHOOSE. SOME CHOOSE out of DYSFUNCTION.Infidility is a sign of dysfunction.Pediphilia IS dysfunctional.