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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 4:41:45 AM | | Just like he was in a pain that no one could do anything about...now your in a pain that no one else can do anything about. Take all the good that you can from this tragedy, and make his life have meaning. I'm so sorry, and I send you and all those affected every comforting wish I can think of. I hope your friend is at peace. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 4:48:57 AM | Anenigma,
You've really been going through it! I'm so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you and your family. 
I know words from us in forum land can only do so much, and when you hurt the way you do it's damned hard to see any goodness. You've already gotten wonderful advice, and I think you will do what you need to do to help yourself and your family. Please consider that the last thing in the world your friend would have wanted was for you to feel this pain, he simply was incapable of continuing life the way he was living it and saw no other options. Right now your children are your priority, and to take care of them you have to take care of YOU. Don't hesitate to reach out to your close friends for support, to your minister or priest, and to a counselor if that works better for you.
I wish you peace. And comfort.
~ww | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 5:03:24 AM | yah that sucks
it does however show that women can actually drive a man crazy
there isnt much ya can do to help a depressed person
either they snapout of it or it snaps them
thats just the way it is
you did what you could and you cant be expected to do anymore
in hindsight we always see the flaws in our own actions tho so the best advice id give is to try and move past it and focus on something which makes u happy
nothing worse than slippin into a depression because someone else has
you already know where that road leads to. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 5:05:18 AM | OP,
I'm sorry for your loss. Having attempted suicide myself at one point, I can easily tell you that it is not your fault. What he did, he did despite knowing that you were there for him.
My personal feeling is that it's ok to be angry for awhile. It's ok to feel bad for him for awhile. It's ok to feel whatever feelings come up. Suicide is a very selfish act. However, selfish does not necessarily mean rude, wrong, or whatever. I suggest trying to be patient with your ex as he deals with this in his own way as well. It takes time.
I had a friend who meant a lot to me kill herself. She suffered from fibromyalgia, which for those who don't know is an incredibly painful disease that many people don't believe exists. Not only did she suffer physical pain on a level I can't even imagine, she also suffered the emotional pain of having people she loved not believe that her pain was real. In the end, she couldn't deal with it anymore. I was hurt, angry, sad, and even a little relieved for her when I found out. This was about 6 months ago, but it still hurts to think about. I've forgiven her, but still wish she hadn't done it.
As far as what to tell your child, I'd maintain the "he was sick" story. Depression is very much a sickness, even if there are no physical signs. Just explain that it was a sickness that was difficult to see.
Hang in there. Feel free to contact me if you ever need to chat. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 5:31:13 AM | My heart goes out to you and everyone who is now missing him.
My husband took his own life 8 yrs ago this October and it still hurts today.
If only we new what the **** they were thinking about......but thats just it.....seriously depressed people only think of one thing.....to end their pain and suffereing.
I dont believe its a sin, afterall isnt GOD supposed to forgive all?
Most of the time when a person committs suicide.....those closet never see it coming. In my husbands case....nun of us did
All u can do now is forgive him........he was seriously troubled and now he is in peace....
i know that doesnt sound much but its true.......thats how i got through my loss
and yes my heart still breaks over and over again and i relive that last day over and over again...if only.........
Stay strong darls, he wouldnt want u too suffer.
Take care
Heather
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 5:39:21 AM | I feel for you. This is a terrible way to lose someone. I do think that you have to view it the same way as the loss of your father He was suffering and hopefully has found peace wherever he is. I would like to offer you more right now but unfortunately have to rush to work. Bye the way , I don't believe that bit about not going to heaven , particularly if you consider that he was sick. God should not punish those that act out of illness.
Take care | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 8:09:43 AM | | First off OP let me say how sorry I am to see that this happened, it is a very painful and simply mind boggling and numbing experience. I lost a brother nearly 24 years ago and my sister almost 4 years ago both to suicide and let me say that in neither case were there any tell tale signs. My brother played it completely cool and "normal" until I found him after he had done it and for many years after I not only blamed myself but constantly asked myself what could I have done differently to have prevented it or read the signs, but as I said he showed none. My sister led a rather self destructive life after that and we all watched her closely always after that, but we just couldn't get her to accept any help or anything for years. Finally after about 15 years or so she decided to get some help and did fine for a while, but then she met someone that just really screwed her up mentally and after about 3 years of abuse from him she did it too. Again, all those same questions came into play, why didn't I see it coming, what could I have done to prevent it and so on. The truth is that if someone had finally reached that point and made the decision to do that there might not be any signs or anything or signals as to what they are thinking and sadly it happens. I still to this day think about all that and still have to remind myself that I wasn't to blame and that had they showed any signs at all about what was to come I would have jumped on it in a heartbeat. Evan as a family member we never saw it coming and were led to believe all was ok and that they were doing good and it was working out. The pain and questions and self doubt these people leave behind when they make this decision is something they do not consider, they just know they are hurting and see no positive future or way out and that is their sad and hurtful answer to their short term problem. I hope you are able to talk to someone or get some answers to you questions OP, but just remember, it wasn't your fault and most likely there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. Hang in there and take it day by day. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 4:51:03 PM | I lost my step-brother, a former co-worker, a teacher and I've known many others who have walked very close to the edge. It is the sudden finality that shocks us too, not only that we expect ourselves to have seen it coming/been prescient or been superhuman in being two places at once etc. For my step-brother I take heart that my last words to him were, that I was immensely proud of him, I will carry that lesson - I hope all my personal words from here on to people, will always be encouraging.
Know we have people only on loan. I know many cultures frown on suicide, yet no culture is untouched by it. The religious overtones I think come from people's good intentions in the past to try give others reason to pause - I don't believe in a God who punishes those who fall. I think the purgatory theme has passed from Catholicism? If it is still existant in some form for you, light a candle and send him your prayers, I have every belief he will hear you.
Suicidal thoughts can come on very suddenly and very very powerfully, often without warning to the person concerned themselves. I think the compulsion is a complex thing that involves more than just what we see. I think for your son, let him grieve honestly having been told the truth, suicide is, a part of life too, perhaps even your son's feelings on the issue will save a peer. Everything has ramifications, make this one work for some good. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 5:01:11 PM | Well hunni (BUG HUGS) you did nothing wrong - you missed nothing, you were just his friend and while he was not anyones friend he took his own life in his hands and ended it.
Remember if he had wanted to live he would have called for help, he didnt, so he is where he wants to be. He was the master of his own destiny and he followed his path.
All you can do now - remember the good times, cherish his laughter and remember this is what he wanted.
Treat yourself to a good time, get your friends around you, and let them know that you are a good friend and appreciate them all for everything the do for you. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 5:44:40 PM | I'm very sorry for your loss. I can tell that you were very close and are devastated.
I will pray for you. The pain suicide causes in others is the sin, but I don't feel that your friend will be punished in death any more than he felt he was being punished in life. God has mercy.
I feel I have to point out something. If he was living with someone you say is extremely jealous, and this person moved into his place, effectively taking over his lifestyle, then brought others to live there, and then one of them even took his car and "refused" to return it (effectively stealing it), if they were capable of all these indignities, then perhaps these people were also involved in his death. Even if a death appears to be a suicide, an extremely jealous person is capable of violent acts, and if she had people helping her, she might have been able to do this. Or perhaps an accident occured that was then covered up to look like a suicide because they knew he was on antidepressants. It sounds to me that the people he was with saw a vulnerable, sad person and took advantage of him in many ways, perhaps even getting rid of him to take whatever he had left.
I know this is also a tragic scenario, and I hope this isn't true, but if it is, then you might feel better that he at least didn't end his own life-- because of your religious beliefs.
Your story left me feeling angry at the opportunistic, callous people that forced themselves into his life when he was at a vulnerable point--not angry at him.
And from what you described of him, your friend was too decent of a person to be able to force them back out of his life, when he was feeling sad and lonely. I can tell he will be missed by those who truly appreciated his good qualities. It is unfortunate that after being rejected, he perhaps felt he had to buy love by giving up what he had to other, very needy, perhaps mentally ill people. This shows empathy, compassion, caring, and generosity, also very good qualities.
Some controlling, abusive people take advantage of nicer people by putting them in a situation where it is impossible to get out of and still be "nice." They then mock them for stooping to their level if they do stand up for themselves (as he had tried to do when he broke up with her.) This is also a common method used by con artists. Perhaps your friend saw no way out of the situation he was in while still being the person he was. He thought he was in a no-win situation.
With verbal abuse or emotional blackmail, the abusive person puts someone in a position of having to "prove" their loyalty by ever-increasing tests of goodwill, to the point that they accuse the person of all kinds of infidelity that can never be exonerated. The most extreme "proof" of goodwill, then, or non-intent to harm another is to completely do away with all one's own needs, wants, and feelings. This is very much like self-annihalation. And perhaps suicide, (if that's what it was,) was the ultimate proof of his fidelity to a crazed, jealous person, who's deep insecurity (or abuse) he had no way of knowing could never be satisfied.
It is sad that the people who benefited most from his life at the end, thought so little of his feelings and wants and needs. They moved into his home against his wishes, did not respect his decision to break up, borrowed his car without returning it, and put him through the hell of being constantly accused of infidelity. These are the ones who are creating a hell for themselves and others. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 6:01:31 PM | Hi, I'm profoundly sorry to read of your loss. Coincidentally, I lost my absolute best friend to suicide - so I have some experience to share that I can only hope may be of use to you, hence my first forum post.
After much grieving I began to find that my thoughts of this friend veered away from the loss but to reminders or rather a desire to interact, things I wanted to say, to share, to show, to get feedback on, etc.
Eventually this changed, and became something far more important. I felt this friends presence as someone that had influenced my take on life. e.g. to hear certain music that was important because of what it represented to us both was also to feel this friend as somehow with me - in the sense of being part of who I am now.
That's the point I lost all grief, anger, guilt, etc, etc, and went on to feel what could perhaps be best described as celebration - a profound gratefulness for being influenced by my friend and the perspectives on life that I'd learnt from him.
As for the suicide/hell aspect. Well, I appreciate the 'thou shalt not' argument, but in terms of the 'do unto others' side, well, I think more compassion is available. And to be honest, I think there's an historical aspect underlying this idea too - not wanting the oppressed and miserable workers to take leave of their duties.
Also, I came to accept that my friend was in a dead-end that life had dealt him, that he was not equipped to 'move on' in the world. That wasn't his fault, and I have to accept that if I'd 'walked a mile in his shoes', it's probable that I would be as lost for a way forwards as he was.
He took his life with hemlock - a very clear reference to Socrates which made it clear to me that a) he was 'boldly going' to get the answers to his philosophical and theological questions, and b) he somehow maintained a sense of humour even through his darkest hours.
He didn't even need to leave a note. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 6:02:34 PM | I want to thank everyone so far for their thoughts and input. I have to say, although we often chat on these forums for the smaller matters in life, when it comes to the character of those of you who responded to my situation, I am so appreciative.
Because my head is still a little foggy now, to go back and name those who pointed out the spiritual part of my loss, I want to thank you so much for helping me put into perspective that God is a loving God, and that forgiveness is what my faith is all about. Although I acknowledge I do not know what happens once we pass on...I am really starting to believe that because of my friend's mental illness, that he is in a better place. I like to think that he may have asked for forgiveness for what he did, before he did (knowing him, he was not only an 'altar boy' but he remained a spiritual person to some degree up until his death)....we used to always remind each other when we didn't go to church that "God doesn't mind if you pray at the kitchen sink" - which is what his grandmother taught him.
I really want to thank those of you who pointed out to me, who reminded me that God is a forgiving God....
I also want to thank those of you who gave me a little insight into How completely devastating his own pain must've been AND that he had a mental illness
Somewhere, lost in my grief so far, I seemed to have missed that part.
Your input has lead me to do some research on suicide and what it does to the survivors, those of us who are left behind to grieve
My research has educated me, and I learned that some believe suicide is one of the most devastating losses we can experience from a death. (when you factor in the senselessness, the use of violence at times, and the guilt that remains, which doesn't occur when a loved one dies from a natural death, or even a murder...the guilt and the responsibility that those of us feel...complicates the process of 'getting over it'.
I also want to thank those of you who shared with me your own personal experience as a survivor of suicide. It's really helping me so far, to hear your stories, to understand what feelings I'm having, what may come....to expect....it's been truly helpful.
And to everyone who expressed their condolences. To even take the time to say 'I'm sorry for your loss' , to me, a complete stranger, well..there should be more of you in the world.
Oddly enough, I used to consider that I had 3 best friends. Well, one of them, who's a neighbor, has been acting less than that lately. She lost a friend a few weeks ago herself, a woman who died from a heart problem...and well, since we share a step (live in a townhouse) she was the one I went to first, when I heard the news. Her response to me was that she was sorry, but too upset herself to be any support to me. Said she 'just couldn't go there'.....I knew she lost a friend, gave her my own condolences, but because she has 6 kids from 6-30 in the house and a common law husband, when I offered her my shoulder, she simply said 'thanks'. I had hoped she and I could sit and talk, considering we're both going through the loss of dear friends, but....It appears she doesn't feel the same way...
I can't help but compare that some of you on here, who are strangers to me, have said more comforting things, been more caring than my friend and neighbor of 6 1/2 yrs.
(the lightbulb seems to have just gone off that she is nothing more than a 'fair weather' friend..) I know that may sound harsh, but she knows I have a very small support system.
Right now, I'm stuck in a weird limbo....there has been no obituary as of yet...and I haven't heard back from the detective in charge of the case, so I'm not even sure if his body is still at the medical examiner's? I'm feeling impatient because I want to put my friend to rest, the right way already...not think of what's left of him on a slab in the morgue....this alone has given me a smidgeon (sp?) of understanding of what it must be like for those people who've lost someone who went missing....what their grief must be like to not be able to lay a body to rest.....that lack of 'closure' they talk about on those true crime shows...
Again, TY all so much. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 6:12:28 PM | | As Steve replied don't fault yourself!!! Had you been there at that moment and stopped him it would have been another time. When you feel your life is meaningless it's hard to control the emotions that assault you from every direction. You son will have several stages of grief!! Anger, confusion, sadness, and eventually an understanding. We all grief in different ways, and time is a great healer. I'm sorry for your loss and will pray for you. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 6:15:09 PM | This really hits home with me.
Four days ago my daughter (15) confided to me that she has had thoughts of suicide.
A friend of hers was successful about a year ago, and another friend had gotten drunk and was talking suicide earlier in the evening when I called her. All teenagers. She lives in another state with her mom (my ex) but will be with me this summer. I'm doing everything I can to make sure she makes it for another month. Its not something she can talk with her mom about, as she will totally over-react and make things worse. (I know what she means, I used to live with her too)
Maybe I should start my own thread. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 6:17:13 PM | I can tell you just one thing that can comfort you. DID you know that ppl who commit suicide have a great deal of pain and they feel that the only way to get rid of that pain is to commit suicide. How I know this I took a course in suicide prevention and this is what was taught to my group ...kind of hard to believe no not really because I have a sister who is suicidal and she tells me of this internal pain she has pls believe it. Have comfort in knowing that he don't have that awful pain even though this suicide is against our religious beliefs, ATLEAST the pain is not there ....sorry to hear about the young mans passing. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 6:23:54 PM |
I feel I have to point out something. If he was living with someone you say is extremely jealous, and this person moved into his place, effectively taking over his lifestyle, then brought others to live there, and then one of them even took his car and "refused" to return it (effectively stealing it), if they were capable of all these indignities, then perhaps these people were also involved in his death. Even if a death appears to be a suicide, an extremely jealous person is capable of violent acts, and if she had people helping her, she might have been able to do this. Or perhaps an accident occured that was then covered up to look like a suicide because they knew he was on antidepressants. It sounds to me that the people he was with saw a vulnerable, sad person and took advantage of him in many ways, perhaps even getting rid of him to take whatever he had left.
I know this is also a tragic scenario, and I hope this isn't true, but if it is, then you might feel better that he at least didn't end his own life-- because of your religious beliefs.
Ideoform; You have no idea how I've already had these thoughts. It's been nagging at me since the day I found out...
1) When my ex-fiance' initially called me to tell me the news. He had said 'He did it while lying in bed next to her'...'she heard a shot' and ran out of the room to get help.
2) I struggled with the fact, that no matter what his state of mind was, I couldn't BELIEVE, in any way, shape or form he would traumatize ANYONE like that...he was too considerate. He just wouldn't do something so violent in front of a woman...
3) When my ex had told me that the two other people were living there and how he had just told him 2 nights before (to him, my ex) that he wanted them out, my ex had offered to devise a scheme, to make a sign appearing as if it was from management saying they knew the apartment had too many people living there...(although my ex said he didn't want to do it)
4) Based on that, and a weird feeling about, also coupled with the fact that I had spoken to her twice, knew she was 'off' sounded like she was on drugs....AND my ex told me she had a gallon size bag full of pills she was on.....I called the Phila Police Dept detective just to tell him that I KNEW he wouldn't do it in bed with someone.
5) It turns out that HE DID NOT do it in bed with her. He went into another room AND....according to the detective SHE WAS NOT THERE WHEN IT HAPPENED.
6) My ex's new girlfriend spoke to her that night...and the story changed. Supposedly, the two people living there were her friend and the friend's son, AND my friend's "girlfriend" told my ex's g/f...that SHE WAS THERE.
So, that means TWO MAJOR inconsistencies. The detective said (I'll call her Susan - my friend's g/f) SUSAN was NOT THERE . My ex's g/f (say JANE) JANE told my ex that SUSAN TOLD JANE - 'He went out for a cigarette, took a shower, went to get dressed into the bedroom, and we heard a shot...the recoil of the gun (strange wording) and SUSAN went in and screamed.
It's still unclear as to whether 3 or 4 people were in the apartment?? ALSO, the detective repeatedly asked what JANE looked like. Not only to me, but to my ex (for a description) and THE DETECTIVE told me 'THIS IS SUSPICIOUS'.
He was supposed to have called me back yesterday, but hasn't so far. I tried calling today, and he had left already. So far, there still isn't a notice for an obituary.
I didn't mention this all before, because my ex (who knew JANE) although he did NOT like her....when I asked him....said he didn't believe she did/would've/could've pulled the trigger. BUT having been with a cop for 6 yrs, (whom I called) I decided at his advice to call the detective anyhow.
The possibility of this, what you brought up has been nagging away at me...but I didn't bring it up, figured I'd wait until the detective contacted me.... | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 6:41:12 PM | Ahhhh now we have a greater understanding as to why there hasn't been a relase of your friend for burial...
Wow, sorry you are going through so much, it seems like there will always be a lot of questions... | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 8:56:42 PM |
5) It turns out that HE DID NOT do it in bed with her. He went into another room AND....according to the detective SHE WAS NOT THERE WHEN IT HAPPENED.
6) My ex's new girlfriend spoke to her that night...and the story changed. Supposedly, the two people living there were her friend and the friend's son, AND my friend's "girlfriend" told my ex's g/f...that SHE WAS THERE.
when i took all my pills, i was sitting at the dining room table. i had put all the empty pillbottles (almost a dozen and a half) in the kitchen garbage pail. my ex was in the upstairs bedroom (her own little citadel). when i woke up the next morning (don't know why took two months worth of blood thinners and over 200 aspirin plus various other assorted pills), she had gone to work. i drove myself to the hospital. before leaving the house, i got the empty bottles out of the garbage (so i would have the names of what i took). my ex had thrown n old pair of shoes in the garbage that mornibg, right on top of the pill bottles!! yet court she claimed that i did not do it while she was home. denial? maybe. being the cause of my depression, she may just be denying that she was there as a form of defense mechanism. she had to have seen the bottles and me hanging out of the dining room chair. but she swore she had no knowledge.
so your friend's "girlfriend" may be denying to herself that she was the cause, while it is obvious to everyone else (just as my ex did). that denial bends the time-space continuum and it didn't happen while they were there, or with there knowledge, etc.
of course, your suspicions may be correct also. obviously, you are not grasping at straws as there is a delay in releasng his body as another poster pointed out. certainly, the police are exploring so don't feel that you are laying blame unjustly.
I don't know if i made a point clearly in a previous post. my friend who was a suicide had the sweetest snile on her face when i found her. a previous poster mentioned that suicide was a release of sorts from a person's hell on earth. i certainly believe that when i think of the torment this kid was going through and that smile she died with. she had finally found peace in the only way that she felt was possible.
i also want to comment on the post about a fellow who took hemlock. the world lost a great mind that day. his creativity had to put a small smile on the faces of those who knew him best for just a brief moment and that was his gift to them. they will always be sad when they think of him but then like the first rays of sunshine in the dawn, they will smile thinking of his method. what a fantastic person he must have been.
and your friend was, i'm sure, a fantastic person to you. there will be something you remember about him that will always make you smile. es you will cry about him without any warning at any time during the day but then you will thnk that thought about him that will make you smile. it was his gift to you along with his true friendship. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 9:10:49 PM | | You can not blame yourself for any part of his suicide, or let anyone place the blame on you..21 years ago my boyfriend shot and killed himself while we were talking on the phone, everyone blamed me and I believed it was my fault for a long time, I even heard his voice in the house saying he was going to get me..People who commit suicde are sick and helpless. It is their way out of the pain they are in. They do not realize they are inflicting pain on the ones they leave behind..Get counseling and above all else dont take any blame.. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 9:23:11 PM | but found comfort knowing he wasn't suffering anymore
I think that's the best way you can think about it. I unfortunately have had alot of experience with this subject through work and such, and the best way to think of it imo is this: a person that is so miserable that they want to die is a horrible way to live, when they are dead, they are finally relieved of that miserableness.
He wasn't a coward or selfish like some people will say, he was horribly miserable and now he's not. Take solace in the fact that he is now at peace. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 9:47:47 PM | As I have read through the postings here, I thought to myself, what could I possibly add to the caring that has been expressed for you and your family? I am deeply moved by your situation and truly wish to express my sorrow for your loss. As you do have a strong belief in God and His love, let me make a suggestion that might help. Spend some time in prayer. Closet yourself alone with God, and just pour your heart out to Him. He is big enough to take all your pain and hurt and anger and denial. He doesn't mind if you question Him, asking Him why. If you think about it, you will realize, that God understands the loss of a best friend. He watched His Son die. As for your friend not going to heaven, that is not something anyone can judge but God Himself. In a way, Jesus committed suicide! He could have called 10000 angels, to destroy the world and set himself free, isnt that how the old song goes? Yet, he chose to die. But the Bible says He had no sin. So, that shows that there was at least one circumstance where someone chose to die, but did not wind up in Hell. I think there is NO situation that God can not forgive. And as you and others have pointed out, your friend was depressed to a point that he was not mentally stable. God judges people by the intent of their heart, and holds them accountable for what they are capable of being accountable for. Do you think a mentally retarded person will go to hell because they can not understand that Jesus died for them? Does a baby go to Hell because they arent old enough to become accept salvation? Of course not. It is the same for someone who is mentally ill and depressed. I do not believe God will hold him accountable for his actions when he was not able to cope. It is sad that your neighbor is not willing to share her pain and offer support. However, you do have a Friend who is always there, always listening, and always ready to offer comfort and support. Lean on Him. He wants to be there for you, even if no one else is.
It must be very hard dealing with the not knowing when he will be burried. Just remember that the body is no longer occupied. His soul has left, he is free of this world and his pain. So don't dwell so much on what is happening to the shell he left behind. Think more along the lines of who and what he was to you when he was here, and how God will take care of him now that he is gone. I hope I have in some small way helped, along with everyone else that has posted. Just remember, God can help you deal with things that no one else can. Whenever you feel the hurt and guilt, just turn to Him. If it is overwhelming, just lay it at His feet. Let Him know you just can't handle it anymore, and could He hold on to it for a while and give you peace. His peace surpasses all understanding. Ask, and it shall be given, seek and ye shall find. Everything you need to help you through this, He can and will provide. Please let us all know how things go for you. I know everyone who has posted really cares, and hopes the best for you and your family. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 10:28:00 PM | I'm very sorry for your loss, I've lost a couple friends to suicide and I know how tough it can be to deal with.
That said, it was his life. My views on the subject are pretty different from most...and I'll probably get raked over the coals for saying it, but IMHO it's a viable exit strategy for life. When the time comes, I plan to take my own life. I enjoy life, I love my friends, and they all know my plans. I don't want to suffer when I'm dying. To me, there are far worse ways to go than quickly.
With regards to the faith issue, I don't really know what to say. I was raised christian, and left because I have a lot of issues with "god". If you're worried about heaven/hell for him, I don't think that making a mistake in an hour of desperation will make a difference. The decisions he made, and the actions he made when he was in a proper state of mind, or in his day to day life would have a much greater impact on his eternal fate than eating a bullet...
I think the best you can do right now is surround yourself with friends and family you know you can turn to and trust. Nothing will help more than someone to talk to or even just vent to. | |
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