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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 11:21:59 PM | Just reading these posts on this thread have been an enormous help, I just have to let you all know, who've contributed your thoughts, and caring words and thank you for taking the time out of your busy lives, to lend a helping hand...
Some of you have reminded me to call upon Him, which in my pain, I've forgotten, since I've been so consumed with my own hurting.
Earlier today, when I was reading about suicide to my mom, who's not only 'old' but old school..and also Jewish (I'm adopted, biologically Christian, and then returned to being Christian) AND I had a thought that popped into my head (which lmoubre1234 so eloquently stated) that God holds those accountable for their sins when they ARE MENTALLY ABLE to be accountable for their sins. Hence, why many (myself included) don't believe in the 'need' for baptism at birth...My older son, he accepted Jesus as his savior when he was 9, just as he was beginning to learn about accountability....
So, through lmoubre1234 , and all of you truly remarkable people on this thread, who have suggested, I can honestly say, that my friend's soul is no longer in question for me.
When I started this thread, I was so worried about that...that somehow I wouldn't be able to find comfort unless I knew my friend was at peace. As I'm learning more and more the depths of the disease of depression, the final act...a 'completed suicide' as I'm learning it's called...I'm now understanding that my friend was not just 'depressed'. He wasn't living in 'situational' (e.g....end of marriage depression, breakup depression, loss of job depression) BUT that he was not only seriously clinically depressed, but that he had a severe mental illness...so bad that his rational thought process was unbalanced. (I don't profess to know the medical terms, even if I'm a nurse...it's not my area of expertise)
I just know, for him to be at that point, of such overwhelming pain, loss of total control over his life, without any hope or ability to think whatever it was that caused him pain, he couldn't understand...it was only temporary.
It's helping me to understand a little bit more of the 'why'....
For anyone who's following this thread...I just want you to know, I've made it through a few hours now without crying.
Thank you all for that.
Ironically, up until this happened...whenever I was troubled, I'd pick up the phone and call him...today I spent the day wondering "who will ever fill those shoes of being my rock...my support"....and even though I lost my 2 am "it's OK to call friend"...It's 2:30 am now...and I'm doing OK.
I wonder if he's looking down on me, somehow, someway knowing this....and in some mysterious way shining his light down on me? Or maybe, just maybe....because he can't be here to hold my hand, or lend me his ear, his shoulder...he's doing it through all of YOU...on this thread who've given me comfort through the wires.....?
To some this may sound, hokey...but...when I lay my head down to sleep later....I feel like he's with me..still.
Thank you too, for your prayers. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/8/2008 11:30:10 PM | Here is a poem besides footprints in the sand that has helped me out of one of the darkest times of my life... I got it from somone else that had been going through a dark time as well...
When ever I come to a point when my heart aches and I have frustration and pain that I feel like I am just going to burst, I read this poem, and it gives peace and perspective to my mind...
Sometimes even we ourselves aren't fighting the battle of total dispare it helps to know we are loved, and that the battle we have worked so hard on hasn't been lost...
As I and many have stated before, your friend had demons he didn't feel he could beat, or worse yet, someone else has done him wrong. No matter what, sometimes are hearts need to feel like they can be healed again...
At the Foot of the Cross
Fearing the battle was over
And I'd already lost the war
I was tired of trying and failing
I just couldn't fight anymore.
So, dragging my battle-scarred body
I crawled to the foot of the cross
And I sobbed. "Oh please, Father forgive me
But I tried...I tried.. and still lost."
Then the air grew silent around me.
I heard his voice just as clear as the dawn
"Oh, My child, though you are tired and weary
You can't stop, you have to go on."
At the foot of the Cross where I met Him
At the foot of the Cross where He died,
I felt love as I knelt in His presence
I felt hope, as I looked in His eyes.
Then He gathered me lovingly to Him
As around us God's light clearly shone
And together we walked though my lifetime
To heal every wound I had known
I found bits of my dreams, long forgotten
And pieces of my life on the floor
But I watched as He tenderly blessed them
And my life was worth living once more.
I knew then why I had been losing
I knew why I had not grown.
At the foot of the Cross came the answer:
I'd been fighting the battle alone
At the foot of the Cross, where I met Him
At the foot of the Cross, where He died,
Then I knew I could face any challenge
Together--just my Lord and I.
Edit, by the way it is NOT hokey...I am sure he is there, wanting you to understand, wanting you to know he didn't mean to cause you so much pain. He just had to go, because it was to hard for him to continue on this lifes journey.
Never worry, he will always be there, he's always going to be a part of your heart and soul... He gave you a gift a year ago, so when you want to really feel him close get those gifts out and hold them in your hand. A part of his lifes energy is always going to be within you and those pieces of jewelry...
Namaste, God speed... | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/9/2008 3:22:50 AM | Matthew 22 .23-30 . What does it say. A graduation.... when we leave here.
Depression........comes from depressed thoughts . People have to change the way they think .. Not a pill. Positive thoughts power thoughts My cup is always have full.....as everyone should be.
Thoughts are like prayers. They carry energy and people can feel them as God can .
Have you ever tried to tickle your self. You can't do it. But a close friend can tickle you to pee your pants..
Ralph Waldo Trine wrote a book This Mystical Life of Ours.
contact me and I will give you the web address.  | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/9/2008 10:24:34 AM | | I to lost a close friend to suicide and all I can say is the pain does ease if you keep the good memories alive, Its no good being angry because thats so destructive, you have to believe as I do that he thought he was doing the best for all those around him, not thinking or understanding the pain he would cause. When im feeling down about it I think of some of the truly positve things he gave me and my children and I crawl back to the happy times. Nothing can take away the pain and confusion your feeling right now but never ever blame yourself. Remember the good times and smile in his memory. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:46:09 AM | | I couldn't read through all of the responses but I just wanted to say that I have been in that situation and it hurts like HECK! If you can get some therapy that would probably help you a lot. That is what I finally did and it did lessen the pain and I stopped blaming myself for his death. The bottom line is........you couldn't have saved him, if people want to take their own life, they are going to do it.....sooner or later! I wish you all the best and sorry for your loss! | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/9/2008 12:02:22 PM | | no it,s not crazy to fill that way.i think he is watching down on u.and helping u.and giving u other people to help u.i belive my friend who comited sucide watces over me and helps me.and i also belive my ex husband is watching over me who died with cancer.i worried about my ex husband going to hell when he died.because he was wild be4 he got sick.but somthing came 2 me and told me no he made every thing ok with god be4 he died.and who knows maybe he did.we r not thare judges.i never thoght that of my friend.he was a great person.i,m sure he made it to heaven just like ur friend did. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/9/2008 12:33:58 PM | | Suicide is the final result a mental illness such as depression, various degrees of Bipolar etc. Being ill, physically or mentally is NOT a Sin. Don't teach that to your children or you will mess them up. Your friend is gone....their are various stages of grieving. I lost my younger sister last Nov. Luckily I had visited her city the mo. before. Her 3 kids in their early 20's suddenly felt much younger. I keep in touch wi them. It seems she was bipolar which has manic (highs) & depression (lows) but did not take medication. She was alcoholic which is also a depressant. She was in need of counselling. We are all responsible for our own happiness. As parents we are responsible to teach our children in a healthy non fearful manner & that they become independant of us so they can care for themselves espec. if we 'leave' early. I highly a agree wi Bubble Boy, definitely get a counsellor or therapist asap for a few sessions. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/10/2008 11:34:12 AM | Just to UPDATE anyone who's following;
My friend was already cremated. I found this out yesterday and...that his memorial/funeral service will be on May 19th. So, no matter HOW his death occurred, I will be able to finally be there to help put him to rest and, hopefully when there with his family and loved one's, we'll be able to rejoice in the good times he shared with each one of us.....
Yesterday I had my first OK day.
Thanks to many of you who wrote your kind thoughts and condolences, who through YOU, helped me see through my tears that.....
My friend was mentally ill. Nothing I, or anyone else said or did, probably couldn't have helped him..he had made up his mind (which I now believe was incapable of rational thought anymore) and he was going to leave us, no matter what.
I'm going to grieve for a while and each day, it'll get a little easier..I'll most likely feel anger, sadness, depressed, guilty, BUT....it's all part of the healing. That these emotions are our mind and body's way of protecting us from something so terrible for us....they shield us from our pain, until we can process it.
I am no longer worried about his soul. Thanks to those of you and some other kind people...I believe our God is a loving God, and that my friend, because he lost 'rational' thought due to his illness....will still be loved by God and I believe God will forgive him because he was UN-ACCOUNTABLE for his actions.....much like a 5 year old is if he lies....or steals....
And so begins my healing.
Yesterday was the first day I didn't sob.
It was the first day I actually was able to have a 'nice memory' of my friend and I was actually able to laugh about it.
I have decided, since I love photography and music, that I am going to TRY...to make a DVD slideshow, to include pictures of him....and music which he loved....so that at his memorial, we can all try and remember his smiles, his laughters, his kind acts....and NOT that he was in excruciating pain! I'm hoping to compile something worthy that will make us all remember NOT how he died, but HOW he lived.....always giving...always caring....
I can only pray I can do this justice! | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/10/2008 11:44:07 AM | Having worked on the crisis hotlines for a year, I was amazed how many calls were regarding people that wanted to commit suicide because their boyfriend/girlfriend had dumped them. I think that if the book "Romeo and Juliet" had never been written, maybe things might be different. Seems like it would be easy to teach a course in school of how a life alone can be wonderful, if you learn to treat yourself as good or better than those that want us in a relationship.
I was told at church that those who have committed suicide will probably go to heaven, because when they do this act, they are not in their right minds. Having a dad that committed suicide because he was put in a rest home, and trying to commit suicide myself because I was left with 4 kids to raise, I still believe that the part of the Bible that says God simply does not give us more than we can handle is untrue--or else there would be NO suicides.
Hope you get some good rest, because with lack of sleep, I have always felt the world is caving in--Unisom was the only thing that helped--but everyone is different. Just realize that when your friend needed someone, you were there as a friend, maybe more than a few times? | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/10/2008 11:46:12 AM | hello GG here!
sorry to hear of such a dreadful thing ..however i wont post a long winded statement ..just to say when folks want suicide its mainly for one thing only....to stop feeling the 'torment' of whats milling round in their head ..unfortunately most suicides the real ones are done without much warning...the other spoken ones are normally a big cry for help..!
HOW do i know this you are wondering ...because i had break down a long time ago and many thoughts pass through your head at a bad time in your life ...you just want the 'torment' to stop..what you did do though was be the best friend you could at the time and you should treasure he cared about you to leave a small memory and things from him .thats all you can do..LIFE goes on and always will and you have to be proud you were his friend.
NEXT time for all those reading this post you see a friend feeling very low ..dont just tell them to snap out of it (with depression you can't) ..even just sitting with a person having a cup of tea in the same room is a great help to someone down..or check in on them with a phone call ...its the little things that matter and consistancy ..not the big things ok
be well and try to smile
my thoughts here are done ..thank you
huggles GG xxx | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:42:44 PM | | I have tried to send a note out to you directly. It seems that POF policies is preventing/blocking it. If possible, please send me a note via POF as to how we might be able to exchange e-mails. | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 8/25/2008 12:38:19 PM | | i lost my best fried to a suicide ....he hung himself ....came into pub i worked.. pleaded with me to speak with him but i wasnt due a break..... i will never forgive myself for that action.....all his family know im the last person he saw an no1 holds me responsible.. but me .. but i know i cud not have saved him he was in turmiol an god forgives that ... all i hope is he is at peace an happy now xx i know wot yr feeling xx | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 8/25/2008 12:41:35 PM | | just a thought hun u need sum1 who been thru it add me i will have loads chats with u i cant make u feel better but i can show u it aint yr fault an nowt u cud av dun to stop this tradgedy | |
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ree2
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Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 64 | |
| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 8/25/2008 3:43:26 PM | hello i can empathize i no its not ez but your isnt going to go to hell or anything, if your familiar with the bible go to romans 6; 23 it reads for wages sin pays is death it doesnt say i you die a certain way. but i also want you to go to rev 21; 3,4. That scripture brings out that there is hope for those groaning and hurting your friend is okay because the bible also shows us the condition of the dead at ecc 9; 5,10. Psalm 146; 3,4 and last but not least joh 5; 28,29 so it will be a better for your friend but i no its not ez to go through i hope feel bettr itll take some time but look those scriptures up your friend was hurting for a while and he wanted the pain to stop  | |
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| I just lost one of my best friends to suicide....
Posted: 8/25/2008 5:38:55 PM | Im so so sorry..... I know there is not much I can say that will help, but, please remember that God loves EVERYONE!!! My views are new-age but I believe that in an updated version of the bible there would be no exceptions and that inlcudes your friend.
Also, as somebody who has been suicidal since the age of four, I deeply empathise with how he felt. I was sexually abused by my mums 'friend' before I could talk. He hung himself. Then I tried to copy him when I heard the news. (I was not protected from anything) My father also attempted suicide around the same time which complicated matters. He took OD which I also tried to copy with paint and stones. My bizarre behaviour started and exacerbated a lifetime of bullying, of which I am still a victim. I genuinely wanted to leave this planet for good as it can seem so cruel and life can be nearly impossible to live at times. I was also abused by an uncle at 13. My mum refused to believe me- she had always branded me a 'devil' because when she was expecting me she was involved in a satanic cult. She took cocaine and I was born prematurely needing 2 months of special care. She always treated me with distain and labelled me, not understanding how I felt about anything. But always explaining things from her perspective. Out of guilt she repeatedly told me how she had never bonded with me as she went on to do with my brothers and sisters. I was always the outcast, deprived of love and blamed for everything. Also subjected to violent outbursts on her part causing much emotional distress and physical harm.When I was 15 I was getting ready for school looking for tights in her drawer. There I found her diary from the year I was born, detailing her pregnancy with me.I took several overdoses until I was 16, when, I took the first of a near fatal one. I cut myself and slashed my wrists. then I was finally admitted to hospital where I stayed until I was 17. I had a long period of recovery with no drug treatment at all. I did receive hypnotherapy in hospital which I believe did really help. I became independant and a normal 17 yr old going to parties and taking recreational drugs instead. I became a mother myself at 18 and I can honestly say having him was the best grounding experience I could have had. I had ups and downs of course but I didn't feel suicidal again until I was about 23 and having problems with 'friends'. I took another OD but was not offered a stay in hospital without the risk of losing my son. I decided to keep going. I have kept going since then. Along the way alot of other things have happened including my uncle successfully committing suicide, a friend successfully committing suicide, being in a string of abusive relationships, being date-raped (several times whilst under the influence) and battling severe depression. But there was also another side to my life developing and that was the life of my son. he is my saviour but he doesn't know it. I have tried really hard to protect him from it all. But I still have moments where I just wish I could escape and suicide is always the first thing that springs to my mind. I still have really dark fantasies about how and where I'm going to do it. Then something changes my mind- thoughts of Barney my son, hope that all the effort I have put into my life on the other side of this illness, will pay off eventually. But I really do struggle and seem to be alone with these thoughts. I have accepted that I will always feel like this maybe. I suffer terrible guilt too for all the obvious reasons. When I am happy I feel so grateful to be alive and so relieved that I have not met with some horrible fate, either of my own or God's making. When I feel bad I literally rely on Angelic help and divine intervention- the phone rings for the first time in days, Barney comes in to see me and reminds me to hang-on in his blissfully un-aware way. I'm not sure why I am telling you all of this, I think it is so you may just gain a little insight into your friends state of mind at the time. I'm sure from where his spirit now stands, he is sorry and feels really bad for leaving you all. I also think it is sweet of you to send him love and forgiveness. As what some call, a 'new-age' christian, I was born again about 3 years ago and love and forgiveness have helped me right so many wrongs. I pray that you find solace soon and am sending you love xxxx | |
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