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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:45:46 PM | As a woman, i'm seriously offended by the statements from men here about it being important how much a man makes. This is a joke! Where do these myths come from?
Sure, everyone wants a secure income...everyone wants to have just a little bit more than they do. It's human nature. That being said, I think we all know that this is an unrealistic expectation. I would never turn and run from any man who worked hard. That's what matters to me. Keep a job, keep on top of your responsibilities, and be self-sufficient. Work hard for what you have, even if it's not a lot. A person's work ethic says a lot more about them, then their annual income. I don't care if you're answering phones in a call centre, or if you're delivering babies in a hospital...just take pride in what you do, and work hard for what you have!
The bottom line, as I already said, is that it's about being an adult. Adults need to hold a job to pay their bills. They need to not crash on their friend's sofas, or live in their mom's basement. They need to be able to provide the necessities for their self...without taking handouts from other people.
There isn't anything shallow about expecting a capable adult to be able to provide for their self, and to work hard. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:54:19 PM | I can yell you from my view a man whom is unemployed and not actively looking for a new position is undateable to me, that is if the intent of the date is long term. If it is just dating nothing serious then I do not care in the least.
But I will never get involved with a man whose income is less then mine again, like a lot of men in different threads who speak of getting taken to the cleaners during divorce it happens to women as well if they are the primary earner in the family. It may sound shallow but there is a survival instinct behind it as well. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:03:30 PM | Why are you offended by men saying it, lucretia21, not women like lostgirl1971?
I would not date any woman for whom this was an issue one way or the other. As far as I'm concerned the reason to work is to earn money, so any woman for whom this is an issue is interested in money, not me.
And why on earth do people on here (usually Americans if I'm honest) seem to think that being out of work is a choice? In some areas, such as the area the OP is from, there are very few jobs and people are out of work because they cannot find a job, NOT because they do not want one!
This issue reminds me of a famous and rich UK nightclub owner who attracts lots of attractive younger women. When people say to him "these women are only after your money", he replies "you think I didn't know?" or similar! | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:51:09 AM |
All that being said, if a person (woman or man) is unemployed for the better part of a year, for any reason aside from a phyiscal disability, it speaks volume about the type of person they are. I would be forced to assess them as lazy, irresponsible, unmotivated, and immature, if they weren't able to quickly pick up SOMETHING to pay their bills with. I don't want to get involved with a person who isn't able to take care of their self. If I can, and have taken care of myself, even when I was in a great deal of pain, and on death's door,why can't they do the same, as an able bodied person?
i worked for a large company and got turned down when i offered to work for free for the investments department. i've passed professional exams...
being self employed out of college killed me for getting a job, can't just label someone who can't get a job as lazy, etc. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:51:13 AM | I don't have major issues ,with women finding a man attractive proportional to his income level ,although I do find it distasteful .
I do take issue with the hypocrisy of pretending otherwise .
your just not a catch if your unemployed or in a low status job ,will add a few women are not wired this way but they are the exception | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:44:55 AM | How is it a crappy statement? It's a TRUE statement. You just illustrated and supported the claim in your post! Wow. I guess when you get as shallow and superficial as some girls are, you develop brain cramps. It's not a true statement. How can anyone lump all people in one category. I can state that men just want to jump in bed on the first date because they are all __or_s. That would be not true because all men are not the same. This is not what the Thread is about anyhow!!!!.
ALEX89 - If you want to call me shallow and superficial because I won't financially support a man (be a sugar momma) again, then go for it. You know nothing about me. I learn from my past experiences and am proud to feel the way I do about people and money situations. Brian cramps - didn't happen. Sorry ALEX 89 if you feel threatened from women. You won't even be honest and put your profession on your profile, except that you have a dream to be in the music business!!!!!Now that is a JOKE!
Next time be careful when calling a peson names.
If the person was married, then the money situation changes, and as long as that person looks for a job and both people in the marriage are in agreement about money, then everything is great. But that is not what the thread is about | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:12:20 AM | not to be mean but in all honesty in most cases a woman will not wnat to date a man that is jobless because it makes the woman feel like he is a bum so to speak who doesnt care to work. and no one wnats that. in some cases there is a good reason why a man is not working though so it all depends on why he isnt working.
I had a man living iwht me at one time who didnt want to work..I would ask him how his job hunting went today when i got off work and he woud yell at me saying all you care about is money. well needless to say i opend the door and said dont let hte door hit you in the ass on ur way out. i kicked him out. I personally will not support a man... ever. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:02:05 AM | Why are you offended by men saying it, lucretia21, not women like lostgirl1971?
That's her peronsal choice, for her personal reason. I am offended by men saying it, because they're generalizing and again, talking about a myth! This "women only want to date a man who makes good money" bullshit is what offends me. It's generalizing, and in most cases, untrue. Perhaps it's a problem for some people, but the issue at hand isn't an income issue, for me anyway.
If you wouldn't date anyone whom it was an issue for, that's your choice, but frankly I have no interest in you or your money! haha. I don`t know how many times I have to say that it`s about taking care of yourself, not your salary! Unfortunately, in our world today, you have to earn money to take care of yourself. If you can`t take care of yourself, you`re not much of a man, in my opinion. That's what it all boils down to, after the sugar-coating.
And why on earth do people on here (usually Americans if I'm honest) seem to think that being out of work is a choice? In some areas, such as the area the OP is from, there are very few jobs and people are out of work because they cannot find a job, NOT because they do not want one!
Well, being a non-American, I can say that again, you're generalizing! We are in the midst of a global recession right now. It's not easy for anyone to find a job, anymore (Although for some reason, i've never had a problem.) I left a job in my field to pursue something completely different overseas. (In the UK) Didn't have a problem securing that job or providing for myself, while I was there. When I came home, unexpectedly, I picked up a job in retail right away, until I could find something more suited for someone like me. Again, didn't have a problem with that. Retail jobs are opening everywhere, and beggars can't be choosers!
If there isn't any work where the OP is living, perhaps it's time for him to move? Six months with no job is far too long. After all, he isn't paying any rent, has no lease, etc. He can up and move whenever he wants. If someone really wanted to find a job, they would have one. I understand that people get laid off, let go, etc. from large companies quite frequently. I also understand, having never been unemployed longer than 7 days (with the exception of the current circumstances.) that it's not hard to find a JOB (not career...job) to pay your bills with.
Yes, gentlemen, sometimes bad things happen to good people, but a good person is usually smart enough to get off their butt and get a job...any job, so they don't have to crash on their friend's sofa, and mooch their food. Retail sucks, but there's always something in retail. If it means the difference between being self-sufficient and being a squatter, I just can't fathom why anyone would want the latter. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:03:30 AM | There is so much nonsense here I wouldn't know where to begin!
Firstly, your reason for being offended by men saying it and not women is utter baloney.
frankly I have no interest in you or your money! haha
If you want to get personal about it, I can categorically state that I'd have no interest in you either, on any level, even putting aside your views on this subject.
you have to earn money to take care of yourself
No, you have to have an income or savings. Many wealthy people have these without ever working, and certainly without working recently.
If you can`t take care of yourself, you`re not much of a man, in my opinion.
So if the adult male is wealthy without a job, he's a man, but otherwise he isn't? I'm happy not to be a man then (in your opinion).
Well, being a non-American, I can say that again, you're generalizing!
Do you understand the meaning of the word "usually"? And why do you seem to think that generalisations are necessarily invalid anyway?
Retail jobs are opening everywhere, and beggars can't be choosers!
No, retail jobs are certainly not "opening everywhere"...there's an incorrect "generalization" if ever there was one! And who is to say people trying to find a job are "begging" to be employed? You could apply the same logic to people on dating sites if you were that stupid...
There is so much more here I could go over, but I have neither the time nor inclination. I'll let it speak for itself! | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:40:55 AM | | Don't listen to them man, be yourself. Love doesn't depend on money nor a job, you have to find the right girl and that is a tough task, because there are very very few nice girls out there let alone the right girl. I would have to advise you to have patience and keep your hope and spirit up. The right girl will come around; maybe when you least expect it. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:54:21 AM | | the right girl will not come around as long as he is not working. if she should by chance and he still does not get a job she wont be around long. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:27:44 AM |
ALEX89 - If you want to call me shallow and superficial because I won't financially support a man (be a sugar momma) again, then go for it. You know nothing about me. I learn from my past experiences and am proud to feel the way I do about people and money situations. Brian cramps - didn't happen. Sorry ALEX 89 if you feel threatened from women. You won't even be honest and put your profession on your profile, except that you have a dream to be in the music business!!!!!Now that is a JOKE!
Next time be careful when calling a peson names.
Nice try at manipulating the context. I am sure you are well aware at what I was replying to. I never condoned trying to 'live on someone else's salary' or trying to 'secure a "sugar mama." I stated that money is your main determinant based on your own words. I also said that most women judge harshly based on a guy's money/income/financial status etc. It's about priority and values. This is most important and it's not about 'gold digging' or wanting to take/use his money.
What does that topic or argument have to do with my own job/profession? What's wrong with wanting to create/play music? Haha, nice personality you have there. Good luck. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:30:24 AM |
That's her peronsal choice, for her personal reason. I am offended by men saying it, because they're generalizing and again, talking about a myth! This "women only want to date a man who makes good money" bullshit is what offends me. It's generalizing, and in most cases, untrue.
'Not sure where you come from but you're wrong. Once again, this is not about wanting to take someone else's money but to be around someone who has money. It's about materialistic and superficial values and many women think those kinds of things are ultra important. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:26:32 AM | I am curious what the ladies would think if the guy had plenty of cash in the bank but didn't work, say to pursue learning or even a hobby after years of hardwork that paid off?
Can't really say he's gonna mooch off you if he has alot saved up, maybe a heap in investments.
Thoughts? | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:34:23 AM | I don't care if a guy works if he doesn't have to...or is surviving. It's if he has to work that I would expect him to be somewhat worried about job searching. I don't expect him to find one overnight either, I know the economy's bad - but if he's got a survival instinct to him, he'll either work a crappy job until he finds a better one, or at least be nervous about not working.
Truth is, yes as long as it's not costing me anything and it bothers him somewhat (unless he's set and doesn't have to worry about his own state), it doesn't matter to me. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:10:01 PM | didn't say women should not work ,just saying its unlikely to effect a women's dating chances ,as women are seldom judged on such criteria
yes.the likelyhood is a woman without a job will do better finding a mate than a man. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:16:30 PM | I was planning to stay away from this one, but it seems I got drawn in anyway. So here goes...~takes a deep breath~
To the original question: no, there is nothing inherently wrong with dating while unemployed. However, I would seriously question the motivation of anyone who was unemployed for 6 months. As several people have said, it is mind-blowingly easy to get a job, while working on your career takes great investments of energy and work. They may not be fun or pleasant, but there are always jobs open somewhere. Even in a tight job market, retail and fast food (among others) have a high turnover rate and require pretty much zero qualifications. No one is "above" working a low-wage, low-status job while searching for something long-term. I would never look down on someone working a job like that, but a person who refuses to find work just screams "lazy" and "stuck-up."
Now on to the idea that it is OK for women to talk about money requirements but the same is talk is not acceptable from men. There is one major difference that is being overlooked here. When a woman says that she (one person) would only be interested in becoming involved with a man who makes good money, she is only speaking about herself. A man who says that women (approx. 3,300,000,000 people) are only interested in men with money are making sweeping statements that may apply to a few women but hardly to all, or even most.
Archades, I probably wouldn't have a problem with someone who had retired early to pursue hobbies, and definitely not with someone who decided to get an education later in life. The one thing that I would worry about would be weather he would feel lacking in purpose if he had given up his career.
And finally, as an interesting aside, my "most desired" categories actually go as follows, from best to worst:
1. Not employed
2. Employed
3. Unemployed
Why, you ask? As a college student, my best match would be a fellow student. :wink: | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:02:26 PM | | It's ok; there is no law against it, but it's not exactly the most attractive thing for a women. People want stability. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:00:26 PM |
As several people have said, it is mind-blowingly easy to get a job, while working on your career takes great investments of energy and work. They may not be fun or pleasant, but there are always jobs open somewhere. Even in a tight job market, retail and fast food (among others) have a high turnover rate and require pretty much zero qualifications. No one is "above" working a low-wage, low-status job while searching for something long-term. I would never look down on someone working a job like that, but a person who refuses to find work just screams "lazy" and "stuck-up."
This is what I was getting at, but it seems your wording is much better than mine. Apparently I have to be very careful in how I word my replies.
When a woman says that she (one person) would only be interested in becoming involved with a man who makes good money, she is only speaking about herself. A man who says that women (approx. 3,300,000,000 people) are only interested in men with money are making sweeping statements that may apply to a few women but hardly to all, or even most.
Again, this is what I was getting at, by saying that I was offended by the men "generalizing" women like that. Hence my remark that she has her reasons for her interest in a man with a certain income level, however, it's offensive for a man to say that us women (as a whole) are attracted to men with money.
If a man is retired, has spent time building investments, and can care for himself, we're getting into entirely different territory. Again, I put the emphasis on being able to take care of himself. If he can pay his bills, feed himself, and provide the necessities necessary to be a functioning part of society, then that's what matters...not the type of job, or the job itself. The OP never stated his reason for being unemployed, but being that he's crashing with a friend, i'm guessing it is not because he has a bank account full of money and is in no hurry to find employment.
Perhaps I was too quick to assume the OP was not a person who is well-off, has a huge inheritance in the bank, and a multitude of investments. I know if those were my circumstances, i'd be able to pay for a home, a date, etc.
For the record, I think it was rude of me to have said the "i'm not interested in you or your money" (I have no idea where that came from, but it was uncalled for.)
I still maintain that there are retail jobs opening up everywhere. No matter where i've gone in the world, I have walked by "help wanted" signs in various restaurants, retail stores, etc.
I was trying to stay case-specific. Of course this will vary by case and circumstance. If the person were unemployed due to an accident, if they had family money and didn't need a job, (Though I don't think i'd date someone that didn't know about hard work, regardless.) if they had a physical disability, if they won the lottery, etc. We can get into semantics, but why bother? I've said more than enough on the topic, I think. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:12:43 PM | ok lady's here is a hypothetical question , when you find your soul mate (that I read about in every other profile) ,and he becomes unemployed ,lets say for over a year ,does he cease to be your soul mate ? divorce statistics would suggest so
I am curious what the ladies would think if the guy had plenty of cash in the bank but didn't work
lol think thats different some how ,I wonder why ? | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:28:38 PM | Reading through this, one thing keeps coming to mind. Just, one small thing... It's the guys with no jobs, or low level jobs, who are complaining that it's not fair... Then going on to say the women are just after their money....
My questions to you guys are these:
1. What money? If you don't have a job and are living in your parents basement, friends couch or whatever, what money do you have for them to take?
2. Don't you feel embarrassed trying to take a girl out and her pay? Where is your sense of pride? A basic instinct as a male is to provide for our families, not send our families out to provide for us.
I have a very simple dating rule... He who asks pays... Guess what? I always make sure I ask, and will occassionally, though rarely, allow my date to pay. Only to show her that I can swallow my pride and allow it to happen, but I definitely prefer to do the paying.
Why? To create a sense of obligation? To get her in bed? NO to all of those. Because it represents the basic instinct of providing. Centuries ago men went out and hunted, this is how we provided. Today, we go out and work, this is how we provide. Centuries ago a man who would not hunt would starve. Period. There was no compassion for a fully capable man to not hunt. Depression. That would of been a joke. Broken Heart, they would make you suck it up. Low IQ, they still tought you how to do it. Short of being a quadraplegic or on your death bed, you were expected to be a MAN and provide.
So, as a guy who works and has taken the time to get his degree, obtain a good position and build a reputation within his industry, I ask you guys this: What is stopping you from doing what I, and the vast majority of men, have already done?
If you can't find a job in your given field, why not get educated/trained in a new field. IF there are no jobs in your area, then MOVE. MOVE to where the jobs are. The only thing keeping you unemployed is yourself.
Go sell cars. Go flip burgers. Bus Tables. Pick up scrap metal. Do anything, as long as it is legal and provides. You will find noone will laugh at you for being the guy who drives the diaper truck. People will laugh at you for sitting on your arse all day. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:45:30 PM | guy who drives the diaper truck
yep bet he will be inundated with admiring women ,anyway thanks for your personal advert ,very eye catching Im sure they will love it @ plenty of gold dingers , did you have to post it twice though | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:55:09 PM | ^^^Double post was an error...
If being educated and having a job makes me more appealing to women v. someone who lives with their parents, has bags under their eyes and needs to iron their clothes... Well, then so be it...
But don't troll me... I don't partake...
So... Have a Nice Day!!!
EDIT: Doesn't the space go after the comma, not before it? | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:13:04 PM | | Picky women will not go for that but Im sure there are some who wouldn't mind. Course if it were me, I would focus all my efforts on finding a job instead of a mate but that's just me. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/13/2008 4:22:37 AM |
If being educated and having a job makes me more appealing to women v. someone who lives with their parents, has bags under their eyes and needs to iron their clothes... Well, then so be it...
But don't troll me... I don't partake...
So... Have a Nice Day!!!
for someone who is educated ,you make a lot of sweeping assumptions based on nothing ,is that how academia work theses days ,I have a above average wage ,own my own flat ,and left home in my twenties - back to school for you Sherlock Holmes
bags under eyes fair point ,that's just genetic mum has them as well ,and ironing is the most boring past time in the world ,at least I'm brave enough to put my pic up ,unlike some .
LOL everyone is a troll who has a counter view point ( that comment is a cheap politicians trick ,attack the messenger not the message )
so..Have a nice day !!!!! | |
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