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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:49:53 AM | ^^^Obviously he doesn't know TDZ.... 
Nice orchid in the background.... Do I detect a trace of jealousy....
My pics been up... My pics been down... My pic has even gone all the way around...
Has nothing to do with courage... You see, I'm a wanted man... And why, if I put it up then I'd have to kill everyone... And we don't want that do now....
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:41:58 AM | I'm sorry to hear you've been out of work since Christmas OP. I hope your luck improves and that a new job is just around the corner.
As for your question, I don't see anything wrong with dating while unemployed so long as you're frugal and keep your priorities straight. No matter how much a girl may mean to you, you must ensure your relationship with what money you do have is kept in good standing. I pay my own way on dates since I prefer to keep things on an even keel and whenever money is tight, I stop dating. If you don't have 3 months of savings in the bank for emergencies, your bills all paid up and zero debt, you seriously need to focus on your financial situation. This doesn't mean you can't date at all, but anyone you do get interested in needs to understand that "wining and dining" is out of the question. Even if you do have a few extra bucks, those need to go towards putting yourself in a better position.
Will this reduce your chances of finding a girlfriend? Yes. Although money isn't everything, it does matter more oft than not. I have always made more than the men I date and one of them was unemployed (starving artist). Did money matter? Yes, it did, but it wasn't everything. I start to get concerned if the person isn't actively seeking to improve their situation and secure themselves financially. I'll pick the guy with the well-maintained 10 year old Honda that's paid off over the guy with a brand new Mercedes that he's financing with a credit card. Who cares if you can go out on the town if in 5 years you lose everything to creditors?
Bad things happen to good people, but a person's reaction tells you a lot about what makes them tick. Good luck to you.  | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:17:14 AM | I think it all depends on where that gal is at that particular time in her life.
I know from my experience that being 35 and a fulltime student is NOT a huge selling point with women who are looking for something more substantial than a few laughs. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:59:33 AM | ^^^Obviously he doesn't know TDZ....
Nice orchid in the background.... Do I detect a trace of jealousy....
My pics been up... My pics been down... My pic has even gone all the way around...
Has nothing to do with courage... You see, I'm a wanted man... And why, if I put it up then I'd have to kill everyone... And we don't want that do now....
ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT ????
orchid ????? jealousy ????????
I would of thought a educated man would of been more eloquent ,and not talk gibberish
I guess your talking about my other pic ,thats a tv mount , tv was in for repair when picture was taken ,now hanging back up on the wall .
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/13/2008 1:44:55 PM | Look for a job, that should be your job.
In your down time, just search for something casual. You shouldn't have to be a hermit regardless of what some women say about how much money you need to date them. Chances are they had a bad experience over money with a guy in the past, or just view themselves as attractive enough to get a guy with x amount of income...they are entitled to think that way. You are entitled not to care what they think. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:25:31 PM | Women also centuries ago would stay at home and have babies, but nowadays are very capable of providing for themselves, thus making a males "role" totally redundant.
Whilst it is nice to provide for a date, does it really become necessary to do so when your average girl will probably be earning as well? I think going dutch or each paying for each date alternating is the best idea. Besides there are plenty of activities that don't require much money, just enjoying the company of each other. Hell throw a line down at the local river, attend the local festival etc, goto the 10 dollar bistro, no one says you have to spend 45bucks on a steak when there are plenty of cheaper alternatives that do the job just as well. Leave the expensive meals to very special occasions and save that cash for better use.
With the gap between men and women closing or already closed, it's only fair each party pays equally for dates, this isn't the old days where women weren't allowed/expected to work.
And for those who are unemployed, there are some free certificates available if you're in Australia I believe, about a certificate II level for various things like hospitality, business etc which can provide a good leg up. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:42:41 PM | I found it really interesting as I read through this thread and noticed the definite polarized answers. Especially among the guys. So, I did a small survey and was not surprised by the results.
I counted up the males who responded to this question, and then checked the profiles.
22 males responded.
14 said it was okay to date.
8 said it was not.
12 were unemployed
10 were employed.
Only 2 of the employed males sided with the Okay to date, but all unemployed males took the side of Okay to date. Further, none of the unemployed males seemed to take issue with the fact that this means the lady will more than likely be paying for the date versus paying themselves.
Now, to bring this more into focus, 17 women replied to the question, there results were as follows:
12 said it's not okay to date
5 said it's okay.
I did not check the employment on the women since the question was asked by a guy, and was in reference to a male being employed or unemployed. Further, I counted students (where discernible) as employed and if no profession was listed in profiles or referred to in the post of each individual then they were considered unemployed, which is how the majority of users on this site have stated they view them.
So, these results show us that men think it's acceptable to not work, and just chase women, hence looking for a woman to take care of them. Whereas the women are not looking for someone to take care of them, and they are not looking for someone to take care of.
My suggestion to the guys: Get a job or get in school if you want a serious relationship. Woman don't want no bums. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/13/2008 4:21:10 PM |
12 were unemployed
or 12 like me didn't fill in profession because they do not define themselves by their job ?
did you count me as unemployed ? lol if so your figures are wrong
when your losing a argument there's always statistics ,who coined the phrase ...there's lies , dammed lies and statistics .
anyway 10/10 for the effort to worm your way into the affections of the women on here . | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/13/2008 4:41:32 PM | lol at the guys with jobs saying its not ok for him to date. As if it's somehow immoral. What are they afraid of the competition from the guys who can't find work.
of course it's ok to date. it's always ok if you're single and healthy. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/13/2008 4:54:06 PM | I can't be bothered checking on the accuracy of your statistics. If I did, then I'm sure I wouldn't be surprised if they were pretty flawed.
if no profession was listed in profiles or referred to in the post of each individual then they were considered unemployed
So by that methodology, I was considered unemployed.
none of the unemployed males seemed to take issue with the fact that this means the lady will more than likely be paying for the date versus paying themselves.
So presumably, you chose not to notice my first posting (message 13) where I stated:
I would never even think of being a burden on anyone and would insist on contributing equally to the relationship
Then of course, comes the nonsensical interpretation of your "research"...
So, these results show us that men think it's acceptable to not work, and just chase women, hence looking for a woman to take care of them. Whereas the women are not looking for someone to take care of them, and they are not looking for someone to take care of.
How do you reach that conclusion? All it may show, at best, if your figures and assumptions are remotely correct, is that unemployed men do not see that this should be a barrier to a relationship with women, and women do. It has nothing to do with it being "acceptable to not work", as in most cases it isn't a choice. And who said the men are "chasing" women and wanting to be "taken care of" in any case?
the women are not looking for someone to take care of them
Where's the evidence? Some aren't, some seem to be in my view.
As free_no_obligation stated:
10/10 for the effort to worm your way into the affections of the women on here | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:33:15 PM | Okay, this is getting funny... free no & linc? TDZ isn't trying to worm his way into the affections of the women on here, he doesn't need to because he already has a fan club. He also already has a very lovely, intelligent, and kind woman who appears to be head over heels for him, as he seems to be for her. And no, it isn't me (dammit!).
As for statistics, I'm not checking them either. Here is my opinion as an employed woman: if I see no profession listed on a profile, I ask what it is, because I suspect the guy has none. Now, I don't care how much money he makes as long as he can (and does) support himself, but the type of work a man does tells me a bit about what type of person he may be as well as gives something to talk about. For example, if a man is a roofer, I know darned well that he is strong and not lazy, because that is very hard work. I'd also know that he'd be working longer hours in good weather, and may have free time to share with me when it's raining.
Any man who thinks that all women are going to understand if he is consistently unemployed & not looking for work, is deluding himself. I'm sure there are women who won't mind, but I don' t personally know any. I work to support myself, and I expect a man to do the same, unless he has no need to (ie: wealthy or living on benefits from a disability). I was raised by a hardworking man who took care of his family, and a mother that still worked just to be able to afford extras. I won't be tied to a man who isn't able to pull his own weight. I know it is old-fashioned, but I expect him to be a gentleman and be willing to pay more than half the time, once we are in an exclusive relationship. I do pay if I invite, and have no problem with it. But, I have been with men that were happy to sit around while I worked my butt off, and each time it happened, I thought they were lazy bums.
OP, you should worry about finding work first, and of course you should go out with friends to socialize. If you happen to meet a woman, be friends first and let her know that you are trying to improve the situation. I would be understanding of that, and willing to date cheaply until you get a job. The key is that you need to be looking for work, not sitting complacently and collecting unemployment.
edit to add: I don't know where some people that replied are living, but women make less money than men, on average. That is another reason I'd expect a steady companion to pay more than half the time. My ex-husband's income 15 years ago is twice what my current income is, for instance. If someone is making more than me and still expected me to pay half, I'm outta there... | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:16:51 PM | Interesting points, but the minute you said:
I work to support myself, and I expect a man to do the same, unless he has no need to (ie: wealthy or living on benefits from a disability). your arguments lost their validity.
I can quite understand women wanting a man who works, just as they may like tall men, dark haired men etc. But if you consider a wealthy man who doesn't work to be acceptable, and a "normal" man who doesn't to be unacceptable, you have demonstrated that you are interested in money over the person.
Of course, anyone is free to make this decision, but it would be refreshing if they admitted that money is their motivation. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:33:40 PM | ^^^Actually no lincs she doesn't lose validity.
What she is stating is she does not want to take care of the guy financially. You need to keep in mind that we all have a responsibility to ensure our children are taken care of, to support them. We do not have a responsibility to support someone we date.
While I don't particularly care how much a woman makes, I do not want to go on a first meet and then pay her rent/mortgage, car payment, credit cards, buy groceries and so on. I am agreeing by asking for a first meet, to pay for the first meet.
This is what she is saying. Further, by stating that if a guy is on disability she is fine with that, points out that she is not concerned with his income level, simply that he is earning an income and doing his part. Noone wants to start dating someone knowing they will have to pay for everything from day one, act as chauffer and listen to them whine about not havng any money. This is where the issue of someone being unemployed comes from.
Further, the ladies have stated, since this is Ask A Girl, they will consider dating a guy who just lost his job, but not a guy who is perpetually unemployed.
As far as how the little statistical data was collected and analyzed, I tried to look at each profile and the posts, from there I attempted to view it the same way a lady would view it when considering a guy for possible dating. With that in mind, I made the same assumptions, and yes I know assumptions are bad in statistics, that a lady would make with the information provided.
Hence a blank profession field, no mention of profession in About Me or Post on this thread equalled unemployed. This with student were listed as employed, since most students spend well over 40 hours a week in class and studying.
You can attempt to call the data skewed if you like, however I am still viewing it as the perspective shopper would view it. Keep in mind I do statistics for a living as a Financial Marketing Analyst... I know, boring job... | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:14:20 PM | (Eso rides in on her loyal steed Tibbits)
No, lincs, I am not demonstrating that I am interested in money over the person. I would appreciate an apology, I don't like being accused of avarice.
I hope for your sake that the Queen of Alpha Hottie Five doesn't show up with her MoronBat - she is a fierce defender of my honor.
Anyone who knows me and my history, would laugh at the thought of me being more concerned with monetary matters than character. I have lived in relative poverty, in order to be able to be with my family rather than spending all of my time at work. I have budgeted my funds so that I can enjoy the intangible things in life rather than worrying about having the best of everything while ignoring my kids. I work a relatively low-paying job, because the benefits include free education for my kids - more valuable than extra cash each pay period - I'm giving them a future.
I have dated men on disability, who were going to school in order to change careers to one more suited to their changed physical abilities. They certainly didn't have extra money, so most of our dates involved staying in & watching movies, going for walks in the park, free Shakespeare in the Park, etc.
And as far as a wealthy/well-to-do man, I would think that such a person would occupy his time in worthy pursuits, volunteering, donating money/time to charities, managing his business interests, etc. I would not date a man who would spend all of his time in leisure, just because he could afford to. I know plenty of retired men, who are obviously not employed, yet they are busier than when they worked, helping others by using their skills and experience to better others' lives. That is the type of man that I would date despite them not having current paying employment.
Like many women I know, I'm looking for a quality man, who knows how to treat a lady. The kind of man who would defend me if needed against unprovoked attacks by the bourgeousie (thanks Danger), and who would of course receive my unending devotion and reciprocal defense any time he needed it. I freely admit it, I want the cowboy to ride in on his white horse and sweep me off my feet - I don't care if it is old-fashioned - I want a man who can take care of himself and his own. Just as I would take care of him in return!
(Tibbits snorts in disdain, kicks dust at linc, & carries Eso off to call the other Valkeries to her side) | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:54:35 PM | TDZ, msg 89...ding ding ding! That's exactly it.
If you are unemployed and it bothers you (meaning you don't have a bunch of money to live off of while not working), chances are you wouldn't want to date, as you're not in the right frame of mind...you should focus all energies on getting another job. Not so you can date, but so you can pay your bills. Dating should be the last thing on your mind.
If you are unemployed but able to take care of yourself and don't need to work, then that's different, because your bills are going to get paid. So you're not worried about living in an alley, and you can date freely.
We don't care either way unless: we're expected to foot the bill for you in any way in order to date you and/or you have no interest in getting back on your feet so you can take care of yourself....i.e. you can work and need to but don't want to. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:12:56 PM | I absolutely LOVE your attitude on the subject.
Not only that, but your analysis of the pros and cons of various jobs, ie the roofer working longer in the summer, time off in bad weather, is something that no one else has mentioned.
What I derive from your perspective is that you are no only very mature, but also very thoughtful.
It's women like you who rescue your gender's reputation from women who only date guys who make six figures, etc. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:35:00 AM | ^^^(Eso rides off on Tibbits to check Bender's profile - may have found true love...)
Thank you Bender & TDZ - I'd like to think I'm a genuinely decent person. I do try to consider all the pros & cons of any given person's situation, when deciding if we could be a match. Generally try to figure out a way that a supposed 'con' could be turned into a 'pro' so that things could work - hey, I'm flexible.
(rides back from Bender's profile)
Dangit, as usual, so far away...also wanting kids...maybe he won't mind if I visit & drool over pictures once in a while...*sigh* | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/14/2008 11:33:39 AM | -----------------------tyranny of the majority-------------------------
someone in this thread has mailed me and I'm no longer able to comment on this subject due to fear of losing my account ,when only one voice remains don't conclude its the one true voice , it may be that the dissenters have been gagged . | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/14/2008 11:40:43 AM | | No one who has posted on this thread has the power to delete your account, simply for posting your own (wrongheaded, of course) opinions. As long as you discuss the subject and not the other member, you're fine. Remember to stay courteous as possible, even in heated discussions. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/14/2008 11:44:01 AM | | As shallow as it may be...yes, you should wait til you have a job til you worry about dating. Dating doesn't have to be expensive but there is a certain amount of funds needed. | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/14/2008 12:35:47 PM |
No one who has posted on this thread has the power to delete your account, simply for posting your own (wrongheaded, of course) opinions. As long as you discuss the subject and not the other member, you're fine. Remember to stay courteous as possible, even in heated discussions.
moderators and friends of moderators do have that power ,I'm risking losing my account even discussing this ,anyway last post here ,bye all  | |
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| Looking for love without a job?
Posted: 5/15/2008 1:02:47 PM | You couldn't be more wrong.
I've always believed in giving credit where it's due, and she deserved it.
How is that ass-kissing?
You write something that astute and maybe someone will give you some kudos. | |
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