| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 3:34:08 AM | my granny would have liked you jest fine.. she always did like a feller with a good dallop of common sense! | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 4:02:35 AM | Girlfriend is fiery and sassy for cussing you out like that. It was too way over the top but she isn't wrong for feeling you didn't perform your job.
I'm an alpha female-- I am not going to entertain a bum or anyone else who doesn't know me telling me about myself. I'm polite about it but if need be, I can firmly dismiss an antagonist and do it every day. But if I'm in the company of a man and he is watching this situation unravel, although I can put a problem in check myself, I will give him the due opportunity to perform his role as my protector and provider. If I were you I would have done what I would really do and let dude know his respect is due in so many words. Sure I can defend myself-- but what exactly do I need you hanging around me for?!!
I'm not one of these women that gets carried away with setting a man up to "respond" to some test. I know manipulative broads love to do this but it doesn't seem that your girlfriend is that kind of girl. I also think she showed you respect by giving you the opportunity to dismiss dude's behavior- but you didn't show up. Walking away (option 2) is not demonstrating that you are the protector/provider she needs. She could have indicated to you that she felt uncomfortable-- and that would have been your cue to confront the matter needing to be resolved.
I can look out for myself; intimidate men from being disrespectful, walk away, command respect, cuss someone out if need be, and hear a thump in the middle of the night go check it out myself-- but if I've got a man beside me that won't relieve me by providing protection-- I'm asking "what exactly are you around here for"?
Dating is ultimately finding out if you need this person in your life. Sorry but your action here warrants that you can't provide for a woman with her needs.
If you think you were right-- Keep it moving. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:29:43 AM |
My girlfriend got mad because I didn't choose answer 1 not only did she get mad but she cussed my out called me every name in the book which lead to a heated fight and her breaking up with me when we got home.
The fight included you aggressively charging this woman, for calling you a name, and giving you the "Finger", grabbing her by the arm, and shaking her violently, or other wise abusing her, at least this is what you say in your other thread about abuse. Some how this fact is missing from this thread, when you describe her breaking up with you after a heated fight. I think it would be important to note this little fact when making the statement that she broke up with you, as the reason probably was because of the abuse, and not that you didn't defend her honor.
I think you did the right choice by avoiding the bum, its to bad you couldn't do the same with your girlfriend. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:36:30 AM | ^^
Cant comment on that, have not seen that thread, but if things happened the way described in THIS thread, I say you made the right choice.
I dont like fights, verbal or physical...respect those who can settle things without using violence. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:59:30 AM | 2 is most definitely the right answer. I guess I should take my own advice because there is more than one guy in my past laying on the ground with a busted nose or teeth from mouthing off at my girls.
I am reminded of a summer night in 1977. I was getting ready for a party with a group of friends and I gave a galpal of mine a ride to a 7-11 store. Some drunk guy was standing outside the store and made a lewd comment to her as she walked by. My youthful ire was instantly raised and I told the guy to shut his face or I would shut it for him. He began to walk towards my car as I opened the door to get out and meet him. However, it was unnecessary because he only took a few steps and then fell to the paved parking lot where he proceeded to begin vomiting as I watched, astounded.
My galpal came out of the store, looked at the guy and said to me "Did you do something to him?" As I was wondering how to get the guy out of the way of traffic without getting puke on myself, someone else came and pulled him off of the parking lot. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 7:17:05 AM | | i would say maybe a combo #1 & #2..not confrontational..just in a decent way..tell him..he's had too much to drink..and then go on your way..to not say anything was kind of wuzzy, whether he's a bum or not.Now, what your g/f did was out of line as well, you're probably better off w/o her..i have a feeling there is more to this story..something was probably bothering her all week on the cruise..and she just blew up at this particular moment.She may have been looking for a reason to get into a fight with you & breakup.However, to fight & breakup over this situation is very childish and immature..what is she like 15?? | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:25:01 AM | Just for the record:
As stated, if your GF left you because of this? Good riddance I'd say...
If you HAD told the drunk to shut up, and it escalated, would you want to be in legal trouble ie: jail in a foreign country? Believe me, these vacation hot spots don't always have the nicest jails.....
If you ever hear from her again, just remind her that if you had "stood up for her honor" you probably would have missed the ship setting sail, you probably would have been arrested (especially if the bum was a local) and you probably would have spent the rest of your vacation on that one island because of it.
Discretion IS the better form of valor.
Now if he had started getting physical with your gf, then by all means, lay into him but the old saying: sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never harm me. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:25:10 AM | Your drinking one day at the beach toward the end of the day the two of you are headed back to the ship. You stop by a bar situated near the cruise ship and see a couple that you know from the cruise and the couple is conversing with a worthless bum. The bum makes a comment about your girlfriend covering up because her cleavage is showing"""
I am wondering why, in 2 pages, no one has mentioned all the drinking? I'll bet everyone has "drinks socially" on their profile and doesn't think that had anything to do with such an bizarre scene. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:32:35 AM | I think you were right to walk away...as the so called 'bum' could of got nasty... think your girly has a few issues!!!!  | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 10:02:40 AM | "I am wondering why, in 2 pages, no one has mentioned all the drinking? I'll bet everyone has "drinks socially" on their profile and doesn't think that had anything to do with such an bizarre scene."
Probably because it was a vacation and people tend to let loose on vacation.
OT:
You chose the right response. I used to work a a homeless shelter type deal here and I'll tell you some of the people that went there for a meal or were allowed to stay there were freaking bat crazy and you did not want to start anything that could be taken for a fighting remark. A lot of good people there just down on thier luck too. Another one of those times where judging a book by it's cover is not really a good trait. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 10:06:25 AM | Hmmm just thinking, this IS 2008 isn't it? Women are equal to men in all matters?
I would have said to her: why didn't YOU stick up for YOURSELF??? lol | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 1:45:26 PM |
But if I'm in the company of a man and he is watching this situation unravel, although I can put a problem in check myself, I will give him the due opportunity to perform his role as my protector and provider. If I were you I would have done what I would really do and let dude know his respect is due in so many words. Sure I can defend myself-- but what exactly do I need you hanging around me for?!!
Two comments on this paragraph:
1) You just set back the M/F dynamic by 30 yrs.......
2) Women like you (basically forcing a guy to do something stupid) is probably half the reason so many people are: locked up, about to be locked up, injured and more importantly, dead.
The point being that the antagonist was drunk. Therefore one has NO idea what he's capable of. He could be carrying a knife, gun, (as stated) taken a swing at the OP with a broken beer bottle, or whatever.
True story for you: I stand up for myself quite often. Though one time what I thought was a shouting match ended up with 2 of his buddies jumping me from behind and me ending up with a broken leg, broken ribs, fractured cheekbone, and permanant scars on my face from the three of them taking the boots to me while I was unconscious on the ground.
Can I say proudly: I am a MAN? Yeah, but that doesn't cover the lost wages from the time missed at work, the constant problems I have with my leg and the scars on my face.......
So, remember that the next time you expect a man to "defend" you and look down at him for taking your arm and leading you out of the combat zone..... | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:08:15 PM | 1 Tell the bum to shut up
2 Just leave the bum alone and leave with your girlfriend to the ship
3hang out with the bum and be buddy's
4 buy the bum a drink
Ok, since I don't drink I'll assume my girlfriend didn't drink either, except for the "bum"
I'll say that for me I would say something and try to exit the situation at the same time. I would first not tell him to shut up but make a comment like.
"Dude you may as well have another drink because it's obvious that you've had a few too many drinks already to recognize the beauty that’s right in front of you" I would then laugh in a way that would be laughing with him and not at him.
My feeling is that he would probably laugh and at that point I would tell him to have a good night and walk away with my girlfriend.
I can't say I would just walk away and not say a single word, but I would get a clear idea first of just what the exact feeling was at the time and then take action based on that. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:22:25 PM | Well, I probably would have already told the bum off. But a nice chime-in from the man in my life would be nice too. He wouldn't have to sit there and continue arguing, but damn, it's not hard to say something fun like 'well, if she's a slut, she's my slut, and we're going to go have some hot monkey sex in our cabin now. Enjoy your alcohol.' Or just 'shutup' and then walking away?
She overreacted in my opinion, but I can see how the situation would leave a bad flavor in her mouth.
But dude...has she never been told she dresses like a ho before? Almost everyone I know has been told that at some point, and it really shouldn't have ruined her day, especially coming from a bum she'd never see again in her life. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:32:30 PM | It occurs to me (altho this might sound old fashioned):
1) A lady typically doesn't have to remind other people she is a lady (even bums recognize a lady I dare say)
2) A lady typically is not mistaken for something else
3) Maybe she might have liked to hear from you that she was exposing a bit too much instead of hearing it from a drunken bum (who initially simply suggested that your girlfriend cover herself up?)
And again, maybe a bit old fashioned, but from what you wrote in your other post about her actions and verbalizations after you were back on the ship
4) That was no lady
Choice # 2 was appropriate
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:48:29 PM | what a sucky situation........honestly, your woman needed to see how instinctive you are. The "Fight or Flight" theory...you chose flight..you are non confrontational and it doesn't make you less of a person. Your GF had her own instincts...she was being threatened, her honor was put into question by a less than honorable dreg of society. How dare he say anything derogatory towards your woman! He wasn't even fit to look at her. Yet he did...and you allowed this drunken hyena near her! Your GF has every right to express her displeasure with your inability to nut the f***k up, but don't let this define your relationship. There is more to love than caveman "isms".....
..........but you also need to know when it is appropriate to choke the s***t out of some maggot who thinks he will forever get away with exactly what you let him get away with. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:52:08 PM | "She overreacted in my opinion, but I can see how the situation would leave a bad flavor in her mouth."
Exactly | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:54:32 PM | wow!!! so instead of beating the crap out of the bum, he beats his girlfriend. i am so glad i've never had to deal with that sort of a mess..........
glad you cleared this up | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:11:47 PM | | You are asking if your girlfriend is in the right? You take her on a cruise, you get in a tough situation because of something she brought on, you do the mature thing and walk away. She repays you by being angry with you, insulting you and breaking up with you. I say she did you a big favour because you might as well find out now how immature she is. I think most women prefer a man who has the good character to walk away .Nothing good can come from staying to fight. Don't let someone like her make you question how you conduct yourself. I think you are doing just fine. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:23:42 PM | | if they dress the part they [woman or men ]will be treated as such ! | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:28:19 PM | Upon thinking more on this topic, and my point about ladies standing up for themselves (since this is 2008) there have been more than one occasion where I have been with a group of people and someone "disses" one of the girls and she gets into a screaming match with someone which usually ends up with her boyfriend coming to her defence.
Yes, there are times when one does have to get physical to protect you, your partner or your property but there are more times NOT to.
I hasten to add that the OP was in a foreign country, as a visitor, and believe me, countries do NOT appreciate visitors getting into trouble. (need I remind everyone of that canadian woman who just got back here after spending 2 yrs in a mexican prison?) | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:35:48 PM | | These days you don't know who may be packing a knife or a gun.. Even people that look like they couldn't afford a gun sometimes pull one out and blow somone away.. You did the right thing by just choosing # 2.. Your GF sounds very immature and if I may say so, stupid.. For wanting you to put yourself in danger for some drunken insults.. And from a guy who was probably a few eggs short of a dozen. And what if you had slugged the guy and gotten arrested? Would she be happy then? I could see if the guy was grabbing her or trying to attack one of you or something.. But for shooting off his mouth in a drunken stupper???? This woman sounds like she needs to go back to grade school and grow up.. You made the right call. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:38:33 PM | lol... I saw 'Bum'...and I was thinking about....ahhhhhhh nevermind..
ahhhhhh you are talking vagrant...and yes, you did the intelligent thing in this situation.
You are on foreign soil for one thing (assuming here, correct me if I am wrong) .... escalating the situation where the 'bum' may pull out a homemade weapon and plea self-defence... a fight happens...his other 'bum' friends appear....not a good situation.
What would it accomplish to get knifed, injured...killed over 'Words'
you did the intelligent thing here and now you know... SHE was not worthy if she did not see that. Good that you found out sooner, rather than later.
gone are the days of Cavemen and clubbing each other over the head with sticks. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:40:12 PM | I'm curious where this took place, there are many places where Westerners go and completely disrespect the native culture by practically wearing nothing.
But otherwise.. 6irlfriend said it best:
Girlfriend is fiery and sassy for cussing you out like that. It was too way over the top but she isn't wrong for feeling you didn't perform your job.
I'm an alpha female-- I am not going to entertain a bum or anyone else who doesn't know me telling me about myself. I'm polite about it but if need be, I can firmly dismiss an antagonist and do it every day. But if I'm in the company of a man and he is watching this situation unravel, although I can put a problem in check myself, I will give him the due opportunity to perform his role as my protector and provider. If I were you I would have done what I would really do and let dude know his respect is due in so many words. Sure I can defend myself-- but what exactly do I need you hanging around me for?!!
I'm not one of these women that gets carried away with setting a man up to "respond" to some test. I know manipulative broads love to do this but it doesn't seem that your girlfriend is that kind of girl. I also think she showed you respect by giving you the opportunity to dismiss dude's behavior- but you didn't show up. Walking away (option 2) is not demonstrating that you are the protector/provider she needs. She could have indicated to you that she felt uncomfortable-- and that would have been your cue to confront the matter needing to be resolved.
I can look out for myself; intimidate men from being disrespectful, walk away, command respect, cuss someone out if need be, and hear a thump in the middle of the night go check it out myself-- but if I've got a man beside me that won't relieve me by providing protection-- I'm asking "what exactly are you around here for"?
Dating is ultimately finding out if you need this person in your life. Sorry but your action here warrants that you can't provide for a woman with her needs.
If you think you were right-- Keep it moving. | |
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