| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 10:07:12 PM | Since the above post was reposted in it's entirety, I wil again restate:
Talk about taking equality back 30 yrs.......If some guy came in here and said that if a woman can't cook, and can't be a porn star in bed, what is she good for? You ladies would burn him at the stake, verbally castrate him and probably attempt to get him banned from POF forever.
IMO (to answer the rhretorical question) a man is around for all that the word partner entails: to support, share, build with, lean on and be leaned on in times of need, to offer advance when asked for, and seek advice when needed, etc etc etc. NOT just to be he man good protector of weak woman when accosted by bad man who drinks......Maybe in his mind he WAS protecting her by removing her from what could become a dangerous situation? Not all situations require the use of force (verbal or otherwise).
Maybe if more people turned the cheek there'd be a lot less gang violence, violence in schools, bullying, and maybe if we taught our kids more about discretion instead of attack, maybe our society would be better now than it is? | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 10:10:41 PM | A sober man can beat a drunk man in a fight anyday! And don't play pool for money if your good, those cues do break ribs! | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:04:49 PM | He said they were drinking, he didn't say how much. If it was a total of 2 drinks would it still be accepted by you? I don't see how you can deduce how much was consumed, based off the information provided.
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Yes two drinks in one whole day isn't much, on a planet where days are two hours long.
"Your drinking one day at the beach toward the end of the day the..... "
because EVERYONE had been drinking, and they were headed to another bar for more drinks. Didn't you read that part? Most sober people don't get into fights at bars with other drunk bums and their crazy ash GF's. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:28:34 PM | Sir you made the right choice. As a woman, I would not want a man that I care about to put himself (or me) into a conflict that can easily be avoided.
As we get older we pick our battles. You picked right.
I think she was wrong.
Hopefully reading this, from the perspective of a pretty smart older woman, will show you that she did you a favor by "dumping" you. Imagine what could happen in the future if some other incident like this happened? You want to change who you are just to make some girl feel like "her man" takes care of her by telling off other people? Screw that, that's just silly :)
Good luck in finding a quality woman, and consider it another one of those lessons we learn in relationships  | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:41:04 PM | | Oh yeah!!!!!!!!! Another thread that suggests it's ok for a man to be passive. Any man who makes a comment about my girlfriend's cleavage, drunk or not, would find me in his face so fast he'd think he walked into a wall. I'd use my words and size to communicate my message first, but if he doesn't get it he'd better be ready for a fight. Many posters have criticized the OP for using the word "worthless", but after the comments the OP suggests "worthless" is too nice. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:42:01 PM |
Talk about taking equality back 30 yrs.......If some guy came in here and said that if a woman can't cook, and can't be a porn star in bed, what is she good for? You ladies would burn him at the stake, verbally castrate him and probably attempt to get him banned from POF forever.
No one said that a man who can't or doesn't protect their girlfriend isn't good for anything. Certain people are attracted to certain personality traits, some women like men who fill that "protector" role.
IMO (to answer the rhretorical question) a man is around for all that the word partner entails: to support, share, build with, lean on and be leaned on in times of need, to offer advance when asked for, and seek advice when needed, etc etc etc. NOT just to be he man good protector of weak woman when accosted by bad man who drinks......Maybe in his mind he WAS protecting her by removing her from what could become a dangerous situation? Not all situations require the use of force (verbal or otherwise).
I believe the OP said the women he was dating stood up for herself but was upset that he didn't as well, you shouldn't call her weak just because she prefers her boyfriends to stick up for her in situations like that. I don't think she should have freaked out like she did but breaking up was probably a good idea because he just wasn't the guy for her. He probably did think he was protecting her by removing her from the situation and many people will agree but it comes down to what kind of person YOU want in YOUR relationship, and she didn't want him. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:42:58 PM |
Mature men handle conflict peacefully if at all possible and they difuse the situation.
^^^ agree totally | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/10/2008 12:03:13 AM | | Most all know it's best to try and bypass confrontations. On the other hand if you're seeking 'em out you can find them everywhere. Has to be a sad life for the trouble makers. In a forum it's easy to say just ignore the idiot. Too bad real life doesn't always work that way. One fool can make everyone in a party situation uncomfortable. Many times someone just has to deal with him. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/10/2008 12:11:13 AM |
Mature men handle conflict peacefully if at all possible and they difuse the situation.
^^^ agree totally
Maybe so, but a mature man also understands that situations involving a bully can't be diffused peacefully. They require confrontation , posturing, and sometimes they require a broken nose. I will concede to walking away the first time, but if I'm in that situation and he comes back for more and I don't CONFRONT him, she needs to dump me. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/10/2008 12:59:05 AM | | ^^^^^ Sure,,id have to agree that in some situations the bum/bully (whoever it is) can be relentless and is obviously not going to give up (and you dont want to leave the establisment because quite frankly,,why should you??). If you say in a non-confrontational tone "Hey look, we are just here having a good time and not looking for trouble, ok?" and the bully STILL keeps up, then yeah id say maybe stand up and maybe assume a defensive posture and repeat yourself and if he STILL keeps on, then you're right, 'sometimes' a broken nose might be the only way to get the bully to back off. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/10/2008 1:11:09 AM | Class trumps knuckle-dragging and chest thumping.
Good call on #2.
Incidentally, your g/f shouldn't have risen to the bait, let alone castigate you for your choice in handling it. Obviously someone had to be sensible in that scenario.
HnH
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/10/2008 2:09:57 AM |
Class trumps knuckle-dragging and chest thumping
Like it. No beating around the bush with this shot. Have to consider that. A. Let a fool ruin everyone's good time. B. Shut them down. Trouble makers most likely thrive because they're allowed to... Be nice if we could just ship them all off somewhere. Give 'em a small country with a giant wall around it... | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/10/2008 2:55:01 AM | Well...she is probably look at it like you didn't take up for her. That you didn't 'fight' for her. Ehhh...I can understand her having those feelings. I mean, you could have said "Hey buddy, I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk like tha in front of the ladies" or whatever. BUT....and here is the kicker....unless he was posing a PHYSICAL threat...she should have been woman enough to handle her own word exchanges. She'd already had words with him once, why not when he came back say "Look you little creep...you can either leave me alone or I'm going to contact the authorities".
She's a wimp man....
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:40:17 AM | I'm more curious what exactly he said about her cleavage showing, and in what tone?
Someone "under the influence" telling a person about exposing too much cleavage is hardly worth getting so upset over or engaging in battle over.
#2 was the best choice. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:59:38 AM | The right answer for your personality would appear to be the one you chose, to 'leave the bum alone and leave with your girlfriend to the ship'.
However, personally I would find myself dwelling on the outcome if the reaction to a leering bum was that I/we had to slink away back to the ship. I would hope that my own boyfriend would have more backbone and wit to stand up for my honour in a confrontational situation without resorting to anything physical or out of proportion. Bums need to be reminded occasionally that their behaviour is anti-social.
Clearly your girlfriend was unhappy with the way you reacted, she harangued and goaded you on your return and you retaliated physically - but to the wrong aggressor! You are both a mismatch.
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:33:35 AM | | I totally concur with #2. Why get into a pissing contest with a skunk thus possibly escalate the situation simply at best to in fact prove that you or she can orally destroy a Bum? Good for you per handling the situation as you did. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:46:58 AM | I dont think she'd understand that the bum might have started alot more trouble.
Maybe she thinks that because you didnt tell him to shut up that you maybe agree? Even though I'm sure you dont!
She has totally over reacted.
You done well to go with no.2
x x x | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:49:31 AM | | I would've gone with number 2 too. Digression is the better part of valor. Drunks aren't predictable.... and it's better to walk away then to have a huge problem. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:26:00 AM | I doubt we are hearing the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth here but anyways here is what I think.
You are on the beach so probably bathers or a sun dress is being worn by gf, a drunk makes a comment to your gf and "a few words are exchanged" the drunk leaves then comes back more drunk and starts on your gf, so at first it was simply a few words, problem resolved, she handled it and the drunk left but now the drunk is back aggressively verbally attacking your gf and you do nothing but leave.
I doubt she would have been dressing offensively (unless nude) in a place that serves alcohol.
Your other Thread is about abuse and you admit you shook her back in the ships cabin but your also saying 5 times she sticks her head out of the shower to give you the finger and you remained calm till then. So I am supposed to believe this girl you thought was amazing and took on a cruise suddenly turned into Godzilla and without provercation or participation in the fight she simply popped her head out and gave you the finger 5 times. Possible I guess but I dont believe it.
I wouldnt want a man I cared about to be in a situation of harm and I would hope my man wouldnt like to see me in a situation of harm either so I would hope he would tell the drunk to shove off and then say to me lets get out of here, for which I would gladly follow.
Rentahusband has done a thread Why Is Everyones First Response To A Relationship Is To RUN/BAIL/LEAVE, stating you believe people should work harder at relationships but even you have said "As stated, if your GF left you because of this? Good riddance I'd say". Answers your own question. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:26:18 AM | We all know when we are drinking we all get a little more braver. And maybe a little more mouther. I feel you did the right thing. I feel you were a true gentleman good for you for doing the right thing. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:40:06 AM | Your girlfriend is extremely immature and hot headed. What is this, the High School prom? You did the right thing and to be honest you deserve someone better. I probably would have gotten between them and asked him not to be disrespectful and then left though, but I bet your girlfriends hot anger beat you to it.
You asking this question is a little wimpy in my eyes. I wouldn't think twice and the ride home from the cruise would be the last time I saw her. You were in the right; I like sweet girls though, and there is no way I date an angry person, or someone that is that way when they are drunk. She probably says,"I'm a strong woman and I say what I want." No thanks. She's danger; dump her, and realize you did the right thing. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:45:29 AM | dallyized
See, this is what me and my guy would be laughing about on our way back to our room...NOT fighting about it.
Couldn't have said it better! Responding to the bum otherwise as your ex wanted you to, would be going down to the level of the bum. Not the right time or situation to show your mettle. Jeez! He was drunk! Under the influence and more so in the last encounter... 'nuff said!
I think it was a blessing in disguise that it resulted in your breaking up. You have avoided serious trouble in the future judging by the fact that your ex-gf showed that she had a tendency to really lose her cool. Nowadays, you have to fill your pockets with patience and tolerance or invite violence in your life. Never apply a $20 solution to a $1 problem. By calmly leaving a potentially violent but preventable situation, you have applied the best solution to the problem. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:48:38 AM | | This is sort of amusing to me... I wouldn't even think about my boyfriend "defending me" because I would do it myself! | |
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