| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:25:48 PM | No, you did the right thing. a woman cannot expect a man to start something with a drunken stranger like that, especially if you are in a foreign country, which you did not mention. Does she want to to get stabbed, like another poster mentioned? What does she expect when you go to a bar?
You may be sad that you broke up, but you are probably better off . Maybe she shouldn't let her t*ts hang out so much. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 3:30:13 AM | Why are some posters going on about so much violence? you will be stabbed, killed or go to jail in a foreign country.
Did I miss an option 5. Deck the bum or behave in a threatening manner?
Remembering that at no time does OP say his gf mouthed off at the bum, the bum returned more drunk and mouthed off at her and everyone. If you saw your gf, wife, mother, sister or daughter being approached by someone more drunk than before mouthing of at her you wouldnt even say option 1, shut up. You would stand and watch her?
We all know how bad a drunk can be, Im sure we have all experienced it at some point and you would just sit back and watch this possibly happening to her? Just curious. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:55:14 AM |
You stop by a bar situated near the cruise ship and see a couple that you know from the cruise and the couple is conversing with a worthless bum.
Wow, these questions blow me away! Who's to say he's worthless?!
My husband and I just returned from our honeymoon and were staying at a resort. We also took an afternoon cruise, and frequented bars each day of our stay. I could've easily landed in such situations, but even tho the environment was conducive, I wasn't. If someone made such a comment to me, so what?! I'd ignore it and continue on with whatever. To address it gives it validity...that's the part I'd call "worthless".
Any situation I find myself in is a situation I can remove myself from. I don't have to stay, I don't have to prove a point, I don't have to be right, I don't have to do anything at all. We always have a choice; I'd choose to continue to not give a damn.
As for needing to be defended/needing protection from a cleavage comment...oh please! Just unbelievable! Why on earth should I care what he thinks, or need defending from what he thinks? He can "think" anything he wants to, he can say anything he wants to, he can stare a hole in me if he wants to...how I respond is on me. Not him, not my husband, not a cruise ship "friend". For me, the only response is no response at all.
Well, maybe not. I might've flashed him the peace sign and a wicked lil smile as I walked on by, but I'm a freak. :)
I think we've gotten way too prickly. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:03:32 AM | What exactly would be the point in arguing with a drunk bum? Further more why is she so bothered by a bums opinion any way? He's a bum! Not exactly one to talk.
What would she have done should you have subsequently been arrested after getting in a fight? Fun way to end your holiday.
I would have been glad you chose 2. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:05:18 AM | | Ok...I never have this problem because I have a semi-psychotic stare and I carry the threat of imminent death in my eyes. Whatever. My point being, some people are soft. It is not their fault and to expect more than that is pathetic. I've known some of the worst people, like myself, that would cave your skull in, and I've known good people that would worship the ground that you walk on...yet they are not fighters...nor should they be. Only a pathetic person would expect them to risk life and limb if they are incapable of doing so. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:29:44 AM |
As for needing to be defended/needing protection from a cleavage comment...oh please! Just unbelievable! Why on earth should I care what he thinks, or need defending from what he thinks? He can "think" anything he wants to, he can say anything he wants to, he can stare a hole in me if he wants to...how I respond is on me. Not him, not my husband, not a cruise ship "friend". For me, the only response is no response at all I thought I already had said my piece on this and that was enough, but when I read this, I had to say something else.
Funny Girl is absolutely, 100% correct!
Trust me when I tell you that during my 16 years of tending bar, about 25% of bar brawls can be traced back to some whiny, attention-seeking chick run crying to her neanderthal boyfriend because someone 'looked at her the wrong way' or said 'nice ass' as she passed.
Y'all might not like what I just said that, but it doesn't change those facts one iota.
Our OP did the right thing.
btw, does no-one else find it odd that the other couple - their friends- didn't feel so offended that they needed to also lip off or otherwise chastise the 'bum' and leave? just sayin'...
HnH  | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:38:08 AM | | Back in my early twenties, I used to bartend. I can't remember how many countless whores would provoke their idiotic boyfriends into a fight and then whine when their men were taking their last gasp of air. Bunch of ****es...I wish they could get their faces smashed in. Times are changing, though... and I kind of enjoy the fact that women are getting the tar beaten out of them by other women. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:13:31 AM | After the "bum" made his comment, you say he and your girlfriend exchanged a few words? I would wonder why the girl even responded to his comment at all ... why would anyone bother engaging in battle with a drunk person?
And really, is it that offensive what he said??
I would expect a guy to protect/defend me ... but ONLY if it there were a serious threat being made against me. I would have been more upset if he were to start something with the "bum" over something so insignificant. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:09:12 AM | rentahusband,
I am not sure if you were responding to me above, if so this is for you if not ignore it, I *qualified* my positions quite clearly, you must have missed all the "if"'s. No, violence is not the immediate answer , nor did I advocate violence as the immediate answer..but I did advocate letting the guy know you mean business immediately with a strong statement.
yeah well, the guy said something untoward, shoot him SHOOT THE BAST@RD, while you're at it, shoot his kids too because they will come after you, oh wait, hafta shoot his homies too because they will avenge his death
And all that throwing in of "homies" and "shooting" is nothing more than bigoted innuendo on your part, there was no need for it really.
I think your response was way out of proportion to my post which never advocated any one getting shot or even physical violence and had elements of humor (regarding Brooklyn etc that I guess you missed) in response to the OP's situation.
Relax, | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:25:38 AM | homies? shooting? shit!
I sure hope you don't think this attitude is representative of all Canadians, my friend....how embarrassing.
Hnh | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:59:48 AM | LOL yeah, my comments WERE directed at fineman and THIS section is why I wrote what I did:
well in my case that would have sparked a fight, sorry. I have no tolerance for guys showing disrespect to couples out on the town. If a guy doesn't know a girl is with someone okay, but if the bf is right there and some jerk commences to make lude comments to or talks to his girl, that is disrespect to be answered in only one way. To make him suffer the intense consequences of his indiscretion
Sparked a fight?
Answered in only one way?
Suffer intense consquences?
Yeah, ok, no, you never intimated violence in any way....DOH.
As for homies being bigoted, gimme a break. I call my friends homies all the time and vice versa so don't even TRY to play the race card here. That is utter and complete nonsense.
As for shooting? Read the papers my friend. Listen to the news. They are FULL of stories about "altercations" in bars where one party leaves, goes and grabs a buddy and some hand guns and goes back and shoots a dozen or so people. In fact, this isn't isolated to the US. An incident just happened here in Toronto not too long ago. Gasp, that doesn't happen does it? Oh no, arguments turning into gun fights because of someone dared to DIS someone else.....yeah, that's reason to die......oh yeah, friends don't avenge their friends. WAKE UP and smell the coffee....
...never advocated any one getting shot or even physical violence
Sparked a fight isn't advocating physical violence? Or by "fight" you mean, you'd get into a tickle fight with him?
If you people are naive to think that if you mouth off to someone, they don't have the capacity to come back and put one between your eyes, then I suggest you stop and think for a second. Gun use has gone up by a thousand percent and now everyone and their brother has one or two. Back in the day the worst you had to worry about is a busted nose, now you have to consider the fact that you might get a whole lot worse! | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:06:50 AM | but did you ever stop and think that that attitude is maybe why the US has the largest number of murders every year?
Nothing personal, but I can't help but to giggle at some of you paranoid and chicken little city folks.
Believe it or not, it is possible to stand up for yourself without commiting murder or even getting violent at all. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:13:38 AM | I like how any reaction but scuttling away seems to be equated with a jailable offense.
I'm fairly sure a quick STFU won't get you arrested, ass raped or beaten to a pump by a gorilla militia.
Difference between acting like a barbarian and doing a little something something for the sake of your gf. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:21:35 AM | Re the Opost
1. Posts made by bartenders, current and former, carried IMO lots of wisdom.
2. The bum did in fact the OP a favor, he exposed her "alpha" (lol) personality and the OP is far better off w/o her. She should probably have her passport taken away. Not all people are cut out to be tourists.
3. Who paid for the "alpha female's" ticket to the cruise?
4. Of course one, man or woman, with any grey matter between the ears does not fight, or even carry a discussion with a bum or whino etc.
5. I would have dumped the GF upon arrival at the ship and the first round of name calling on her part. And taken the OP of the cruise to get me a new one.
6. A real man only picks up the fights that have to be fought. That was not one of them. And the OP did "protect" his GF from having her azz thrown in a foreign jail or similar.
7. One of the scenarios of what could have happened is for all to wind up at the police station or even in the local slammer, miss the ship and cause an international episode for nothing. Having said that, one has to be careful where one chooses to take a vacation at, be it abroad or at the "home" country. In the incident took place at a civilised country, a policeman should have been available or called.
So option 2 is the only way. Remember "Prison Break", season 3? Lovely "vacation"!
The OP should even use this story to weed out potential "alpha female" (*) future GFs!
(*) Is this another way to say "female pseudo-bully" (pseudo because she had the attitide but not the balls to carry her own "debate" and wanted the BF to be "tagged" in, a real one would have dealth with the whino/bum herself)? | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:24:58 AM | you can't argue with a drunk plain and simple! I think I would have (pending WHERE I was) contacted the management or the police to have him removed, as I would not have wanted to curtail my vacation.... unless you two had planned to head back to the ship anyway, which you said you were, so you did the right thing IMHO by just continuing your journey. As far as breaking up... do you really want to stay with someone who wants you to get in a fight every time you encounter a drunk? Or someone who is out looking for any reason to start a fight? and we all know they are NONE of THOSE kind in the world?! | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:27:29 AM | OP I did not read the whole thread, but it seems to me that if this ended your relationship it was already over and you just did not know it. On the one hand, if she expected a protector and you are not that kind of guy, you are doomed anyway. On the other hand, if this is a one-time thing, why would the relationship end because of it? I have been around ladies that get turned on by men fighting over them, but that kind of lady does not turn me on so I have always declined. I have also been with ladies in threatening situations where I have had to protect them and I did not hesitate.
From what you describe, it sounds like the first but I was not there and cannot judge. I also agree that what I might do in a bar in Virginia, I would not dream of doing in another country. True masculine strength does not lie in beating up a drunk for a rude comment. It lies in refraining from violence until absolutely necessary and then using whatever is at hand to end the confrontation as quickly as possible. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:32:07 AM | | Sounds to me like this incident was a blessing in disguise : you saw your ex's true colors and are now free to find someone better for you - congratulations ! | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:34:36 AM | do you really want to stay with someone who wants you to get in a fight every time you encounter a drunk
From reading the post, I see no indication that his ex-girlfriend wanted him to beat the drunk up physically.
It looks to me like she just wants a guy with a spine. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:41:23 AM | Believe it or not, it is possible to stand up for yourself without commiting murder or even getting violent at all.
I like how any reaction but scuttling away seems to be equated with a jailable offense.
I'm fairly sure a quick STFU won't get you arrested, ass raped or beaten to a pump by a gorilla militia.
Difference between acting like a barbarian and doing a little something something for the sake of your gf.
The thing both of you fail to take into account is the fact that more often than not, (as stated by the most qualified people to make those determinations: bartenders) in the situation described by the OP, saying anything to someone obviously intoxicated could, and most likely would, have escalated into a shouting match, then a physical altercation, and since the "bum" already left once and came back, should he do so again after being assaulted, who is to say WHAT he would come back with?
Something you also fail to take into account Ms Oregon is that while speaking your mind isn't directly equated to jail time, getting into an altercation OF ANY KIND on foreign soil comes with it's own hazards. Just because we live in a society that states everyone is equal and everyone is innocent until proven guilty, doesn't mean every society is based on those principals.
For the record Ms Oregon: how many bar fights have you been in that resulted from "just saying a little something something? How many scars do you have from those encounters?
I can personally speak from direct experience and have more than a few scars to prove it. Sure, they never started out that way, just one guy saying something, then another guy saying something back, and the next thing you know you're being held to the ground by guy 1 and his three friends while they kick the sh_t outta you, or when you think the words are over and you turn your back and the next thing you know guy 1 is standing on a table and kicks you in the face with steel toed boots on (while you're wearing glasses and the kick is so hard that one of the lens' slices through your eyebrow and is forced up under your forehead), or you turn around and someone swings a beer bottle, or guy 1's buddy grabs you from behind and when guy 1 is a pro boxer and hits you with a right hook (while wearing a diamond ring) that tears off your earlobe and slices your cheek open.......
SO, unless anyone can honestly say that they've experienced the results of "saying a little something something" then STFU already.
It looks to me like she just wants a guy with a spine.
And what happens if BOTH guys "have a spine" as you so aptly put it? SOMEONE has to back down or one or both of you will either be in jail, or dead...... | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:59:35 AM | i'm sorry....
you lost me at
worthless bum
frankly, i'm more disturbed by this statement than by the scenerio in its entirety. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:32:17 AM | alexistaylor,
pulling entire posts apart and out of context as was done is disingenuous. Though some good points were made, there is no need to be animated or insensitive while doing it.
rentahusband,
I am sorry for the experience you went through and I appreciate your desire to provide it here as a cautionary tale. Factoring in the inebriation of the "bum" and the foreign nation aspects of the OP's story lead me to more agreement with you on the matter. I can say I was thinking more about my own experiences here in the states rather than putting myself in the shoes of the OP to answer that way and that didn't come across in the first post.
It is sometimes too easy to get a different understanding of what people are writing in forums absent the cues of intonation, verbal and physical mannerism that attend in-person conversation. As for the "race card" thing, oh stop...I do happen to be a man of color in case you didn't notice ;) so it shouldn't be surprising that my radar would be up when a guy out of no where starts throwing around "homies" and "shooting" even if you use those terms commonly with your boys. So I'll agree to having been a bit sensitive if you agree that you were reciprocally insensitive on the matter when you used those terms. ;)
Peace pipe?
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:12:53 PM | LOL no probs, peace out man!
As for being insensitive. See, that never occurred to me that you would be sensitive to it. I have a few buddies who are men of colour too and I really don't even see them in any way different than my white buddies. We call each other brutha, dude, man, and homie all time and think nothing of it.
So, apologies for getting your radar up, no offence was intended in the least....
Added:
I tried sending the following to you privately but couldn't so:
One of my buddies was constantly bashing the US. I mean, whenever something bad happened down south, he'd be all for it. I asked him about it one day and he said "i just hate em".
So, I was out driving with another buddy who knew him better than I did and I asked him: So what's up with Rob? Why does he have such a hate on for americans?
My buddy says: the race thing.
I said: what race thing? Like the indy 500??
MY buddy says: No you d_ck, the prejudices against him down there cuz he's black.
I said: Oh shit, F me, that never occurred to me. I don't think of him as black, he's just Rob to me!! DOH
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 3:03:09 PM |
I can personally speak from direct experience and have more than a few scars to prove it.
Sounds like you learned your lesson sir and I will also learn from what you have posted..
I didn't mean to come across as violent. Anyone who knows me will tell you I have never hurt anyone.
My issue here lies in the fact that I personally can take alot of abuse without it affecting me. I can "let it go", so to speak. However, when it comes to my family, friends, or anyone I love (like a girlfriend), I will defend them to the ends of the earth.
Landing in a foreign jail does not sound nice though and I believe I am not as well traveled as yourself. | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:09:31 PM | Congradulations you had the best answer. You hit the nail on the head with your comment
Thank You very Much | |
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| A bum of a question
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:15:46 PM | why would anyone bother engaging in battle with a drunk person
Because they were all drunk, they "had been drinking all day at the beach", and were going out for more. It's too bad Monk isn't a POF member. He could solve some of these baffling questions. | |
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