| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:39:34 AM | So do I have to sue the site owner, or the 'couple' in this thread, to get back the brain cells that died in great pain from reading this topic? | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/11/2008 2:04:45 AM | "You think about her because a part of you is in love with the fantasy of the potential there may have been. It's an illusion you've created for yourself and a part of you is stuck living there. It's like many breakups where things may not have been so good but once the person is gone all you seem to remember is the good and then you allow your mind to build up that good into something it quite possibly never was or would be... even though you try and rationalize it all with some reality checks."
I can definately see that going on.. to be fair- so thanks! :) | |
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kat2k8
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Joined: 4/22/2008
Msg: 29 | |
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kat2k8
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Joined: 4/22/2008
Msg: 30 | |
| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:42:21 AM | was saying thnx to metalvixxon
sent tht ages after u sent the message and its gone nxt to someone elses lol! | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:28:47 PM | " You OBVIOUSLY do not love her that much or else you would make some sort of compromise"
I did- I came back to stay with her for a year.
She didn't come with-
I fail to see how I didn't compromise? | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:10:05 PM | I can see you both are hurting. She is because she does not want to detach and let you go and you are because the way she is having a hard time accepting what's happening is also pulling at your heart strings because it's clear you both care.
And that's ok. Just both try and remember it's not necessary to hurt each other and destroy your connection to part ways.
But it is necessary to detach emotionally and mentally because I can see her holding onto you and thereby sabatoging to some degree your new life to come and the excitement you are right to be feeling.
So, she has to see now that hers is not acceptable behavior and she is just going to have to accept reality and let you go with her blessing and understanding.
And you need to be sensitive that sometimes in order to let someone go we care about, we become cold hearted because we are literally closing our heart down towards them in preparation for saying goodbye.
So you also need to give her your blessing and understanding.
And then the next part of your lives will appear for both of you and who knows where they will lead? But unless you both detach and allow the other to detach, it's definitely going to lead to more pain.
It's like imagine you have had a cord connecting you both - and it almost was cut last year, but you chose not to and to stay with her instead. Well, now it is needing to be cut again and this time I think you both know it really is going to be cut. SO, maybe even do some sort of ritual, but together make a sacred space for yourselves, and together cut the cord. The love never really dies, by the way, but it will allow the pain to subside and that is necessary now. Good luck both of you. And always remember, your love and happiness comes from within you and not from each other. | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:23:00 PM | I know, and I think we both knew it would come to an end sooner or later.
Hell yeah I hurt- but - I'm not going to let it hold me back again.
I need to do this for myself, as do I also need to take a break from relationships, after constantly having been in them for over 6 years now.
I just- wish- she would have took the chance to discover Canada with me, but I'll be doing it alone.
I'm sure she'll find a great guy to take care of her. 
And thanks for your comment, it means a lot. | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:26:38 PM | i must appologize as i really fel u aint gonna like what i say............................
how old r u 2?????????? this is like a playground romance ie he said she said.............
life is for living so both be adult enough to start doing just that.
sometimes people in life love each other but just not enough all this back stabbing should stop and the pair of u move on as you clearly aint suited,
the reason u feel like you do is part of the healing process and fades in time i know its a horrid feeling but you will draw strenght from it,
the time has come to let go .................................. happy flying and all the best xxx | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:36:41 PM |
"I'm sure she'll find a great guy to take care of her."
Actually, she's gonna find a great girl to take care of her....herself!!
No one can take better care of us than we can.....just like no one can love us better than we can.....so they say.
And when you each are feeling those waves of overwhelming emotion - take several deep breaths and let it out - as many as you need until the wave subsides. For they do - the tide comes in, the tide goes out....we walk the stairs :), we take the lift, we swim, we fly, and sometimes we JUST BE and take it easy until our energy rises again. | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:52:26 PM | Good thing you guys aren't together, because of all the fighting and arguing and bickering the two of you do.
Second off, I believe in love. And I believe that love is forever, and never fails. I don't see how you can go from loving someone, to not loving them a day or week or month later.
And why would you live, and be in a long relationship with someone, that you couldn't picture spending the rest of your lives with?
Maybe next time you get into a relationship, the both of you will view things differently.
For the both of your sakes, I hope! | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:55:35 PM | This is probably no big secret by now...but evidence does support that Men usually take break Ups much harder than women do.
Culturally, women have been used to emoting, and have other women friends who understand and help them through the pain and stuck emotions.
Men...traditionally do not have this support group....and if you drink...which I don't...then your buddies just want you to get drunk and really don't want to hear all of the bloody details anyway.
so you just got to sit with the hurt brother, and in time...it will fade away....Is she thinking about you? Maybe, maybe not...either way, it is a vast waste of your energy to dwell on that. But, judging by the charge she still has around her and you ...I would say she is thinking about it....she is angry at the moment...but that too will pass.
You made a conscious choice to move on with your life and career...I applaud you for that...it takes some stones to do that man.....But there is a lot going against this one working out....that is quite a distance, and, well, she can't type  , so you might not be getting the full gist of what it is she is trying to say.
I've been where you are....more than once...it is not unusual to 'miss' her. But it is also not fair to you or another lady to 'replace' her. It sounds trite....but, give it some time. Nothing tests love like distance, and if it is meant to be...no distance can keep two apart.....If it is truly love.
hang in there brother
``````````````` 'Kimbo```````````````````````````````` | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:10:57 PM | haha ;) I can read every word mate! I got used to it when she used to text me!
But thanks LOADS for your words of support :)
And I know what I need to do.. Jump into a Cessna!
thanks dude ;) | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:33:17 AM | For one of the rare times in PoF history, we actually have both sides of the story... unfortunately we can't really read her side of the story
OP, that feeling you have. That pit deep down in your stomach, is something that is normal, even when you should feel happier than a pig in mud. Ending my last relationship I did what I could to encourage her to leave (it was my place she had no where to go... oddly familiar). I came home one day from work to find all of her stuff gone. I was on the highest high I had ever been on, but when the situation finally sunk in, I felt really alone.
I got over that feeling of being alone, by reminding myself of all the reasons it was better that we were separate, than together. It took several months, but I finally came to a point in my life where I was completely happy being "alone" and desiring no type of relationship whatsoever. Then just under two weeks ago my life gets flipped upside down, and contemplating relationships again.
OP, your ex (might as well call her that) is only 20. If her texting is any indication, she still seems to be a little girl. It'll take her atleast 5 more years for her to grow up, and probably another 5 years to figure out what she really wants.
A friend of mine hit upon something that I only came to realize. Even in his early 20's, he mostly dated older women (in the 10-15 year range), and I've come to the conclusion that those type of relationships are far less hassle than with the younger ones. When you're finally ready to date again, listen to this advice 
A few years back I wanted to fly as well. Definitely take this opportunity to get into the pilots chair, as if you had considered staying just one more year in that relationship, you may have regretted missing that opportunity.
BTW, welcome to Canada... once you get here. | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/15/2008 4:30:01 AM | Only I had no idea what the girl was saying because she obviously speaks another language, something even worse than ebonics.)
She needs to go back to school and learn to spell.
Dude go to Canada plenty of beer.
Ya you got dat right BROWNING AND LOTS OF SEXY HOT WOMEN RIGHT HERE  | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/16/2008 4:37:58 AM | First, I have to agree with everyone who can't read what she wrote. Too much text messaging, maybe? And has anyone ever mentioned the word "borderline" or "bipolar"' in regards to either of you?
No, I'm not diagnosing, but man, are there some issues here, and to go on, and on, and on=pushes a few of my clinical buttons.....good luck to you both, just-not together..... | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:16:33 AM | | forgive my ignorance... what is 'Bi-Polar'? I've heard it everywhere but I still ain't got a clue! | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:43:47 PM | """Edit- In one of her texts she says "you had a chance to be with me, and you blew it, now you lost me"
I replied "I haven't lost you at all because I'll still remember you"
It's all so egotistical... why?"""
Go flying please, and don't take any more hostages on the ground. "I haven't lost you at all because I still remember you"? What kind of A hole thing is that for a drunk to say to the woman he dumped? | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/18/2008 10:11:06 AM | Cheers Kalidor ;)
You're quite right, looking back upon that comment about 'I'll remember her' - I could have worded it somewhat differently. I did however, mean it in a nice way.
And yes I shall be going flying :) | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/18/2008 8:20:23 PM | I'm not going to be coming back from Canada, and she didn't want to leave the UK.
What I did was heavily in the interest of both of us.
- I would have continued the relationship had she given Canada a chance, as I'd come back here for a year (only for her), and so I would expect her to move, as I had made the sacrifice to stay here for her.
I've noticed that a few women on here seem to think I'm 'wicked' as you say- I am merely going to do what it is I feel I was put here to do. It's a LIFELONG ambition of mine to fly, and now I have the chance. I put it off for a year to be with her.. ?
I fail to see how I didn't compromise?
I simply didn't want to be held back again, due to another woman in my life.
We all have to make sacrifices in order to get what we want-
And contrary to popular belief, I'm still hurting like hell.
I had a 50/50 choice- and I chose. | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/18/2008 8:38:05 PM | Guys, why don't you take your argument private, there are telephones for that, we would like to stay out of it! Really!!
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/18/2008 8:52:51 PM | An open discussion between two people that have broken up...I thought Ive seen everything..Wow..
I think Ill jus sit back, watch and read...
I feel for both of ya...I would not air my dirty laundry on an open forum...Jus a suggestion..Good luck to both of you...whewwwwwwww | |
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| Long distance, and the breakup.
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:21:04 PM | I getcha.
I feel pretty much like I'm saying the same stuff over & over again anyway..
So- I shall gracefully exit the thread I started.
;) Cheers guys for all your comments | |
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