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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BA      Home login  
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 Beaugrand®™©
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 101
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why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I'm naturally shy and still very passionate. From the first contact I am looking far ahead- what are her passions? what offends her? does she laugh easily? is this someone I could enjoy just being near? must I be on my guard, or can I relax around her?

If there is a snag or a "bump in the road," I'll wait and see; how will she respond? is this a major problem, a "deal-breaker? or something we can iron out? at that point, the ball is in her court. She can bail, or she can finish what she started, her choice.
 rentahusband
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 102
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why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:35:46 PM

If there is a snag or a "bump in the road," I'll wait and see; how will she respond?


I find that these bumps in the road as you say are enough to get them to bail. Kind of like using a quarter on the tracks to derail a freight train......but that's just my opinion.....
 mytfineman
Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 103
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why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:45:12 PM
mindless entertainment,

I agree, the OP listed vague supposed statements that can't be commented upon individually. It trivializes the truly difficult situations that many people who have posted threads concerning similar topics finds themselves in. In many cases the choice to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE is the one that is ignored and as the nightly news shows, ends up in a tragedy far more often then it should. I'd rather run from a potentially dangerous or damaging situation then stay to find out it turns out that way for sure.
 rentahusband
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 104
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why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:53:50 PM

In many cases the choice to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE is the one that is ignored and as the nightly news shows, ends up in a tragedy far more often then it should.


While there are some indicators that support the leave him asap advice (like showing signs of physical abuse or whathaveyou) I highly doubt that someone not calling/emailing/texting everyday is a symptom of sociopathic behaviour.....
 djRice
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 105
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/10/2008 8:18:31 PM
I think some people go into relationships thinking that if they "love" someone then everything will run smoothly and perfectly. Sadly it just doesn't work that way. Anything worth having is worth working hard and fighting for. Personally I wouldn't want someone that would bail at the first sign of trouble

seether...

I totally agree with you !!!
 Dawn7z
Joined: 1/2/2008
Msg: 106
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:28:13 PM
There are certainly issues much more serious than those like abuse, drug and alcohol problems that might be legitimate reasons to leave a relationship. However it's pretty basic isn't it that we live in a world where if love is not easy then we call it quits. Since people are not perfect and can only hold that facade for so long then ensues lots of relationships or friends with bennies scenarios. I like Nancy Griffith's song "I Knew Love When It was More Than Just a Word". I might have gotten title wrong but you get my meaning.
 Beaugrand®™©
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 107
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why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:16:17 AM

I find that these bumps in the road as you say are enough to get them to bail. Kind of like using a quarter on the tracks to derail a freight train......but that's just my opinion.....
I've done the quarter thing. The train didn't derail, I just got a really thin quarter.

I don't like being the first to bail. I prefer to give it my best effort.
 custis
Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 108
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:29:00 AM
Because I have been around long enough to know that many of these issues turn into real trouble eventually. Look around and open your eyes. People who have to "work things out," virtually always end up divorced sooner or later.
 Lobster Johnson
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 109
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why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:49:07 AM
Thats' real talk OP. I would never take any advice from anyone on the boards. People on the boards want you to be single so they can get with you. So they'll say anything to make you do something stupid just for kicks.

It's rare that people like moi and OP engage in some real talk. Women are frustrated with this site and dudes are clueless. People who have relationships should never sign on to this site unless they have hardcore willpower.

I don't care what a girl did, I don't break up with them unless it is ultra serious. Sure, I drive girls crazy to the point where they might break up with me, but we still have a decent relationship.
 JulietJuliet
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 110
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:20:51 AM
Not enough info is used when presenting a thread. Usually as the thread goes on more and more information comes to light and a picture begins to develop.

He still has contact with his ex:
he is friends with her exes:
He didn't tell me about his past: He doesnt' text/email/phone everyday anymore:
..... All of these can be thread titles, but put them together and we get He still has contact with his ex and they regularly meet up and f*ck each other, now he doesn't text me everyday like he use to cause he's always with his ex......Answer? Leave Him!
As mindless entertainment has pointed out
You can't generalize every situation. The examples listed about reasons to end a relationship are pretty vague. Still in contact with an ex...what kind of contact? Didn't tell you about their past...whats in their past?
.
 rivereye
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 111
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:45:37 AM
That's actually a personality trait a lot of us guys have, Beaugrande(btw, love the trademark thing)-unfortunately many women use this against us and we wind up getting our ass handed to us on a plate. When we surrender the initiative we lose any and all leverage we had in what is generally an uphill battle to begin with.(oh crap, did I say that out loud?)
 Feminine Muse
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 112
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:52:27 AM
Thank you for this post OP.

It takes courage, maturity, responsibility, faith and love to work it out. When these things are missing from a relationship I don't know how it can survive. People have become very fickle and selfish, as we have seen from many of the topics on POF.

Over self indulgence perhaps?

P.S. I would highly recommend the book "the Road Less Travelled" by M. Scott Peck for those who want to reflect on what it means to be an adult.
 Diablera Bruja
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 113
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:38:20 AM
This is an interesting subject and shows how poor,, a lot of people communication skills are.If there are serious problems and a person refuses to change. The choice is, to put up with it and hope for the best or leave.A lot of people only learn the hard way in life, when they lose the important things in their lives.People with kids have a duty to protect those kids from neglect, violence or addiction prone people.I don't believe people leave because of a toothpaste or toilet lid, its just a convenient excuse to avoid guilt.They no longer feel the same and are looking Mr/miss next. People embroiled up in their own egos ,,who appreciate nothing or no one.They are like rambling scavengers looking for the next corpse, each one smelling worst, than the last, Relationships take sacrifice, hard work and compromise and this is too much toil for some people. They want K- mart love,Maceys is just too far to walk.
 rentahusband
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 114
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why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:28:48 AM
LOL I like that, Kmart Love......that's a good one! Mind if I use it?

BTW: Dia, aren't you a long way from home??? heheheh
 Fullonpro
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 115
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:10:29 PM
Umm, OP... don't confuse the people in here for people in the real world. There are a LOT of psychos in here, and the really insecure ones shout the loudest.


I know I'm new here and all that but from just about all the forums I've read, the number one response to "trouble in a relationship" is for the OP to LEAVE.

What the heck has this world come to where our only solution to a problem is to quit? Is that what we've become? A bunch of quitters?

Here's some examples:
He swatted my hand away when I wanted to rub my P^ssy: he's selfish and an idiot, leave him
He still has contact with his ex: Leave him
She still has contact with her ex: leave her
She is friends with her exes: Leave her
He didn't tell me about his past: leave him
He doesnt' text/email/phone everyday anymore: leave him
 lostintheshuffle
Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 116
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:15:42 PM
Cause people want the perfect person without any troubles.
 mwg1978
Joined: 4/20/2008
Msg: 117
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:45:56 PM

how poor,, a lot of people communication skills are


That is the gist of it right there. People DO NOT communicate worth a crap anymore and figure the easiest way is to run/bail/leave. You get the media involved in this and then some moron that people will believe telling you that it is better to be selfish than to not be, then you get the issues that you are having today. Our values today as compared to over thirty years ago have eroded. We are a wasteful society. When we don't see value in something, we get rid of it. It definitely seems like that with marriages now. Look at the divorce rate. It seems like the norm now is if you can make it 5 years, you "might" have a chance. Sad how two people who can be in love just give it up at the first sight of trouble. Society as a whole is to blame OP.
 sweet_n_heart
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 118
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:50:13 PM
I think just depends the situation on if the person can handle it or not or heck if it is actually fixable.

Everyone is different, so there are some things in a relationship that just can't handle. Heck, some just find the stupidiest small thing wrong with the relationship just as an excuse to leave cause don't want to be in the relationship anymore and feel they need an excuse before leaving.
 Blond Intentions
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 119
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:39:29 PM
People like that find it easier to start over "fresh" with someone else then put any effort forth. Now a days there are so many options when it comes to dating. Meaningful relationships don't get the maintenance they deserve. I like to see things through to the end and dislike giving up easy. Ideally, I would not want to get involved with someone who gives up on anything that easy.
 100%huggable
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 120
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:13:25 PM
Is your list endless do you feel everthing is worth salvaging for some to bear the emotional scars is a burden to which can carry over to new or continued relationship's yes some should be worked out but you must be specific welcome to the real world of complacency we need reassurance will not happen again so to avoid the hurt sometime's better to resolve problem by removing the offender ence the need to suffice one's well being .
 Feminine Muse
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 121
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:53:40 AM
commitment doesn't mean a whole lot to many these days. The wedding is fun and a great big party, but, at the end of the day you are with each other. Commitment means more than as long as you do things the way I want you to, I'll stick around. But if you happen to be human and more than what I saw with my rose colored glasses on, well that's a deal breaker!

People run because they are afraid and/or don't want to bother considering a more reflective response. Thus the saying, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. You think "I didn't sign up for this crap", but yes, you did. Love wanes, the commitment should not. Our grandparents knew this.
 repair-guy
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 122
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:22:08 AM
generalizations, minimizations, and then obfuscation.
Maybe the OP is seeing the 'last response' as the 'first response'.
Leaving is the last response - not the first response.
Maybe you're oblivious to those rough edges in you that iritate or drive others away?
Why insist that others remain with trouble for you to remain in the relationship?
People tend to stay where they are comfortable and avoid discomfort.
It really is simple - the truth only hurts when you hold to your delusions.
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 123
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why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:31:07 AM
They think it is easier to find someone else. It is too big of a hassle to work something out especially if the relationship has just begun.. they are thinking "well if we are having a "problem this early what is to come later?" "Just throw this one back.. there are more out there" or "Listen, if we are right for each other we wouldn't be having a conflict".

I just tried to communicate with a guy that I had a recent problem with and his explanation was "I am not very good with communication".. duh you think buddy? I wanted to say "well why you think you think you been married twice before.. duh?".. I want to say "hey do you think you might should work on a few things?".. but of course you can't say anything cuz then the guy will get scared and with draw.. cuz he feels threatened.. or he doesn't want a hassle.. can yall tell this bugs the heck outa me??

Not that I am not saying I could improve also.. we all could improve but I think many people don't want something that they are gonna have to exercise some character development in.
 mwg1978
Joined: 4/20/2008
Msg: 124
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:54:55 AM

People run because they are afraid and/or don't want to bother considering a more reflective response. Thus the saying, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. You think "I didn't sign up for this crap", but yes, you did. Love wanes, the commitment should not. Our grandparents knew this.


The quote of the thread right here!!! Good job hitting the nail on the head Feminine Muse. Couldn't have stated this any better and I totally agree with you!!
 HDynasty81
Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 125
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:15:08 AM
Well in the case of someone cheating on you, the way I see it is he/she will do it once, they'll do it twice.

I'd think that once the fear of loss is over, that person will think it's ok to cheat again. I don't need all that type of drama as life is too short to be with someone who has no self control, so yes I will leave and run for the hills, so she can have her trysts with as much people as she wants.
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