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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BA      Home login  
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 HDynasty81
Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 125
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?Page 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Well in the case of someone cheating on you, the way I see it is he/she will do it once, they'll do it twice.

I'd think that once the fear of loss is over, that person will think it's ok to cheat again. I don't need all that type of drama as life is too short to be with someone who has no self control, so yes I will leave and run for the hills, so she can have her trysts with as much people as she wants.
 meowsaidthetigress
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 126
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 9/16/2011 9:38:58 AM
People just dont want to work on relationships any more because life is too stressful.
 CarpeOmnia
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 127
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why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 9/16/2011 10:17:11 AM
I think an important thing to watch for, in the early days of meeting/greeting then dating...is the way the guy/gal handles conflict or disagreements or life's challenges big or small. I would rank the importance of this characteristic as important as anything other that a person is looking for in a potential loved one.

It's difficult to work on a relationship with a partner who isn't willing to participate in the work. First husband's answer to any conflict was to TELL me how it was going to be and then finish his edict with the phrase "end of conversation". And...that was, indeed, the last he would allow of things to be discussed. He is still this way with our adult children and his fiance. It's his character.

If you're not going to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE when there are problems, it's also important to deal with problems when they ARE little. Of course...don't make a mountain out of that mole hill though, but at least address the issue and resolve it.

Unfortunately, my character flaw was one of not wanting to deal with conflict. I would sweep small issues under the carpet in the interests of peace and the chicken-shitness of conflict-avoidance. At the end of the last marriage when that mountain of stuff was straining to burst forth from under that carpet where I'd swept it all....all the emergency personal, relationship resuscitation equipment and prayer couldn't save the dying marriage.
I should never have listened to that book called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"....I needed to be able to know which small things to start sweating.

In my current relationship I bring up things that concern me...as soon as I can. I learned something from the past. I also watch my Sweetheart as he handles some of life's tough challenges(teen daughter's pregnancy) with grace and much patience. I am learning alot from him.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 128
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why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 9/16/2011 12:30:46 PM
I don't think everyone's first response to RELATIONSHIP trouble is
to run/bail/leave.
I do think that it is the first thing people think of when meeting someone
new and contemplating a relationship. And why not? A lot of divorced
people didn't run, bail or leave. They stuck it out for years and years and
finally realized they could either deal with it and accept it or move on.

Most people who divorce after many years don't wake up one morning
with that thought in their head. It's something they've thought about for
a while and just decided to act on it.

Yeah, this booboo doesn't put up with bullshyte anymore. I don't have to.
I recognize real problems and I deal with those. The so called problems
discussed in these forums are mostly about people meeting other people...
not about people in long term relationships. I'm not interested in trying
to recruit, change or deal with someone who jumps outta the gate with
problems.

I think the OP just had a burr up his butt years ago and used a worst case
(and typical) scenario to get his point across.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 129
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why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 9/16/2011 12:46:16 PM
rentahusband- I can only speak for myself, but I don't give up that easy if I'm in a serious relationship.
I was married for 21 years. We had our ups and down, with both of us causing our fair share of arguments.
After 15 years of marriage I found out my ex had been lying to me throughout our marriage.
It didn't involve cheating, we were both faithful.
What happened is very complicated to explain, but I can tell you it would have hurt less if he had cheated.
I felt shocked, horrified, foolish, you name it.
We went through counseling twice, I tried for six years to save our marriage, but you can't unring a bell, I just couldn't trust him again.
Really the kicker was his attitude, more or less, well now you know, get over it.
Now that I'm divorced and back into the dating scene, I'm older and wiser.
I know my deal breakers.
I'm not jaded and I don't have a cut and run attitude about everything, but I know what I'm willing to put with and what I can't overlook.
I know by now you can't change someone.
I'm not expecting anyone to be perfect, but when I see red flags I don't ignore them because I know better.
It's better to be honest with yourself and walk away sooner rather than later than to try to hit your head against a brick wall.
The heart knows what it knows and you ignore it at your peril.
Believe me, been there, done that, won't go there again.
 KreweOf2
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 130
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 9/16/2011 12:50:55 PM
How did this thread make it through the voting off the island process?


Even worse... who resurrected it from 3 years ago??? WTF??
 Pugalist
Joined: 8/5/2011
Msg: 131
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 9/16/2011 1:19:37 PM
You guys are NUTS!!! If you're dating someone and there's an issue early on, GET OUT.. It's a sign of trouble to come. If someone doesn't have their life together, doesn't know how to act in a relationship (except for the younger kids here, I mean we're all idiots when we're in our 20s), or doesn't communicate properly, then it's a sure fire guaruntee that the relationship is going to have trouble.

If you are with someone on the same level, you won't experience problems early on. If you're talking about a long term thing, then that's different, but if I have even the slightest issues with the way a woman acts in the first few months of dating, I'm gone, and I expect the same from here.
 Melannie1
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 132
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 9/16/2011 6:10:34 PM
Hi rentahusband! Experiening real life threatening trauma can or cannot make one re-evaluate their life and look at what is important in their life and what is trivial. Perhaps the majoity of individuals you are referring to have not experienced any form of personal trauma as yet in order to reach that place where the trivial things do not matter, or they may have... and still remain the same... Melannie1.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 133
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why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 9/16/2011 10:03:26 PM
Some issues are red flags and that may be a sign to go. Other issues may be minor and can be worked out. Just depends. I have made the mistake of trying to fix it when the red flags were right in front of me. Are they aware of the issue and taking steps to change it? That's my feeling on this.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 134
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 9/16/2011 10:52:56 PM
ditch the biatch
dump the chump
Just alternate sides to the same coin. Some people are not happy unless you are unhappy, and they had a hand in it. Heaven for bit you work something out, communicate, find common ground and MOVE ON from the pedantic little drama -whatever it was.
cheer up, it is however a distinctly and North American thing.
I have NEVER had any of these issues with friends from other countries, nor the girls I have dated from other countries. If you are loosing a dating partner over a cap on/off the toothpaste - you might be dating an American.
RUN!
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 135
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why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 9/17/2011 10:03:51 AM

why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
LOL! I dunno....but it's also my 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th response as well.....so, at least I'm consistant! LOL!


What the heck has this world come to where our only solution to a problem is to quit? Is that what we've become? A bunch of quitters?

Ya know, OP....this could be interpreted 2 ways.....one is commendable...the other...well, not so much.

Employing the "Win/Win/NO DEAL" is a perfectly acceptable "walk away", that MORE people sould utilize, rather than their incessant whinning and arguing and blame laying tactics.

I absolutely agree that when people can't deal with their "trivial" problems...they certainly aren't going to be able to face the LARGE ones together.....like, terminal illness or devastating family issues.

We STILL have those issues though....where ...one person is going to see the ultimate "walk away" as....walk away from the problem....accepting the problem as inevitable....and insolvable. And the OTHER person....who's ultimate "walk away" is.....walking away from the PERSON who can't let go of problems....continues to be or create problems that need to either be dealt with...or ignored.

I've been in BOTH situations. One....where there was a very huge issue for a number of years...but even discussion of the topic was off limits.....I left. LOL! now mind you....this was after 25 YEARS...so it's not like leaving was a "first response".
Next situation (8 yrs in duration).....EVERYTHING was ALWAYS a problem.
And a BIG part of that stemmed from exactly what the OP says

Another one: he makes more money than me, what am I going to do? DEAL WITH IT!!! that's what you have to do....

Only.....it was that I made more money than he did... and while he did a pretty good job of dealing with it (spending) he couldn't deal with his family and friends knowing that all the kewl new stuff he was suddenly getting.....were "compliments" of his "girlfriend". LOL! I do think that him creating the ID: :Karen's BoyToy" was just a bit hostile toward ME....especially since I had no control over those who were razzing him about my financial resources.
Soooo, the last 3 miserable years of that relationship were filled with ultimatums that I either had to marry him....or he was done with me.....LOL! but of course.....that was MY fault as well. I dunno.....I think maybe people should just walk away more often...and a whole lot faster....OR MAYBE.....a truly novel idea.....Take a lot LONGER to get to the point where "walking away" is even an option.
I know that I'm definitely going to take my sweet time (about 20 yrs) about any future relationships I might enter into.
 home_osorio
Joined: 2/12/2011
Msg: 136
why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 9/17/2011 10:33:56 AM
what do you mean by work things out? the people here have been working things out with their partner and those partners keep doing them wrong! the only advice people can give on here for that type of situation is to LEAVE!

you can't deal with it anymore. because they keep doing wrong over and over again. wtf!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 137
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why is everyone's first response to relationship trouble is to RUN/BAIL/LEAVE?
Posted: 9/17/2011 11:14:35 AM
The first problem is we live in a disposable society where everything has a short shelf life, and this includes relationships.

The second, more important problem is idiot parents in western society are raising kids who are spoiled brats who get anything and everything they demand immediately. Kids are never denied anything. They don't know what compromise means because they never had to deal with that. They never had to share anything or think of others and told they are a prince/princess and better than everyone else.

Then when they grow up and enter the real world, they find out people don't consider them special. They go into relationships where compromise is essential and don't know why they have to discuss things with a partner and agree on life issues and goals. They always got their way before without compromise, so they feel it should still be the same way. As soon as they don't get their way, they run because they don't know how handle not getting their way 100 percent of the time. So I blame the high divorce rate on idiot parents who don't know how to raise and prepare kids to face the real world and make them realize nobody else considers their kids as special and nobody else will spoil them rotten in real life.
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