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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:56:39 PM | | One bad thing about internet dating sites is that you might spend weeks or months talking to someone and when you meet them in person the chemistry isn't there. It also gives people the opportunity to "prejudge" you to the point that based on a few pictures and emails, they think they know you, and decide you aren't right for them. Then there is the "Venus Syndrome", as I call it. A lot of women appear to think because a bunch of sociopaths and prison inmates email and put them on their favorite's list that they are too good to date the average guy anymore. I guess the joke is on them. Other than that, from what I have read here in the forums, I think most people are just too afraid of getting hurt to give somebody a chance. They practically want a committed relationship before they will show up to meet you. Uh, the people you are in committed relationships with are the ones that can hurt you. Duh! | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:27:35 PM | OP: "Maybe I should lower my expectations". Won't work. When you do, those girls won't believe you & make you jump thru fiery hoops just to show them you're a real man. You'll be on a treadmill of feeding their insecurities, & no fun for you.
Best outlook: have NO expectations. ROI? What, man, are we talking stocks or are we talking women?
Emails are good for icebreaking. Many aren't ready to meet you & that's their way of keeping you "available" to them.
The POF parties are a good way to get real & screen the BS. Phonework's good to a point, but I've gotten more than my share of shrinkwork & giving them their fix for an intelligent sexy voice they don't get from the guy that's using them.
In the end, I always take it as nice convo w/another woman's brain. A little like safe gossip. Women love to gossip, & they seldom get a chance to do it with men.
Mileage is important, both from time & other practical standpoints. But an hour's fair, jack. We're all pretty spread out.
My 2-5 milers have had more negs than pros. Convenience is cool when it happens. But you can't even buy that. That's where Everyday World meets are king.
For opinions & general anonymous feedback, here we are, this forum.
For local party ads, here we are, this forum.
For serious search, besides professional & individual-interest clubs & gigs, try that church. I go church-hopping myself a couple times a month. Worship's fine if it's your bend, but you can do that anywhere. Check out their social progs. See if anything (any girl?!) looks promising. We'll figure it out. You're doing well. She'll find YOU. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:35:34 PM | Listen Man, I am going to make this real simple. Don't expect much here. Right now the best i can find out the women out number the men. I have been following this subject in more threads than i can count. You will see more read/unread/ delete then you will anything else. If your lucky one in about 25 or more will answer. There is a lot of different things going on on here. I think some of the women are still waiting for that knight in shining armor on a white horse to come and sweep them off there feet. I know that there are plenty of women on here that get cussed out for not answering and some that get cussed out for saying there not interested. The site seems to have a problem with men wanting to "show themselves" to women on web cam. In other words there are all kinds of things going on on this site that shouldn't be going on. So women don't respond. If you have the time read the forums and you will see that men are leaving this site left and right. Some like me stay because they like the forums. But, In any event. As i said, Don't expect much in the way of responses. I don't mean to be negative. It is just the truth. Most men come here thinking that with a free site it should be full of women looking for a connection. Then when all the read/delete starts rolling in they start wondering what's wrong. Most say that no matter what they send in there messages be it long or short or how much in common they seem to have all they get is read/delete. Long story short, Just don't let it get next to you. And don't expect much from the women here. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:11:53 PM | Jim,
I read your profile to see whether I could get some insight on your issue.
Let's start with the positive factors: That's a nice picture--no turn-off there.
"Accountant" brings all kind of structured, organized perhaps wound up a little bit too tight imagery to mind; but even accountants need to "get down" and have fun from time to time; so we can work our way past that...to a positive response frame of mind.
Upon analysis, I see two issues that would send me running off in the opposite direction:
1. Your profile sounds ambivalent, as though you are not really sure you want to do this dating thing or not. If you're not enthused and ready to go all out, why should anyone else be?
2. If I was assessing a potential partner, that weekly drink rate would definitely have me sending off a courteous "thanks, but no thanks" note. It might just be vino with the evening meal, but whatever the reason, it may need explaining to gain acceptance from the more wary members of my gender.
It could simply be a personal preference thing and I could be wrong.
But what if I'm not?
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:20:11 PM | Thanks The5thC. It could very well be that it's the drinking rate. Another woman mentioned this, too. I wanted to be honest, though, even brutally honest. Ah, well, back to real life, I suppose.
Soulmate08: Yes, dance clubs are a great place to meet people. As a matter of fact, I've done a lot of dancing in the last 15 years. I'm trying to broaden my horizons a bit with PoF, but it looks like that's not going to work.
I just thought of something: If the drinking rate is such a turn-off, why do I keep getting contacted by women? | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:21:05 PM | You might *seriously* want to expand what constitutes "too far away" for you. . . . I've met, face to face, six guys from this site. Two were in Ontario, two from the DC area, one from Philly, one from WV. The closest was three hours away, the furthest, 15 hours. A couple, I did the traveling, a couple more, they did, and a couple, we split the distance. The one who hit the mark, so to speak, is 3 1/2 hours away, I did the traveling for the initial meet, but the plans are to have him move here (soon). His opening email indicated that he'd closely read my profile, and put some thought into what he wanted to say to me, and it made me smile. I answered in about two hours, as soon's I could pull my wits together.
I've had very bad luck with contacting peeps, so I gave that up very early, and put my effort into a really clear and cogent profile. That likely wouldn't work so well for a fella, all things considered.
You'll note that I'm neither in a geographic location nor an age cohort that would make ANY kind of dating very easy. Took ten months from joining. Think quality, not quantity. And think patience, please.
Good luck!
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:24:57 PM | | I am one who has gotten too many responses from men to be able to reply to all of them or to give each one the consideration they deserve. Believe it or not, having too many choices has been overwhelming and a bit of a detriment to me. I'm not complaining--I'm just saying this hasn't been the best place for me to date either. However, I have belonged to a separate internet forum for a year and a half for people who share my interest in snakes and other animals. I have met a ton of people there, made many friends, and eventually met a guy I really liked. We already had many common interests because of where we met. This might be a possibility for you if the dating site is not working. An internet forum can feel like an intimate community, and you really get to know people over time and form real friendships. It's the internet version of joining a club for people with common interests. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:08:49 AM | I just thought of something: If the drinking rate is such a turn-off, why do I keep getting contacted by women?
Dash awright, Jimbo, youse outta meet the 10's who love their Chardonnay so much...
natural ( but not public) porn stars, ifsh you know what I mean...secret borderline alkies w/stupendous bodies that look 20 years younger (to everyone, not just me!)...
I know that's not what we're looking for. But sometimes it happens, & they move in & stick around for 6 months & stuff. And sometimes you still talk friendly out-of-state
2 years later. That's friendship cemented by love & laughter when a pair.
Know we wanna hear women's advice on this, just had to throw in my $2 mil's worth. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:19:54 AM | Hi
I guess if you meet the right person or the person feel the spark needed from your pic or profile, they will repond. ( i.e. would like to talk / meet).
If they do not of course it is not meant to be. It is the same here, if we like the interesting guy we might go for it and give it a try ( i.e. email,c hat or meet up) and if not no.
I guess what i mean is that you never know how the next email contact is going to be, and of course ( and that is the gloomy one ! )I do not think there is always one for some one in POF or in the world for that matter. Let us hope we find the right one after a while.
Kind wishes
Na | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:21:49 AM | | Overall, you come across as being sincere, and you are certainly a handsome enough man. I do not drink regularly at all; so that drinking frequency on your profile really stands out in a negative way. I do like that you are open about it, however, and anyone who doesn't like it is not for you anyway; right? The only thing about your profile I would have you look at from a reader's point of view is possibly the headline. If at 50-years old you're still not sure what you're looking for, when will you be? IMO, expectations are either reasonable or unreasonable rather than high or low. Your expectations seem reasonable to me, and if they are reasonable to you, then how do you propose you adjust your expectations? If you're operating under the high/low barometer, then still, how low do you propose you drop your expectations? To what? Go out in the real world and have a ball; internet dating should be in addition to, not instead of. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:48:08 AM | | It's interesting to me that there are varied opinions about how far to date; some people say they wouldn't date long distance, and others say they absolutely would. I guess it just depends on one's individual requirements, and what one is willing to put up with. Personally, I feel that there are lots of women within an hour of me, and experience has taught me that, once they meet me, many of them will date me. What frustrates me is that, as I said, I keep getting contacted by women (for which I am flattered, and grateful) but the ones I contact, aren't interested. I even had a woman who put me on her favorites list, refuse to reply! (Yes, she was local. Jim confused.) | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:26:23 PM | ^^^
Don't try to figure them out, man, the female brain is wired differently. Though VERY capable of linear deductive reasoning, & in fact make great psychologists, detectives & all,
overall they're impulsive about love (at least in the early stage). So yea, happens to me too,
in favs, yet no contact or some lame reply to the same effect. I laugh it off cause that kind of behavior just makes them more like toys & it's playful, therefore fun. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:21:11 PM | Here is the problem I see from what you have written. A good relationship is worth the travel, even with gas prices being what they are. I am in the process of deleting my profile on here because I have for the last 4 months been seeing someone I met on here. He lives an hour and a half away from me and we take the time to see each other. He started driving up here but I didn't think it was fair because of the cost. So we share the cost. He never asked me to come down to him. Never makes me feel as though its an inconvenience to travel that far in an older Ford F150 (crappy Milage if you ask me) just to spend a few hours watching movies. Trust me, you want more responces, review what your looking for and keep in mind that women generally like a man who has plenty of things to do with his time but makes time to be with her on a regular basis, sometimes spontaniously. Good luck buddy,  | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:52:14 PM | | Well, we all have our limits. Would you travel 500 miles to date someone? How about 1,000? 10,000? How much would you pay? For any number you mention, that you would be unwilling to pay, I could say, "But wouldn't it be worth that amount, to get together with the person of your dreams?" And, of course, it would. I don't mind driving an hour for the right one. I just don't want to drive an hour 30 times looking in vain. I can look in vain right next door. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/15/2008 11:07:22 AM | True. But there are no guarantees, near or far. And if you already thinking of "looking in vain".. then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
Have to tell you I was really turned off by a guy who contacted me (!), asked if we can have a cup of coffee together, and asked where I lived ( 30 mins away). And when I said where he said. "ohh.. hmm.. you are too far". Why contact a person in the 1st place if one thinks that 20 miles is too far??
Granted we all have personal limits, but I think for most 30-60 mins is not unreasonable, esp. if the drive can be split. It would take more than that just to get across town of the same city in larger metropolitan areas, even living within same city limits. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/15/2008 11:27:19 AM |
once they meet me, many of them will date me
Then go back to doing whatever you do offline to meet people. Internet dating is only good for those who enjoy the process. Look for POF gatherings maybe? Not everyone gives good email, and you may be one of those (oh well). | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/15/2008 11:52:24 AM | | 2 1/2 years...oh my your still wet behind the ears my friend...lolol, and what pray tell is not real about the women that your speaking to on this site??? We can get away with alot of impolite and bad behaviour if we forget that these are not real people on this site, or any other site. When you get to the point where you just relax and enjoy the journey, the most amazing things begin to happen. Hang in there, the process although frustrating has alot to teach us if we stick with it!!! | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/15/2008 12:06:15 PM | Well, I agree that long distance dating is very difficult. The stats on the survival rates are pretty dismal. I've done it & it's painful when the other person finally decides that they are done because of the distance. They aren't willing to relocate & I'm not able to for a bit longer. I've committed to taking care of my Dad for the rest of his days. I can't just up & abandon him now that things are about to get more difficult for him. But I will say, that an hour drive isn't much in my book. Heck, it takes me that long just to get to work (one way)! It would be easy breezy if it was just down the road, but there's not much down the road from me except perhaps horses, chickens, & hunting dawgs. lol well, & the Bubba's that go with them. Not being so much interested in a Bubba, my nearby & neighborly options are not going to be found down the road.
Basically, I see your problem with the distance and the definition of insanity, lol, but you may find that there are some very nice angelfish in the next pond over. Don't limit your options & don't worry about the whole thing so much. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/15/2008 12:51:33 PM | You shouldn't be frustrated with POF--if women don't respond or do respond but not favorably, it isn't POF's fault. You are responsible for what is on your profile and how you approach women in emails.
And no offense, but I looked at your profile, and it is blah. You have one picture, and what you say about yourself isn't enough to spark interest.
I could lower my expectations.
What are you expectations? Why do you email the women whom you email?
Or (and this is what I'm thinking I'll do) I just go back to real-life searching, where I don't do too badly,
If you don't do "too badly" in "real life," why bother with a dating site? Some of us have limited venues in which to meet potential dates/partners. I won't date someone from work and I don't go to bars or church. An incredible man could be living just down the road and I would never know. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/15/2008 7:35:12 PM | I do lousy in "real life!"
At least, POF rejection is not face to face!!!
As far as distance, I would go anywhere for the right woman. Somehow, we could make it work. Look at us all complaining about how hard it is to find the right one.
I would not pass up on a real chance for the right one. | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/15/2008 8:18:00 PM | I just say to myself that if i dont get a reply and my message has been read or unread deleted then i just think she wasnt as nice as i thought she was.
compactdisc
It is easy to see why you don't get replies.and you should expect it--I would..I read your profile and you say you are not picky--looking for 18-60 for sex...but prefer horny 50 year olds... a lot of people don't reply to intimate encounter profiles...I think you're case is a lot different from the OP's case...
OP if you are messaging people that are not messaging you back but are receiving mail from women that are interested in you but you are not interested in them....sounds like your standards maybe too high--or just the wrong women....seems pretty simple--sounds like the ones you are attracted to wouldn't be attracted to you...
Is there a common difference between the women you like and the women that like you?..is it age? body type? looks?
Again sounds like your standards are set either too high or you are just unlucky... | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/15/2008 8:22:49 PM |
I just thought of something: If the drinking rate is such a turn-off, why do I keep getting contacted by women?
Yes but you said the women who contacted you don't interest you---the women contacting you don't care if a man drinks a lot...I think you should give the ones a chance that message you--I'm thinking the ones you message have no use for a drinker...
Do the women that message you look old for their age??--that is because they drink a lot too--see you don't like them but in reality they are for you.
Again set your standards properly | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:12:38 AM |
Yes but you said the women who contacted you don't interest you
No, I believe I said they either don't interest me, OR ARE TOO FAR AWAY. I've been contacted by some nice women who live more than an hour away (3,000 miles, in one case, several hours in some cases).
It seems that some are mis-reading my frustration. I'm not frustrated because I'm not getting contacts. I'm frustrated because the good ones who contact me are far away, and the locals don't respond. It's not that there is no interest in me, there is. It's not that women aren't putting me on their favorites list, they are. Its not that I never contact women who are over an hour away, I do.
And I think it's amusingly ironic that the more honest I am, the less desirable I am. No wonder women often get together with men who are dishonest! | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:59:29 AM | perhaps ur doin what MOST men do and shop em TOO YOUNG i hear from alot of young girls on here tellin me they r sick of hearin from old men
when theyre like in 30s they consider 50's old men
just so u know
good luck in real life u will b fine kathi | |
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| Is my experience typical?
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:03:09 AM | o my gosh ur mental
u were cryin around sayin no one talks to u
THEN when an intelligent woman tells u bout the drinkin thing
u say
then y do women contact me? ur nutz
n now EVERYONE in here knows good luck ur nuts | |
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