| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 5/17/2008 9:38:13 PM | My Cure for a Broken Heart
The emotions we go through (also called the five stages of grief) are just as relevant to a breakup as they are to experiencing a death of a loved one. Both can be incredibly painful experiences. Here are the five stages of grief as they apply to a breakup:
Denial: You deny the breakup has happened and isolate yourself from your loved ones. To help get through this stage, accept what has happened and don’t be afraid to ask for support from those who love you and are there for you.
Anger: You become angry with your ex and maybe even with yourself for the cause or circumstances of the breakup. To help deal with your anger, write a letter addressed to your ex, without the intention of giving it to him, and really get down and dirty with your feelings. After you’re done, put it aside and come back to it another day, reread it once, then toss it. If you prefer another method, try keeping a journal of your feelings. Writing can be incredibly therapeutic.
Bargaining: You bargain with your ex to take you back, telling him that you were wrong, what changes you’ll make, and so on. Or, you get others involved in trying to get him back. This stage often involves irrational actions such as calling him no matter how trivial the reason.
Depression: You might still have those feelings of anger, sadness and guilt, and they begin to manifest into depression. Suddenly you lose control of your emotions and your life. If you find yourself stuck in this stage for too long, you should seek professional help.
Acceptance: You come to terms with the breakup, and you no longer feel anger or deep sadness. While thinking about your ex is still normal, you’re able to move on with your life to be productive and emotionally healthy again.
Back Away From the Ex
While you’re in the bargaining stage of grieving the demise of a relationship, you may try to get in touch with your ex. There are two reasons why calling, emailing or visiting his house is a BAD idea. First, many women convince themselves that their ex is thinking about them just as much as they’re thinking about their ex. But just in case he isn’t, you don’t want to look desperate and out of control. Second, the more contact you have with him, the less likely you’ll be able to move on. Every time you write to him, talk to him or visit his house, you’re taking a step backward instead of forward.
It’s difficult to fight the urge to get in touch with your ex, but you have to resist it.
This means no making up excuses to see him (I have to get back my one sock back or you know he’ll be at that party on Saturday night). Late night calls are often the result of being emotionally tired, so remember that tomorrow is a brand new day that offers new opportunities and hope. Call your friends to talk to instead.
Shake it Up Socially
When you have a boyfriend, a lot of your individuality as a person can get lost in what becomes your definition as a couple. After a breakup, it may seem more difficult to regain your individuality, especially when everything seems to be connected to your relationship.
To regain that individuality, to get in touch with your single, fabulous self, do something you’ve always wanted to do. Sign up for a new rock climbing class, join a book club or volunteer at a hospital. Volunteer work is a great way to turn your focus on others instead of yourself. Avoid the social scene that you and your ex shared. Be open to meeting new people, even the opposite sex. Sometimes it takes a new guy to get over your ex, and that’s OK. But only proceed to a new relationship if you’re sure you’ve healed yourself from the old relationship – leave your emotional baggage at home.
Digest and Learn
To be able to truly move on, you have to fully digest what happened to turn the relationship sour. Identify the reasons that contributed to the breakup, what role you played in those reasons and what you will do differently in the future for a successful relationship. Don’t beat yourself up. Relationships run their course for a reason, and they prepare you for the time when you actually do find Mr. Right. You learn with every experience in life, and breakups are no different.
Two quotes come to mind when healing a broken heart: “Time heals all wounds” and “Where one door closes, another one opens.” Cheesy – maybe. But true – absolutely. While you may not be able to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel now, that the day will come when you’ll know that your broken heart has officially healed. Pia Windwolf | |
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| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:48:58 AM | Italian Pisces....are you serious?
if i am kicked by the woman i love, of course my broken heart will suffer a lot.
what i say is that if i meet/bed different women, my head/brain/heart will not be thinking of the person i love 24 hours a day, so it is just a way of getting over it slowly. or at least you continue living your life, instead of staying at home crying or thinking of the person who kicked you.
i always have lived and shall always live under my own code, you know, that none woman on Earth deserves any tears of mine! | |
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| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:55:46 AM | Well after the first and last, my spirit is broken and because of this I just hurt everyone around me - mostly cause like both of my exs I just can't seem to go jump on someone else and start sending out more positive frequencies. My frequency was I really cared for them and it is over and I have only my kids and my aspirations of what I want to become. So I think he grown up thing to do is realize I am in no condition to date or love. I am fearful of hurting someone else - which I already have done.
To a nice man Jtr2u, you deserve so much better than this dryer lint called me. The package on the outside may be good, but the soul is a bloody mess right now.
Ahoytheredave you inspire my ambitions. Thank you for being the well balanced master EE.
teresa356 you are so worth helping. There is safety in women helping each other through trials. Look to some long time friends. I know I have few also, can still count them on one hand and have many fingers left over. But she cares for me like a sister through thick and thin - better and worse. We are there for each other.
Now I am going to bed as it is my safety hole to hide in because everything is perfect in dreams. Good luck to you all. I enjoyed all your comments on the forums.  | |
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| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:15:11 PM | I know what I do. I get a gay boyfriend. Not ready for casual sex. Don't want another relationship with all the anger I would drag into just now...I just need a beautiful, loving gay boyfriend. One that I honestly love and can love me without all the baggage that "regular" read ***hole guys bring with them. Nothing will make me feel better than a man that truly loves me without all the crap that goes with straight men. Plus we can snuggle, dance nasty in public, shop together and truly relate...Been a fag hag since way back. Best way to get through the 25 year old marraige that I thought was THE ON, that I've found and believe me, I tried everything. This is the best way to get through it.
PS I love you Sev | |
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| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:40:48 PM | or....
a loving dog.. they uncondionally love you always!
or a bag of chocolate chip cookies!! They dont love you... but chocolate makes you feel like your in love and you get sexually arroused, BUT* a chocolate chip cookie wont break your heart.. maybe break your diet.. but never your heart! | |
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| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 5/24/2008 1:41:03 AM | | I know it's not the focus on this thread, but I felt comforted by the two posters that mentioned that they were down when they were cut loose after a week. I've just gone through something similar (though this person was on my mind for almost a month, including the emailing week), and got too excited after a short period of time with someone too, and subsequently disappointed. I wouldn't change me though. I am glad I am the type of person who can get excited and hopeful quickly. How to bounce back? Walking in tranquil and beautiful forests on sunny spring days helps a lot. | |
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| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 5/24/2008 3:22:21 AM | | sweetie, i was married one time, for 20 years, and she walked away to another guy... i had a 12 yr old daughter, and 14 yr old son at the time, i got custody... the saying time heals wounds is true, but at the the time, it means nothing, because time hasnt passed... my daughter started her first period, 3 days after her mom left.... think about that... dad trying to be mom...i told her i knew what she was going thru, she called me an idiot... and true, im not a woman, so i dont know, for sure, but I WAS THERE FOR HER WHEN HER MOM WASNT....to this day, we have a stronger bond than ever, because i was there... and the last thing ill say, is stay busy... i had a job at the time, but i took on more, to stay busy... time passes, the hurt goes away, but just stay busy.... best advice i can give... till time passes, stay busy, thats my advice.. in a nutshell, and what better place for a nut to be????????????????????? | |
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| Best cure
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:00:30 AM | | Sorry to say but their is know cure for a broken heart, if you have experienced the deeper side of love. Time may ease the pain for some, as for others you'll probably go on aching forever. Its good if you have a large circle of friends & can keep busy & mind occupied. I have found that getting away from what brings on the memories & deeper thoughts is a great help, so i pack my bags & explore the countryside. Its amazing how good that can make you feel. | |
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| Best cure
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:46:12 AM | And that's the truth. Don't wallow. Pick yourself up and get back in the game. However you need to do it, but get back to living a life.
And Time does wound all heels. | |
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| Best cure
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:06:20 PM | | When my heart was broken, The first place i looked to was something to drink, But unlike some who reach for a bottle of some alcahol or Beer beer beer.. I got a 52 oz Cup of Earl grey tea with Two Teaspoons of Honey in it and i Drank it, Then I had to use the washroom, Then I had another, And when the cafine was in me and flowing I thougth about her, I thought about how much i wished i could have her back, I thought about if it was me who caused it (Even though she said it wasnt me) I thought about how wonderfull it had been after spending allmost the first 23 yrears of my life single and finally haveing someone say yes to me and then, I waited and waited... and Finally 2 weeks later when i finally ate the potatoe chips she left in my house it all felt better, If we ever end up back together i won't mind it but if we don't so what. She's an awesome woman who deserves an awesome man and If for some reason thats not me then so be it. | |
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| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:55:29 AM | I don't have a cure, but things that help:
Getting down on my hands and knees and scrubbing my kitchen floor (strange I know), but very cleansing. At the moment you could eat of my kitchen floor.
Working out...to the point of exhaustion
Walking my dog
Visiting Ben and Jerry
In the end, all of the above distracts me but it still hurts. Sometimes you just need time. | |
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| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:01:28 AM | | I eventually got Angry... real Angry at the way I had been treated....and suddenly realised I had moved on, it no longer hurt and I no longer cared for him. I learnt from it and have put the lesson to good use since. | |
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| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:33:55 AM | the only cure for a broken heart is time. sure there may be therapy and other instances of support to get through it. but, in the end, the only thing that will heal the pain is time. and maybe a shopping spree or 2. lol  | |
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| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:25:57 AM | First is acceptance that its already over.Take responsibilties on your part of the failed relationship and learned from it.For me at the second attempt for trying and still the same as if the conflicts cant be resolved --i have to make a decision to stop it.It doesnt matter anymore if i still have feelings to my man...i have to stop the ongoing saga of conflicts.
It helps me to cure my broken heart by listening to the music , meditations,reading inspirational thoughts,going out with friends,travels,running,working overtime..keep going and never turn back on ex....I have to be strong not to call him..avoid knowing whats going on him...avoid fancy meeting him where we used to hang out...by those activities i am doing ....im not aware ...i dont miss him anymore.
above all ---patient/patience--that you will forget him in any ways just add time in your lists. | |
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| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:32:26 AM | | Yes, just get into a regular routine that you find ENJOYABLE. It could be as simple as waxing your kitchen floor, or clearing clutter, or watching a funny movie, or cooking something from a cook book. It could be just taking a short ride. If you feel like crying.... then cry, because this will help to settle your metabolism, clear your sinuses, and make you feel better. Get a pet. Get a fish in a fish bowl. Sometime that simple. If you get into finding the things you like to do... pretty soon you will find yourself content. Then, you can take a night class and meet someone! | |
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| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 6/28/2008 2:54:50 PM | Reading your post, it makes me think and wonder.... gee, I wonder if we would ever, ever see a post about a man saying, "what I really need is a good lesbian friend, so that I don't get hurt."????
Read the book, Why Men Love ****es. After you read this book, you will never be hurt again. You will be loved, respected, and your wishes will all come true. Also, any type of training that involves self-defense is good. Private Investigators course, and of course military training, like the Army National Guard. These are all very simple type of courses to take, and they will enable you to see the world in a different manner. You will be become armed with an arsenal of good self-image, so you can never be taken advantage of again. Especially the Why Men Love ****es book. That is the best of all. Get it from the library! | |
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| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:47:13 PM |
What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
beer.
and thinking you, yourself are AWSOME.
YUCK,just thinking about beer makes me want to puke. | |
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| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:25:03 PM | TIME................ JUST TIME Does this work? ~she says as she looks at the calendar~ I suppose it does, but some instances take a longer time than others. If there are stages then Methinks one of those is the "anger" stage. | |
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| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:34:23 PM | TIME , TIME, TIME , TIME ....time, time,time.... I've been to hell and back.. and I someone tells me to go to hell ...that's a place I never want to return. The emotional roller coaster, I think if we didn't have children together I wouldn't have been so troubled by it. we went from this    and because to much of this      we went thur this   and I  and lost so much  the      were the worst. But as time has went by I finally decided to move on and try my luck at  again. | |
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| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:52:31 PM | Time... and strippers.
Seriously. Strippers are great for the newly single and broken hearted.
They make any man feel like a stud regardless of appearance (as long as you have money)
And even at $20 per song they're cheaper than therapy! | |
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