| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/16/2008 6:09:27 AM | All of these comments are good. But, what do you do when you don't know the reason WHY she broke it off? I was deeply head over heals in love with her, and we were engaged to be married. She always said if there is a problem, talk about it and we can find a solution to anything. So one day I brought up a small problem. In the last couple of weeks of our relationship, she was very picky at me, "the bedsheets are messed up, you are sleeping incorrectly", ordering me to do something a certain way, her way. Etc. So I approached her, and explained that this was not normal, to tell someone they are sleeping the "wrong" way, and the tone of her voice was as if she was scolding a child. She immediately blew up, said that's it, it's over, this is a deal breaker.
I was shocked, and asked her WHY??? She says, "that only brings up negative things talking about it, and I don't go there". She refused to discuss it, she just wanted to end things as smoothly and humanely as possible, which meant me moving out. I'm still stunned, my family and friends are stunned. So I think about her all the time, and wonder, WHAT did I do wrong, except treat her like a queen, with total respect. I have no answers, no explanation from her. The day before this she was telling me how deeply in love with me that she was, and how good I was to her.
So how the hell do you get over THAT?? I've tried thinking about what I might have done wrong, but I honestly cannot come up with any answers. It's driving me crazy.
:( | |
|
| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:04:57 AM | | My cure for a broken heart was to get to the gym to lose more weight and seriously get some help. I have now become a different person and the memory of the person that broke my heart has thankfully faded more as each day goes by. | |
|
| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:15:04 AM | sillyman, if there is one answer i do have for your question it's this: 1) it's not your fault and 2) you don't need to know the answer why. if you didn't see it coming, then it was something that was always there and you were in denial or something recent happened that she chose not to share with you. why would you automatically assume it's your fault? what you don't yet realize is that you are a lucky man to have NOT married a woman who verbally abused you. i could ask why until the cows came home. it's not the right question. the right question is why you, or i, didn't see it coming earlier. for me, it is, why did i hang on so long. why are you still willing to blame yourself? why are you afraid to see what was in her? i supposed because i did hang on, it's a lot clearer to me. you are recovering from the shock. it's like a death. why does someone die? you need to mourn now. i did my mourning, i suppose, at the same time i gritted me teeth and received the verbal negativity as well.
i don't understand what a "share baby" is OP. i also am unclear about "who" the two men in your life, who were fighting, are. will you please clarify? are you saying your boyfriend and husband were there at the same time?
as to life's purpose being to learn, i agree. all of this is life's lessons. i also believe, in light of what you've learned or are learning, the other purpose is to serve.
i've just lost my best friend and man to depression and booze (to self medicate the depression). so, i don't pick up a drink to help me out there and the two saddest things about it all has been his denial and mine. i've been going back to al anon meetings all week and surrounding myself with people, attending my meetups, doing everything i've not been doing around my place due to the agony. i've been doing pretty well, as i was processing my feelings way before the ending. i suppose i'm the one who made the ending happen. i got honest and so did he. i was the lesser of the important things in his life. you cannot make someone get well. they have to want to do it themselves. i have learned that my ability to love and nurture can be misplaced. i made excuses for him, because it was very subtle and grew slowly over these past few months, and did not recognize my own needs and honor my own self esteem. there is nothing so horrible as to hear someone cursing "at you" under his breath, more than once lately--the same person who used to be your best friend, talk to you, hold you, pet your head, make you laugh. slowly s/he becomes another person right under your own nose! and i should have known better as it has happened before in my first marriage--also subtle and not blatantly obvious.
so, the woman above left for new jersey to florida, the senior citizen state. no nanny jobs, but probably lots of aide type jobs or better still, companion jobs. you can also be trained as an elder advocate. or better still, move back to new jersey. it's a great state and i used to live there. each corner is like a state unto itself and you can be right next to nyc.
to the OP, i have learned that you cannot run to the next man. trying to figure out what part of you to supress or what new part you need to grow to be "good enough" for him. you need to be you and certainly not needy. if you are needy, you have to reel yourself in and sit with yourself. i tend to send my energy out so much and then expect replenishment. it's like overdrawing your bank account and waiting for someone else to come along and put money in it! and i would never do that with my bank account--so why do it with my soul?
my next man will be himself and w/o needing to self medicate. he will have a love of life. everyone has problems and the trick is for us to support each other's journey and feelings while we each tend to our individual problems and share, discuss the journey. sure, you may need a strong shoulder to cry upon-- but more than that is someone to say you can do it and you are doing great. they should also have the capacity to love you for who you are and be proud of you.
i know that i am one helluva woman for anyone to be proud of and i know that i deserve love, as much as the next person. i've been so busy loving everyone around me, i forgot to expect love coming in to me CONTINUOUSLY. if problems arise, they are addressable via true communication. i am very good at compromise and solutions and understanding another person's feelings and perspectives. but i forgot that i need the same directed at me.
i trust we will find each other. you must find this relief you seek, in also trusting that all things happen in good time and you all too will find the right person. if forced, the wrong things happen! if you deny access, it will not happen. i manifest in other areas of my life and i think i 've interrupted the "natural process" way too many times by trying so hard with this man. i have no doubt that he will be missing me, more than i him. why? because i loved him and all that he received from me, came from love. there were no "what if's" and "i can'ts" or old tapes getting into my way. i risked. i dared and yes, i learned.
when i start to feel a loss, i remember his cursing and grumbling under his breath--but loud enough for me to hear him. i'm feisty and strong in my convictions and actions but i have a gentle soul. you cannot cure a broken heart, it just takes time to heal. for your soul, you need someone who loves you enought to nourish it. to do that, s/he must love herself enough.
i believe we all can find him/her by letting it happen. i aproach and receive many people into my world as friends. statistically speaking, because i am open to life, the odds are i will meet the right person for me. those odds were closed down as i struggled to give and give. i confused his efforts, in between his outbursts, as giving me the love i needed. he did a number of practical things for me and he did try. but first he needs to love himself. we all need daily maintenance and fuel to keep on running. we cannot sit there idling and using our own resources for too long a time. else, the weather begins to tarnish our exteriors and eventually leaches through to our insides. | |
|
| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:55:28 AM | | I keep searching for that cure, can't find it, I'm trying to hold on and only one cure comes to mind. I fight with it every day. I try to be strong but I know it will happen i'm tired. My broken heart has no where to go. | |
|
| There is no such thing as a broken heart, only a closed one.
Posted: 7/17/2008 12:54:25 PM | There is no such thing as a broken heart, only a closed one. When people are hurt in love they often close their hearts up to love as a means of protecting themselves, this will stop the flow of love within you and will painfully delay the healing. Let the love flow through you.
Nice thoughs Escimlio... | |
|
| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:17:53 PM | I will strip for you if you bring the wild turkey!! Gobble, gobble, gobble, lol.
Seriously though, here's a poem.
I don't care about him tonight, and that's all there is to it.
Not worried about some man, not concerned with jack spit.
Not sitting up all night, trying to scrub his memory from my floor.
Not sitting up all night, hoping he will knock on the door.
I'm not drinking a shot of Captain, just so I can sleep.
I'm not writing on this damn blog, worried about some creep.
Do you really want to know why, I'm not doing any of this?
Because he taught me how to lie, and oh, how simple it is.
SO I GUESS MY MAIN METHOD IS DENIAL, BUDWEISER, AND LOTS OF FIRST DATES :):)
  | |
|
| |
| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:35:53 PM | Counselling ie going into my feelings with a professional trained in helping me going right into them and acknowledging and releasing them.
You do that and the sunshine comes up all of its own accord.
And not using anything external (pills, booze etc) other than the acceptance of a professional who will be with you while you do it.
They accept it, you accept it, you come out liking yourself. Broken heart repaired. | |
|
| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:42:08 PM | You open up your heart.....if your heart is open it cant stay broken............
You cant change where you've been but you can change where your going......... | |
|
| |
| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/17/2008 5:06:08 PM | Sometimes you gotta shut life out for a while....Get drunk, stay drunk but one day you'll have to sober up....Yeah it hurts and yeah she might be a b!tch or he might be an ass but you did have some good times once and you have to cowboy the F-up and say F-it.
The only advice I can give you is to stop "Needing" someone in your life. You only need to depend on yourself...You don't need another person to make you happy....I fell into that trap and it ended up costing me not only my marriage but my sanity as well...Learn how to do things for yourself, cook, clean, iron, mend your own clothes, or change your own oil. Find what makes you tick...Do you like to be outdoors? Some of my happiest moments are found on the trail where it is just me and nature. And once you release the happiness within you, then you might be ready to "want" someone in your life.
I understand that happiness is best when shared with someone else...And that someone else doesn't have to be a significant other, it could be a best friend, your family, shoot even your pet. And if you decide that you're ready to jump back in make sure that you are okay with the way that you are. Again, find out what makes you tick, maybe you have some issues that need to be sorted out...Maybe he or she didn't bring out the best in you. Maybe he or she just wasn't right for you. Once "your" house is in order you can begin to look for the person you "want" in your life. Because once that becomes the priority you may begin to see that maybe you're meant to be single or maybe you are meant to be in a committed relationship
Good luck and keep growing | |
|
| |
| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/18/2008 1:51:39 AM | | I went through the same thing, She could have a hidden personality disorder or some serious unresolved issues from childhood. Or a jealous friend mucking up the works. Clever jealous women can destroy a relationship while posing as their friend. Thats what I found out about my relationship.I recommend getting a book called the complete idiots guide to personality profiles and read it carefully. That answered a lot of questions for me. That might help you from making the same mistake again. I wish I had gotten this book before I started the relationship as it would have saved me a lot of grief. Bottom line publications say to create an alternate reality which seems to make some sense. I know exercise seems to help. Go fishing | |
|
| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/18/2008 3:41:55 AM |
All of these comments are good. But, what do you do when you don't know the reason WHY she broke it off? I was deeply head over heals in love
Will having answers change the outcome?
Sometimes there just are no good answers, and I'm sure there is no answer that would satisfy you. You were deeply in love..........she wasnt. | |
|
| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/18/2008 2:09:15 PM | | You might meet/sleep with other females/males, drink, do exercise, or something else to forget the one you love; however, what would you do if you had only one more day to live? How would you like to spend it? What would you do and who would you be with? Well, whatever it is, do it now!!! | |
|
| |
Gracep
|
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 67 | |
| |
| |
| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/18/2008 3:45:12 PM | | I don't really know why either, but my guess is that she was just looking for an excuse, did not want to commit and started fault-finding and waited for a reason to bolt, i.e. a confrontation, which she provoked, gave her an out. Why did she want out? She may have been a person who was afraid of marriage, commitment, responsibility,etc. She may have been involved with someone else. She was most definitely immature and cowardly in her communication skills. Now tell me why my ex b.f. would dance beside me and make out with a new girlfriend when he knew my strong feelings for him. If I reread my response to you, I guess I have my answer.How to get over it? I wish I knew, I really do. Maybe the answer is that there is someone better out there for you who will love you and value you and you weren't meant to be with someone like that. Have faith. Know that others struggle with these same questions and not all people are this shallow. | |
|
| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/18/2008 3:52:43 PM | You mean alcohol and a piece of @ss ISN'T the right answer? 
Seriously, though, I don't have a cure. I've found that I just have to kind of fight through the pain. | |
|
| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/18/2008 5:21:22 PM | "friends and laughter the only cure for sadness oh maybe good food" and good wine...
I agree....by the way where is china springs Texas???? | |
|
| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/18/2008 7:04:59 PM | | The only cure is time, you can't rush it. Look after yourself, take long walks, nice baths, eat nice things and treat yourself well. You have to allow yourself time to heal and recover. Eventually the"down" periods will become shorter and further apart. Talk to your friends, it helps to know that everyone has been through this and you're not alone. The pain fades and eventually disappears. | |
|
| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/18/2008 9:26:14 PM | This was an awesome thread.
I, too, recently have encountered a "pull the rug from right under my feet" breakup.
All of these responses...are so true...but, how can you just put the mind and heart to rest when you keep repeating the "good time memories" juxtaposed to the 2 months of 180 degree behavior??
I agree, will answers CHANGE anything...no. I think it may bring "closure"????
I guess "my cure"...faith.
I guess this one failed relationship is just a phase in "my learning process" of life.
Knowledge is power...and it will lead me to a better place in life...making more informed decisions when entering into any kind of relationship. However, i do feel like it most difficult to "trust" opening your heart for love to flow in and out of...
esp. with 1/3 of these responses saying "bed more women, strippers, distraction dates"
I mean...how fair is that to THAT person being "bedded"???
Is that truly how you "men" feel...or is it something "fashionable" to post for other "gentlemen" of your calliber? | |
|
| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/18/2008 10:02:15 PM | | I usually just put on some sweat pants and watch chick flicks all night with my girlfriends. We eat a lot of bon bons. | |
|
| What's Your Cure for a Broken Heart?
Posted: 7/19/2008 8:48:43 PM | | my cure is to keep on working and never stop, once i stop i start to think and when i start to think all those emotions come back, i remember working hard for 7 months and then i stopped for a breather. and everything came back like it was yesterday, took about a day to realize that it was 7 months ago, and things have changed, i've moved up and forward in life, and a friend of mine ( still bairly friends with her) apparently shes hit a all time low and still digging around. i felt bad but at the same time i felt better knowing i didn't dwell on it. | |
|
Home
login 
oh maybe good food
