| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 5/11/2008 2:13:08 PM | I've been dumped via e-mail and it is not fun. I knew the guy for nearly a decade. I have had guys just "disappear" too. I actually rather get dumped and than be the dumper, because in some ways it is easier. Rejection hurts on both sides.
You might never get closure and will have to do it for yourself. He probably does not know why he dumped you. A lot of people are very unaware of their needs and what they truly want from relationships.
In my experience, there are men who cannot handle good women. I know there is a lot of talk of "bad boys" getting the girls, my experience has been with the guys who like "bad girls." They talk about how badly they were treated by their crazy exs yet never realize they are the ones who chose those women.
Live and learn. | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:02:26 PM | I have never been dumped by email, but have dumped someone via email when the situation warranted it i.e. one meet, "relationship" less than 2 weeks, and subsequent behavior did not match what she said of herself. Another "relationship" that lasted almost 3 months, mostly face to face, where ultimately the person was unable to emotionally communicate except via email.
He has to be cold hearted because he knows he hurt you, caused pain (emotionally), and that is judged as being bad. Therefore if he is to feel good about himself or deem himself a good person he has to completely distance himself from you until he can rebuild his own paradigm.
He said he loved you within one week of dating. He bought promise rings after a month.
How long did you spend in email/IM/phone communication? It sounds more like the typical meet someone online, build up a fantasy of who you want the other person to be, then fail in living up to unrealistic ideals.
You never knew who he really was, you knew what he wanted to be. You had your own blinders on. You trusted he could know you so completely after one week of dating that he loved you? He did not love you, he only wanted (loved) what you represented in his own ideal of a relationship.
It was never about you, you were never a person to this guy (based on what you post of his behavior) you were simply a fantastic component of his ideal.
He could not have just talked to you about it because you were never important to him. The possibility of what you represented is what was important to him, you became just an extension. | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:25:08 PM | It might sound bad, but often, when you hear about someone else getting it worse, it makes a person feel better. So here goes (hope it helps you):
I'd forgot about this, until I read this thread. It wasn't e-mail, but regular mail. It was thirty years ago. We dated four years, engaged for two of them. She went off to college - about an hour away. She'd come stay at my place on the weekends. Things were great.
My father worked in the liquor business. He had a storeroom full of promotional items - hats, key chains, t-shirts, coffee cups, mugs, mirrors...good stuff. One weekend, she asked if she could have some things to give to her friends up at the college. "Sure," I said. I led her to the storeroom and she filled up three big boxes - packed 'em full. On Sunday, as usual, I took her back up to school, along with the boxes of goodies.
Two days later, I got a letter from her. I opened it and the engagement ring dropped out. No letter of explanation, just the ring. I was pretty annoyed about that. But what annoyed me more was: I figured she knew that weekend she was going to end it, but wanted to get those boxes of loot before she did.
Oh well. Live and learn. | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:59:20 PM | That is very sad n I wonder how that made u feel! Love doesn't ust turn off like a light switch!! And even though we were together for a short period of time,I do believ he had strong feelins for me.He said himself that I'm a good woman,he's the f***ed up one.N he said he was sad n scared.But itjust boggles my mind that he could tell me from day one about his problems(depression,recovered alcoholic,alcoholic mother,abusive marriage etc..) n he couldn't talk to me about his concerns about us.It makes me feel like I did something terrible to him,betrayed him orsomething.But I didn't!!
Every guy I date,someone finds some way to screw it up for me n I wonder if someone told him something to scare him off.I don't know what that could be,I'm not a bad person.He won't even read my emails or a letter I mailed.TOTAL SHUTOFF!! I just need to know what I did so horrible,when we connected so well.I stil have the ring.I'm wondering if I should give it to him in person,confront him!!! | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:50:07 PM |
TOTAL SHUTOFF!!
This is very common. You have to understand that it is likely, you are no longer in his thoughts. People are like that. You wonder how a person who cared so much, suddenly now, doesn't care at all. I've never tried to understand it. I just accept that that is the way it is and move on.
I just need to know what I did so horrible
You might not of done anything horrible. It's possible you'll never have an answer to that one. Again, best to let it go. It can consume you, if you don't.
I'm wondering if I should give it to him in person,confront him!!!
Give yourself a chance to cool off. Wait until your emotions aren't in as much turmoil. Try to occupy yourself with other things, for awhile. If you eventually talk to him, be prepared to accept whatever explanations he gives.
These are only my opinions, however. | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:03:40 PM | Closure is a nebulous thing. Sometimes people think they want to know, to hash it out because they feel that'll bring closure. Sometimes it just is over and there is no explanation why. That's the thing the why may not always be known or maybe knowing wouldn't make closure any easier.
Noone starts a relationship with the expectation it will end. Disappointment when it does is inevitable. Closure, forgiveness is sometimes something we have to give ourselves to move past and get on with it.
There is no easy way to end something where feelings, vulnerability and trust have been put out there. It's the risk that has to happen, if it truly was ever a relationship at all. It's not that it was wrong to do so, it's just doing it anyway and accepting the risk that it may end.
Humans tend to avoid confrontation...noone wants to be the "bad guy", even when both know that it's just not there anymore.
Closure, forgiveness and moving past is something that's healthy and vital if you're to ever have the chance to have it happen again. Even if you feel or can't imagine that's anything you'd ever want, you need to do it for yourself. | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:53:35 AM | Hmmm,
You said in there that he suffered from depression. (and alcoholism)
Depression is linked with anxiety.
There is nothing more anxiety provoking then the strong emotional responses that come with feelings of infatuation. (love/ effection) Anxiety is a debilidating and chronic in the sense that your thoughts sometimes are not your own. You're behavior is in response to these thoughts and therefore hard for the non anxious to understand.
Alcoholics often become alcoholics as a result of trying to control these constant very real and sometimes quite terrifying feelings of fear. Alcoholics have issues with avoidance. They hide their emotions behind a veil of numbness.
My recommendation to you is to try to get some clarity by researching alcoholism and also researching anxiety.... and give the poor guy a break. Don't yell at him. Don't confront him. Maybe write him a note and tell him you are trying to learn about his condition.
Another thing.... Do you really want to be involved with an alcoholic?
Alcoholics are in love with alcohol and they will always love alcohol just a little more then they love you.
I wouldn't recommend anything more then friendship until he has been clean and sober and well bahaved for a year.
I also wonder why you have this sympathy for him. What is it about you that makes you want to help the helpless? Do you feel a little helpless yourself?
Just a thought. Please consider it. | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:26:32 AM | | I'm fully aware of what alcoholism n anxiety are all about n depression.N he has been sober for 2 and a half years.H hasunresolved psych issues,he says.But I just don't understand what I have to do with any of that! I made him happy! We were happy!! I guess being happy scares him,bein he obviously is not used to it!! | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:02:25 AM | I have been dumped via e-mail so much it is not even funny. Another thing that grips me is when they ask for your phone number when they have no intent of calling and wont answer your emails and even give you a hint as to what happen. A lot of men are just "pussies". Don't have the balls to just pen an email saying not interested, no chemistry, found someone else,,,etc...Men put your balls back in your pants and stop being such "pussies."  | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:46:21 AM | YeahI agree He was TOTALLY ito me for 3 months,even said he loved me up until 2 weeks before he dumped me.Now I don't exsist.He feels he is destined to be alone.I guess mommy is theonly woman he needs!!! | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:16:37 AM | | Better to be dumped via email than to have him just disappear all together. Deleted email and online dating account and disappeared into thin air. Now, that is rude. | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:19:28 PM | I was dumped by e-mail for the first time this weekend. Problem is I didn't even know we were anything other than friends. We met in Februay (he's spanish), we met for a drink and from there went Salsa dancing, had a great time. We started hanging out, but from the start we talked I live in a highrise he is scared of heights. So you can't have a relationship with someone who can't come to your home, but you can be friends and I thought I had made that clear. We get together once in a while watch a movie, play pool go for a ride or dancing. But it was once in a while, maybe see him once a week sometimes once every two weeks.
We were supposed to go out for dinner, he got sick, so I e-mailed him told him to call me when he was better and we would get together. Finally, after almost two weeks, I e-mail him asking if he is ok and I get an e-mail back dumping me. He doesn't have time for me between his soccer and his kids, (his kids are 23 & 17), I'm a wonderful lady but..........lol oh well.
When I met him I wasn't sure what I was looking for, if nothing else he helped me realize that I am looking for more than just a casual friendship but still not looking for committment.
I must admit I will miss him, I really did like him, but I knew from the start he was not someone I could commit too. | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:00:48 PM | | The sad thing abot my situation is,is that we didn't fight!Everything was going fine except we didn't see alot of each other,which he also brought up.We both had crazy work schedules n he had to borrow his mom's car to see me.He new in a matter of a couple weeks that we wre going to be able to see each other n I'd be driving my vehicle again. If he loved me,he could've been a little more patient.I guess this is also what he meant by he didn't want to wait n sort it out.He lost his patience!! But it still isn't right for him to treat me like I'm his enemy. | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:46:28 PM | Have had that happen to me a couple times there Idypilot. I think the one that took the cake though was this guy I had been dating about 6 months. It was around my birthday, he had mailed me a birthday card, had a $100 gift card in it to Dillards then turns around and tell's me he's met someone who really lightes his fire, sorry he had to tell me like that and apologized...hahahaha, hell I cut the gift card up. He didn't have to pay for any services from me for sure!!! | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:51:24 PM | Yes, I have. By doing so, she earned the sobriquet, "The Princess of Darkness." Here, I had been thinking she might be "The One." Guess I was wrong, huh?  | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:15:05 PM | try after a year and a half.... I got the email saying he left town for a "new life"
he is an addict and a sociopath. He actually did me the biggest favor.
Of course he found a new sucker and is living off her now.
Sometimes blessings come in ways we do not understand at first.
It lasted a year and a half cause I tried my best to help him.
Thank God he took off to another city.
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:12:16 AM | I was dumped via text message before, which could be classified as IM/email i guess. Difference between me and you is I confronted her at a club the following weekend about it, and all she did is hug me and said "i don't wanna loose you". When I briefly asked ''if you don't wanna loose me why do you do stupid shyt like this" she was left speechless.
To get on point though, it's the worst feeling ever being dumped this way becuse you'd think that person cared about you | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 7/13/2008 1:36:22 PM | | Yep - a fantastic three month relationship with the love of my life and then a text message and then email from her to end it overnight. The most unkind and hurtful thing that has ever happened to me, still can't believe that someone who was so loving & kind to me would do that - be warned... | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 7/13/2008 3:02:43 PM |
After dating for 3 months,and everything seemed to be going well and heading down the right path.Saying I love you,buying promise rings and all.Than suddenly,THE DEATH EMAIL!!
Has anyone ever been dumped in an email?? Is that cowardly or what? And why is it so hard for someone to end things in person,especially if u cared about that person so much??
In my situation,he ended it in an email,because that is how we met,he said.This man claimed to love me n I was supposed to be his best friend n lover.We were very close-I thought.
His excuse was-his psych doc told him he has commitment issues n I fell too hard n quick for him n he got scared.HE PUSHED HIMSELF ON ME,HE SAID I LOVE U WITHIN ONE WEEK OF DATING!!Shouldn't I have been the scared one?
He bought me n him promise rings(commitment rings)after only one month of dating.And suddenly he's scared??We didn't see enough of each other for him to be scared!! I don't get it!!
1. its cowardly big time; but thats what the internet has created; a bunch of irresponsible people hide behind emails and text instead of being adult about situations; not all of course.
2. You made the cardinal internet dating mistake; way too fast, way too soon. It takes a good year to really know someone and right off the bat you are in love? come on.
Many people say I love you in the U.S. with the drop of a hat. They get caught up in the emotion. Also, because you are not physically around these people, you should take even longer to get to know someone off of the internet; not a shorter time.
He realized this was just an emotional thing and he didn't love you. He then was a coward and did'nt handle his business. You chose him though and you chose the accept the vibes you felt. What you did happens all the time. Just be wiser next time and you will be fine. | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 7/13/2008 3:35:46 PM | Okay lets get real. This man had Depression, was seeing a therapist (nothing wrong with it) said he loved you within a week and gave you a promise ring after a month.
The fact is this man is not capable of knowing what love really is, therefore his words and actions were just brought out by the insanity he is going through.
And I have a feeling that with that first I love you he spoke, the reason why you didn't get scared was because you wanted so badly to be loved, but knew it was wrong.
My point is, this wasn't real. You are just feeling rejected, and a fool bc you knew this wasn't right, and he proved it to you.
Just move on and don't date people who have no boundaries, have some of your own. | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 7/13/2008 5:55:32 PM | | As the old song goes you never know what another person is thinking,,at least you found out after 3 months mine took over a year and only after I took care of her and her kids while she went through an operation ,, and then she tells me god is telling her this because I didnt go to chruch enough ,, after all I wasked in the beginning if she wanted me to go with her but she said she went to chruch on line lol and never asked or took her own kids ,, but god told her after the operation that I wasnt godly enough worse thing was during all this and after a year I didnt even get a birthday card so after her Email I told her hey why during all of this that I have done did the good Christain in you forget to say thanks ,,,,, SHE SENT ME MY RING BACK IN A BIRTHDAY CARD LOL | |
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| HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED VIA EMAIL??
Posted: 7/13/2008 6:12:55 PM | | Fortunately I haven't been dumped by email. Ending things by email or text is perfectly fine after just 1-2 dates. But I think in most cases it would be rude or cowardly to end a LTR by email or text message. | |
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