| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:46:23 AM |
So you admit that they eventually "need" a woman at some point. I disagree. They never do, nor should they. Where are these men that think forever lonely is a myth? I'd love to find men who are like this, so they don't get offended when I don't drop everything when they come along, and don't rush to take them off the market....and best of all, they don't try to immediately tie me down. It's a total turn off...
I do agree, men or women that being single is not only not terrible, but can be VERY enjoyable if your mind's in the right place.
So true... I can't be called a bachelor since I've been married a couple of times (technically still am) . But I consider being in an LTR or another marriage an option, but definately not a goal or a necessity.
Oh! Betty, in the other thread... my pain meds were kicking in and I missread what you said... you said bartering and I read bartending.... thought you were referring to occupation...
That thread is dying and I had 2 of 10...
My cynical behind says its because women stand to gain more, MUCH more if a marriage goes bad vice breaking up with a long term boyfriend.
Our cynical behinds agree...
Access to your health insurance and credit during marriage and half your retirement and child support after...
Not all are like that... | |
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:45:11 PM |
Being married is old school that doesn't mean jack. It doesn't mean happiness, or even growing old with some one. All it is is a piece of paper.
Spoken like a true commitment phobic.
Fire, in reference to that first paragraph in your post (was kind of verbose, which made it difficult to even figure out what you meant), no I have never said that or thought it.
I stated my personal preference, nothing more. Not saying everyone else should agree with me, not saying it's right or wrong. Just my preference. And you know what? I get to choose what I prefer, as does everyone else. I love that about life. | |
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/11/2008 1:05:53 PM |
Spoken like a true commitment phobic.
Spoken like a true person who jumps to conclusions before she knows whats going on.
FYI, I was in a relationship for over ten years, we have a son together, and we still get along. I also know a couple of friends of mine who have been married, divorced, and re-married in the time I was in my relationship. After seeing their kids being used as leverage in multiple court battles, so one of them can get the fine china per say, it makes you wonder what kind of commitment a marriage certificate really portrays. It definitely isn't the commitment to provide a healthy enviroment for your children to grow up in.
But then as you say, it is a personal preference, so it would be nice if you leave each to their own. Have a nice day, and a happy marriage ;) | |
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:15:35 PM | | Well, I may or not be confirmed, but the woman for me is going to have to appreciate a monogamous relationship--with HER apartment/home and MY apartment/home. One relationship, two addresses...and NO taking for granted or assumptions of one another's time or plans. Maybe a polyamorous relationship? Whatever...I agree with another poster who stated that remaining single doesn't have the same negative connotation as it did when our moms and dads roamed the earth...however for some their messages are still on the tapes spinnin' 'round 'n 'round in their heads, parroting what they heard from adults now dead. | |
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:30:17 PM | Perhaps when I'm in my forties or fifties I'll find a filipina in her twenties.
Now, seriously: Why should a man marry? Not growing old alone? Oh, please. The difference between a single old man and a divorced old man is that the single guy still has a place to live and money to spend. | |
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:15:43 PM | | at this stage of my life i would prefer the dating thing. i'm not completely opposed to having a ltr with a woman or "settling down" and growing old but if she starts bringing up the marrage card its something that could chase me out the door. there are few benefits to marrage for men | |
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:25:32 AM | > it makes you wonder what kind of commitment a marriage certificate really portrays.
Statements like this always remind me of the suitor in a New Yorker cartoon who's saying "I'm not talking about a permanent commitment. I'm talking about marriage."...
Bachelor: A guy who has cheated a woman out of a divorce.
Lots of women seem to be under the impression that no matter what a guy's thoughts are on matters such as these, that his brains will turn to total mush the moment 'The Right One' enters the picture, and all such concerns will go right out the window because her magic is just that strong. This makes it possible for them to discount those concerns men have, to not take them seriously.
But they've got it backwards: if they changed many of the laws, lots of women would instantly become potential Right One's for lots of guys who find the current system problematical at best.
By the time a guy gets up to the age where he's a candidate for confirmed bachelor status, say 35 (and thus old enough to be President...), it's unlikely that he's gonna totally lose his head over any woman. He's also more likely by then to have pieced a lot of this together about how even though it's called "no fault" divorce somehow the guy so often comes out of it looking like he was somehow at fault.
All this is why "confirmed bachelor" is heard so infrequently among those to whom it might apply, and why many have instead adopted the term 'marriage striker' (-though I'm not a big fan of that term because it implies there's some marriage somewhere that we have that we're on strike from, which isn't the case).
[Note: lots of 25 year-olds are as clued in now as was generally only true of 35 year-olds of my generation.]
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:26:42 AM |
But they've got it backwards: if they changed many of the laws, lots of women would instantly become potential Right One's for lots of guys who find the current system problematical at best.
and youve hit the nail right on the head! divorce laws are the most misandrist in existance. how many women would be less enthusiastic if the court's stepped in and abolished alimony, set reasonable and fixed amounts for child support, and took the lawyers out of the equation and forced an equal division of assets in divorce. can't decide who takes what? sell it and split the amount. now ask yourself how many men would be more willing to get married? | |
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:17:05 AM | "a lot of women get into relationships hoping to change the man"
Tell me about it dude.... If you let em do it, they'll start taking liberties!
I know, cos sometimes, if I really like 'em, I'll get a little soft.
But I usually end up biting back in the end so I know I can deal with these types.
I personally, would never, ever try and change someone.. it's their life.. and that's GOT to be respected if you wish the relationship to last! | |
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:55:18 AM | The older one gets and the more failed marriages and relationships one has, they get more in touch with who we are as people and what we'll settle for in a partner.
You'd think as people get older and are less physically attractive they'd be way less picky. It's actually the opposite. As you age, you refuse to make the same mistakes you made accepting nightmares of the opposite sex you did in your past.
I have a ton of guy friends some of whom have been married on the past...others not.
I wouldn't call any of them confirmed bachelors as we keep on dating and trying, but we're not stupid either and won't settle easily. | |
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:23:48 AM |
Spoken like a true commitment phobic. That's right...slapping labels on something that has a billion shades of gray makes life much simpler. I guess there is some comfort taken in oft-parroted phrases vomited out of the pages of glam magazines and Oprah. | |
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/13/2008 11:34:49 AM | | ^^^^ I have a theory that lawyers are behind the gay-and-lesbian marriage amendments...since so many heteros aren't even bothering to get married, they can't get divorced; ergo, a new source for divorce clients. | |
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/13/2008 11:57:34 AM |
I'm just not a big fan of getting bent over because I'm a male - screw that.
Speaking of screwed.... A guy I work with, divorcd and paying C/S, got a letter a few years ago saying she was taking him back to court for more. By this time he's remarried and has another kid. Idiot...
The X knows he's been volunteering for overtime to pay the C/S so his annual pay has rissen...
He pulls up at the courthouse and she parks next to him in a new Lincoln Navigator....
When they are in front of the judge she tells the judge she has been remarried and her husbands X has had HIS C/S raised! They can't afford it and need to raise HER X's C/S to help out...
The judge allows it! I can't remember the exact numbers, think it went from 400 to 650...
Now his health is getting bad from the stress and working 72 to 84 hours a week when possible... and his current marriage is suffering and he may get hammered on this one too...
I say we all stop with the marriage stuff and put some lawyers out of business...
LOL, I know a few lawyers... they'd be crying like babies... divorces are eeeaaaaassssyyy money for them... all they gotta do is file papers and dodge phone calls... | |
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:16:37 PM | All of my charm and cleverness is seemingly no match for a woman's intuition.
I've been a bachelor for a few years now, and it seems that the confirmation of my status is just a matter of time.
Never married, no kids, no girlfriends, no money, precarious employment history, no car...yeah, it's obvious that I'm a big loser in the game of life and the women can smell it!
God bless 'em!
At least P.O.F. provides me with an entertaining delusional escape from the high probability that I will never actually meet a woman who understands me - much less tolerate my idiosyncrasies!
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/20/2008 5:53:56 AM | if you are genuinely interested in getting married, you start making concessions as you get older when it becomes apparent that you "holding out for the one" isnt a viable option.
someone who is 45 has had a lot of time to consider their options.
and it's likely that they've made their decision. | |
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qaz111
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Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 46 | |
| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/20/2008 6:15:46 AM | oh yes, just ask Matt Damon.
at some point they may decide that they need to get beard and settle down, then at 50-55 decide that they would rather get out of the closet (wink wink Justin Trudeau) | |
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/20/2008 8:09:54 PM | I am 47 and I doubt I would ever get married , just never got on my "to do list " in life. Seen way to many falling apart all around me , I have known several with over 20 years that faded away. Times have changed , not like my parents day when people stuck together through thick and thin and MADE it work.
I have had several longterm common-law relationships , 6 yrs( had 2 kids) , 3 yrs and last one was 8 years ,so no commitment phobia here ,just seen to many people give thier hard earned money to divorce lawyers ,who dont give a damn anyways...
I have been single now 3 years by my choice , dont NEED a woman for anything, I cook ,I clean , do my own laundry and hang it on the line..no probs. I dont even have the urge to date right now , just enjoying life the way it is and not desperate to change anything...  | |
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/20/2008 8:17:58 PM | Commitment phob, Peter Pan Syndrome, Momma's boy....who knows.
The female equivalent of this is;
career harpie
humourless fem nazi
bubbleheaded blonde
overprotected princess?
Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me. | |
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:05:01 PM | are there men who want to spend the rest of their lives dating? Or are they just not finding the right woman to settle down with?
I don't plan to spend the rest of my life dating, but I'm not going to jump into a marriage the way that most folks seem to. If I get married, it will be once. The financial cost of a divorce for a male with a good job is absolutely frightening to me.
Let me put it this way- if I enter into a contract to purchase a car and it doesn't work out, I'm out of luck for a few years. If I enter in to the wrong contract with a woman, I may be out of luck for decades.
So I'm hopeful that I'll find someone I want to make that move with; but I won't force it just to avoid being single. | |
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| Is there such a thing as a confirmed bachelor???
Posted: 5/20/2008 10:44:44 PM | I think alot of men have issue with the whole idea of a woman's wedding ring being the equivalent of hitting the legal lottery.
Most of the single guys I know are in no rush to get married.
Many of the ones who've been divorced, plan on never getting remarried.
Many of the ones who've never been married, have seen enough divorces to seriously question the value of getting married.
You women aren't around when we're sitting at the local bars or games talking about this stuff, but the truth is, more and more of us have decided that the upside/downside risk is too out of whack.
The fact is, if you're in a LTR with a woman (or even several Short term relationships), what exactly does a guy have to gain if he gets married? Then measure what he has to lose if he gets divorced?
Toss in that the more successful you are, the greater the penalty for an unsuccessful marriage, and suddenly the smarter, more successful men (who happen to be pretty good at risk assessment... it's part of what made them successful), start drifting from the position of Certainly, to Probably, to Maybe, to Not likely, to No way in Hell.
I'm not quite that jaded personally, but then I would need a pretty spectacular woman for me to seriously consider tying the knot... and even then, she'd better be ready to spend some time with some lawyers.
Now if they removed the disproportionately punitive system from Marriage and Divorce, then you would probably see a lot more men going back the other way... unfortunately, that's just not that likely.
In the meanwhile, increasing numbers of men will just bide their time and either say, "I'm picky", or "I'm waiting for the right one", or simply "I like being a Bachelor".
Wanderer | |
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