| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 3:41:16 PM | @ clasact,
You are right. I posted this this morning and haven't had a chance to get back here. Why, because I was with my mom. She's gone with her family. Understanably so, I did wish my girl happy mother's day. Yes, after my own daughter's mom who gave me my only biological daughter. Then after my god-daughter's mother who gave me a straight A student who''s own natural father was killed shortly after she was born and ever day since has called me daddy. Ok, so my girlfriend was third. Yes, I'm helping her raise her kids and she mine but what difference what order you get it.
Yes, there are some underlying issues here. I think she feels threatened by my daughter's mom because we are so close and have such a good relationship for the sake of our daughter. She doesn't have that with her son's father. He's never sent one dime in child support. He's running from the law. Every time she tracks him down to get child support he quits his job or changes his cell #. Yeah, I can see the resentment there. I'm here with her eveyday trying to make a home for us but because she wasn't first then I'm in the dog house. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 3:44:42 PM | @ Thomas
If I would have told her first then text my daughter's mom and my god-daughter's mom then she would have complained about that. "So, you thinking about you baby momma now. Why can't we just have a day when she doesn't come up." Be it first, second or last at some point I was gonna call or text my daughter's mom and my girl still would have had an issue with it. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 3:46:25 PM | | ummmm hmmmm the only person you needed to say "Happy Mother's Day" to was your mother, you know the person who gave birth to you!! | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:15:53 PM |
ummmm hmmmm the only person you needed to say "Happy Mother's Day" to was your mother, you know the person who gave birth to you!!
BINGO | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:34:52 PM |
You are right. I posted this this morning and haven't had a chance to get back here. Why, because I was with my mom. She's gone with her family. Understanably so, I did wish my girl happy mother's day. Yes, after my own daughter's mom who gave me my only biological daughter. Then after my god-daughter's mother who gave me a straight A student who''s own natural father was killed shortly after she was born and ever day since has called me daddy. Ok, so my girlfriend was third. Yes, I'm helping her raise her kids and she mine but what difference what order you get it.
Yes, there are some underlying issues here. I think she feels threatened by my daughter's mom because we are so close and have such a good relationship for the sake of our daughter. She doesn't have that with her son's father. He's never sent one dime in child support. He's running from the law. Every time she tracks him down to get child support he quits his job or changes his cell #. Yeah, I can see the resentment there. I'm here with her eveyday trying to make a home for us but because she wasn't first then I'm in the dog house
First of all, even though you aren't legally married, you are living together as if you were married, as a result you are her family. If you treated her right as in always put her first above all other people, then most likely she would be home with her family intead of off with relatives.
As to your x, the mother of your children, maybe you need to back off from that relationship and just be your child's father. Sounds as if you are way too close to your x.
As to the bio father of her children. It sounds like he is a non issue, and does not at this point matter at all. If you truly love your girlfriend, be a man, and be her children's father too.
As to who says happy mother's day to who. I have had all kinds of people that aren't related to me in any shape form or fashion telling me happy mother's day, and I too them.
What you need to do is stop asking people that don't know you or her, and don't really know what is going on in your home, and simply put your family first(your girlfriend(might as well be wife), and all of the children) first. First before x's, parents, other relatives, friends, co-workers, neighbors, everyone!!! | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:40:19 PM | | truthfully i don't think you did anything wrong. i mean your girlfriend is not your mother, right? so why did she expect you to wish her a "Happy Mother's Day". she is behaving very immaturely and it's just silly. never understood all the greeting cards either like "Happy Mother's Day to my Sister" or "Happy Mother's Day to my Mother-in-Law". i mean they aren't my mother, are they? so why should i be expected to buy them a card? seems silly and a bit ridiculous to me. my sister has a husband and 3 kids, i'm sure one of them will wish her a Happy Mother's Day, shouldn't have to be me. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:44:59 PM |
ummmm hmmmm the only person you needed to say "Happy Mother's Day" to was your mother, you know the person who gave birth to you!! Yep, that's the only one whom I wished HMD.
OP-dear, you said it, "underlying" issues. This HMD bit only being a catalyst for the day, I think you might agree. I dunno, maybe you two aren't cut out for each other. You would be the best to determine that, of course, I guess. Compromise should be implemented as the order for the day. IMHO.
Your girlfriend obviously has issue with your ex-wife and yourself having a friendly relationship. Has it always been this way from the start? My ex-husband and I have always been on better than great terms, we are friends and friends only. Some people cannot fathom this since we are divorced (and have been for 20 years now). Many, I have come to learn, don't see how one can be on such good terms with an ex spouse. My last LTR thought this was great. I guess I have been lucky. My ex was my babysitter after the divorce, for years, while I was at work. So was his mother and sisters. Like I said, some just can't see how two people who are divorced, remain on a friendly basis. We did it for our daughter. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:54:52 PM | | I'm REALLY confused here! Is the girlfriend YOUR Mother? I mean....I can see if you were maybe reminding the children of these Moms to make sure that THEY acknowledge "Mother's Day"...but as I see it...the only "Happy Mother's Day" that YOU owe to anyone...is to your OWN mother. Yes, I'd say the whole business is pretty silly. If she wants to know just how silly it is....then I would sugggest that on Father's Day that she should go through her phone book and text a bunch of men to wish them "Happy Father's Day" before she says it to you....and if you don't flinch a bit...then she should recognize her own over- reaction. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:58:08 PM | | Ok..I read a few posts on the first page...so this has probably been said. Sorry if so. OP....your girl is high maintenance!!! My lord! Princess needs to get off her high horse! The world does NOT revolve around her. Women like that give the rest of us a bad name....sheesh! | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 4:58:42 PM | As to the bio father of her children. It sounds like he is a non issue, and does not at this point matter at all. If you truly love your girlfriend, be a man, and be her children's father too.
I disagree with this statement bcsofnc57. The gf's ex is obviously an issue....she is probably very bitter and angry that her ex cannot be supportive like her current bf is.
As for telling him to step up, be a man, and be their father, it sounds to me like he already is. He is there everyday, their father isn't. I am sure he is contributing to the household expenses and the needs of the children, the children's father isn't.
OP, as I said before, this relationship has too many issues. I would suggest counselling for both of you, and if that doesn't work, then end it. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:02:52 PM | 30 minutes later she's still yelling and complaining to me about what she does around the house and this is how she gets treated
There's your problem. Whether it's warranted or not, she's feeling unappreciated. Figure out how to make her feel appreciated and the drama will end. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:23:46 PM | If you are in a relationship common-law why are you on a dating site trolling for other women? You should be focused on your woman and appreciating her not keeping your options open. You obviously have no concept of what loyalty is. Unbelieveable! | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:24:57 PM | If this is the worst thing that ever happens (or doesn't) in her life she should consider herself one flipping lucky person.
Figure out how to make her feel appreciated and the drama will end.
I can think of another way to make the drama END and stop sweating the small stuff. If you get enough mole hills together they soon become a mountain.
Obviously other things bother her and this was just the straw that broke the camel's back..........this time.
I said HMD to MY mother first.. all other Mother's come afterward. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:26:37 PM | | Your gf sounds controling. I don't think you meant anything by texting these women. It was nice of you to think of them on mother's day. It is kinda of like getting caught up in Christmas and wishing people a Merry Christmas. I would think it was sweet...yet your gf got mad. There was no reason to get mad. I would look at this as a big red flag. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:33:53 PM | This is effing ridiculous.
I'm sure you didn't wake up and think "Its mothers day and I am not going to wish my g/f one until I wish everyone else a happy mothers day first."
I would gather you woke up, yada yada yada, thought about your daughter and realized it was mothers day and texted those 2 women.
BIG FREAKING DEAL. She's not your mother, nor is she the mother of your kids. I dont even think you needed to wish her a happy mothers day at all. Lol, but then again, I don't care about these kinds of things and don't see what her problem is, other than being a jealous psychopath.
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:35:24 PM | I disagree with this statement bcsofnc57. The gf's ex is obviously an issue....she is probably very bitter and angry that her ex cannot be supportive like her current bf is.
I really can't imagine why she would be. If I had married a man and he had been a 100% husband to me, and a 100% father to my children, it would not have bothered me at all that their bio dad was not in the pic. Actually it didn't bother me even without a new husband that fit that bill. I feel that since he keeps saying they are dating, he isn't 100% into the whole thing, and perhaps he is pushing for her to get child support from the kids bio dad.
As for telling him to step up, be a man, and be their father, it sounds to me like he already is. He is there everyday, their father isn't. I am sure he is contributing to the household expenses and the needs of the children, the children's father isn't.
Just being there, paying bill, and take care of needs is just a small part of being a parent. It is clear from some of his other posts that he does in fact treat her children differently than hers. Allowing his relatives to buy his children gifts, but not insisting on them buying for hers. When my 29 year old daughter married her husband she had two children, and he had three. I treat all 5 of them the same. To me they are all my grandchildren. They always will be even if the two of them divorce. As long as I live all 5 of them will always be able to come to me about anything. As long as I have, they have. As long as I have a place to live, they have a place to life, etc. To be a true father he needs to insist that everyone treat her children, just as they treat his. Actually he needs to stop thinking about the children as his and hers, and just think our children.
I don't think they need counselling. I think she needs to grow a backbone, and walk away from what is a very bad situation for her and her children. They will always be on the back burner, compared to his children, his x(mother of his kids), his relatives and who knows who else may come before her and the children she brought into this.
To the OP, why can't you have a day when your x doesn't come up? In fact why can't most days go by without her coming up? Why do you allow your relatives to treat her children differently than they treat yours? Why can't you lose this your children, my chidren thing, and just think our children? If you aren't willing or able to fully commit to making this family work, why can't you just let her go? I notice you are still only responding to the posts that agree with you. You support her in every way but the way that matters. Put her first in your life, or let her go!!! | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:41:57 PM |
Ok..I read a few posts on the first page...so this has probably been said. Sorry if so. OP....your girl is high maintenance!!! My lord! Princess needs to get off her high horse! The world does NOT revolve around her. Women like that give the rest of us a bad name....sheesh!
The world does not revolve around her, but his world should revolve around her, and hers around him. If not, it is time for them to go their separate ways.
I had rather spend eternity alone than spend it with a man like him. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:25:44 PM | Stick a fork in it, it's done...
This is just a symptom of underlying dissatisfaction, and she is justifying the next move...
Be pro-active, help her pack.. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:41:28 PM | Petty, Petty, Petty
She's not your mother, She's not the mother of any of your children, you're not married to her. Could you imagine her reaction if you had picked up the phone and called your daughter's mom or god-daughter's mom? She probably would have clubed you. Sounds like she was looking for a fight. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:00:05 PM | Op, my take on this is................ YES !!!! You were wrong !! How simple can it be? The woman you are living with is supposed to be the "light of your life ", your love..... whew, some men just never get it !!! Mother of any children of yours, she is a mother and is living with you...... SHE should have been the first to hear those words from you !!!!
Blonde "Happy Mothers Day" Everyone !!!!! | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:12:56 PM | Number 1 - Don't share your girlfriend problems with your mom or your sister. Your relationship is doomed already if you get family members to take sides in your private arguments.
Number 2 - If I were your girlfriend and found out you were airing our dirty laundry all over this dating site, you'd be history. Maybe treat her with more respect and she'll lose the trust issues. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:15:07 PM | | TRULEY GUY IF YOU RESPECT THIS GURL AND HER CHILDREN YOU WILL MARRY HER AND NOT SHACK UP,SEETING A ROLE MODEL FOR YOUR CHILDREN,THAT ISNT GOOD,AND I AGREE YOUR GURLFRIEND SHOULDENT GET UPSET ABOUT THE SITUATION,WHO TOLD WHO FIRST,ARE BLAH BLAH, BLAH,IM DIVORCED AND I DO THINK A MAN ARE WOMAN SHOULD CONTACT THERE CHILDRENS OTHER AND SAY HAPPY MOTHERES DAY,MY EX HUSBAND DOES ALWAYS THEY BRING ME MOTHEREDAY GIFTS,JUST SHOWEING THERE APPRECIATION,DOESNT MEAN THEY WANNA GET YOU BACK BUT ITS IMPORTAINT TO RESPECT THE OTHER,MY EX S GURLFRIEND WAS SELFISH AND SELFCENTERED DIDNT EVAN WANT MY EX TO SEE HIS SON,SHES TOO THE CURB,AND YOUR GURLFRIEND DONT NEED TO SHOW HOSTILITEY AROUND CHILDREN,THERE IS A THANG CALLED COMMUNICATION,GOD BLESS,BARBARA,PS EXCUSE THE SPELLING | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:18:01 PM | It's my opinion that she is using this as an excuse to vent pent up frustration, rage, and aggression she's internalized from every aspect of her life. Everything from skid marks in your drawers to the relationships with the exes or even failed expectations of life. It just happens that today is the day Mt. Saint (insert her name here) decided to explode. I think you are transferring your perceived problems with other relationships onto her motives for her behavior and seeking external justification to do so (asking mom, sister, brother-in-law).
Talk to your girlfriend about her problems, not everyone else but your girlfriend, but wait until she stops yelling. | |
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