| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:29:04 PM | If I never heard "happy father's day" on father's day I couldn't care less. If I was the 2nd person or 3rd or 15th, I couldn't imagine being so petty as to make a big deal out of it.
Perhaps you should explain to her that the reason she feels like an afterthought is because she is immature. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 4:02:40 PM | mthomhmark - you know what you couldn't be more wrong.
I am so far from a man hater - I love men, my two sons included. I try my best to understand men, and treat them according to their needs. On certain issues men and women are totally different. He doesn't have a clue as to why she acted the way she did. If you guys would take the time to understand and embrace the difference in the sexes, than this whole thing would not be an issue. You can't just love someone your way, you have to make them feel love their way.
My response has absolutely nothing to do with taking sides with my own sex. It was to make him understand the underlying resentment she carries for him. The advice was supposed to be constructive and to help him to understand her side. It was given with care and not hate. Never once did I bash men, but on the other hand, you did bash us woman. And perhaps maybe you should retract your response. And yes, we are not all that complicated, if you would just take the time to listen and care.
And by the way! I do not like Hillary Clinton at all. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 4:26:38 PM | | Sounds like she like to be number one. First of all she is NOT your mother or the mother of any of your children so she should be last. Your Mom should of been first but then we understand about our grown uyp children. She is making a big thing out of nothing and is just being selfish. I could see if she had children by you but she hasn't. Hey Mother's Day is just another Hallmark holiday so tell her to get over it. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:45:55 PM | ^^^^^^
People should read entire thread (not a bad idea to read OP's history as well) before posting, especially when thread is contentious! | |
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nmwjmw
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Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 130 | |
| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:51:14 PM | You are jerk for trying to get validated by the other women (your mom, your sister)in your life and us. You want folks to not like her ? That is probably what makes you feel powerful or something? It shows that you have no respect for "your girl", which is probably more the problem than what order you put her. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:23:04 PM | | After reading all that I could stomach of the OPs History posts, all I can say about him is ......WHAT A B**STARD. It will never cease to amaze me that anyone can be as selfish, cruel, and thoughtless as this guy is. We all know the type but no one can really explain how they become this way! | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:37:02 PM | You know, regardless of previous threads, yes, she was being petty. Because if she has issues with you then she should walk away. But she's not, women are alot more forgiving than they should be and deserve exactly what they get for not making other choices.
Did she have to get upset? No, she choose to get upset, this isn't the end of the world. With so many mothers killed during this earthquake in China, or the Tornadoes in the mid west, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that life goes on and you say to yourself, he might think his ex is great, but she's his ex and I'm the one who sleeps with him. Obviously she's chosen to bottle up her feelings and then goes ballistic when things don't go her way.
This isn't important in the grand scheme of things, only women would think so. And I'm willing to bet you do treat your g/f with as much respect and kindness needed to maintain this relationship or neither one of yous would be in it for 6 years, so let's not knick pick...something is working here, and some things are finally getting on your nerves. And I disagree, women are complicated, most need an enormous amount of reassures when they're young (and sometimes when older) as their self esteem is define by who is loving them at the moment.
But if you want peace in your home, apologize even if you know you're right and then seriously look at this relationship and give yourself 3 months to decide if you feel bonded to this girl enough to continue all the drama. Because you're also choosing to live in an environment that you really don't care about and therefore, she's getting the vibes that you don't care. The more she feels it, the more it agitates her. Sometimes love isn't enough. You can do anything for this girl and she will never find a sense of self worth within herself to not have to rely on you to validate her. That validation has to come from within her, not from you. Good luck.
Paris | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:43:25 PM |
Did you also show them all the 0ther threads buddy here has posted about her. I think there is a ton more going on and since we are only getting one side of the coin in all his threads there is no way of knowing why she gets so upset about the little things.
I read most all the posts on this thread. I hadn't read anything else that has been posted, apparently about the OP or this "relationship". If what the other posters say is true, and I do tend to believe what they say, then well...I think they deserve each other. He doesn't appreciate her and she's stayed with him 6 years, whining, yelling and fighting. People like this should be with each other IMO it's saving two other "normal" people from their misery. Drama king/drama queen...sounds like a match to me. It IS 6 years, not 6 weeks, 6 months...6 days. Noone's making her stay in an obviously unhappy situation. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:24:58 PM | Bucsgirl,
Yes you are right. They do deserve each other. Just before I posted I had read a bunch of his other threads and was sickened one person could treat another person like that, but in thinking about it, Ya that kind of drama ..... You gotta like it on some level to put up with it.... On both sides. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:36:54 PM | Thanks itbelilolme ...wasn't meaning it to be cruel or harsh...seen enough of it myself. And really came to the conclusion that people like that SHOULD be together. Save people like me (not that I'm that normal...just not into the "drama" BS....ever...that doesn't last long with me). I've stuck with and by friends that have been involved in that...I love them anyway...then they wonder...what the HECK was I thinking.
I mean, geez 6 years of that? Neither of them has a twit of a reason to complain about anything. It's something they both either like or NEED! They should stay together...at least it's 2 other people whose lives won't be miserable. 
A few times, I've been sick and home...I was surfing TV and watched Springer. Never ever believed it was "real"...until reading the forums here. Now, not so sure it's not. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:29:12 PM | Bucsgirl,
Springer better be real .... I use the fact I could never be on Springer to prove to my friends I am almost normal LMAO
OT:
You were not harsh just honest. OP if your still following this get out now for both of you, or stay and accept your life for what it is and carry on. If she lets you treat her with this dim view of reality then you guy deserve each other all the way. Stop complaining and be glad she puts up with you. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:46:43 PM | wow I haven't read all 6 pages but the first post by the OP was enough......I can totally understand where your gf is coming from. She feels like she fell, not even second place but 3rd place to 2 women you should have waited until later to text or whatever. But all that aside, there seems to be deeper issues here than just wishing her a happy mother's day.
Sounds to me like you are giving her much reason to question you and whom you text. The way you talk about her, she is just a gf that you live with. Sounds like at any time you are ready for it to end. And I am sorry but when you are living together, you have gone way past that "just dating" stage and have moved into.....Full blown relationship....Unless you just think of her like a roommate. That being said, I think you and her need to sit down and talk about where the 2 of you are. You 2 obviously seem like you are in different places. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:03:29 PM | | wow..all i cna say was that your girlfriend acted very immature..and you didnt do anything wrong..nothing more to be said..some women just love drama, and like to turn simple things into bigger things..so ridiculous | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:09:19 PM | As someone else said (and based on your past issues you have brought here) she feels she needs to compete for your attention. You probably knew deep down that it would bother her, but did it anyway...Me thinks the issue lies with both of you...
BTW, Am I the only one that's ex would not DREAM of wishing me a Happy Mother's day.... | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/14/2008 12:44:29 AM | | I have no idea how you made it this long with her OP...I'm ready to knock her upside the head just with what you put on here. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/14/2008 3:04:40 AM | I too, have followed your threads regarding this somewhat farcical relationship and I think it's a pretty sad and all too common story. She appears to be having to fight for all of the things that should flow naturally from you after 6 years together and you appear to be able to color your world according to whatever paint you want to splash over the canvas on any given day.
First of all, I see far too much importance being given your biological contribution to the one child you have fathered and not nearly enough importance being given to the fact that you ALSO CHOSE to take her children into your care. Each of those children come with their own set of wants and needs regardless of whether you fathered them or not. Each of them would do better to be loved and valued because they are a child rather than according to where they originated. That you could be in their lives during the formative stages of their identities and not only treating them like less but allowing your family to treat them like less simply because of your genetic material says a lot about what your lady is contending with day in and day out.
It is your view of your genetic superiority that not only separates your child from the other children but also leads you to value your child's mother who, for whatever reason, chose not to share the hassles involved in being with you, over the lady who has now been there for you in every way for the past 6 years. I have always thought that people who can only care about that which their sperm or egg has contributed to somewhat limited in their ability to do any deep thinking about the value of ALL human life.
I don't know how you can be so appreciative of your child's mother when it is the woman standing beside you who is actually doing the "work" of raising your child and standing beside you while all good ole Mama has to do is check in and laugh with you!
The bigger question in all of this is why that lady standing beside you is putting up with your "superior" thinking and letting you take advantage of her the way she is. The Mother's Day hoo-hah was yet another symptom of the underlying disorder and she is seeing it, hurting over it but hoping that you will one day come to value her. It's a terrible waste of time on her part since by your own admission, you intend to continue to value the ex who left more than you value the one who is at your side.
If I were her, I'd be returning you and your child to the woman you seem to appreciate more for her good nature than you will ever appreciate the one who is "walking the walk" beside you. It quite blows me away that you come into these forums knowing that you are taking advantage of someone who obviously loves both you and your children while you continue to treat her as though she needs to get in the breadlines for your attention.
I applaud her thinking that love can move mountains and she isn't the first person to make that mistake but how sad that it is simply buoying your rather warped thinking of what's important.
Even though you may be getting a few posts of support from those who have not troubled themselves to read the thread or any of your previous postings, those of us who have been with partners who think their genetic contributions make one child superior over another, know better.
As others have said, you need to quit using this woman the way you are and if you can't quit, then get the hell out of her life. It isn't just her you are hurting... It's also the children who are living with your favoritism! | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:07:08 AM | I'm appalled by the way he talks about and treats her but it is weird that she keeps putting up with it. She probably thinks he will change if she nags him long enough but its not going to happen. Like the Bonnie Ratt song, She cant MAKE him love her. Sadly it looks like thats whats missing in the relationship.
OP your girlfriend may seem like a drama queen but I suspect she was not just yelling at you about mothers day. She has been "mothering" you and your children for YEARS and you just are not giving her back any thing. BUT, it could be that also like the song....YOU cant make YOU love her....No matter how much you try.
If the OP has ANY mild affection for this woman he needs to break it off with her and leave her home and life for the sake of both her and her children. She obviously loves him but needs to find someone better for her and her children even if it takes counselling. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/14/2008 5:14:16 AM | Silken Fire? Good Golly Molly, what an awesome, "spot on", very insightful post!
Aside from all the dysfunction between these two, the long and short of it is that they're a horrible match and no amount of "who's right?"/winning, or sticking around and proving one is worthy is gonna make this "wrong" a "right". The wrong relationship is the wrong relationship; it can't be morphed into the right relationship just because someone wants it really badly, and will put up with huge truckloads of bs to try to prove their love, and earn love in return.
"I'm right", I gave it my very best, I loved so deeply and purely!" ain't gonna make love out of this mess...it's f-ed from the floor up and oughta be put to bed.
One last thing, it's been my experience that when you love someone, you want to do things for them and you want good things for them, and for the relationship. These feelings come naturally. You don't nickel and dime it, you don't analyze every interaction from every freakin angle, you don't look to cover your hide at every turn, you don't see them as the enemy...and you don't rank them into pecking orders of how much they've served you. "Sue Ellen gave me 3 kids, Mary Lou gave me 1, Ellie Nellie funded my new business, Mama loved me dearly but now she's dead and gone and I need to appoint her replacement, so I can have someone to hold over everyone's head and keep 'em straight!"...blah, blah, blah. You want for them the very same things you want for yourself, and their "best interest" is equal to your own. It's a joy to care for them and you embrace them warmly. You don't place them beneath youself or others, and you don't try to turn them into the right person, because they already are the right person. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/14/2008 5:51:39 AM | | You know there is a lot of publicity about now about the sex and the city film. This program is supposed to about the empowerment of women yeah right!We have three women who are smart, attractive, professional ladies, who still have as their priority finding and pleasing a man.If she think hes the one the one, he can treat her as bad as he likes and she will still go back for more.Charlotte the "lady" will play dirty if it gets a mans attention. Miranda showed any man will do, if your desperate.Samantha well, sex will make you happy and fill the emptiness.Men were still in control. with simpering women at their feet. This is the problem here, this girl is accepting crumbs from the table, when she should be having the full cake.Why , you are surely no bargain.You are selfish, arrogant and in full control of the relationship. You do not respect her and take her attentions for granted. This is what she is saying via the the Mothers day greeting Some females tend to walk on eggshells around men, afraid of losing them with an ill chosen word . They are afraid to be honest as the unspoken vibe they get is, put up and shut up or I,m off.Well break those eggs ladies and be direct and honest, if he goes good riddance.You are keeping her at arms length ,with one foot out the door. I would help you out with the other one. You are no addition to this girls life. Leave and do her a favour. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:07:40 AM | | I think it's sort of ridiculous to post this thread on Mother's Day morning instead of either doing something for your mom, mother of your children, or relationship partner if she's a mom. Just my opinion. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:21:52 AM |
MSG#1-NCSingledad wrote:She got mad that I had texted someone else before I told her. Ok, I hadn't even called my own mom yet but she was mad because she said that she deserved to be first because she woke up with me. could have told her happy mothers day while you was texting out.Shes a mother too even if you don't have kids together.
I called my mom this morning and told her happy mother's day and she laughed when I told her about my girl
My sister said the same thing. I prefer not to involve my family with my personal life.I prefer my family thinks highly of anyone I dated or lived with. Just gossiping with family only complicates things and makes your girl friend feel like an outsider possibly at family get togethers.
Certainly would have been more meaningful to your girlfriend if you would have woke up and gave her a nice back rub and wished her "Happy Mothers Day".After all,,you and her do share the same bed and house.She probly felt like she was on the back burner behind everyone else. If I was you I certainly wouldn't let her know you asked all your family members and they all sided with you. Think about how that would make her feel. She most likely wants to feel she's special and needed, an appreciated by you and your family.If you would have woke up and gave her a nice back rub and kissed her and told her "Happy Mothers Day" and told her how special she was it could have lead to some really "Special Mothers Day Sex" 
The text messages could have been made a couple hours later. Would have been a WONDERFUL DAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then you could have went and visited your Mother with your honey by your side with both of you smiling real big after the good Mothers day wake up delight and it would show.Keeps you young. Mom would have been happy for you. Sister too. | |
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| Was I wrong for not telling her first?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:20:06 AM |
Bikeman and Guy4theforums....how refreshingly awesome you both are! Hugs to you both! THANKS! 
A Dr. Philism comes to mind. Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?? 
If you want to be right, have a fight with your girlfriend, a woman who bore children, on Mother's Day.
If you want to be happy, take care of your girlfriend's needs first, a woman who bore children, on Mother's Day. You ain't waking up next to Mom, I hope. | |
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