| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 1:01:31 PM |
I wish there was a button to send a polite "not interested" like Match.com has! See the comment by this PoFfer:
I only reply to men I am interested in. End of story. AND I don't give a rat's patootie if this seems rude to everyone else. :-) "Read/deleted" IS a response, and a darn good one at that! It's not a darn good response, but read/deleted is essentially the Match's glitzy "not interested" button.
I'm shocked at how many messages I've gotten here- over 80 in less than two days! Women with interesting profiles and/or create or re-create new profiles will generally receive more e-mail than she could humanly respond to.
Only a handful of people bothered to even attempt a conversation to show they'd read my profile and actually had something in common with me. This is because of the read/delete mindset many have. People with that mindset do not wish to distinguish between rude turds and people who carefully write e-mails that clearly indicate they have read the profile. Someone can spend hours writing e-mails that don't get responses. They then take the numbers cut-and-paste approach.
Just a note to guys out there, if you want someone to reply, give them something to reply to. Tell them why you are interested, what you have in common, etc. Without some common interest, I wonder why in the world people are messaging me! Without a conversation starter, you stick me with the burden of having to figure out what you were thinking. I've done this and more often than not the response is read/delete. I'm the Bikeman, I've sent e-mail like you described to ladies, women who indicated they avidly enjoy bicycling, and I've got e-mails back which stated "sorry we've got nothing in common"! It appears the e-mailee doesn't read profiles either!
when you get a lot of messages very quickly, do you feel obligated to reply to every single one with an "I'm not interested" message? A "do-un to others as I would like them to do-un to me" approach is the way to go. Pretend you are interested in a guy and actually take the initiative to write a carefully crafted message to him, which he either does a "read" or a "read/delete". How would you feel? That's your answer. Or when you get tons of e-mails, just send a cut and past a message to the less attractive guys stating "sorry I'm flooded with e-mail, thank you for your interest, I may or may not get back to you". Especially if you took any time to notice that the guy indeed read your profile and sent you a thoughtful note. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 1:01:45 PM | I know this topic is pulverized but it is still fun to dig up.
Do I ignore men here sometimes? Yep, I do, bad manners on my part. And I am such a delightful person :). For the most part I do ignore the "Hi", "What are you doing today", blah blah blah.
HOWEVER, if someone has put an effort into a response and there isn't a vibe, they will get a polite note back...
Any bets on when another thread of this type will be posted? I am going with 47 minutes... | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 1:06:41 PM |
why keep the "Read" emails in your inbox if you are never going to reply to them?
I have been guilty of that one! In my case I mainly login for the forums, so by the time I think to check my inbox my messages have piled up, and I may in the past have not intended to reply and meant to delete them but had my attention diverted elsewhere. If I think to go back and do it later when I've read all my messages then I've got to sort out the good from the bad all over again, and tbh I can't be bothered when POF will delete them on my behalf when they're good and ready. I can't help being messy! | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 1:17:13 PM |
Rubbish and hogwash.
Every message deserves a polite thank you but no thank you.
It is just polite and good form.
LOL
Batgirl... when saying not to answer EVERY message I meant that the last one was "thanks but no thanks". Sometimes I even get replies after that. You really go on answering them? | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 1:24:57 PM |
It's not a darn good response, but read/deleted is essentially the Match's glitzy "not interested" button.
Exactly. How hard is this to understand!
And if you really get emotionally stung when you don't get responses, then after you send a message to someone, go into your "sent messages" and delete it immediately. Chances are you'll forget you even sent them a message. It's a bad idea to constantly visit the "sent messages" folder and obsess over what's happened to your e-mails. Send em, and then forget about em. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 1:31:36 PM | | If I find that someone writes me and I see that there is nothing in common, I usually don't write back. I don't think it's rude to not write back to a person that you never met. If you meet them in person, well then that might be a different story but on here they don't know you. I only write if I have something in common with the person, especially if something sticks out. I do try to write something that I see both of us have a common interest in to trigger a correspondence. How else can you do it? | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 1:38:30 PM |
MSG#1~OP~pixeleen wrote:I wish there was a button to send a polite "not interested" like Match.com has!I'm shocked at how many messages I've gotten here- over 80 in less than two days! Only a handful of people bothered to even attempt a conversation to show they'd read my profile and actually had something in common with me. Your profile is about the most detailed profile I've read. I probly don't get 80 emails every 3 or 4 weeks. A few people from the forums and then maybe a couple females I'm interested in talking to get to know them.
What is proper POF etiquette? There is no right or wrong.Well wait ! Rude is wrong but thats the way some people communicate. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 1:39:08 PM | This is something that I have really struggled with also. When men take the time to send a personal and well thought out email, I want to be thoughtful and respond. But as many women have pointed out...there are just too many, and my time available for emailing is extremely limited due to my work, and I have to spend it wisely.
So not only does it not make sense logistically, but I don't think it makes it any easier for the guy's feelings. A non response/delete makes it clear that there will be no further contact, but without the whole insulting "it's not you....it's me" thing, and I agree that I have gotten more nasty responses when I do respond politely, than when I don't respond at all. So now I have made it a pretty uniform policy to only respond to those I think I may develop an interest in. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 1:43:55 PM |
Grow a thick skin, something like OX HIDE and you'll do just fine around here!
Actually, it's true! You have to have a backbone, especially online. Some people here take things far too personally. You shouldn't allow yourself to do that. Who cares if someone doesn't respond? Quit whining that it's "rude" and move ON! | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 1:55:44 PM | Yes - there are no RULES
“ From the (venue) in (city), for the 1000s in attendance and the millions watching around the world, Ladies and Gentlemen, LLLLLET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE! ”
I just love that quote...  out Snake | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 2:03:31 PM | | I'm not sure what proper POF etiquette is. Personally I'll at least reply to whether I'm interested or not, if someone takes the time to write something intelligent that isn't "sup baby" or anything lame like that. I get what you mean about that. I get messages from men twice, even three times my age sometimes and it scares me. Hell no. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 2:19:19 PM | O.P. This speaks highly of your character. You care about
others feeling and manners.
But in truth, so many Men's Ego's are so fragile, that
YOU WILL BE ATTACKED, for rejecting them. Or some
men will respond in a passive-aggressive manner and then
the mood will just deteriorate, to the point, where you will
be attacked and proably end up blocking them!
It's really too bad for the Genuinely nice and mentally healthy
guys on here, and I'm sure there are many, but they too have
to accept the way POF works and not take it personally! | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 3:31:02 PM |
I get messages from men twice, even three times my age sometimes and it scares me. Hell no.
Change your mail settings to not allow guys 2 or 3 times your age to respond.
you will than have a more reasonable number of emails to respond to, and you can than filter out those that are junk, and respond to those who are considerate or sincere. I think that is all us guys want!
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:22:53 PM | | No, I would not reply to every message. Addressing e-mails can get to be a chore. It is not always appreciated anyways. Most are mass mailings. Just read and delete. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:26:40 PM | janet4ever
<div class="quote">Why do you check your "sent" box?
Once you send a message, let it go -- you did your part.
Focus on what is coming in, not what left.
It's because within a few days, I delete everything in sent except the unread. If it has not been responded to, I don't like keeping too many things in my mail box. I need the space. As you said, focus should be on the inbox only. ;) | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:37:44 PM | | just block em... I know I've read in these forums how snobby some of us are on here.. "well she didnt even reply, just blocked me" I'm sorry but when your a woman on this site you cannot possibly reply to all of the messages and mail you get. Just reply to the ones that interest you. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:55:02 PM | Sorry 14me24u, Let me explain why I keep the "read" messages ....First..I'M OLD....I FORGET.
Second, if I'm interested, I like to run a tab...so to speak. I try hard not to repeat or ask questions that have already been answered. It's basically my "Filing cabinet". Of course, some conversations do not progress...Once they end, I delete. If they have been offensive, I keep the offensive one so that I can remember it and block the next ones. If I receive something mildly offensive, I respond, telling the man why...in an effort to see if my little effort helps. You'd be surprised how many thank you notes I've received. These are usually from men much too young for me, but, perhaps they'll listen to my advice and receive more responses in the future?
I'm not impatient....I know that life happens while I'm planning other things....I don't delete delinquent responders immediately. (I recently learned that two gentlemen with whom I had been corresponding, had medical problems and I'm SURE their mind was NOT on ME at the time. When they feel comfortable telling me about them, they do...it's life, why delete?
I think we all have different criteria...some based upon our age...some on our personality. I've found that my way works for me....I offer suggestions for folks to consider....decisions they will have to make for themselves.
Just my thoughts,
KK | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:57:43 PM | | well i don't think you need to reply to everyone that you get especially if you get a lot of messages from guys you don't even know | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:02:15 PM |
well i don't think you need to reply to everyone that you get especially if you get a lot of messages from guys you don't even know
Lately I tend to not reply to the ones I do know... they seem to get scarier and scarier | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:12:55 PM |
Second, if I'm interested, I like to run a tab...so to speak. I try hard not to repeat or ask questions that have already been answered. It's basically my "Filing cabinet". Of course, some conversations do not progress...Once they end, I delete.
KK, I understand fully where you are coming from - but your response referred to men you have been communicating with. What I can not understand is why women WHO NEVER RESPOND to me but leave the "read" emails in their inbox; either reply or delete - otherwise I am expecting a response! | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:37:29 PM | | If I were a hot woman I wouldn't respond to every message. If people can't get over a no response or a "unread deleted" message, they need to grow up and get a life. Just don't go back to him or her and move on. Here is another reason I am glad I am not a woman. I would get sick and tired of all the men on here wanting only one thing that most men are looking for. So my answer is no don't answer every message. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:39:54 PM | Pixeleen I try to respond to the emails I receive but I gave up worrying about responding to every HI I receive. I think it is polite to do so but sometimes I just dont feel like responding Hi to you too. What's the point? Maybe those who email the single phrases as in Hey dont really want anything back? Maybe they enjoy saying hello to everyone on plentyoffish... I will assume that so I dont have to spend 4 hrs. replying Hi did you want something? How about IM. It seems like mine must be turned off right now because usually the guys are relentless with it. One after another after another after I decline or quickly say hi sorry i can not chat. Seconds later they are back. Over all people have been very nice and havent had anyone asking for anything more than coffee or phone call. I wont do either at this time. I'm just her to chat or rather should I say I am here to respond Hi back to the Hi emails I get ?
P.S. Pixeleen..Hey! | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:18:28 PM | I hafta' say that I'm definitely with the "absolutely NOT" crowd on this one. Sure, in a perfect world we would have plenty of time to respond to everyone -- and we would only receive messages from people who had taken the time to identify some compatibility worth exploring, and articulated it in an interesting manner. And those to whom we sent a rejection would accept it gracefully and move on. Hey, in a perfect world, we probably wouldn't even have sites like this, because we would all find the people that we want to meet in the course of our daily lives. Welcome to the real world.
So, to which messages should you respond?
1. The ones from people in whom you have a real interest in further communication.
Then, time permitting:
2. The ones from those who took the time to read your profile and compose a well written, sincere interest in you as a person.
To which ones should you not reply?
A. Those who obviously didn't read your profile, or don't have enough personality to express their interest in more than a few lines, never mind the ones with only a few words.
Which ones should you just click Block?
- Those who get vulger, are too explicit too early, and those who reply with abuse if you do send a polite declination.
By the way, I'm not positive about this, but I believe that if you click block, their message also disappears from their sent items folder, so if that is the only way that they are tracking their interest in you, they have nothing to jog their memory. Unlike some other sites I tried, blocking someone on here is just a convenience for you, (and them, if ya' think about it,) and doesn't seem to report them to the administrators for possible account deletion.
Just my $0.02 on the subject. | |
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