| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:30:03 PM | I'm shocked at how many messages I've gotten here- over 80 in less than two days! - pixeleen
> You're 'shocked'?
> Mmm, I have the same problem with the torrent of messages I keep gettting. So many, in fact, I am thinking of hiring some staff to field the enquiries, to cut down on the 'nuisance' messages and to weed out the weirdos, the whackos, the serial daters, the players, and the women who just want a good time while their husbands are at work.
> I have lost count of the number of messages I received in only the last two days. I simply don't have time; so I, like you, wish there was a button to press, a handle to pull, or a pedal to push to sweep them all away and 'deal' to them.
> My, it's wonderful being so popular, isn't it, Pixeleen?
> Best wishes - Soul Union. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:43:11 PM | | IMO it would nice for a woman to respond to all well written emails, but I don't expect it. If a woman doesn't want to respond to all messages, then that's her right. But don't make excuses such as getting rude emails after rejection someone or I don't have time. A woman can easily avoid any rude emails by blocking the person after rejection him. Unless a person gets a large amount of emails, it wouldn't take that much time to respond to well written emails. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:03:46 PM | | I am sorry but I do still believe in intergity. I also feel some people send short messages because they are just trying to break the ice. My opinion...even if someone took out 5 seconds to say a quick hello then you can take out 5 seconds to respond back. I think alot of people have forgotten how to be nice, genuine and honest. I think people who don't even bother to be gracious are sad. Once you are 80 yrs old and needing someone to hold your hand while you cross the street makes you wish you had been more gracious and yet...it will be to late. Our generation needs to slow down and step back and stop being jackasses!!!! | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:49:10 AM | Look, if you're in a bar and there are 100 men in there, all lookin' at you.... and you're not
interested in half of 'em.... you're gonna send signals that will keep them at bay. You'll give
them a look that says "Not a chance in hell" or "Don't even THINK about it"...... OR, they're
gonna just instinctively know they're not in your stratosphere and will not approach.....
Online, no such look is gonna happen, and common sense is out the computer screen,
so even the most derelict of characters are gonna try.
Yeah, "derelict"..... you should see..... 
I won't take the time to correspond with someone that hasn't read my profile or is sending
out an obvious 'cut and paste'. Why respond to rude?? | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:41:02 AM | I always respond to all the emails that I receive even the "you're cute" ones. With those my sense of humour kicks in and I get to be either pithy or smartalecky.
Take your picture down or hide your profile to manage the influx of emails and to respond to the ones you have already received. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:34:38 AM | I just received an " unread/delete .. or maybe since she sent me nothing, I am complaining about what I didn't receive ...lol..
so now I am horribly conflicted.
I don't know what the proper etiquette is?
How long do I wait before:
1. I send her the nasty email to her telling her that she just lost a perfect opportunity to meet a great guy. HOw rude she is and how her parents must be slack jawed inbred mouth breathers? ( you can use that ******) HOw the fabric of society is being unravelled due to her insensitive nature. Doesn't she think of my feelings at all?
2. I start a thread about this nasty bcyth who had the temerity to dis me? I just must whine and complain about my dismal failure rate with women, in reality and now even on the internet in front of the entire internet world ( potentially ) to see.
I have sat at the computer for a couple of days , looking at my sent messages, staring at the "unread/delete " message next to my email to her. This is what the guy said to do and I did it.
AFter a while, I came up with all sorts of reason why I should send her the nasty email. It was really easy to do , being the way that I am .
So is it 3 days before I send the letter. ?
and on the 4th day I start the thread?
or do I just calmly accept this rejection for what it is: she isn't interested and I should just carry on with my life. ?
YOu can see the conflict..
Any advice would be helpful.
nerbs | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:54:56 AM | ...neither one of them sounds like plan giving relief. What if you write and you get that "unread/delete" again?
Well, ever tried to stomp your feet for some minutes or rolling over the floor screaming?
That's my preference 
cheers  | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:50:12 AM | Well, ever tried to stomp your feet for some minutes or rolling over the floor screaming?
That's my preference
cheers
would it be too much to ask if I attempted both?
I can roll about on the floor, flailing my feet so perhaps I could hit a sofa or an armchair?
How about holding my breath until I turn blue?
oh wait.. so many people have that particular item on their wishlist so I'll hold off on that one...
thanks for your advice..
I think that I will try to get that unread/delete thing again.
People love to have their mistakes pointed out to them. Or to be told how things could be so much better if they would listen to their unsolicited advice...
so I'll do that one..
cover me! I'm going in!
wish me luck! | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:33:54 AM | That's totally up to yourself to answer back. What bugs me is when someone who has read my profile and told me so and they could be a great potential to "get to know" so I take few minutes to respond back and I never hear from them again lol......cant win!...........so do what you must, read/deleted is the same as" no , you're not my type" to me . Thats a good idea in a post somewhere on here to not keep track of your sent mail, that way you cant let it bother you if you see it as unread or deleted.  | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:45:57 AM | | I've been on and off POF for years. I used to pride myself on being sensitive enough to respond to everyone who emailed me, which is probably why I only lasted a few weeks on this site, before either meeting someone interesting or getting sick of it. POF became like a second job. Now, I make sure my profile is much more limiting and I no longer loose sleep over the ones I didn't have time or inclination to respond to. I still feel badly everytime I choose not to respond though. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:52:14 AM | Interesting this wasn't nuked as attention-seeking. If you want a standard reply when you are not interested, make one of your own, copy it before you log on, and hit paste when necessary.
Whether you do or don't reply is related to your own values about common courtesy. If you feel it appropriate, send a brief response. If you conduct yourself based on other's behavior, then only respond to those people you felt put some effort into contacting you in the first place.
Also, do a thread search. There is a concurrent thread if it has not been deleted about why people get mad when people don't reply back. There is a plethora of existing threads on just about every angle to this topic on the planet. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:13:35 AM | Agreed.......
If you create enough filters on your profile, and develop a profile that is more realistic and to the point, and not so generic that every Tom,**** and Harry will think that they fit it, you will receive less mail to worry about.
I also have a generic "Thank you, but no thank you", that I have saved on my word file and send that to each and every person that contacts me but I feel would not be a good fit. Yes, you will get some hate mail every so often, but overall, I think most appreciate you taking the time to acknowledge their effort with some form of response.
I believe that the golden rule of treat others the way you would like to be treated is the way to follow when it comes to this site and responding. I know how I feel if I try, and get nothing back, and will not do that to others on here. A picture can be worth a 1,000 words, but a short, to the point response, can be effective as well.
The last thing I would like to say about contacts is to look at your sent email category and check two things.........number of those that you made first contact with, and number that made first contact with you. If one is significantly skewed one way or the other, then I think you need to reflect on why you are here and what you are doing.
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:37:57 AM | munches popcorn.. waits for the show to begin...
Hey, while you are up, get me a pepsi... no no.. not the diet stuff. the regular...!! | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:10:52 PM | To  Pjhawtie1979,
You especially should not; otherwise you'll get carpal tunnel syndrome.
Love your sense of style and the haircut, great profile--straight and to the point. Any man that is lucky enough to have you on his arm is going to be one very fortunate fellow.
I was about to move to New Brunswick when I suddenly realized I was twice your age.
Oh well, in the matter of love, dreams never die. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:17:06 PM | they should have an acceptance button before we receive emails, like for the IM feature...
"SoandSo would like to send you an email. Press accept or decline"
There ya go.
problem fixed. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:15:49 PM | OK, here's a better one.
Instead of favorites... a counter shows how many emails this person has "sent"/how many emails this person has "received" in the last day/week/month. It would be an interesting bit of info, I think.
If I receive a "hi" from someone that sent 25 emails that day, I won't worry if he's sitting by his computer waiting to hear back. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:16:55 PM | Good manners dictate that you should respond to every message you get, even if it's with a very polite "thanks, but no thanks" type of message.
But, sometimes, messages are so crude or vulgar that all they deserve is a read/delete.
Common sense and the golden rule - treat others as you want to be treated.
No matter what you do, someone will complain about it and there will be a thread posted somewhere about how a message was a read/delete or a "no thanks" response.
I respond to all messages unless they are crude/vulgar, then I just use the oh so cute BLOCK button!
Good luck to you
~tb~ | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:55:31 PM |
Good manners dictate that you should respond to every message you get, even if it's with a very polite "thanks, but no thanks" type of message.
I suppose if one is apt to interpret not responding to a total stranger on a dating site as bad manners, then indeed a response is warranted. But, some of us just don't think it's bad manners. I know some people have a real problem getting their head around this, but there's not much the rest of us can do about that. If you feel it's bad manners not to respond, then by all means, respond to every single message you receive.
Common sense and the golden rule - treat others as you want to be treated.
And some of really aren't bothered by the fact that we might not get a message back. I don't expect it if someone is not interested. I'm much happier when my inbox is filled with people who are interested in me, not those that aren't. I have no urge to waste precious seconds reading "thanks but no thanks" or "Sorry, you're not my type."
Thus, if I don't expect to be treated in a certain manner, then I certainly won't feel compelled to treat others in that same way. | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:27:31 PM | Yes you should reply to EVERY message, well it says so in Rule book V 6 clause 8. ii)
But seriously I think if you have time to read their message it would be a nice thing for you to reply.
I wonder if????????? the nick names people choose, if it sounds appealing, would their messages get read???? more so than suggestive ? or others? | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:53:26 PM | Dear Pink:
I think I pretty much respond to all messages that I receive. I don't get much in the line of rude/vulgar messages on THIS site, but have certainly seen my share of 'em.
There are some messages that cause me to chuckle and my sense of humor kicks in. Sometimes it's a Blog. You've seen 'em...they're posted somewhere in here. Sometimes, as in the case of "nicknames", I call em as I see em...I tell them that someone who advertises their "wares" in their screen name is definitely not for me, but I DO thank them for helping to make my job of weeding out undesirables so much easier.  
Fondly,
Knittin Kitten
(Now, who can find fault in a name like THAT?) | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:45:58 PM | I agree with JustJohn. If the person put some effort into their initial contact, they deserve *some* kind of response... even if it's just a "sorry, I'm not looking for someone with kids" or some such. That's just polite. This world is ugly enough without people consciously ignoring common courtesy.
I will reply to anyone who puts some thought and effort into their contact... and will write off anyone who doesn't reply to my own thoughtful messages. I don't want impolite people in my life, so their lack of reply speaks eloquently enough about their character (or lack thereof). | |
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| Should I reply to EVERY message I get?
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:49:30 PM | Well, guess what? I finally solved the problem. My profile is NOW hidden. Now I can just go to the Forums when I want to and be off IMs with their horny messages or PMs with nothing but 'Hi'. I have also deleted all my sent messages and I am on MSN once in a while. At least it is easy to manage. If I don't like the sound of the conversation, I can always resort to, "Sorry, I have to answer the phone." A very effective excuse used today when someone came running to my msn at NOON for his predicament.---"I am very horny!" 
Today, though not breaking the record, I had two in my lunch break. Thus, since my main goal to have an stimulating conversation is filled by my regular contacts anyway, why bother with all the others? My filters do not seem to work anyway, it appears. | |
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It still wouldn't stop people from complaining. Complaints about why people won't accept their invitations to e-mail. Complaints from people who have their e-mail invitations accepted and then get read/deleted. 
