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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:33:47 AM |
How does having a one night stand mean that you don't respect yourself
Let's see now...
Since there is a risk of getting an STI.... you're not respecting your own body's health...
Lack of consideration of the possible consequences is another thought that comes to mind... | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:45:08 PM | | Yes. Some women that I had sex with have told me that they weren't looking for a serious relationship. Some women ( like men ) may not have the time or energy for a serious relationship. Some women will realize that a long term relationship would not work out due to a large age difference, long distance, among other factors. | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:52:35 PM | I'm not sure how possible it is for women to NOT feel attached to the person they have sex with, simply because of biology. Our brains actually produce hormones during sex(can't remember the name of it right now...) that have us feeling emotionally attached to that person afterwards...Maybe women who are cool with NSA have decided to ignore
the emotion,or take it less seriously-or have less of the hormone? (no criticism intended here) I think we as women though, have to decide upfront, maybe before
meeting the next guy, if NSA is good for us, or what we want. If its not what we want, we choose to say no to those situations, and we are not victims...If we haven't been
told the truth by the guy who wants NSA, then we might consider ourselves a victim of dishonesty...but that would be the last time...I think allowing situations where the
guy you're with doesn't tell you the truth about his wanting NSA, and the women allowing herself to feel lied to, betrayed, abandoned, etc, many times, means its somehow ok with you that people treat you in a way that you consider rude, and unkind..Feeling great about ourselves, though, means being more aware of who you'd like to be with, and recognizing more easily, those who are being honest& kind, and those who aren't...You can't change the guys who are players...but you don't have to play...especially if there's a possibility the outcome will hurt you...Become more aware...and "to thine own self be true", even when you are horny...Sorry about the length...Didn't mean to sound like a preacher...  | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:56:19 PM |
Our brains actually produce hormones during sex(can't remember the name of it right now...) that have us feeling emotionally attached to that person afterwards...
The chemical our brain releases is call Oxytocin. Powerful stuff. | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:07:47 PM | I'm simply goign to say its more difficult for a woman to do that kind of thing. Its even more difficult for a woman to let go of that sort of thing when she has foudn the right guy.
Also there are always strigns, many people don't realize them. I did a woman who wanted NSA back in October, and she didn't want sex entirley, but she seemed to knwo how to always find me after the fact till my car got totalled. Note I moved on, she didn't. Yeah guys can do that sort of goal oriented stuff very well. There was a reason its called a "Trophy." But some woemn can and many can't claimign they can. When they settle down and realize chances are its not acceptable from their new other half it really shines.
Men are not entirely to blame for this either. The women claiming guys moralit y is horrible and not right in this thread don't conciously realize that women use men as much these days for sex. Hell I've fixed sinks, lawnmowers, and even had dinenr cooked as a reason to get me to come over in the last 10 years. | |
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AmieeA
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Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 57 | |
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:37:17 PM | I think it is totally possible to have No Strings Attached Sex.
The most important thing to remember is to be honest with yourself with what you -really- want.
If you want the sex with no strings then..
Be honest with the person. State what you want & be certain that they understand, because the last thing you want in that kind of Situation is a nice person who wants more from you than you are willing/ able to give & their hurt feelings. which will only make you feel bad & therefore enjoy the Experience much less.
On the otherside- if a guy is telling a women that he just wants sex with no strings - It raises other questions for a women.. like the -could I , should I , can I -type, that all women can have. That is for her to decide; emotions, doubt & all. Ladies -He is being honest with you, you should do the same.
A few FYI's
Don't ever go into it thinking that you can "change" the other person's mind.
Don't think that "You are "different" from the other's" , or my fav. "that it could work out" ... blah blah blah
Why waste you entergy on that? Why try & change his mind... maybe he is NOT ready for you or anyone else right now. Trust that he knows his mind & what he wants.
Women should try to do the same.
Yeah I totally belive it is possible- because I have been there. I am not there anymore & i am honest with myself about that & those that I am intrested in.
As to the "attachment before hand..." I think it is the excitement of getting to know someone- the uncertainty & the unknown possiblitys. Sometimes that feeling just fizzles out the more you get to know someone. It is there, then it isn't. It happens.
But sometimes it doesn't fizzle, & it's great... I think that is what most of us are looking for... Right? | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:05:59 PM | Sure I can. That's the only way for me, at this stage in my life.
What gets me about a lot of these threads discussing casual or "no-strings" sex is that the "anti" side either did it themselves (disastrously) and project those bad experiences onto everyone else, or has never done it for personal reasons (which is obviously fine and dandy), but often also have some kind of lurid fantasy about it involving a cold-blooded, promiscuous free-for-all.
It simply means a sexual relationship without the "strings" of a traditional relationship. It can involve pleasant, respectful, congenial, affectionate interaction on a human-to-human basis, just not on a "couple" basis.
It really doesn't necessarily turn into the complicated drama some people seem to experience. Well, for some of us, anyway. | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:39:08 PM | When you give your body you give your soul. You can pretend that you dont, it wont change anything, you will still feel lousy after. So what I am saying is, that if you respect yourself, you dont give away something that is a very important part of you.
Thank you for reading it. | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:54:41 PM | Yes...well at least I can. Have done so twice in my life--one guy was off and on for over 6 years! At 2 yrs in I asked him if he was ok with just FWB and he said yes...I think I caught him off guard. LOL--aren't men supposed to be the ones to ask that kinda stuff? 
Why so long? First, I won't lie--the sex was FANTASTIC! We were in sync with each others physical needs almost immediately. If we were both in between relationships, then we would see each other as time permits. But the ground rule was be honest. If I had even thought that I was gonna fall for him I would have walked away. I honestly never thought I'd be one to do this BUT when your love life is drier than the Sahara, it's an alternative. Yes...there's toys and all that but I'm not going to say that a toy can be a good substitute for a man--seriously!!
Can every woman do it? Heck no and you have to be able to separate sex from love. We women say that men can do that--but not always. I don't believe in generalizing when it comes to men because I dated a guy who cried more than I DID!
Would I do it again? Maybe...maybe not. At 44, I am more interested in finding someone to hunker down with on a more permanent basis. And my FWB knows that and respects it. We talk from time to time--recently he's been working a lot and dating someone--and I am very happy for him believe it or not.
It's not something for the faint of heart. If you can't communicate or are wanting to be in a relationship, a FWB is so not the way to go. I wasn't ready for a relationship after having my heart jumped on and crushed by someone who professed his "love" often. HA...
Do I have feelings for him? I like and respect him as a man who was pleasing me the way I wanted to be pleased. But do I feel love? No--and that is me being honest. He's a sexy, smart, funny man who's great in bed and that was more than enough for me.
Afashionlady | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:57:13 PM |
It simply means a sexual relationship without the "strings" of a traditional relationship. It can involve pleasant, respectful, congenial, affectionate interaction on a human-to-human basis, just not on a "couple" basis.
Well said dawn1114! I always felt affection for my FWB and I know the same was true for him | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:01:16 PM |
What gets me about a lot of these threads discussing casual or "no-strings" sex is that the "anti" side either did it themselves (disastrously) and project those bad experiences onto everyone else, or has never done it for personal reasons (which is obviously fine and dandy), but often also have some kind of lurid fantasy about it involving a cold-blooded, promiscuous free-for-all.
The main thing is that people mature and grow up. Some people never grow up. Some people are looking for more than just getting laid, others that is all they want. Why talk crap about people who don't believe in NSA sex? I think sex in a relationship is much better, but that is IMO. Others may not agree, but again, you reap what you sow. Think of it like this, would you want your daughter or son just going out and having sex whenever? If we all were that irresponsible, there would be a whole lot of illegitimate children out there. If that is the lifestyle you choose, so be it, it is your life, but that doesn't mean it is right. | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:34:33 PM |
Some people are looking for more than just getting laid, others that is all they want. Why talk crap about people who don't believe in NSA sex?
I don't see how I was "talking crap" about people who don't believe in NSA. I believe sexual expression is a very personal matter based on many things, from religious beliefs, to individual histories, to emotional makeup.
I think sex in a relationship is much better, but that is IMO.
I'm sure that's an honest statement. For you and many, many others. Perfectly understandable.
The main thing is that people mature and grow up. Some people never grow up. Some people are looking for more than just getting laid, others that is all they want.
Others may not agree, but again, you reap what you sow. Think of it like this, would you want your daughter or son just going out and having sex whenever? If we all were that irresponsible, there would be a whole lot of illegitimate children out there. If that is the lifestyle you choose, so be it, it is your life, but that doesn't mean it is right.
Here's where my previous point is being made for me and I start to lose respect. Some people can't seem to fathom that other people might think or feel or believe differently, and make insulting and frankly illogical statements and assumptions about the nature of their character and sex lives. So-called "no strings" sex is not paramount to raging promiscuity or irresponsibility or inhumane treatment. It's just sex without the "strings" of a traditional, couple-type relationship.
I'm quite sure there's little point in expecting opinions to be changed. I'm quite opinionated myself about a lot of things, and those opinions are unlikely to be swayed. So I understand, and try to send this thread back On Topic by simply repeating my answer to the Original Post: "No Strings Attached Sex - Ladies, can you do it?" Yes. I can. | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:44:38 PM | Women fall in love then desire sex, men desire sex then fall in love.
Read your John Gray (Mars/Venus guy) and it's a lot clearer. Most women, want to have a connection on an emotional level, the thoughts and feelings are shared and a bond is there first. Men want to be satisfied and affected physically THEN they feel love. I know a few guys who had that NSA thing, and when the girl wanted it over, the GUY was the one hurt. Because she had made him fall in love with her, whereas she held off the emotional connection and never let herself get that deeply involved.
I know that it's tough to have any GOOD relationship physical or otherwise with someone, especially if it's a good honest caring relationship, and it changes or ends for whatever reason. It's tough, it hurts. You feel loss and sad.
I think that TOTAL honesty and communication needs to be there first, or it's a selfish act for both parties and destined to hurt in the end. | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:12:54 PM | I will admit to having an NSA liasion and it was great. I think the appeal was that you could be yourself and not worry about asking a gfriend to try something new or freaky. Part of it is knowing you can walk away without being judged. But this only works if BOTH people understand and agree to being together without the tie.
You've had several interesting and insightful replies. As you can see, some of the women here believe an NSA or FWB is possible. And they do this because they've already determined and hope they will not get emotionally attached. But that could happen.... after the fact.... and perhaps that leads to hurt feelings. Why is it that one person can get attached but the other doesn't feel that way? Hey, one person just broke the rules.
You have a handful of people who said they wouldn't go down the NSA path. I can certainly understand why. Perhaps they are the ones who asked "is the juice worth the squeeze"? Sorry... bad analogy... I know. But you get the point. All too often, a quickie or fun-filled NSA can lead to heartbeak, hurt, and confusion. So it's best not to bite the apple (ok, that one is better).
Look deep into your heart and soul and ask yourselves- can I really do this and walk away? No one can answer for you.... | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:13:46 AM | | I think No Strings Attached is the best. Yo umeet you have sex she goes her way you go your way and maybe call her later in the week or when ever. Having strings attached causes drama and why go through all the trouble when all you wanta do is get laid. Yea I know that is a man for you but the deal is why fuss over it? I think and I am probably wrong but women think about sex just as much as men. The only diffrence with a woman is the emotional connection they want as were us men it's about getting some and going away. I wished there was more women out there that could handle a NSA situation and not be labled AKA SLUT TRAMP WHORE ECT. I think it is good if a woman is comfortable with what she wants and will jump on a guy she finds attractive. I guess I am a strange one I like aggressive women. Like Jack Nicholson said put them all in charge nothing sexier then a woman you gota stand up and salute in the morning. :-p | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:10:47 AM | To me, sexual intimacy is an expression of my sensual side and something I am not going to express if I don't have an emotional connection to the man. I am a sensual person, but not willing to give that part of myself away to somebody I do not have feelings for and any man I meet knows that from the very start!
Look deep into your heart and soul and ask yourselves- can I really do this and walk away?
Nope I could not! I know people who can and I honestly can not figure out how they do it. | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:36:42 AM | | I can do the NSA thing and sometimes prefer it although I eventually wind up liking the guy more than he likes me and wanting him around more. Of course.... that never happens. Then I feel used. I have no one to blame except myself. | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:03:11 AM | I have done it before. Only once. There was absolutly no feeling in it for me, just one night. We still talk every once in a while and are still friends.
Thats really not for me though, but I had to try it once. I realized I need something more substantial. If the encounter means nothing emotionally for me, then it was a waste of my time (sounds like a typical woman im sure, but true anyhow). | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:28:05 AM | | I think some can, but *I* personally cannot. I have to be attached before ven going to the level of having sex. I would feel too badly, and used otherwise. And just really, low. Casual sex and one night stands would kill my self esteem. | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:42:07 AM |
I have been with women, and they told me; that all they wanted was sex. Nothing more. They had good jobs that were careers and had everything they wanted in life at the time. Only thing they lacked was a man. And to them, all men did was make their
life miserable. So there you know. But, maybe other women have different reasonings
I could not have said this better myself.........
If you had asked me almost anytime in my life until approx 2-3 years ago, I would've said that I would not consider this to be something that I could, or would want to, do.
Now I can say that, as the quote I selected above states, that I indeed got to a point in my life where sex truly did seem to be the only thing I felt like I was missing. I can also say that I AM capable of this, and I think more women are capable of it than even THEY may realize. Let me clarify that in my case I am talking about a regular partner, though. One night stands are not right for me......but I pass no judgments on those for whom one night stands work well.
I believe the key is openness and honesty........and because in my case there is a regular partner in the picture, that I do keep my eyes open for any signs that I am developing attachment beyond what we have agreed to.
As long as both people, whether it be a one night stand or an ongoing arrangement, are on the same page, and can communicate with each other, I think it can work.
It does for me. | |
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