| |
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/15/2008 4:46:02 PM | Ok, same dilema here... I have never had a one night stand in my life, I am 41. Sex has always been something with someone I cared about and vice versa. Well, there is this guy that I am like totally attracted to, and I do want sex with him... but i'm afraid that when it is done and over with, no communication etc. I know we both agreed to do it, so I can't complian about being played and or used. But, I'm up in arms about this. I have always been the type that must be in a LTR to have sex. I really like this guy and I know he likes me, we have met once before. And actually it was me that brought this up to him/.. Do you want to?? i'm not sure what has gotten into me, to even ask that!!
But, maybe I am getting scared, not sure, the afterwards part, i know only me can make that decision. I have never slept aroud with anyone, pretty much knows that he does not really, he just has committment issues, and just wants to date.
help!!!
'help' | |
|
| |
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/15/2008 7:17:06 PM | | i'm a prude i guess i just dont get anything from sex without feelings for the man- so i dont sleep around- but trust me sometimes i do wish the morals would go away just for a day because i love sex and miss it! i'm still hoping to find love-sex is AWESOME when you have that- at least it is for me! | |
|
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/15/2008 7:17:23 PM | | Yes, it's possible, and yes I've done it many times. It was fun and exciting, and even empowering to some extent. I think I'm at a point in my life where it's important to at least connect on some level with the person I'm about to have sex with, even if that connection is a solid friendship and not a romantic love affair. I've been in love too, and there's no sexual relationship that's better than one between two lovers, but let's face it.....love doesn't grow on trees, and we're all human. Life's short....I like to enjoy it. | |
|
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:30:21 PM | | I can't do it right now because I am in a different frame of mind (so right now I am just not getting any boohoo) and am looking for more than just a one night stand but I have definitely done it before and if I have an itch that I decide to get scratched then I will do it. Sex is just sex, everything else is in a different category. If I get attached to someone it is because I got attached to them, not because they graced me with a night of sex. | |
|
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/16/2008 12:37:25 PM | In response to message #127 tiny skydiver
You know tiny, when I wrote my story about the NSA thing, (message #123) I would have gone ahead with him, it was him that decided not to go ahead with me.... he really didn't want a commitment and he determined that I did and he didn't want to hurt me. I thought that was fair and I understood his position. The deep level of sharing and melding we did, makes it extremely hard to forget about, and that is why I took myself off of the market.
As for your situation, I've heard often here on POF that guys that don't want a commitment quite often are more or less not wanting a commitment in the sense that they are ball and chained. If you trust yourself not to expect more than he has to offer and what you have with him, is good now, then, you have to consider he may want to withdraw to keep himself from getting further involved. On the other hand, he may decide that what you have together is good and he will stay. I don't think that is much different than being with someone who admits he wants a LTR, the risk is always the same. Both individuals have a right to choose if it is good for them or not.
You won't know, unless you do it, but you will know if you do do it and you don't like that you don't want to do it again.... it is a tough decision. I would have gone ahead with it, just to see what the result was and you are right, only you can decide for yourself. | |
|
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:52:20 PM | I completely agree . . . never was all that interested in NSA, but FWB was all I did prior to meeting my husband. But, I guess the way I looked at it was that FWB was the same thing as NSA. The problem is that when I had FWB, the guys always wanted to attach strings to the relationship and that was when I ended it. (Granted this was over 8 years ago and I have been monogamous ever since).  | |
|
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:30:50 PM | | Of course I can and have.. I am a single woman and I definitely have needs without all the drama.. Do friends with benefits count?? I have had one night stands and it was such a disappointment that I wish the dude would never call me.. Sometimes sex is just that, sex.. Everyone gets what they need or wanted and no worries the next day.. | |
|
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/17/2008 11:44:51 AM | | Actually I don't think that any woman is going to admit to this. If she does she might rule out any serious relationships. However, I have heard of "Friends with benefits" . This is something that is done when you are seriously looking for a long term relationship and want to keep you head about you. No pun. You get a good friend just for sex. No one else knows about it. If one of you finds someone the "Friends Relationship" disappears. I hear it is hard to not get attached to the Special Friend. | |
|
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/17/2008 11:47:35 AM | It's simple.
I never have sex with ANYONE I do not at least LIKE!
The other simple fact is. . .WOMEN need to not give a shit about what some prudes might think!
You do NOT have to LOVE me or MARRY me or PROPOSE to me to have me INSIDE you, ladies. . .just LIKE me!
The whole emotional thing should not be a problem as long as you at least LIKE every guy or girl you have sex with in the first place! | |
|
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/17/2008 12:35:55 PM | | ^^^^^ I feel the same way. I don't want to have sex with anyone I can't watch a ballgame or carry on a conversation with. I don't have to have deep feelings but I have to like being around them. | |
|
| |
| |
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/18/2008 2:36:49 AM | It can be done....been there....done that....not any more though....but there was a time where I only craved sex and not a relationship. Funny thing is that one or two of them wanted more but I didn't. But soon after than I did feel used and lonely. Now, if I want sex and I don't have a steady, I askea guy friend and they are more than happy to oblige.
People just need to be honest...some men and women just want sex....nothing wrong with that. Be honest and it will get you farther in life! | |
|
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/18/2008 3:02:18 AM | | You know what strikes me about this thread is the assumption that ALL men are capable of this. That its only women that are incapable of NSA sex. I guess Im just wired differently than most guys, because Ive tried to do the NSA thing a couple times and I always wound-up feeling empty afterward. The hottest sex on Earth is meaningless if you feel lonely afterward. I just cant do it, & I can relate to the ladies who also cant. | |
|
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:53:30 AM |
You know what strikes me about this thread is the assumption that ALL men are capable of this. That its only women that are incapable of NSA sex. I guess Im just wired differently than most guys, because Ive tried to do the NSA thing a couple times and I always wound-up feeling empty afterward. The hottest sex on Earth is meaningless if you feel lonely afterward. I just cant do it, & I can relate to the ladies who also cant.
Yep, I understand what you mean. There are a lot of people who feel ALL men can do it and would do it, but the problem is that there are a few minority that choose NOT to do it because of the reasons that you stated.
I have done it in the past when I was young and dumb, but now that I am a little bit older and wiser, I realize that there is more to it than just stick part A in slot B. Some people are just happy with that, and more power to them, but the thing is that there are other things that are nice about a relationship, like having someone to talk to, someone to give you a massage when you need one, someone to go to the movies and someone that you can smile at when you are with them. You can argue all you want that NSA sex can achieve these things, but it isn't the same. I have felt the same "emptiness" when I did it and judging between the two, I enjoyed sex in a relationship MUCH better than just hooking up with someone and getting off. There is more chemistry and IMO, it feels MUCH better with someone you love.  | |
|
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/18/2008 11:48:34 AM | I actually tend to prefer NSA sex. I haven't read through the other msgs, but I'd be willing to bet that I'm in the minority of women who are able to enjoy sex purely for its own sake. I just enjoy men too much to try and tie myself down to only one. Frankly, I'm not sure monogamy is all that natural. I think it's in the genes (and jeans, I suppose) to want variety.
And now I'm going to contradict everything I just said by observing that making love is far better than screwing. I do love the raw, hot frisson of a chance encounter with someone with whom one is chemically compatible; but nothing can come close to the transcendent immersion in pleasure that comes from searching you lover's eyes and connecting with something beyond flesh.
But your question was "can you do it?" Absolutely, with complete abandon and as often as possible. | |
|
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/18/2008 3:16:40 PM | hate to say it...yes i can have sex and not get attached. I think that we are definitely wired differently then men in the emotional sense but if you put your logical mind to work (which i do far too often) you will be able to seperate sex and emotion. I find for myself that im not a girl that 'falls' easily and its not like im afraid to either...i just know that logically we tend to get attached to an IDEAL rather than the REAL person.
When i meet men and women that after 3 dates are proclaiming 'soul mate' i just want to throw up. You dont LOVE the person, you love a preconceived notion of what you think that person is and what you wish in your own life romantically.
Sex is sex - shoot maybe im not a female after all. | |
|
| |
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/18/2008 4:08:29 PM | | I THINK SOME ARE CONFUSING NSA WITH A ONE NITE STAND. WHAT NSA MEANS TO ME IS HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU KNOW BUT ARE NOT IN LOVE OR INVOLVED WITH OTHER THAN FRIENDS. A ONE NITE STAND IS WHEN YOU MEET SOMEONE AND JUMP IN BED THE SAME NITE. THEN --THAT WAS GOOD ( OR NOT) THANKS, GOOD BUY. | |
|
| |
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:19:20 PM | OK, for the women who say they CAN do the NSA sex, here's a seperate question for you:
What is the difference-maker for you that turns a "Friends With Benefits" into an actual Boyfriend? Do you begin the majority of your relationships as a FWB and then wake up one day to realize you have actual feelings for your partner? Or is it just a stage in life youre at where you want the no-strings sex right now, and down the road youll be looking for something more?
Im curious because Im really surprised at the amount of females who say that can, and do, do this. | |
|
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/18/2008 10:27:47 PM | | For me it's a stage of my life where I want the no-strings thing. I've had more and right now am not ready for it again. Don't know if I ever will be. I expect to give and recieve respect and enjoyment from my partners but tell them up front that I'm not looking for or interested in commitment and don't feel I can offer them that. This gives them the chance to move on if they are looking for something else. I suppose it might be easier for me because I'm not a monogomous person so even if I fell hard for someone, I wouldn't expect either of us to be exclusive. | |
|
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/18/2008 10:44:47 PM | I was proposed such an Ongoing Friendship like this just last evening.
I found it rather awkward... I mean..perhaps I don't like to overthink things especially something like Non-Committal Sex...but... hey... to actually come out and say it.. like... hey let's stay friends...and enjoy the fringe benefits...(but I don't really want a relationship with you)..... 
you know what... I don't want to be his friend.
I could be his lover... and the benefits that come along with that...and yes, it is indeed a type of relationship.
I don't want to be 'The Cow'....no investment needed...just take the milk and no need to give back any emotion or committment.
nope.. I want more... I want a lover.
good thread... it has enabled me to verbalize what I was only thinking...but know it is the path I need to take. | |
|
Home
login 
