| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/18/2008 10:46:53 PM | What is the difference-maker for you that turns a "Friends With Benefits" into an actual Boyfriend? Do you begin the majority of your relationships as a FWB and then wake up one day to realize you have actual feelings for your partner? Or is it just a stage in life youre at where you want the no-strings sex right now, and down the road youll be looking for something more?
There is no difference (just for me - I can't answer for anyone else). It's not that I have NO feelings for lovers in a no-strings-attached scenario. I've never had a lover I didn't LIKE as a person. Feelings of affection and enjoyment and communion and sometimes quite deep and sincere emotional and intellectual connection simply don't coincide with the traditional "strings" of commitment or relationships as defined by the "possessive-based" overall culture, for me.
I'm reading this late on a Sunday night, but if the phone rang right this second and if ANY man who'd been my lover in the past was on the other end asking me for help or comfort, absolutely NO PROBLEM. But it's also NO PROBLEM if they've moved on and I never hear from them again. Just a nice memory of a nice person. Kind of confusing, I know.
So when does it progress to love? For me - it's only happened once. And yes, he was a no-strings-attached lover. A few years into our no-strings thing, I realized I'd rather step in front of a bullet for him than live with him gone from the world, and that he felt the same about me. I never got that chance. Silly bugger went and died of a heart attack under my watch, as I pounded on his chest and breathed into his lungs. I failed. The bullet would have been ... easier.
How did we get there? I have no idea. We were quite happy, though, for 25 "no-strings" years. | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/19/2008 12:30:30 AM | absolutely. there is something very amazing when you sleep with someone and just leave them.. its all about the sex.
guys get called a player girls a slut... but thats society right? | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/19/2008 12:12:48 PM | OK, this coming from someone who has been there and done that.......
NSA can be great sex, but I feel that women are just more passionate. We tend to enjoy the flirty, teasing, touching & kissing whereas most men like to get st8 down to business. I have found that you have to have some kind of connection with the person to really have GOOD sex. There has to be some meaning behind it whether it is a friendship, or a mutual understanding and respect for each others situation. There seems to be ALOT of this NSA stuff on here.....I personally am not looking for love, but I am looking to make a connection before we go any further. For me NO CONNECTION = NO SEX. I wanna know who I am doin.....I am clean, and plan to stay that way!! | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/19/2008 12:19:54 PM | | it's possible, but also dependent on the degree of chemistry, time invested, and compatibility. if i'm physically attracted to someone but not emotionally attracted to them (i may like him but don't see any real potential or compatibility) then ya, NSA can work out just fine. it only gets sticky if one person is more emotionally invested than the other. as long as everyone is upfront, and both people are honest with eachother and themselves, then it doesn't have to be a messy or complicated thing. | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/19/2008 1:42:23 PM | | I think it's very possible and I do it. Actually I'm the one leaving him in bed and heading out the door but it's known from day one because my profile pretty much says it like it is. I have had a couple of guys who got attached and I had to remind them I wasn't interested in an ongoing relationship but open for occasional "meet" ups. I now have seen the other side of how guys do their thing and am doing what they have done for years and I don't feel a bit guilty about it. | |
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okima
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Joined: 6/6/2007
Msg: 159 | |
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/19/2008 1:51:03 PM | | Well speaking for my self, i think it's definitely possible for a woman to have sex with NSA, w/o a problem. I find it easier that way and a bit more interesting. Of course we all want the emotional connection, but on the other hand W/O the atttachment im able to bring out the lil hore in me ;) lmao | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/19/2008 2:22:41 PM | | I think if the two people are completely honest about it just being a "booty call" , then it's 100% OK with me !! I have found that people (BOTH sexes) put way too much emphasis on sex being a "physical embodiment of luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv". Have a few one-night stands and you will have a MUCH healthier view of sex. Sure, it's fantastic when you love your partner. But how often does actual LOVE come along? String-free sex is fun. To quote George Michael, "Not everybody does it, but everybody should!!" (And yes, I really do feel this way and I really AM a chick...) | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/19/2008 8:26:20 PM | Plan A: Stay single, get a F*** buddy.
Result: Friendship, pleasure, happiness, low stress.
Plan B: Meet someone online, get in a relationship
Result: Get all goo goo gaa gaa for a while, have some great sex for a while, eventually hope you'll get it once a week, things start getting routine, buy something for them in hopes of getting it once this month, eventually find out that the person your with is nothing like who you met because if they were they'd never get a date, finally break up because you can't stand who they really are, go back to POF and find the next 'perfect' one.
By the way, I'm just telling the story of a, um, uh, 'friend' of mine. 
At least if it's friends with benefits, you know what to expect. | |
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mxcniz
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Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 165 | |
| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/20/2008 6:13:33 AM | | i myself have no problem with it, but i do have the select ones that i consider friend with bennies...im not looking to get a large crowd of men for it, which i have been apporached by i cant tell you by how many on this site, for a one night stand, or another friend with bennies. if a woman wants to have a nsa fling, then go ahead on sista. it doesnt make u any less of a woman, ur just gettin your groove on. now when u start adding multiples and multiples in the mix, then u may start to turn the table on yourself and far as being a little on the slutty side. but its your business. same applies for men as well, if you got tons of friends with bennies, then i cant join the group. and sometimes yes, having a nsa sexual relationship can turn into something more lasting and nurturing, i think thats how alot of men end up getting feeling for a woman, esp moreso if the sex is good or phenomenal, cuz lets face it, women like to be able to tear that ass up and have him coming back for more, its very empowering to have that. most of us women, at least i speak for myself, have a very poewerful thing in between our thighs. like sitting on a goldmine!!!!! | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/20/2008 6:47:46 AM | | PoeticBliss, let me say first of all that I did not read all the responses because there were so many & too many pages. So, let me say this, I am married & have been for 38 years now to my only wife. Only in the past few years have our sex lives become somewhat unsatisfying, although we still have sex. Her sex drive has diminished & mine apparently has accelerated. I found myself involved with another woman sexually & yes I became attached to her. We continued the affair for over a year. Both of us have experienced very satisfying sex. She has recently experienced a very ill father & bitter siblings over his estate &, by mutual agreement, we have separated so as to keep me & my name out of the battle with her siblings & lawyers. It has been nearly 6 months now since we have split. She promised to keep me informed as she could & has. The problem is, I miss her terribly & agreed not to contact her in any way. Have we become attached? You bet your life we have. We both know it but have simply stayed away from each other so as not to create suspicions. I look every day for an update. | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/20/2008 10:11:45 AM | | Nope. Ain't gonna happen as I believe Sex is the culmination, the exclamation point of falling/being in Love. It has worked so far for me so I am going to stay with that plan till the right Fish comes along... | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/20/2008 10:32:16 AM | | I don't believe in monogamy personally. It's just not what we see in the real world. I can separate sex from love. But often I think what happens we become enamored with the person we are copulating with naturally. Of course this wears off. I like the idea that our partners should not be treated like property and that we do not own them physically. Though I think I'd have a green eyed monster that I'd have to kill in such a relationship, I think its definitely a workable arrangement. Social expectations and conditioning really don't help these sorts of relationships. So the effect they have are typically negative and these feeling are internalized. | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:47:31 PM | I think that it is very possible to have sex with a person and not 'get attached'.....
Back in my 20's that was something that happened a few times. Never regreted anything, had fun and lived my life as I wanted....
But i truly believe it depends on the person, their beliefs, and morals.
My parents were swingers, so sex to me was never something taught as love, it was something 'fun and enjoyable', and its taken along time to actually link the two together......
On the other hand , we are all adults , and we definately have NEEDS !!!  | |
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hmmft
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Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 172 | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:56:10 PM | | haha, true. I have done it & it's not hard for me. At certain times of my life it's all I wanted so it worked out great. I got good sex but not the rest of the hassles that I didn;t need at the time. I have to like the person & have a sexual feeling towards them. I won;t just go home with anyone just to have sex. I have to want them. Not all guys make good boyfriends. If everyone's honest then it works. It seems alot of guys on this site really want that but lie to women to get it so the women get hurt. Thats not nice. | |
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| No Strings Attached Sex-- Ladies, can you do it?
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:14:25 PM | | You know, I think no sex attached is sometimes a great idea. Women are not the only ones that get attached. You have some men who hound you just because your sex is the best sex they ever had. Sometimes a women just wants a little fun or a quicky and just wants to be on her way. Relationships are not all they're cracked up to be. Most relationships fail. Me personally, I'd rather have a one night stand and leave it at that. Well, if it's really good, then maybe one more time. One night stands usually are more kinkier. Makes you orgasim alot faster. None of that slow shit. | |
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