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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:58:23 AM | My first and only love left me pregnant with our third child whilc I was knee deep in a dual Finance & Engineering. I let him make the decision about our future - either counseling or divorce, but not a free card of separation to go experiment sexually with every woman walking the earth and bring me the disease. He choose divorce. It destroyed a lot of things in my life ~ like a veteran who got sent home cause he stepped on a field mine.
If you are married still - KEEP HIM and stay married. So this is the worst. Work to get better - he can and will be better ~ give it one day at a time ~ already 20 years have been vested. It takes give and take in a relationship to be strong.
If you are divorced already, Let it change YOUR life for the positive and PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN & YOUR HEART.
It is my belief that it is best to just keep uplifting your kids so they are ok and working on a more secure you and eventually when the time is right the right one will find you at the right moment.
Just be careful about knowing what you really want cause some times mr. right comes along and wants you to give up every thing or take everything you developed for him. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:19:18 AM | Those who have "vehemently" taken the Op's side, (at least me anyway) are not condoning her putting herself in a position to cheat.. we are taking her side because we have experience with an alcoholic or with the mind-fvcking decisions that need to be made when we realize that it isn't going to get any better and we need to take action, we also come to her defense because we are horrified with the way some of you treat others with your verbal abuse
Very well-said wishes.
Despite her youth, the 19-year-old that was villified for not having been on the planet longer also hit the nail on the head with respect to what this thread has turned into; childish, petty, flat-out mean crap. The OP knows, for those that feel the need to repeat it over, and over, and over, again, that you feel she is a worthless piece of shit. She also knows that Sherlock Holmes is afoot and has seen through her subterfuge. For those that felt the need to return and tell people that their illusions about the OP were dispelled, that was accomplished and then you too chose to stoop to the level of people you criticize by making a comment with the depth of ninny, ninny, ha ha.
It may be antiquated, but my grandmother always told me that if you do not have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. My translation of that would be we already heard you now you can stfu. And again in case anyone is listening, you attract more bees with honey than vinegar. Realistically, those that continue to make reposts as champions for the children et al, what exactly are you accomplishing by failing to stand by and do nothing? Reminds me of that chick in Memphis that has been sitting on a couch outside the Civil Rights Museum since it opened, protesting it's commercialism. She appears to park her rear on a lot nicer couch than 10 years ago, sells t-shirts (which are obviously not commercial) and I always wonder who the hell is supporting her.
And here's the thing, when you continue to attack someone whether they deserve it or not, eventually you begin to look ignorant and stupid, even if generally speaking you are not. Saying it one more time is not going to make a difference. Continuing to argue about a subject that is essentially without resolution is equally ridiculous and pointless. Even if you are right, people get tired of hearing it and will distance themselves from you and yet again, what have you changed, absofukinglutely not one thing. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:26:27 AM | allowing the years to pass and wouldn't change long ago and still won't leave the man helps to corrupt the entire dating structure. women wanting to keep with these type of guys and leave the other guys to hang and dry. the guy was likely bad in the very beginning but as what commonly occurs the woman claims he "changed" but if she dug deeper into his character in the beginning she'd see him for what he is and 80% of the men would be discarded quickly, but women are compelled to such guys for some reason.
i've been grabbed by enough married women and still get them after me. they want their financial security and playing on the side. i have no respect for them.
GREED and so little self-sufficiency & responsibility. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:26:57 AM | | Frankly, I'm not sure why this thread continues. The OP is merely looking for attention of any kind, she's going to do whatever the hell she wants anyway, and all she does is gush thanks to those who show her sympathy. If nothing else, it likely gives her a good chuckle to see that 9 pages later, people are still having such strong reactions. It all seems pretty pointless to me. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:54:23 AM | | I agree this thread should die a slow death. As packagedeals grandmother told her"if you cant say anything nice about someone dont say anthing at all" Mine told me the same thing. Mine also told me "dont air your dirty laundry in public if you dont want people talking" The OP could have just came on this site and did whatever it is that she wanted to do as far as meeting or dating. She didnt do that. She posted in an open forum. As with any topic people have strong opinions and are going to voice them. Starting a debate with someone who doesnt agree is a choice. Thats when it no longer becomes about the OP but individual personalitites, each defending their own view. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 8:51:19 AM | I always suspected that when an OP is getting bashed, and the chronic bashers outweight those with compassion... then the thread never gets deleted. However; when the chronic bashers don't seem to 'win' or, get the majority to agree with them, then 'this thread should get deleted' is voiced. Funny how you don't want it to remain now.. Where was you concern before? I understand this (though find it rather pathetic) afterall, regardless of what your opinion is why would you want decent men seeing via your posts how mean and unyielding you are. There are decent ways to give an opinion that does not agree with an opening post... Thanks for showing (I hope) most of us the way NOT to do it.
*acknowledges galonthemt's post and does not include her in my synopsis*
The OP could have just came on this site and did whatever it is that she wanted to do as far as meeting or dating. She didnt do that. I agree, the fact that she posted indicates to me that she is indeed looking for clarity, otherwise she could have just joined one of the thousand married folks on here and gone ahead and cheated, not worrying or, giving a sh*t about what any of us people thought about it.
~ Wishes ~ | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 8:57:37 AM | | Why beat a dead horse, is all I'm saying? both sides have strong opinions. Nobody is going to change the minds of 'the other side' and the OP clearly finds this all very amusing so what is the point in continuing? There's people on these forums who are genuinely lost and looking for help. Time would be better spent trying to help them than help someone who never really wanted help to begin with, that's all I'm saying. I never said delete the thread......I just don't understand why it goes on and on, like the song that never ends. *shrug* | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:51:46 PM |
always suspected that when an OP is getting bashed, and the chronic bashers outweight those with compassion... then the thread never gets deleted. However; when the chronic bashers don't seem to 'win' or, get the majority to agree with them, then 'this thread should get deleted'
I didn't realize we were trying to win. Is that your problem with this you want to win? I wasn't in a contest to begin with.
afterall, regardless of what your opinion is why would you want decent men seeing via your posts how mean and unyielding you are.
Isn't this just a little too similar to me saying, that all the men can see all the women condoning cheating? hmmmmm
My grandmother had a couple of good old sayings herself.. if you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen, and ignorance is bliss.
And I do agree with the people that said we are beating a dead horse, thought about that after my last post. And that by keeping this going, is giving her way too much importance, and she's not really important to me at all. The person that would be important to me, is the one being cheated on. If I'm going to put my empathy, and sympathy into someone, it is not going to be a cheater, or someone that's too weak to try to do the right thing.
I try to live my life, so I don't have to live with guilt, or regret. I don't try to harm others. I also don't give in to people trying to bully me, or shame me into relenting to the way they think, especially when it comes to having some morals.
While the women are trying to say how mean we are for saying we don't think what she is doing is right, maybe you need to read what you are saying to us. But that isn't mean is it? Why is that? Because our opinion differs from yours, or you are just taking up for the OP? But that doesn't make you ****es, or mean, does it? How does that work? How about the guy that tells us OLD women how awful, and disgusting we are, is that mean? Or is that just okay for the same reasons you can do it? So isn't that just a little contradictory? But I guess we are only mean, and ****es, if we don't agree with you. I think this goes back to that old saying, ignorance is bliss.  | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:56:44 PM |
^^ wow, that all means so much. coming from a *cough cough* 19 yr old LOL
Excuse my ignorance, but you were 19 at one time, were you not? No doubt you were ignoraqnt to the ways of the world, but just because you were does NOT mean I am. Just because you are OLDER and more "WISE" does not make you right. So? People learn the best lessons of all from their children.
People like you, who only look at age, are ignorant. I have made many mistakes throughout my life, and through doing so I have learned a helluva lot more than a lot of people your age. Maybe you should learn some decency and stop bullying someone who is obviously hurt or she wouldn't be trying to post on this BROKEN HEARTS forum.
I saw your nasty posts as well, and as I was focusing on WallFlower you are in there just as well. I chose not to include you because I don't know much about you. I only come on these forums so often because they have turned into a petty ****-fest. You are the one who needs to grow up.
WallFlower, I'm so happy you got defensive and turned it around on me. I'm sure the rational people on this forum have seen your posts and thought as I did. It doesn't matter what you say to provoke me. You should learn to take your own advice, or back off.
Tacu, no problem. If no one stands up to these schoolyard bullies, they will keep bullying until they can't go anymore. Being online shows who people really are. If they see other people taking advantage of the right to free speech and yelling at others, they will do the same. Mind you, these are the same people who tell their kids (if they have kids anyways) to play nice. Let's see the children read what they are saying online. No wonder kids are so messed up these days. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 5:03:22 PM | bla bla bla BLA bla. Yeah, the OP seems so hurt and distraught, in all her bombness and all. Schoolyard bullies LMFAO. These are forums. People freely post their personal tidbits on here, seeking opinions of others. Some they may like, some they may not - that's the risk you take.
I feel sorry for spouses and children whose lives are destroyed and turned upside down; all because of selfish husbands/wives/moms/dads who don't have the backbone to end an allegedly miserable existence of a marriage but instead, slink around undercover on dating sites...........meanwhile they have admitted potheads for children, or "brats" as they call them............yeah, you want to talk about it being no wonder kids are messed up these days? Talk to the OP about that one. If her husband was as rotten and abusive and as much of a drunk and pothead (smoking it with her sons, no less) as she portrays him to be, that doesn't say much for her as a role model and mother -- to allow her children to be subjected to such a jack*ss now does it? She claims her youngest daughter is 11. So what kind of environment is that to raise your young daughter in; pot smoking daddy and bros, alcoholic daddy, abusive daddy, unstable daddy, mommy and daddy don't even sleep in the same bed...........................(well of course if this is all TRUE). Are you going to call that a good mother; someone who allows her children to grow up in a home with that much dysfunction, drugs, alcohol, abuse, disrespect? Yeah...............let's all pull up a chair and talk about messed up kids these days. Supertacu, you can start off for us. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 5:22:25 PM |
Let's see the children read what they are saying online. No wonder kids are so messed up these days
My adult children would agree with me, they have morals too, they were raised with them. Let HER children read what she says online, hmmmm wonder what they would think of good ole' mommy. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:52:09 PM | About kids?? 
My 2 are very productive grownups who are very together, very loving, in stable and functioning relationships. In fact, my daughter is going to be a beautiful bride this year. She is marrying every mother's dream for a son-in-law. He adores my daughter.
My son is with a woman who thinks he is perfection. I am adored and respected by my kids and they spoil me any chance they get. All my friends and acquaintances have always said "How on earth did you get such beautiful children?" I said.."It's because I loved them enough to treat them with decency, love, respect and taught them good values and a decent code of behaviour."
I enjoyed them! I had fun with them. I put them in sports, music and other things so that they could develop self-esteem and learn to challenge themselves in a productive way. They did well at school and college. They never smoked or did drugs. They partied with their peers but not so that it ever became a problem.
I never called them brats and ran them down. How horrible for those kids that this happens to.
This comes from someone who also taught her kids to speak up about peer pressure to do bad things. I taught my kids to have opinions and not be scared to be leaders instead of following a pack of sheep being led by wolves.
I can be proud.
Now I am off the forum. so..if you want to rip me apart...go and do so. I have the last smile and laugh because I have respect. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 8:55:20 PM | Why don't all you ignorant peple stop attacking this woman.
Look I am sorry you are having to deal with all this hurt and confusion. Look before my mother died she was feeling the same. The thing is she will never know what would have happened, but you can. Never sell yourself short, you can make it alone. There is no question there will be hard times that you just can't make it through, but in reality you can. Don't be unhappy because your scared of the world. You have to make your way in this world. Its never to late to do scary things. And your young still!
You guys all this lady needs is help. We always support each other on here. She deserves the same repect everyone else gets. She just has diffrent things going on in her life.    | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 9:34:49 PM |
You guys all this lady needs is help. We always support each other on here. She deserves the same repect everyone else gets. She just has diffrent things going on in her life
No, she doesn't deserve any respect. She isn't looking for help, she is looking for men. Vast difference. She doesn't have anything different going on in her life, than other people that have gotten divorced. But all that she is after is men, and attention. I'm sure she is getting plenty of both.  | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:05:31 PM | you ladies who seem very bitter from past hurts, keep post sarcastic remarks to anyone who doesn't agree with you. everybody has a right to freedom of speach. and
jnh456 **mean and disgusting no ***. i don't know you , never met you nor ever talked with you before now. but your own words and sarcasm is what forms ones opinion of you. i'm sure to those who know you think very highly of you and you may in fact be a very nice person, but the way in which you replied to my post gave me my impression of you . we all have had people who hurt us in life. and will probably happen again. thing is some of us know to heal and move on taking with us a lesson learned. what the op does is not anybodies business but hers. we get what we give. she will in the end get what she gives. if it be lies and deceit then a measure is reserved for her. what i didn't like was the ignorant remarks slung at others. how some tried to make themselves look so much more inteligent and better than others. trying to dumb down anything said counter to what your views were. we get what we give! while mine may not have been any better i will be big enough to apoligize for anything i said that offended anybody. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:31:44 PM | There are 2 sides to every story...the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
The Poster does not need to be put down by anyone....
We have all done and said things that make us look bad in the eyes of others....however, it's the REACTION OF THOSE OTHERS which speaks the most. Will they show us kindness or not?
KINDNESS can go a long way....and it doesn't cost anything nor hurt another person. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:33:33 PM | | If you don't want to give up what you've gained then you better get your husband and get to a counsellor. Marriage is hard work, it sounds like you've given up. Sleeping in seperate beds is the beginning to the end. If you don't love the man then get out, expect to be butt poor but maybe happier? Money should not be the reason you stay with someone. It shows a lack of character to hang on for financial reasons alone. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:46:15 PM | ^^^From wutznot2love's msg #234\/\/\/
Why beat a dead horse, is all I'm saying? both sides have strong opinions. Nobody is going to change the minds of 'the other side' and the OP clearly finds this all very amusing so what is the point in continuing? There's people on these forums who are genuinely lost and looking for help. Time would be better spent trying to help them than help someone who never really wanted help to begin with, that's all I'm saying.
I never said delete the thread......I just don't understand why it goes on and on, like the song that never ends. *shrug From packagedeal:
And here's the thing, when you continue to attack someone whether they deserve it or not, eventually you begin to look ignorant and stupid, even if generally speaking you are not. Saying it one more time is not going to make a difference. Continuing to argue about a subject that is essentially without resolution is equally ridiculous and pointless. Even if you are right, people get tired of hearing it and will distance themselves from you and yet again, what have you changed, absofukinglutely not one thing. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 11:38:20 PM | | Hello, listen..i am going through the exact situation you are, and you are not doing anything wrong, i know what it feels like to be lonely and empty inside...be you Chritian,Catholic or whatever. You have given 20 years of your life to a man who sounds like he just doesn't care and who is selfish..My husband also drinks and whever else he is doing,he has een stolen my pain medicine so he could get higher when he drinks beer. I feel your pain, honestly.....it does not matter what anyone on here thinks...why are they on here?...But what i can tell is that you need to meet that one person who will make you feel alive again...and you will!...it does happen, so please don't give up..ok?....everyone has something to say, but only you and you alone know what you need and deserve...Really, as far as i'm concerned i'm only married on a piece of paper,but i don't have a real marriage, and neither do you...So hang in there...i bet anything that you will meet a really nice guy......take one step at a time and honestly, don't listen to these other people....how can anyone be so judgemental...you may be legally married but that's it...I felt the emptiness for many years and now have found a wonderful guy...like i said...one step at a time...you'll do fine...keep your self esteem high and that's it....When i read your messeage,it sounded exactly like me!...so don't give up..ok......you take care | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/20/2008 12:01:42 AM | Wutznot2love, Wall Flower...if you spot it, you got it.
It's not Supertacu's demons you fight, but your own.
Thanks for sharing about your situation Supertacu. Looks like there was some good stuff for you in all this.
XinXspired
sinner
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/20/2008 1:45:53 PM | But what i can tell is that you need to meet that one person who will make you feel alive again...and you will!...it does happen, so please don't give up..ok?....everyone has something to say, but only you and you alone know what you need and deserve...Really, as far as i'm concerned i'm only married on a piece of paper,but i don't have a real marriage, and neither do you...So hang in there...i bet anything that you will meet a really nice guy......take one step at a time and honestly, don't listen to these other people....how can anyone be so judgemental...you may be legally married but that's it...I felt the emptiness for many years and now have found a wonderful guy...
Sometimes people change, and not for the better. I for one have no quarrel with the OP wanting more out of life, but she seems to be seeking support for a "strategy" of finding that "more out of life" by pursuing extramarital romantic relationships,citing finances,concern for breaking up her family and her somewhat faded Christianity as reasons to remain married to this man, whom she claims to love as a parent loves a child rather than as a woman loves her man.
I GET that she hopes to find a man who will help her escape from this sad shell of a marriage. I say she is headed down the wrong path because all she is doing is shifting the responsibility for her own happiness from one man to another.
FORGET all the dogma about cheating, setting a bad example for her kids,whatever! She's just repeating the same damn mistake;looking for a man to provide her with happiness.
We are each responsible for creating our own happiness,and finding someone else who has also created his or her own happiness. And then you SHARE it. If there is a circumstance in your life that puts you out there on your own for a time, you can get through it with equanamity. You may not LIKE not having someone to share your happiness,but you will be able to make your choices about love and relationships with a little bit of good judgement and wisdom.
you need to meet that one person who will make you feel alive again... and that one person is HERSELF, not a man who's willing to enter into a relationship with another man's wife.
You don't get true happiness from another person, true happiness is something you create for yourself, and you grow that happiness by sharing it. As long as the OP sees her happiness as being dependent upon having male attention, she's gonna screw herself over again, and again. That's what bothers me.
But it sounds like the post from which I've quoted will give the OP what she THINKS she needs...a way to rationalize cheating, by telling herself other people are doing it,too. Sure they are, and for every one that actually leverages themselves into something POSITIVE, there's probably 10 who end up with their *ss in a sling...
Cindy O | |
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