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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:22:30 PM | I was married for 27 years to an alcoholic. I had to get out, stayed way too long for the kids
dont stay. take kids and make new life. Life is too short.
Its been hard, horrible and my kids are not young anymore, nor am I.
they hate that i broke the family apart. they dont know i was dying and fading away.
I am single, been hurt terribly by a single male ***hole. but I will date and find myself again,despite my kids and my family.
good luck to you | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 7/24/2008 9:00:36 PM | You said it yourself. Your with a child of a man. I believe that kids get a bad lesson when they live through a dead marriage. Better to come from a broken home than to live in one.
I was married for over 10 years to a grown man that acted like a child. He always had money to spend at the bar and denied the family the basic needs, because he needed the money for the bar. I was the only adult around. He would break my rules for the kids as fast as I set them. He didn't believe that kids should have chores, because his sister didn't give her kids chores. I was a servant in my own home. He would raise his fist to me. It was the drinking/ and his ego that got him mad at me.
I don't see you as thinking yourself as better than him. Your crying for help and guidance. A dating site is not the place for it. Yet, I hear you.
Well, you don't have child care issues. A child of 11 is legally allowed to be home alone. I wouldn't recommend it for long periods of time, but it's ok until you get home from work. you need a plan to break away. I know what your going through, it's misery.
There are better sites to contact than this one: It's called hidden hurt dot com. It's a site for anyone that were damaged by their other half.
J. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 7/25/2008 1:41:44 AM | I do sympathise, I would have hated to be in your situation, but I was lucky, my alcoholic , abusive husband and I split after 7 years and I have spent the majority of the last 14 years as a single parent. Its been great!
Being on your own is so empowering, though I wont pretend it has been lonely at times like Christmas and Holidays but its been worth it to have the love and respect of my 2 great kids. I know they would not have been so stable and happy, healthy minded people if their dad and his bad influences had been around; he stayed out of their lives in an effort to upset me but little does he know I was delighted about it, and the kids barely rememeber him now anyway.
You say your'e scared you'll never meet Mr Right. No you might not but it's not like you have Mr Right now either so whats to loose? Why is it so important to have a man in your life anyway? Financial concerns should not stop you, you'd battle through it and probably be happier even if you are poor again. Imagine yourself as a 75yr old still living with this abusive man and your grandchildren disprespecting you too....not a nice thought hey? Good Luck | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 7/25/2008 2:34:00 AM | Wutznot2love, I've read all your responses and I couldn't agree more. You didn't sugar coat and you told it like it is, I think you've ruffled many feathers and I love that!  I know every circumstance is unique and scary to the person/people involved but the posters first priority is her children and she let them down. How could she even think about bringing someone new into this mess? I totally understand how she could feel she's wasted part of her life so in my opinion, she should be fighting for the rest of her life. She can turn this into something good by fighting for herself and showing her kids you can work hard, be a good person and command better for yourself and your family. There's alot of good, wonderful people in these forums who speak from experience and just want to help. Don't expect to air your dirty laundry on here and not get honest feedback. What you get isn't always what you want to hear. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 7/25/2008 4:43:45 AM | | Yes suck it up, and be a responsible mom to the 11 year old. If you still feel the way you do, consider a divorce afterwards. Poverty usually follows , the kids suffer. You end up wanting to date, which the kids wont understand, so first you take their dad away, then you leave them with a baby sitter. How about getting counseling? Oh here is a clue too, most all the friends you think you have will jump ship when you are single. You are not alone, but multiple wrongs dont make a right. Unless he is a danger to his kids, and I didnt read anything along those lines. If he is depressed it could be something physical, make him see a doctor, you sound depressed too. I doubt a divorce would solve your problems, No husband, I doubt most would find a freshley divorced, mom of four, that is depressed very attractive. After 20 yrs, and four kids doctors will tell you it will take you 4-5 yrs to emotionally be ready to date. Just ask yourself this are your kids better, or worse off with you married. Sacrifice, it is a word Americans have seemed to have lost, with the exception of our military men, and women, cops, and firemen. Good Luck, and be the best mom you can be, whether married, or divorced. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 7/25/2008 4:43:49 AM | No actually, she might not ever meet Mr Right but she is with Mr Wrong now so anything is better than that surely. Blimey I dunno, is it just me or am I weird for feeling you dont have to have Mr Right or Mr Anyone for that matter in your life to be happy and complete? Great if it happens but the main thing is that we live our lives to the fullest whatever your situation.
Oh and to Deweylips Post No 272 I cant believe you even had the gall to write that. You think just because you are disabled you cant leave your marraige. So whats your husband then? Your carer? The money tree... And you cheat on him.....Lovely.... I hope he knows what you get up to. You sound a very very selfish person. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 7/25/2008 6:20:15 AM | I did not read the many pages..........
Another wrong will not make the original wrong, right
There is no excuse....let me repeat that, no excuse, or valid reason to ever cheat.
You feel "empty" in your marriage?
Nothing, outside, the marriage will fill you up or make you whole....
except to put all your effort and energy into your marriage.
Or get out.
It did not get broken, all at once, but eroded with time......it will not, miraculously, heal it's self.
Abracadabra..poof, all better now.
Leeches, comes to mind and the fact y'all.....the cheating women on this thread....don't want to be "uncomfortable"....
Lazy and don't want to struggle, so you stay and suck not only your mate's time but his money.
You've wasted both, you and your husband's, time.
Invested your life in nothing.
When you saw your relationship dying...at that point, it would have been the time to crawl upon it and do some first aid......breathe some new life into it.
But instead, you focused on other things.
Seeking distractions.........where your mind goes, your body usually follows.
And who will want to have a relationship with you?
Your own "kind".........another cheater, liar, thief.........momentary, pleasures of the flesh and guess what.........
you will always come up empty.
Post 272.......What is wrong with you? 
It's great that you say on your profile, under first date........you will not get in the car with "him" on the first date.
And try to save your date the expense of pre-renting a motel room by warning them not to get one.
You are mobile enough to get out without your husbands assistance.....then you can make it on your own.
As far as your children........you equate less money with unhappy children....wrong.
So you warp them and stay.....
I don't think meadow rat but do think gutter rat. 
Parasite and host.
I thought POF did not have "unfit"/undatable, people on the site?
I will suggest to you, what I suggested to my hubs, when I found out what nasty things he'd been up too........
Finish your old life before you try to get another one.
And as someone who's been cheated on and lied too.......what I didn't know still hurt me. And what he did had an impact on 100's of lives.
ceeceekitty | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 7/25/2008 10:08:27 AM | | young lady, the need to be happy is in everyone . if hubby won't go to counselling for drinking, separate beds says a lot about a relationship. maybe be talk to him when he is sober and see if a change can be aquired , if not a life of repression is yours until u change your status.seek a counsellor yourself first; if needed than follow sane plans to happiness and being loved and respected. | |
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| Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 8/22/2008 4:36:38 PM | | you are some stupid people,the women is a ho,her kids are f'd up and she is looking for another sucker to take them all in while she sucks the life and money out of him. | |
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