| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:57:54 AM | ghettosob27
There are some serious predators out there (men & women alike) & if they are getting the milk for free..they have no need to buy the cow!
That's right so whenever someone wants my free milk I tell them very bluntly...if you're going to treat me like whore, you're going to have to pay me like a whore...still want it big boy?  Their reaction is always the same- no, no I'd NEVER do to that to you. Correct you won't, because I won't let you 
OP-be warned the sad but true facts about the greater majority of men online are that while they will list long-term and/or tell you a whole bunch of bs many are in fact lying and only looking for a quickie.
Use this as a life lesson, it wasn't anything you did, this person is a predator of the worst type...many of us have made mistakes along the way like this because "nice girls" have been taught to always tell the truth and so we believe others do the same...and they don't... | |
|
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:07:05 AM | He didnt want a serious relationship. Then you slept together and now he's thinking uh oh. Your thinking because you slept together that the relationship should be moving forward, and he is not. So now he's scared thinking this went wayyyy to fast for him. I'd stand back and see if he contacts you. Personally I dont htink he will but who knows. And then you have to make a decision if you want to see him or not.
I think it was too much texting with someone who said he didnt want to get serious. JMHO | |
|
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:09:54 AM | After reading you story . I want yo to know ,things like this happens for varies
reasons. I was talking with a guy for 4 months last year ,this was while he was home everyday/not traveling with his work.As soon as he started touring again,I he
was around less and less. I was told by a friend of ours the guy had gotten really bored,he's used to go,go ,go! Basicly I was his muse for a time.
I really do wish you the best . the way I see it everytime I reach out and open up to a guy I'm taking a 50/50 chance ,of being together forevr or it just not working out. | |
|
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:13:53 AM | | Wait a minute. You said the sex was amazing, right? If a guy was on here complaining that he paid for a date but didn't get sex he would be called a jerk. One should give without expectations. If you wanted sex get it for you not to farther the relationship. | |
|
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:47:11 AM |
First off....he states he doesn't want anything serious right now...but yet he jumps in the sack with you.
This is the eternal "disconnect" of "Adventures in Dating." Men don't necessarily equate "serious" with "jumping in the sack". This does not make them bad or evil; it makes them MALES.
I've come to see it this way; that first trip to Between the Sheets City is a pivotal event. This is where you find out whether you truly have the wholehearted,undivided attention of his heart and soul, and Willy's along for the ride, or whether it was only ever all about Willy. This is just an inherent risk of modern dating.
You have to do what you feel is right for each particular situation as far as when to have sex; with the times being what they are, stonecast "rules" about when to "give it up" are about as useful as tits on a rooster.
BUT, that said, you need to be prepared for the distinct possibility that once the deed is done, he will either "fade away" with delays, excuses and caveats, or even just fall off the face of the earth entirely.
OP, in this case it sounds like he got what he was after and now he's on to either his next "conquest", whatever or whomever that may be.
This does not make you bad or dumb or wrong. Just chalk this up to experience and lose the guys contact info.
Cindy O | |
|
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:16:35 AM | | op when did things change between u and he?R u thinking after the sex?He told u from the beginning that he wasn't ready for anything serious.Do u not consider sex serious?Do u think he could have been testing u as some men will do believe it or not?So how did u expect him to respond as he had let u know that emotionally he wasn't ready for anything heavy and ur reply to sex was sure let's do it.So either he was thinking u don't have any boundaries or ur not mature enough to know what ur doing.He is still inlove with his ex. | |
|
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:18:45 AM | Honestly, and not stating this in a judgemental way at all..... Ya'll didn't make love.. you had SEX. To make love you should truly know a person inside and out. Often when it happens to quickly it crashes and burns too quickly as well.
I'm also not a fan of someone texting someone else while we're on a date or hanging out and it's definately not a good thing when they are showing you their texts! It's like he was trying to stir something up.
(HE RECENTLY got out of a relationship and she's texting wanting to come see him.... all of the sudden you're not seeing him..... maybe SHE is)
You didn't do anything wrong.....but, don't hang on just waiting for this guy... keep dating have fun. | |
|
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:25:03 AM | Actually I don't think this is anything to do with you at all, or whether you had sex with the guy too soon. I think it has more to do with the ex, and his reaction to it.
Don't blame yourself, but if necessary, move on. He knows your number. | |
|
| |
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:07:37 AM | OP-be warned the sad but true facts about the greater majority of men online are that while they will list long-term and/or tell you a whole bunch of bs many are in fact lying and only looking for a quickie.
I could say much the same about the women only that they are looking for an extra income and are willing to say anything to get it and sell of their bodies in the process.
because "nice girls" have been taught to always tell the truth and so we believe others do the same...and they don't...
Just where are thes alledged "nice girls"? This isn't the 50's the "nice girls" died out in the 60's & 70's. Like my eldest sister says "you won't understand a woman because all women lie all the time" now she may have been lying but then again experience has shown her more true than false on that one. | |
|
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:17:01 AM | "He had gotten out of a bad breakup a few months earlier and wasnt ready for anything serious..."
Why don't people believe these types of statements. He told you why right off the bat. He is still emotionally attached to his ex, that situation is not resolved.
You had a nice night with him, sex was good... chalk it up to experience, and next time, when they tell you something... believe it! | |
|
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:18:45 AM | ^^^dudleyh45 since you quoted me, I'm going to respond directly to you here:
edit: I wasn't offended... and my statement is based on my multiple experiences here on this site...with the exception of 3 that I've met, all of them were really looking for sex only; but clearly had said..no no I'm looking for a relationship...gets rather discouraging for both sexes when simple truth can't be told...
You and I are the same age and I don't know how you were brought up, but I was brought up to tell the truth and I still believe telling the truth is always the best thing to do the first time and I live by that standard and because I have, I've had to learn the lesson the hard way in life not to assume everyone else lives this way, you're right the greater masses of our society wouldn't know truth if it bit them in their butt...
As far as women looking for extra income, I can only assume you are speaking from your own experiences, I can assure you, I don't. I've worked since I was 14, owned multiple properties, started 2 businesses and always earned my money the old-fashioned way-you know sweat and labor-my parents didn't give me money; but they gave me a solid foundation that if you work hard and spend smart, you'll be successful.
As far as where the nice girls are, I don't know; but I know I never have to remember what I said to anyone because I speak truthfully-makes life a lot simplier....
OT-the OP is young has encountered someone who chose to be less than honest with her and that is unfortunate...she also made the mistake of assuming they were both on the same page, when it appears they weren't...suffice to say, some of us have made the same mistakes in the past; but we learned from them... | |
|
| |
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:40:03 AM | someonesx
I appologize if i offended you. It was not my intent to make an attack on you personally. I am merely trying to point out that these blanket statements made by each of the sexes do nothing to help and only aggrivate a situation. I don't believe that the majority of women are looking for an extra income nor using sex as a marketing tool. Some may, some certainly won't. It is, to me, the same as saying the vast majority of men are only looking for sex. I don't believe that although i'm sure many are. It is a blanket statement that COULD be said about the gender based on nothing but personal prejudice and does nothing to help anyone.
As far as telling the truth i do that to a fault. I'm apparently expected to tell little white lies now and then but won't do that and that is partly why i'm single. I still live by the teachings of my parents and one thing my daddy taught me is that lying is for cowards. The only reason you have to lie to someone is if you are afraid of them so why lie.
I hope i was able to make things a tad clearer than originally. | |
|
LCB07
|
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 40 | |
| |
| |
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:30:25 PM | he asked if it would be appropriate to make love to me or if it was too soon??? Steve's got no problems expressing how Steve feels about what is going on in the relationship.
I was confused?!?! How could something go from so well to shit in just a couple weeks?? But you've got a problem expressing the same thing to Steve. He gives you "excuses" and not reasons. Maybe they are excuses, maybe they aren't. Tell Steve you think he gave you excuses and not reasons for inappropriate communicative behavior.
What do you think his deal was?? It's purely conjecture. I didn't date Steve, you did FBfan. From what you told me it seems Steve's involved with his X. Steve seems to have too much on his plate. Divorce, three rambunctous boys, bad breakup, states he can't have anything serious, still wants sex and thinks it's ok to text message an X when he's on a date.
Ask yourself what initially attracted you to Steve, carefully consider the red flags and writing-on-the-wall indicators that you chose to ignore. Now in your next relationship, don't ignore those signs. Good luck. | |
|
| |
| |
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:50:30 PM | I just think it isn't a good idea to get in a relationship with someone who is going through a breakup. Especially,if they have been married before. It takes more than a month to move on after a divorce. Usually, i think a year is good enough time to get over a divorce, if not more than this. If u guys had discussed the breakup you would see what his real feelings were for his ex. I do that with guys so i know what i am getting into.
I don't treat guys as rebounds. I tell them i am not over someone if they want to date me. I will put them off if i feel like i am using them. I don't like being used so i try not to use others.
Look for someone else.
I always know it is infatuation from the start of dating someone. I wait till there are disagreements. When there are disagreements, you know that the other person sees you as u trully are instead of just being infatuated with you. I don't knwo if u understand what i am saying. Heck, it is a good way to go though. It works for me. I don't want to be in a relationship without disagreements. This shows there is no relationship. | |
|
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 12:51:23 PM | As I've said before when a woman asked our opinions about a situation. Don't make assumptions. Don't guess what is going through his mind, confront him directly!
When I'm confused about something or someone, I think about it and generally can't express what it is I think or feel. He is probably confused and maybe a little afraid. I certainly am afraid about meeting someone and falling in love.
I recently had this happen where my GF was making assumptions about what I was thinking. It caused arguments and led to our break up. A damn stupid way to break up. | |
|
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:36:56 PM | You're gonna have to backpaddle a lot faster than you are right now to get outta this one.
No need to backpaddle the current isn't that quick.
You sound like a bitter man
No point being bitter when there is so much life to enjoy.
and your sister...well.. nevermind.
She's in her 50's so is probably senile.... who knows. | |
|
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:05:20 PM | This is really very simple. Take it from a older guy that use to be 25. You have been a victim of a hit and run. This is something that guys do when a woman gives it up to soon. If a guy can get into your pants that easy.
and he asked if it would be appropriate to make love to me or if it was too soon??? He gave you a way out right there. If you had told him that it was to soon in the relationship he would have went with that and respected you. But when you gave over without argument he took it without respect to you. Women have made this mistake over and over again. Your not the only one. I read where another poster said you have urges to. That's true. But one of the first things a guy will try you with is to see if you can control your urges. If you can't control your urges with a man you barely know then how are you going to control your urges when his back is turned. Please, Don't take this the wrong way. I am not trying to jump on you. I am just telling you the truth about how men look at this. There are a lot of men who look at it this way. You never know, His wife might have played around on him. Or he might have had a girl friend in his past that played around on him. We all make mistakes. Just learn from this one and don't do it again. | |
|
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:18:04 PM | !
"you won't understand a woman because all women lie all the time" now she may have been lying but then again experience has shown her more true than false on that one.
Well I'd tend to disagree with the "all women lie all the time" bit. Sure all of us with any kind of upbringing/social graces are not going to tell our date that his dye job looks ridiculous. We've eaten inedible food at the homes of friends or relatives,and pretend it was delicious we've told our girlfriends that their new hairstyle looks "nice" when in fact it DOESN'T.
"nice girls" died out in the 60's & 70's No they didn't. They just don't get much notice. Some have gotten discouraged by that fact and have resigned themselves to being a sexual amusement,FWB, booty call, because there doesn't seem to be much call for "nice girls" these days.
I have it on good authority that the way to get the most male attention on ANY dating site is to give the impression, either IM or EXplicitly that you are "hot to trot".
And there are women who DO want the good LTR deal, but because of their own libido, feel the need to have a sexual release safety valve, so they are out looking for that expendable sex partner. That keeps the hormones from staging an uprising and messing up the involvement with the guy they see as the LTR candidate. Yes, those hormonal rebellions can wreak havoc on even a nice girls good intentions.And,trust me on this, one doesn't have to be a gal under 40 to have rebellious hormones!
Cindy O | |
|
| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:31:51 PM | I'm sorry this happened to you.
His answer to you kinda leaves you without much closure, doesn't it.....
I don't have much to add that the other posters haven't already. But,
please, cut your losses now and move on the best you can.
You are young, don't waste your time on this man, there are more men out there.
 | |
|
Home
login 
