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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:07:40 PM | | Wutz, your post was excellent and i agree with everything you said. you made some really good points, especially #2, #3 and #6. i was wondering the same thing, why was she running to see him? not a good thing. also in my last relationship, the guy was really into text messaging and i was always thinking "why not just pick up the f*cking phone and call me instead". much faster and easier. told me he's not a *phone person* whatever that means. seemed like a lame excuse to me. | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:19:08 AM | Text messaging is so annoying. Especially to view grown men and women participating in it.
Here and there is perfectly fine, but some people will type out whole paragraph's as compared to calling someone, it's rude. | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:55:58 AM | Well, I like to text message. A lot of my friends work at night like me, and with my job I can't really call you while I'm working. I'd be calling you every 20 minutes or so just to have one conversation.
I actually love to talk on the phone too. It just doesn't fit in my life style.
I'm a little offended that I'm being called rude when I try very hard to be polite.....but at the same time that is your opinion and you are entitled to it without question.
EDITED TO ADD
(FYI: It's not that nona called me rude specifically, it's just that I AM lumped into a category of people she had DEEMED to be rude. I'm not taking it as a personal attack, and I hope my post doesn't come off as one either.) | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/13/2008 4:35:37 AM | | I figure the problem is with him and not with you. Give him the space he is asking for. Do not beat yourself up about anything. You did everything that was right for you at the time. No shoulda, woulda, couldas. It is up to him to come around and if he doesn't then that means there is something much better just waiting for you. Don't try to ask why and just move on. You can still feel the love you feel for him....that's fine....don't let it diminish you. Love is the answer to everything anyways. I know you will meet someone just for you. Be kind to yourself. | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:08:57 AM | hi there, I am sorry to hear about your experience and I can emphasie with you cos I have had a couple of similar experiences, over the years. I firmly believe it takes a good while to get to know someone and the fact remains...many guys wanna have sex and some are either non commital, still carrying baggage or just after what they can get. Sorry if that sounds brutal but at 42 I reckon i have most of them sussed.
As far as the texting the ex is concerned, everyone has a right to say if they feel comfortable or not with that. If someone digs you truthfully then they will respect your feelings, but you have to communicate them too.
You sound like a nice person trying to be reasonable about things you did not feel that comfortable about, ask yourself why you do not feel comfrotable about these things and decide what you're gonna do about this in the future. Life is a learning journey, especially about yourself.
My advice is have fun but put yourself first and value your right to be respected.
good luck in your search . Lynn | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:13:40 AM |
You should never give it away. Incorrect, this logical reason is flawed. She agreed to have consensual sex. She didn't "give" anything "away". If she were a prostitute giving away tricks for free when she normally charges $$$ for those tricks, I'd agree with you. The OP clearly isn't a prostititute. | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:40:34 AM | Well firstly hun, i'm sorry that he put you through it, and unfortunatly its really crappy that he came on soooo strong, then left just as quickly. However wheather he was cheating, wanting to get back with an ex or just being a twit, it comes down to the point of "do you really need someone who blows hot and cold in your life?" As nice as he seemed, the answer is probaby "no!".
Life is unpredictable enough without further complications like that getting in the way. In order to be in a relationship both parties have to bring something to the table; In order to bring something to the table you have to know what you want/don't want and know who you are - how is anyone going to like you and get to know you, when they don't even know themselves?!!
Keep smiling hun and i'm sure you're bag your man soon :-) | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:55:21 AM | She did 'give something away'. She was clearly upset as a consequence Devil's advocate  lets say she pressured him to have 1st date sex, he consented, then she blows him off. Did he 'give something away'? I say no since he I'm assuming is thinking carefully before consenting??? Duh.
Best advice to give a man or a woman is to think carefully before consenting to 1st date sex if you wish to have 100% avoidance of 1st date sex turning into one-night-stand sex. Gender-specific advice here is irrelevant in this situation. | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:05:22 AM |
one-night-stand sex. Gender-specific advice here is irrelevant in this situation.
Rubbish. Everyone knows that men and women have different perceptions of sex before it becomes part of love. The whole reason that she became upset was because she 'gave herself' to him to deepen the relationship... only he turns tail and disappears! Most women who give their body to a man expect love in return, or at least some sort of deepening relationship. | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:20:54 AM | | not every woman falls in love with a penis. Who cares? She slept with him, he slept with her too! People tend to forget that. The only women who care what people think in reference to having sex with a man are the very women who will portray to the world that they are "good girls" but yet will have their head in man's lap by the third date...give me a freaking break. | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:21:23 AM | | I'm very sorry that you had to learn the hard way. This is the reason that I ALWAYS go very slowly. What you feel on one meeting with someone you WILL feel again. And anything you feel at first meeting can only be sexual. You develop feelings for someone as you get to know them. If sex is what you're looking for,go for it. If you want more,then wait. Try SLOW,and good luck! | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:39:05 AM | Rubbish. What's rubbish is for a woman to think she can run the gauntlet of "did I have consensual 1st-date-sex or a 1-night-stand" with 100% of impunity. My advice works for a guy as well, if he's wondering whether or not he had 1st-date-sex or a 1-night-stand. I actually did see a thread about this in these forums. The advice is same for him as it is for the OP. You avoid this question with 100% impunity by not consenting to 1st-date-sex. Hard to argue against that.
How is it that the dude wasn't giving of himself? Please explain. In this case the dude didn't even turn tail and run after the 1st-date-sex; he turned tail on a subsequent date after his X kept after him.
This ain't the first time something like this has happened to a man or a woman. Like a woman has never reconciled with any of her Xs after they had a lover's spat and then F-d a new guy. Right.
The dude is a rat for sure if he didn't disclose to the OP that he has an X who influences his behavior (this is the way I interpreted Msg1). I'll agree with you there. It's too bad the OP didn't pick up on any of this dude's fleeing signals before consenting to have sex. | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/13/2008 11:25:03 AM |
Rubbish. Everyone knows that men and women have different perceptions of sex before it becomes part of love. The whole reason that she became upset was because she 'gave herself' to him to deepen the relationship... only he turns tail and disappears! Most women who give their body to a man expect love in return, or at least some sort of deepening relationship.
Rubish to that. For every man whore there is a woman whore, for every woman that looks at sex as a special thing shared only during love there is a man that believes the same thing.
Most men who give their body expect love in return. I hear more stories of women cheating then I do men, but I don't automatically assume that women cheat more than men or that sex is meaningless to them all.
From what the OP said I don't think it sounds like he was just wanting sex and got it. It sounds like he was still confused about his ex and he went running back to her. Besides it sounds like the OP enjoyed every minute of it and he took care of her needs, thats not a man looking to just get his rocks off. | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/13/2008 11:28:05 AM |
Well, I like to text message. A lot of my friends work at night like me, and with my job I can't really call you while I'm working. I'd be calling you every 20 minutes or so just to have one conversation.
As an owner of a company, my reaction to that would be leave your phone in the car and get to work. You should be texting or chatting on the phone while your at work. Kind of rude to the person paying you in my opinion. | |
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| I'll help you understand...just listen,o.k.
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:25:35 PM | Honey pie, if you fall for this moron's schtich, you should not be seeing anyone at all.
Hello, its obvious he is still sleeping with his ex and you are the 'in between girl'.
Do nnot get taken for a ride,which you have been...Insecure men such as he, play and prey on nice woman like yourself...they are called sociopaths....they are only concerning in draining others of thier emotions for thier own personal emotional gain.
Do not take another phone call from this loser boy....a night shift worker....Cripes a gorgeous woman like you can and will do better than that.....Move on....NOW!
Jeff
Toronto | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:36:25 PM | | Nona, i agreed about the text messaging. the last idiot i was dating was like that, he would message me all damn night and i would scratch my head and think "wouldn't it be much easier and faster and less time consuming if he could just pick up the phone and call me"?? really did not understand why he was so into the texting. kind of dumb but good for the cell phone companies as i'm sure it's quite profitable for them. seemed kind of cold IMO. | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/13/2008 4:27:31 PM | | Sounds like another loooser. Don't give yourself completely to someone. Who knows how much of the truth they are telling you...all those questions on the profile --if they are lies then most likely he is just a walking lie ball. | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:47:09 PM | Im absolutely convinced that men want sex straight away but once theyve had it wheres the mystery? The problem in my eyes is people have sex too soon. They build a relationship on sex, if the sex is crap etc they leave it. Its like tryin before you buy. I personally have a relationship first and the sex is the next level. If the sex aint great we can work on that but if a relationship isnt great and its not workin then it has to go.
The problem with sex too soon is youve missed the datin part and gettin to know you. In my view men switch off once they got and are getin thes sex and they lose respect for you. Men do think about things the same as we do. If a man wanted sex with me quick I wouldnt think oh he thinks im special Id think he just always the same with any woman and im sure a bloke would be thinking that was nice but shes easy and not long term materal!
I think he just got what he wanted and pegged it. Simple as really. | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 5/14/2008 2:03:42 AM | women; will they never learn; he wanted to sleep with you; he got what he wanted; now its time for him to move on; he's not serious about you at all. He's not scared, he's not worried about getting too serious, he just wanted to screw.
He does not like you that much; Again, you went way too fast and should not have had sex.
and the women calling him a loser? I guess she is one too. Women pick terrible guys or they hop into bed with them after no time at all and that after the sex they wonder why they get burned. You choose badly, you get burned. This is on her. Extremely naive. | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:14:38 AM | OP.... I've had this happen before too. I really thought there was the beginnings of a relationship and then suddenly, there wasn't.
I now have a stinking 3 month rule. lol It seems it's the only way to weed out those who are serious, and those who aren't. If they can't wait... they're gone. If they state I'm worth it, then I take it from there.
All my friends have experienced what you and I have. How do you do the most intimate thing two people can do and then just disappear? That is so hurtful. It really makes you question everything.
It sounds to me like he was just putting another notch on his belt. Once he got that, he was moving on to the next. Watch for red flags. After a while you'll see them from a mile away!
Sharzi | |
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| A guy i had met on here.....Please Help me Understand :)
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:26:34 AM | | why get involced with someone witha fialed life? Divorced 35, 3 kids old enough to be your younger brothers but too old to be your kids. He is sterile so you would not know motherhood. he has his own problems. Why nto date someone without all the problems and someone who will make tiem for you. He's got a job and 3 kids. People get divorced for many reasons. Such as cheating, drug abuse, or they just don;t get along, promblems int he bedroom. In a realtionship you should be able to focus on eachother. Many divorcees also have relationship and commitment levles becuase of the stigma of the fialed realtionship. I ahve ahd many failed relationships but never got married. Iw ould have to be with someone for 3-5 years ebfore marrying them. | |
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