| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:36:39 PM | | He knows you have an ex and do have contact with him but he knboiws about them its like this one here the surpise contact like if the tow of you are hiding this meeting. now dont go and say thier is nothing thier it has been know to happen that exs do get back togther and it happens alot more when thier is childeren involed. being he has joint cousdy of the childeren when he showed up uninvited you and the childeren shoulkd have went home. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:39:22 PM | Well, I tried to deciper that... And it is the lamest bunch of whining I have read here.
You sound like a very insecure person. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:03:14 PM |
I dont blame him for getting upset.
If you found him with his ex you would get upset !
She wasn't "with" her ex. She was visiting her own mother for mother's day, when her ex showed up to wish his ex mother in law a happy mother's day. He went for a walk with the ex mother in law while she stayed at the house with her son.
OP, yes this is very much over the top. Is there something else that might be going on, that would cause him to overreact (stress at work or something), or is this his normal behavior? | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:07:57 PM | A mature person would not get that angry. Maybe they would find your Ex's behavior a little odd, but for a man that has lost both parents and your Mom being the closest he has on that day, it does not seem strange to me.
Was your fiance with HIS Mom at the time? Why did he not come with you to begin with? | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:21:44 PM | | That is way over the top. It sounds as if your fiance has some insecurity issues that he needs to deal with. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:25:11 PM | whilst everyone is jumping on the bandwagon of how crazy/immature/unbalanced/controlling the fiance is, remember we are hearing just one side of the story, in OP's rendition. We don't know if the fiance is a "little" irate because OP's relationship with the ex- maybe a little too amicable to the point of being cozy.
I have known a person in a situation like that (her hubby was on too good of terms with his ex-). Guess what - he ended up going to his ex- when the relationship with the current spouse (my acquaintance) got a little rocky....So one never knows.. Just playing devils advocate here. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:49:38 PM | I don't know you, I don't know him, I don't know your relationship. But given these few dry facts I'm more than a bit concerned for both you AND your children.
This is stalker behaviour; and what I didn't see anyone mention in previous posts is WHAT WAS HE DOING "DRIVING" BY?
He was spying on you, hon.
It occurs to me that he doesn't want to attend family functions because he doesn't want to socialize with the family he wants to cut you off from - the type who wants to be the sole recipient of your attn.
I'm concerned for your children as well because if he turns out to be worse than your common stalker, he knows that any harm that came to your children would not only hurt you, but their father as well. He might even resent the attn. And love you give your children.
Please give this sober thought and continue to monitor and analyze his behaviour. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:51:03 PM | A LOT OVER THE TOP!!!!!!
Like everyone has said, your fiance is controlling, jealous, and insecure.
Be glad you found out now instead of after marriage.
Things like this only get worse not better. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:38:57 PM | Okay ,so the fiance sees that ex is over at house,calls me ,freaking out ,I try to explain ,,not a chance .Okay so the walking folks come back ,the ex heads home ,at this point I am kinda upset over fiances phone call,.. I go home ,the fiance wants me to leave,, says it is over,he told me I should have told my ex to '**** off',,...a little over the top?
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Hmm, perhaps he didn't take his meds this week. Did you find this guy at some fiancee irregulars sale on leftover stock? TAKE A DEEP BREATH....since you are engaged...give him a day or two to cool down, if after that time, YOU CONCLUDE THIS IS MOST UNUSUAL FOR HIM...you can call him and apologize..and remind him you weren't at a bar out of town alone with him...THAT WOULD BE A PROBLEM | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:44:35 PM | | Your fiance has a screw loose. Consider yourself lucky and move on. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:47:17 PM | "remember we are hearing just one side of the story, in OP's rendition"
If we are going to make comments and offer advice, the OP's story is all we have to go on. If she is not telling the truth, then she will pay the price in not getting good advice. I for one, am not going to automatically assume she is lying. It really makes no difference to me one way or the other. I am just responding to what she wrote. Are you trying to start a fight with her? | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:03:02 PM | I think it's rather creepy that the fiance, while he had no interest (again) in spending time with your family yet he was interested enough to drive by your parent's home to check up on things. That's pretty screwed up.
But also - don't you think it's a bad sign that your fiance takes no interest in you immediate family? Seeing how you're engaged, one day your Mom would be his mother inlaw - but he doesn't even care enough to visit his future mother inlaw on mother's day? That's rude, and very telling. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:21:59 PM | How lucky can you get?
You just saved the cost of a marriage, divorce, security guards, a hitman to ‘Earl” out your EX-FINANCEE, (ALA Dixie Chicks) & you still have an EX husband who treats you & your parents with the grace of a gentleman.
Welcome to the JACKPOT, Darrrrrrling…
The only excuse for seeing your EX FINANCEE again is to serve a restraining order. I suggest sending a Bailiff…. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:23:23 PM | | It amazes me! I thought for sure this was something we left actions like this in the past ...I thought we eveolved beyond this way of thinking decades ago; obviously not. I think this is the best thing that could have happened to you. It is an eye opener, and indication of what the future will be like,a warning shot over your bow. Any man,woman or whatever you have a relationship with who doesn't act as a supportive "partner", (especially in your case) and who fails to act in a supportive manner is not something you need to get tangled up with because if he's not understanding and supportive now what pray tell do you think will make him change his way of thinking later on in the relationship? He has to know of your you past before he was in the picture. He is obviously an insecure hothead and his actions and words speak loudly of his character. Dump him like toxic waste! Move on and heed the warning. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:28:40 PM | | custis, not at all. I am not saying that she is deliberately lying either. Just people perceive (and interpret) things differently. And especially if emotion comes into play - it colors the story. That's all I am saying. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:40:44 PM | custis, not at all. I am not saying that she is deliberately lying either. Just people perceive (and interpret) things differently. And especially if emotion comes into play - it colors the story. That's all I am saying.
Excellent point rnbf, I too usually give the poster the benefit of a doubt, Except for two cases a) if it would benefit the OP, and b)if the OP types something really crazy. I mean if you got a crazy lover, what does that say about you? | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:48:08 PM | Fiance is weak. Shallow and very intimidated by your X. Seems although he is engaged to you, he's feeling very jealous and insecure. Is he worth it? I mean you are gonna see your family and your X is a part of it. Plus they are his kids too.
You better get his head right. Tell him what's up and to get with it, or get out, cause this situation isn't gonna change. He has no right to be a jealous baby. He knew going into it that you had this scenario, didn't he?
What a baby! | |
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| gotta Admire that EX!!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:51:04 PM | One classy gesture,& he outs his competiton as the last of the Neanderthals!
talk about Einstiens' 'spooky action at a distance'....
Is your EX by any chance named Clarke Kent?
Yawn- its late - Bybe bye fora folk! | |
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| gotta Admire that EX!!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:12:29 PM | I could see fiance getting a little shook up but reason should have taken over after he thought about it.. Ya'll were married for 10 years.. you have kids together.. duh??? Your ex was just trying to show your mother respect and I am sure he is very thankful that they have supported you through the divorce and are good grand parents to your children.
Yes I agree with the majority of the posters here this guy is a fruit cake.. and totally unsuitable to marry.. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:29:24 PM | Agree 100% with harrabyman. You go to your parents he shows up, calls, etc and oh your ex is there? Wtf is that about. The dude is your ex, which means he is done/ out of the picture.
Now if he is the father of your children that is way different. In that case you have to mention it in your situation. Because then yeah overreaction. You have to expect the guy to want to see his kids.
If he isn't the father then his reaction is perfectly normal. How would you feel if you found your future husband hanging out with one of his ex's? Don't even say "I would be cool with it." Because that is a blatant lie. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:43:41 PM | | ex sounds more secure then current. if he is not going to build a relationship with your folks, he needs to not worry about the one your ex does. i dont care about my relationship with my ex wifes family...they aside from one of her sisters have the collective brains of an ant. but my ex girlfriends (8 years) loves me and i them. they are not judgemental or selfish and i have always went to her dads (65) farm to help him with whatever. tell him (fiance) theres more to life than himself. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:45:29 PM | | Have you ever wondered if your fiances , in his past was with someone that has cheated on him and it is hard for him to forget what has happened? Yes he should trust you , untill you do something that shows him you cant be trusted, but now a days so many people say one thing and do another. Maybe if your ex husband was smarter he could have gone over to your Mom,s on a differant day in the weekend. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:53:12 PM | | Vodoo #32, you state some really valid points for Maggie to work thru. Hmmm,,,the fiance earns much more but she has paid off many of his bills and chips in for expenses where she can???? Is this a case of the fiance having many expensive toys that he "owns" (and she pays for) plus he owns Maggie such that being anywhere near her Ex (who has joint custody of the children) causes the fiance to go ballistic? Well, good luck with all that. It took 3 years for all this to come to a boil? | |
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| gotta Admire that EX!!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:55:39 PM | voodooguru
You nailed it on the head!!!! my husband did VERBATIM what you wrote there.
i have a little story to open your eyes. my husband was susposed to adopt my son immediately upon us marrying and we agreed to have another child immediately.
Well, he never adopted mt son. Whenever his genetic father called~and to be perfectly honest~the man has nothing to do with my son's life~my husband would go crazy with accusations~insanities-he was english-his name for me was tart-jealousy ect.....you see where this is going. I will give you more detal about my son's genetic father, he agreed to letting my son be adopted so that he could have a father and a family. The genetic father lives in Germany and is a German. He has only seen Christian (my son) once.
But crazy man saw him as the enemy. And if you stay with this man, your children are your children from "HIM" and everything will be your ex husband. He will end up breaking your heart. Being nice to the kids one day then cold the next and eventually break their hearts. His SELFISHNESS, INMATURITIY, AND
EGOCENTRIC behavior is not going to change.
Honey, it is all about him. And, i think that you know it. Whah, whah, whah,me, me,me!
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:28:36 PM | Hold on. Before you dump this guy, have two serious heart to heart conversations. Have the first one with yourself. Try and see things from his point of view. I'm not condoning what he did, but it seems like this was something that had been festering for a while. It's good that you and your ex can still be close. But, how close are you? When you have that heart to heart with yourself, be painfully honest. Is the kind of closeness you and your ex have something that would cause a reasonable man (and when I say reasonable I mean someone not in your family or circle of friends) to become jealous? Try and think outside of your self. Sometimes a person can have very innocent relationships with the opposite sex, that to someone on the outside, may look like something more than what it is. It is possible that he never thought you guys were that close? Have you ever sat down and talked to him about your relationship with your ex? Or, did you just assume he must know because he loves you and is your fiance? Has he shown jealous tendencies in the past? Really examine it from every angel.
The second heart to heart you should have is with him. Really pick his brain and find out if he has jealousy issues. Has he always had these feelings? He won't tell you right away, so you'll have to coax the answers you need out of him. If you do find out he's nuts, leave him alone. Don't try to work it out. Don't wait around trying to see if things get better. They won't. Cut your losses, lick your wounds and move on. You met him, you'll meet someone else. Good luck | |
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