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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:11:26 PM | OP,
When your fiance didn't come with you, that was fine. Where he lost my vote is when he did the "drive by" at your parent's house, why didn't he just stop and come in? He could have given a polite,but not-so-subtle "she's taken" message to your ex, while at the same time paying his respects to your parents. IMO, to say the least, your fiance handled this situation poorly before he ever spoke to you. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/13/2008 12:29:46 PM | | Thanks DrDottie for your input,. yours and everyone else is very much appreciated.Just gotta make the next big step ,cause this has not been the worst of it ,.just think this one was the cherry | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/13/2008 12:35:49 PM | | Way over the top! He obviously doesn't trust you and without trust what do you have?! | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:52:11 PM | Allright DrDottie!
Somebody else who gets along with the ex-inlaws. Sometimes I feel like the proverbial "voice in the wilderness". It really is a shame the in-laws get such a cruddy image from the media in general. IMO, many people fall into the trap of thinking bad in-laws are a pre-disposed necessity in a marriage, and don't give these individuals a chance. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:29:26 AM | Just know that you deserve to be treated better!!
He'll probably apologize and be remorseful and plead for another chance.
It'll only get worse tho, not better.
Sometimes love is not enough.
It's better to be by yourself than with the wrong person. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/14/2008 5:25:09 AM | OP,
Your story has several red flags for me:
1) Your fiance won't join you at your parents' house. Because you see your parents "almost every day", they are clearly important to you. His frequent refusal to join you implies that he isn't valuing your interests.
2) Your fiance called "freaking out" rather than rationally discussing the issue with you.
3) The house that you pay for together is only is his name. (I would guess that any vehicles you co-own may be the same.) This also implies control.
4) You admit yourself that he is very controlling. This whole thing sounds like a precurser to (if not sign of current) abuse.
Now, I agree with posters who suggest that he may have issues in his past and that your relationship with your ex may not be 100% appropriate (I'm not saying it is, just that it might be). However, this in no way excuses his overreaction.
I also agree that your ex's behavior sounds, at first glance, to be rude. It's not his scheduled visitation, but he shows up where you and your kids are. However, going back and re-reading the original post, I can see where that may not have been the case. He showed up with flowers for your mom (which I applaud, both for his role and your parents' role in keeping that relationship alive and on good terms). Prior to deciding to come over, he likely didn't know that you and the kids would still be there when he arrived.
You say that you're moving on from your fiance (at least I think that's what you said), so much of this doesn't actually matter at this point. However, I'm hoping that other people may read this and recognize an unhealthy situation a bit earlier. Good luck to you. | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:25:32 AM | | I have made arangements to move my children and myself out on sat ,..and I am so upset that I can't stop crying .I told him I don't want us to break up ,.I want us to seek counciling,and see if we can try to work on our issues ,.but by us living apart ,.I hope he will realize how awful he has been to me and my children ,.there has been many other incidents ,this was by far not the first by a long shot .Why do I want to try ?? because I do love this man ,and I am so heart broken right now ,.I know I am probably not thinking rationaly about anything right now ,but I am hurting so much . | |
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| The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:40:24 AM | your right, your not thinking rationally, because your upset.
think about what your children are witnessing, their mother cryin, in shambles pratically begging to get back together with (clearly a controller) a man who, you said yourself has not treated you or your children the best, dont be this person. be a hero.
be a strong woman, and if hes right then he can be right, and all alone. | |
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