| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:53:25 PM | You got "overwhelmed"<----there, you said it yourself....."overwhelmed".
I guess you were juggling too many at one time, huh. <---statement, notta question.
And then you didn't write any of them for 5 or 6 days? Yeah, that would be a blow off alright. They probably caught the attention of another who WAS at least staying in more contact. IMHO. You should have at least written one of them whom you were more interested. Just something quick wouldn't have hurt.
I'm all for keeping your options open with more than one or two, but to do that you must stay in some sort of relative contact. See? That is if you want to have any contact at all when you do reappear on the "scene". Better cut your harem down to less than 5 or 6, you can't handle it and then maybe you won't get so overwhelmed.
Those girls went onward to other fish. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:56:28 PM | Well tibtab, I made the candy store comment because you said "After getting overwhelmed I kinda blew them off, not entirely, for just a few days.. Maybe 5 or 6.. Then when I try to talk to them again, they're all compltely ignori9ng me. So I went from getting lots of attention, girls sending me sexy pics and everything; to nothing at all." When you blow people off without explanation, you should have expected them to ignore you - it was very rude of you (& you're the one who brought up receiving sexy pix). Your OP sounded like you were just after those & other things. So just start fishing again & be true to yourself .
cata | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:21:04 PM | As much as you feel they dropped you, you dropped them. Girls in general don't like being ignored. Some of them won't put up with no contact for a week and continue on when you are properly 'whelmed' again.
Lesson, never assume someone is going to wait for you until you decide to pay attention again. ;) | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:24:04 PM | | When did speaking with multiple people constitute a relationship? I thought that only applied to schizophrenic, conflicted cross-dressers. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:48:54 AM | Yeah, it's fast paced. I do like to keep my options open. I have been doing this online dating thing for a while and honestly since I've lost 50 lbs I've had a lot more attention than ever before. I know that if I start contacting women (like a few a day) that I'll have a few I can talk to on a regular basis within a weeks time.
Part of me doesnt want to bhother, because I don't want to repeat this nonsense. In the past, I would talk to one at a time, and it sucked because if the one didnt work out (and most of the time it didnt) then I'd have nobody else to talk to for weeks and it just made online dating a drag. That's why I find it important to talk to a few at a time, because the ones that fall through don't leave me high and dry.
The lesson was that if I ignore any for a few days though, they move on to better things from their perspective; Ie: a man who is giving them his attention. So it is a lesson learned for sure. I do want to start contacting women again, but I am somewhat afraid of being overwhelmed again.
To avoid this pitfall, I think I'll just stick with one when that overwhelmed feeling kicks in. I am looking for "friends first" then dating, and I think that can be a turn off as well but I MUST be true to myself and I don't feel comfortable any other way.
I don't think that online dating is the greatest thing for me, but it is an avenue I think everyone should try amongst other things (meeting people in person is alwyas a bonus) - one of the few I was talking to I met at a party a few weeks ago. It's strange because she contacted me saying "hey sweetie how are you" but when I replied she said nothing. I don't know if she was doing that on purpose or what, but I can only imagine that I musta did somethin' wrong.
Anyway, reading the replies has showed me that ignoring is the last thing I should do; and I know that seems obvious to some but it wasn't to me! So thanks guys :) | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:40:26 AM | If this happened to me, my mind would likely be unconsciously ranking them from most interested to least interested, based on several factors according to their profile and the messages they are sending. As a result I would tend to naturally gravitate to focusing my attention on atleast one or two of them if my mind wasn't telling me which I should prefer. I'd still maintain some minimal amount of contact with the others, but my mind would be putting them in the "friend zone".
This is all moot though, as I've never had a profile that enticed several women to contact me all at the same time, and most of the messages I've received are from forum readers, and very few of them are local... | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:02:32 AM | I've had the exact same experience from posting a personal on another site. It got to the point where I had several im's going at once. Now I multi-task, but OMG. And a lot of these guys wanted to meet in person immediatly. Now I'm pretty sure I know what they were hoping for but that wasn't gonna happen. I've finally weeded it down to talking to about 4 guys online, one of them on the phone. I must admit that after 4 years of absolutely nothing this has been a lift to my ego, even kind of fun | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:47:06 AM | After getting overwhelmed I kinda blew them off, not entirely, for just a few days.. Maybe 5 or 6.. Then when I try to talk to them again, they're all compltely ignori9ng me. So I went from getting lots of attention, girls sending me sexy pics and everything; to nothing at all
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You have a lot of interests listed in your profile, so I presume YOU HAVE HEARD OF THE WORD "KARMA"....it's real..."Good things happen to people who do good things, bad things happen to people who do bad things"....that quote could be applied to POF and dating in general such as "People who try to woo too many won't woo any" or this old one.."a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"
TAKE A WEEK OFF of looking for love, hang back, and meditate....then see what happens after a week. Maybe do some volounteer work in your community, like at an old folks home. Ask those old ladies what their lovers were like..... | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:35:52 AM | My profile is just the way I like it, if you think I have any trouble getting attention; think again. I actually get quite a few messages from people all around thanking me for having an honest profile. that's something I am proud of.
I'm not doing this to get lots of replies, or to get tons of friends. I'm doing this to find quality friends. I have actually been quite sucessful lately since this message is up. I'm talking to a few right now, and it feels great. I think that the main reason I have been successful is because I am compltely honest about who I am and what I'm looking for.
I do have a lot of interests in my profile, but I have a lot of interests, and I dont want people to think I don't becuase that would be misleading. I am not on here to mislead people, but out here to find a woman who will fit with me.
THe more honest you are, the better messages you get. The less dumb people contact you, and the more people that are more your type fill your inbox. This is the only way I would recommend.
There's too many liars on the internet, with false profiles and vague information about themselves. THose people don't contact me, and I don't contact them; and it's because I keep it real. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/16/2008 4:05:56 PM | | Well congrats on all of the attention you get, but evidently it's short lived. Since you have 'friends' listed as what you are looking for and not 'long term' then you should be ok with that then. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:38:44 PM | Oh dont feel bad... dating comes in spurts ... sometimes you get alot of attention, some days you hit a dry spell .. other days you find a nice balance- forget the "feast or famine" idealogy... if you're a proud strong hunter you'll catch some more fish!
Also, If you cant handle alot of gals all at once try NOT to! lol
Also 5-6 days in "girl time" is WAY TOO LONG. If a guy I started just getting to know blew me off that long I'd get scared and run for the hills thinking he's a player (and you are sort of) lol but indirectly as you hadnt started physically dating any of them yet. Also you might have felt some subconscious guilt eating at you for playing so many.
Seriously.... take it slower and don't worry about the dry spells and remember you sabotauged this yourself by disconnecting from the face of the earth! GRIN.
That mean's the ball is your court and there are plenty of fish to go around... keep fishin', be honest and try not to overwhelm yourself with too much contact. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:51:27 PM | | Well, DibDab, if I'm having a conversation (emails back and forth daily) with someone on here and then they don't respond--I don't either. A fine point, of course, is that you mentioned...they were sending you sexy pictures and all...well, that was off the POF grid, then, perhaps--or wait, maybe folks have a system for that, even on POF. In any event: If I were sending you "sexy pictures" (which I wouldn't be sending anyone, by the way...but IF) and realized you were conversing with numerous other femails, I'd figure you're just looking for some freebie Hustler shots, and you can get those at the grocery store. Silly boy. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:00:50 PM | | I never asked for the sexy pics, they just sent them. You act like I asked. Also, I'm not a player, I never have cheated on anyone and never would. Talking to multiple girls at the same time does not constitute playing. It's just good sense because most of the time it doesnt work out, after all this is online dating. Any read of any online dating article will say (online dating 101 people) that you should talk to more than one person at a time. Ok schools out.. peace. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:04:27 PM | | I've been there, and there's many times I've been overwhelmed. But what I have found is that the guys that are really interested in "me", are very polite, when I do contact them again. I'm really bad about getting behind in correspondence in all the ways there is to communicate. I just explain it to them. | |
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| From overwhelmed to nothing
Posted: 5/17/2008 8:11:04 AM | you managed to get the attention of 5 girls and now they are gone, so go get the attention of another 5 and this time tell them before you vanish for a week  | |
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