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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:24:38 PM | Poor sex was the final nail in the coffin of my marriage.
She was completely unadventurous and boring whereas when she was younger she would try anything. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:27:56 PM | There is a difference between saying sex is necessary and sex is sufficient. (Or sex is everything.)
In reality, the same is true of other traits ... just look at all the nice guy/girl threads. Having trust may be necessary, but it's not sufficient. Same for honesty, intimacy, respect, etc. My belief is trying to force order them in a list is superfluous, what does it matter that respect is "more" important than trust (or whatever) or both are more important than sex, they are all required.
But if you really think about it, are they? How many times has a man or woman been in a destructive relationship? They got little or none of what they said are required, but continue anyway? Sometimes what we "need" is a very temporal thing.
There are things that are important for long term compatability, and that's what most testing as related to relationships is trying to uncover; what are the important things to have similar, and what areas are differences better. But there are also things that are more or less important depending on your phase of life. At 52, sex is still important to me, will I think the same at 62? 72? 82? Only one way to find out.
There are many things that we as individuals need in our relationships. Some things you might not really need, even though "everyone" says you should. Some things you might feel are dealbreakers, even though "everyone" says they shouldn't be.
What is important to you? I mean really important. Those are the things that matter.
Bob | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:40:03 PM | | I have been dumped by quite a few women because I would not put out. Some wanted it right away. I've even been dumped for not putting out by women that complain all men ever think about is sex. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:28:55 PM | | Sex isn't everything but it's definitely more than garnish, more than the frosting on the cake - for me it's about a third of the relationship. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:33:10 PM | ~OT~ I've been in one where it definitely kept me around. I've been in a few more than one where the sex was OK, but definitely NOT the reason I stayed. Today, I'm not sure which one I'd choose ~ probably just to refrain from either. Sex is vital though, it does seem to be the glue that holds things together when all else seems to be falling apart. Who am I kidding? At this stage, I'd settle for a great kisser ~  | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:27:26 PM | | If everything is good it's 10% of the relationship but if there are issues or problems it's 90% of the relationship. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:11:28 PM | A moment of truth and REALITY............here is a good example
Poor sex was the final nail in the coffin of my marriage.
She was completely unadventurous and boring whereas when she was younger she would try anything.
How on earth did she change???? why??? What was lacking in your relationship that she became so boring...or the right word being disheartened and disinterested............THAT is why sex isn't everything.....it’s everything else that you do for one another that makes sex part of the relationship | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:32:24 PM | Hi op.... well... i would say any of these guys......in a relationship.. who phrases the question this way... hasnt got much hope of keeping sex nor a long term marriage type relationship...
My answer .....sex would be less than 1%(sometime unabated sex just needs doing)..... I would phrase the question' is making love
everything in a relationship?.'... then my answer would be absouletly... but only if 1 understands what making love is..(it starts outside of physical contact.. and bedroom)
love is a substance.... a creative flow... you create within it and from it.. and unless its is kept alive.. then the rest of the relationship will start to die with it..imo..
it needs nurishment to keep it alive and negative words/looks etc.. can destroy it..)
for eg making fun of your partners physical imperfections.... that will make them close off. and most are aware of that extra flab etc...... but love and desiring them.. will create. desire to become that what you see. love as a living substance can help ... each other become better for each other....and reality.. everyone has faults.. all need improvement..) negative words kill love...
once someone knows making love is a living thing/substance........ then anything is possible...
take a blank bit of paper...... start to draw a picture.... your creating.....
and such it is in a relationship... like a blank piece of paper where both draw /create into existence a picture/(your relationship).. words for eg in your relationship.... create your relationship... some good .. some you can never take back.. the way you look at your partner...for eg..
if people understood making love starts away from sexual organs.. then they would be creating love everyday.... and it aint sex..
you start with the eyes....... connecting.... or a soft whisper in the ear........ words that make your partner feel to you they are the most beautiful/desirable person to you on this planet.....
then theyre inahibitions ... start to go away... a smile/ a glance.. a touch of the fingertips against each other..
a look across a crowded room. that connects you to your so..
as you cook..... and they softly come up from behind you..... and wrap their arms around you and nuzzle your neck and show gratitude for your nurturing of cooking...etc..
unless there is love/creative/substance/force..... then sex will make no difference... b/c the guy or woman.. will find it gets witheld..when they feel taken for granted etc.. sex can be replaced also... love cannot..
in fact ill say this...... unless a man has never made love to a woman without using his penis......... in other words explored the senses. (learning sex is not just about sexual organs is the eg)
so he has it as an artform...... how to play his womans body much like a finely tuned instrument.... and learns those techniques.... chances are both will get bored and ....
and start bytching/nagging .. feeling disgruntled/entitled..unhappy etc... sex willnot fix that. ...
ok. thats my opinion..
it is abousouletly all about making love on every level....... with all parts...
smiles/peace | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:33:11 PM | Re the OPost
Like winning, Sex is not everything, it is the only thing!
And women who claim otherwise, do they actually mean it?.
After all is said and done, (good) sex is the cornerstone of a romantic rel. That is why many rels and marriages have degenerated into "roommates"or "friends w/o benefits" status and people call each other ... "partner" (yikes)! And wanna grow old together! O tenpora, o mores!
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:40:29 PM | Sex is not everything, it is the only thing...............
Well you must be a quick run if your SO happens to get some illness that prevents sex for any length of time.
What about compassion, love, communication, and respect? | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:40:41 PM | | No, it's not EVERYthing, but it's a very important part of a relationship. I want all the parts of a relationship, BUT I wouldn't go into a relationship knowing upfront that sex wasn't going to be a part of it. If something happened AFTER I was in a relationship and we were unable to have sex somehow, then that would be different because I'd already be committed to that person and that relationship. But it matters enough to me that I wouldn't go into a relationship knowing it wouldn't be part of that relationship. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:45:10 PM | Re post 36:
Sex is not everything, it is the only thing...............
"Well you must be a quick run if your SO happens to get some illness that prevents sex for any length of time."
That is a personal projection of what I wrote. Recheck assumptions! And please keep it non ad-hominem. Thanks for not using the term "partner".
"What about compassion, love, communication, and respect?"
That is friendship.
A romantic rel can include those as well, but w/o good sex, it is mere "friendship" (w/o benefits).
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:01:24 PM | | sex is nothing with out love and respect for eachother. it plays it's part but with out the rest of the package its shallow and empty. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:13:40 PM | Sex is definately not everything in a relationship, its way down my list. I personally feel that if im not mentally and emotionally stable enough with a guy to tell him when i do or don't like something in bed then im not ready to have sex with him.
With my current boyfriend when we first got together sex wasn't an issue at all, we hung out, went on dates, talked on the phone for hours at night, met each others families and even told each other we loved each other before we got round to having sex. Sex just came naturally as our relationship progressed. Part of this was that both of us take/took into consideration that no contraception is 100% fool proof and because we are relatively young niether of us wanted to risk getting caught out and having a child with someone we weren't completely sure of. It also showed me how committed he is to me and how much respect he has for me.
Now we have an amazing sex life and an even better relationship.
His understanding of my values, principles and fears and because of his ability to share his with me mean that i fall more in love with him every day. I also know that no matter what happens i can talk to him about anything. And IMO that is the most important part of a relationship. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:24:43 PM | Sex is not everything but having a good sexual relationship is important. The msot important thing is lijking eachother and enjoying the time you spend together. A relationship is pretty much just spending time together and having meals and sex together. That's companionship. tis these simple things that makes life great. Coming home to eachother or going out somewhere and ahvign a ncie meal and a nice conversation together. Going home and knocking boots. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:07:21 PM | in a relationship...
...what good is the six inches between the legs if one doesnt have the six inches between the ears first???...
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:17:54 PM | | well i guess it depends on people.for some people who feel its evrything i think thoses people are not very deep in other departments.they probably dont look for the same things in a relationship that others look.sex is evrything when your only interested in one night stands but when your looking for a relationship it should just be part of the whole package that comes with the relationship.i kinda see it as a plus in the relationship and not the only thing that holds the relationship together.and the better the relationship is the better the sex will be cause your more comfortable with the person.if u dont have respect,trust,love or chemistry with your partner your sleeping with the sex cant be all that great. i mean for example if a women is sleeping with a man that doesnt treat her with respect evryday out of the bedroom(for example calls her dumb and puts her down) how can she really be comfortable having sex with that man?sure she will enjoy it anyways on a phisical level but in evry other ways she will feel like crap.its the same experience as when someone breaks up with a bad ex and ends up sleeping with them again cause the lust is still there but u still hate the person for whatever was the reasons u broke up.the sex is great but when your done u feel like shit and it makes it not worth it.plus if u really love someone u dont want them to just think of your relationship as just about sex cause for example what happens if your partner is just with u mostly for the sex.what happens if u end up having an accident and getting hit by a car and end up in a wheelchair and cause of the accident the sex isnt the same as before would u want your partner to leave u out in the cold? well if they are shallow and the relationship is all about sex they will but if the relationship was held by far more than just that u will still have the one u love by your side and most likely faithfull also. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:20:15 PM | I've had it both ways. The respect, trust, etc. but poor sex. I ended up believing that sex wasn't important to me. Then I learned about me and realized my body was amazing in how I could feel. Got divorced (not my choice btw). Found great sex with someone else, but not the respect etc.
Bottom line- I want it all. I want the respect etc. and the great sex. I'm more alive than I was when I had the good relationship with the poor sex. That tells me a lot. But sex for me is about intimacy and not just the amazing physical feelings. You can have intimacy until you die - even if your sex organs don't work! | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:25:33 PM | Ok folks here is what Dr. Phil says about sex in relationships.. He said in a good balanced and healthy relationship sex is only about 10% of the relationship.. if everything is going well and the sex is good. If there is a problem with sex then it becomes 90% of the relationship.
I truely believe that sex is the way men and women bond in a committed relationship. No it isn't everything but it is the "gateway" so to speak to bonding between two people. You are sharing something that no one else shares with either of you and that promotes intimacy.
But just sex without the emotional connection is nothing actually.. it is copulation .. an act.. not even something that enhances a bonding between two people.
To me there is a difference. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:11:09 PM | please no offense toward you Txsippigal and i am not shooting the messenger..
...but dr phil more often than not is more fulla shit than a broken down sewerage treatment plant... | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:35:02 PM | | I think age and length of the relationship are indicative, or at least important, in determining how important sex is to the relationship. I knew a married couple that did not have any sexual contact for more than 17 years (due to physiological problems with his heart and spine) and they were loving and happy together. Conversely I've know couples that stayed together simply because sex was so great but their ultimate reasons for staying together was divorce is more expensive, and they wanted to focus on their career or family without having to deal with dating/ex's, or a divorce. I think sex is, or can be, important at the start of a relationship as it facilitates, or engenders, comfort and trust in each other, but to the overall relationship I do not think it is determinant. Unless, of course, the relationship was simply founded on sex and neither party wanted anything more. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 5/17/2008 2:42:54 PM | | my opinion is that sex is a very important part in a relationship and i am not saying that cuz im a guy. I was married for the past six years and when i look back on it, it always seemed that if we were having great sex we werent arguing and there was always less stress in the marriage, but i found when we would go without any for a while then things would start to get pretty tense and we would always argue and fight until we had make up sex and then everything went back to normal. but who knows what norman is anyway. come to find out my wife cheated on me and now i pretty much believe that i was married to a crazy ****. | |
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