| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:56:17 AM | Everything eh?
Compatibility is Everything in a relationship. There needs to be compatibility across many critical areas.
For me that is... emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical compatibility.
Need a balance in all of these areas in order to thrive; so sexual compatibility is vital but not "everything" in a successful relationship.
I have friends that are compatible emotionally, intellectually and spiritually... but we don't have sex.
In this way, some could say that sex is the most vital thing in a relationship because it alone distinguishes friend from lover.
If one has an affair, the relationship is over - so some might say this makes sex the most vital thing in a relationship, others would argue it is trust.
But what would be Everything?
For me conversation and communication is Everything... because it is how we share and experience life.
The conversation includes the four areas of compatibility.
Sex is an important part of this conversation because it is the expression of our love.
Your friends think if you can't please your partner in bed it's over.
hmm... it's been a marker for the end of all of my relationships. But not one of my endings has ever "just" been about sex. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/27/2008 2:38:00 AM | | Sex [with someone you love] is like icing on a cake or toppings on a pizza. It is not "mandatory" of course but hard to have too much of either, more often than not. Like most things, quality is every bit as important as quantity. And as others have already mentioned, in a LTR, without MOST of the other major compnents being "in place", having a "good" sex life is simply not likely to happen from my own experience. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:54:33 AM | sex is everything  yeah suure and then you wonder why some woman think it's what men want . you first meet first year .  hey baby lets do it . year 2 sex has dropped off . year 3 baby comes along . sex way down . the woman has a good job . where is sex now ? well , between work and the baby sex is somewheres there . what you mean sex was good at first ? yes , and WHO had no job or kids ? having a baby chances every thing . sex in relationship is ok . BUT , it is NOT the most important thing . showing her you love her should . | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:22:32 AM |
(Msg 104) you first meet first year . hey baby lets do it . year 2 sex has dropped off . year 3 baby comes along . sex way down . the woman has a good job . where is sex now ? well , between work and the baby sex is somewheres there . what you mean sex was good at first ? yes , and WHO had no job or kids ?
The question is why did sex drop off the second year before there were kids and didn't people work the first year while they were having plenty of sex?
That's my point when people say problems/situations arise and then sex decreases. It is the other way around. People think that sex is some option and as soon as something comes along sex gets shifted to the back burner. Then we hear the wailing and the gnashing of teeth when one has an affair.
"How could they?" "What happened?" Well, we all know what happened. People had no difficulty finding time to stay late at the office bucking for that promotion or volunteering for some school activity but they wouldn't, just couldn't, find time to have sex.
There was always time for housekeeping and gardening and social events and Saturday golf but when it came to spending half an hour in bed with ones partner.....well, that's just asking too much!
Sex is what draws a man and a woman together. It starts at puberty and does not stop as one grows up or older. The feeling for a specific partner may dry up but if one could make love with their favorite movie star or athelete, being assured they were 100% STD free, I'm sure a lot of "sexless" people would jump at the idea.
That's what love stories are all based on. What did the Prince have in common with Cinderella? Absolutely nothing! Romeo and Juliet falling in love at a ball. They never "hung out" together because their families were involved in a deadly feud.
Marc Antony and Cleopatra. A war general and a Pharaoh. I wonder what activities they enjoyed in common???
Why would anyone think that burning desire they experienced with their first love is not important to a romantic relationship? The feeling one can not wait to see the person again. See them for what? To go for a bike ride through the park? To discuss politics?
Why did men, throughout history, literally fight over women? Because one guy knew he's never find anyone who liked the same restaurants and the other guy knew she was the best housekeeper in town???
People have been known to kill their spouse and/or lover when an affair comes to light. Has anyone ever heard of such passion regarding political affiliations or social convictions on the part of their spouse?
What leads to divorce; a round of golf with the neighbor or a round in bed?
As a society we may broadcast sex but there is no shortage of snide remarks. People say that sex is not conversation for mixed/social company but that only applies to whether or not it's presented in a positive light.
Stand in the supermarket check-out line and pick up a tabloid. It's quite acceptable to say some derogatory remark about the front page sex story or negatively comment on the attire of some lady celebrity. Even at the office one may remark on a sexual topic to an opposite sex co-worker as long as it's derogatory.
"Did you hear about that teen who is pregnant? What is the world coming to?" Or "Did you hear Mr. ------had a affair? Our society is becoming sexually corrupt."
Then try saying something positive about sex like, "Wow! My girlfriend has been so busy lately with her studies but she finally finished her degree so we went away for a sex filled weekend. It was great!" (I can see the sexual harassment suit being written up from here.)
Along with publicizing sex we have publically degraded it. Every sex story in the news, bar none, is put forward in a negative light. From the time one is old enough to understand the english language they are bombarded with the ridiculing and disparaging of sex. Is it any wonder our society has a twisted, adverse view?
Is sex everything? According to society it's dirty and harmful and degrading and......Just turn on the TV or open the daily newspaper.
Well, I feel better now I got that off my chest.  | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:33:04 AM | | OP It's important but it doesn't have to be great initially. It's a learned process, but there are those who can't be bothered to learn what pleases their partner, and that's when it can become a bone of contention. Also, if you have the same sexual preferences, i.e. you both like to generally be submissive or dominant, it can lead to a lack of fulfilment for one of the parties, which again can become a bone of contention. Sex shouldn't be an issue unless one or other of a couple feels completely unsatisfied. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:48:11 PM | I agree with many of the previous statements, such as when sex becomes a problem it is an indicator of other problems in the relationship. I have found that when the woman is taken care of emotionally by her man, the man will be taken care of sexually by the woman. And everyone is happy!!!!!
Trust, respect, loyalty, etc are important factors to a healthy relationship too, but I have also learned that these can sometimes be irrepairable if damaged badly enough. If you are truly in love with someone u have to be careful not to say things in the heat of the moment that u can't take back. If you start insulting your partner on a personal level, you are trying to hurt them, and I think this is the most common reason for sex and intimacy to go bad, or stop altogether.
If this is not the case and you are just not being satisfied sexually then maybe you aren't compatible. Sex between two people who are in a commited relationship, is after all the key factor that makes the relationship different from all others...friends, sisters, co workers etc. If you don't feel satisfied sexually, then for myself I would probably not be all that attracted in the first place. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:56:23 AM | "Sex" can be so many different things (just snuggling) that it seems to me it would be very difficult to have a relationship without it. If everything else is in place ... the sex will be there and it will just happen as it fits into the lifestyle the couple has created for themselves. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/29/2008 5:29:48 AM |
(DrDottie) The biggest problem I see, and I speak from experience, is that when the sex is not good, you can take it or leave it, and I preferred to leave it, which made him mad. Of course I never told him the reason I lost interest in the sex was because he was terrible in bed... so he thought I didn't care about him, personally, anymore, which wasn't the case.
Then perhaps you should have bitten the bullet, and told him?
Arlo | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:00:13 AM | | Its not everything but it is a part of a relationship as well. Your desires and sex drive needs to be compatible. You cannot have a freak with a only missionary person. That won't work. And someone that wants it everyday vs. once a month won't work either. It does cause a strain and I feel that is what makes your partner look elsewhere for sex. So sex isn't everything.....but its on my top 5! | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:03:04 PM | | While I do believe that sex is important in a relationship, it shouldn't be the main focus of the relationship. If the relationship was just based upon sex I see no future for the relationship. Sex has been made to feel like it's a major part of the relationhip, I truly believe that it shouldn't be. A relationship should be based on personality, common interests,; now just focused on sex. In my past relationhips, sex was important, but it was more than just about having sex. So yes sex is important, but again it shouldn't be the only thing that holds the relationship together. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:20:56 PM |
sex is not everything but its what holds everything together.
I think you got that one backwards. When you have a true trusting, caring, honest, open relationship is when you can share intimacy on a higher level.
And that is not sex. Sex is a physical act.
Those who are having sex are really missing out on alot more. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:30:08 PM | Still at this one?
To all the men whom were so nice to say to the poster that they do not think it is a great deal in a rs..HOWEVER as a woman i have to disagree... I think sex is a HUGE part of a relationship
A RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT SEX IS NO RELATIONSHIP AT ALL
Ahh, honesty, who could ask for anything more.
You all realize that about 90% of the answers here don't get the OP's question. So lets sum it up here with the answers. No, its not everything, so lets sew em up and chop em off ladies and gents, it doesn't matter. In the immortal words of John Lennon...
"All you need is love!" | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:36:28 PM | of course not, but it is the switch that turns it On or Off...............
As Margo said, it distinguishes a friend from a lover. | |
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Edge82
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Joined: 6/22/2008
Msg: 115 | |
| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:02:00 AM | | Sex isn't everything but for me..if I have barely any sex life with the person I am with then the relationship will almost always fail. There has to be sex. It's not first on the list but it's definetely high up. You have to meet the person that has the same sex standing as you. If your not into that much find someone the same. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:12:39 AM | For sex to be a truly rewarding experience it has to take place in a loving relationship. If I love a woman and she loves me and for some reason we can't have sex I wouldn't leave her; I wouldn't even think about leaving her and I wouldn't seek sex elsewhere. I've been celibate for years and I have no intention of leaving myself because of it.
I've often heard sex described as a need and it's not - it's a biologically built in want to serve the needs of nature's requirement for reproduction and bonding after a child is born - if it were a need we would die from not having it.
Apparently men live longer if they get it - but I'd suggest that comes from being in a loving relationship that reduces loneliness etc. I get this from my other relationships and so far seem to be thriving emotionally.
I think men's thinking minds find the sex drive irritating and maybe this is why some men get angry about not having it satisfied - but just because the body has this desire does not mean a man has to be driven by it.
I think it's nice to have women in your life socially but you don't have to be wanting to have sex with them all and I think men who are like that are dull people to be around. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/30/2008 3:38:05 AM | sex for me is the ultimate way of showing someone how much i love them and also for them to show me , if your not having good sex then thats the first warning sign somethings wrong .... if your selfish in bed then your on the road to ruin for that will be mirrored in your everyday life ..... for me its all about making the other person feel good and happy and satisfied , and if she is then i am too, if somebody told me they didn't really like sex and didn't want to do it then i'd be off ...... somepeople just aren't that bothered about it agreed , and thats up to them but as far as i'm concerned if i loved somebody and they turned me on i'd be jumping on them every 5 mins ( and i never need that viagra shit ) , so to me it is very important , comes just after honesty truth and faithfulness ....
ramble over lol , | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/30/2008 4:10:07 AM | Physical intimacy, and the mutual sharing of pleasure via sex, though not IT...is a bellweather, barometer if you will. Barring medical complications...
Good, mutual, fulfilling sex..usually indicates the safety, love, respect, trust issues etc..are already handled well...
the opposite....(however tragic to think people would stay in a place so sad......)
can indicate either personal issues....or relational ones, that have not been acknowledged and dealt with.
So in some ways...sex IS most important. But we err if we make that the focus. Focus instead on health, boundaries, owning our own issues and dealing with them, reciprocating respect, providing safety and love, honor, trust, empathy.
Might say...sex is the trophy...but to truly earn it, you must excel at the "game"]
(bad analogy..yes)
One cannot just sneak in and try to abscond with or gaze at the trophy without winning the heart! | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:41:46 AM | What is that so true saying? Marry someone you can communicate with because the day will come that is all you will do. How many men walk off and leave their life-long wives once they get older to chase their youth and have flings with younger women? Even older men who chase their youth to prove themselves by bedding everyone they can find to say yes.
Yes, I know, I've heard one of the latest is older women getting their 'toyboys'!
Yes sex is a very important ingredient in a relationship but that is not the end all. Very seldom does a relationship started on, based on sex truly last. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:07:35 AM | I dated a woman a few years ago that told me sex was only about 5% of a relationship.
After doing the math, I agreed with her.
24 Hrs in a day x 5% = about 1hour 12minutes every day , seven days a week.
After a few weeks-- 1% is usually enough.. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2008 10:02:14 AM |
... sex was only about 5% of a relationship.
24 Hrs in a day x 5% = about 1hour 12minutes every day , seven days a week.
After a few weeks-- 1% is usually enough.. At first ... that would be about 8 hours and 24 minutes per week. That probably would not be enough for me.
After a few weeks ... 1% would be not quite 2 hours of sex per week. YIKES ... I know that would not be enough for me.
is sex everything in a relationship? No ... but I do expect it. | |
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| is sex everything in a relationship?
Posted: 7/9/2008 10:16:33 AM | I don't think sex is everything in a relationship, but it is extremely important.
If the only thing you have going in your relationship is sex then I would hesitate to call it a relationship. However, I think that a the quality and frequency of the sex can be a barometer to measure how well the relationship is going. It is been my experience that sex is the first thing to suffer when one member is unhappy.
So if you are used to having frequent sex and then it drops off, chances are there is sometihing wrong. | |
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