| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:36:34 AM |
The idea of throwing up a red flag on someone who wants to meet sooner rather than later is crazy.
Indeed, in fact relationship columnists in newspapers state it is better to meet pretty well soon, and not "draw out" the conversation for too long.
Apparently, this is the main advice given to people opting to Online Date....to meet sooner than later. I remember on a few occasions where'd I'd converse, be a gentleman about being patient with the woman, becuase she wasn't "quite ready" to meet for a drink/coffeee just yet....finally I would say, "hey, we going to meet or what?"
And then she claims that you're getting pushy, then tells you to stop talking to her. Then you're made out to be the bad guy, and goes around stating, "Man these guys on the net like to push into meeting you in person!"  | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:01:37 AM | | Yes gentlemanj, those are the ego strokers, just window shopping for a man to stroke their ego for a couple of weeks. They say the right things, they flirt, they push your interest buttons to the max. Then when pressed for a meet, it's onto the next guy for a couple of weeks. There seems to be a fair number of them on here. Maybe married, maybe self esteem issues, but they are like vapor or a mirage, now you see them, now you don't. Bob | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:11:53 PM | To answer OP's question...yes, I often get these same messages...giving me their number and asking me out within the 1st or 2nd coversation. I DO believe in NOT wasting someone's time. People who chat for weeks or months without meeting are going to be quite disappointed in the time they both wasted if when they meet they realize they are not compatible. However, I will not meet someone the same day that I just started chatting with them.
Whether some men are just over eager, desperate, or just looking for sex...you don't always know. I prefer not to jump to any conclusions. I also trust my instincts, since they have never steered me wrong.
I don't think there is a rule of thumb regarding a time frame of when to transition from chatting, to phone, to meeting. It all depends on the people & certain factors. Do the people chat daily...or weekly? Do they have conflicting work schedules that have made pinpointing a date to meet difficult? People often say that if you're interested in a person, you will make time for them. I agree with this...except you don't REALLY know that you are interested until you meet. So making the time before the actual meet and greet is difficult for many. Also...I know many people on here (myself included) use the chatting as a way to "weed out" people. If I went out with every man that asked me out before actually chatting with them to determine if I even want to meet face to face.......I'd be going on 3 dates a night all week long! Who has the time & money for all that? I prefer paying dutch, and I surely don't want to throw my money away on something that could have been prevented if I'd have taken some time to somewhat get to know the person first. I can usually tell within a few e-mails if I am interested in talking on the phone. After a phone conversation or two, I usually know if I want to meet that person. For me, the time frame usually takes about 2 weeks...but that's just me.
When men ask for my number or to meet me within the inital conversation or two, I tell them that I don't give out my number or meet until I've chatted & talked on the phone a bit first. If they understand, I will converse further. If they get mad, that is a red flag, & I let them know I am no longer interested. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:22:52 PM | | Calichick25 - Listen even women my age get the same thing. I got ONE IM message from a guy and after two sentences asked me if I liked guys that are hung. My answer to him was no thank you I like my guys alive. Gee guess what never heard from him again. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:31:30 PM | | Sturdavint - Your profile says you are looking for a woman yet men email you? It might have something with you being a profession sombie. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:51:20 PM |
Calichick25 - Listen even women my age get the same thing. I got ONE IM message from a guy and after two sentences asked me if I liked guys that are hung. My answer to him was no thank you I like my guys alive. Gee guess what never heard from him again.
Lol, great response. 
I seriously can't understand how....clueless? tactless? Some guys can be, makes it harder for the rest of us -_- | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:35:40 PM | Yes I get this all the time and it is a turn off. The upside is that when you check their profiles that they're not someone you're interested in anyway.
Some guys are all about immediate gratification in whatever way.
Good things come to those who wait. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:47:58 PM | | If by immediately, you mean the same or next day, then yes it would be a red flag, but at the same token I don't think any guy wants to have an e-girlfriend that she can only communicate with online because she has fears of actually meeting, so they trade emails for months on end. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:02:54 PM | | if you exchange mails for weeks you invest much more than in one meeting. Meeting quickly saves time. Unless you can see from the first mail it is very unlikely you would be interested in this person. But then there is no point to continue chatting in that case either. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/2/2008 3:01:02 PM | | In our defence ,sometimes we (well I) find it hard to express a sence of humour or sincerity in an e-mail message so there has been the occasion where I've invited someone to coffee after a few e-mails .....and really is that not the reason most of us are here??? | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:34:14 PM | I'm also for meeting sooner rather than later, though not immediately
A few emails and a phone call or 2 is enough to establish whether we'd have anything to talk about, then assuming that goes ok a brief meeting would be fine.
That assumes of course that the emails they send me, actually tell me anything - "hi how was your weekend" is ok as an opening line but not as an entire message lol | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:34:29 PM | I prefer to meet quickly for two great reasons:
1. If there is no connection, it allows boths people to move on.
2. If there IS a connection, I can see what happens with her before I communicate with OTHERS. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:27:41 PM | Well, if you want to EXPERIENCE the other without meeting them the closest you can get is a phone conversation. Actually we are all different and what works for one with his or her individual beliefs and life experiences is not what may work and feel comfortable for another. In these kinds of areas there is no "True North" so to speak. So, bottom line what you think is based on your conscious and unconscious "stuff" and that is totally different for anyone else unless they have similar beliefs, values, and life experience. Not wanting to get on the phone seems to say that there is a fear of closeness, or fearfulness of the process in general. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/9/2008 12:55:56 PM | | I dont want to meet up immediately with every guy that asks. How many others is he asking out like that? A man that asks a woman out during the first conversation, will go out with anyone. I am a bit more selective than that. I want to know that he doesnt go out with just anyone. I want to know a bit about his personality. Is he pushing me to meet too soon, even though I say I'm uncomfortable with it? What does that say about his consideration for other people and their feelings? Im going to have some idea that the guy isnt a serial killer or rapist, by how he responds to me during emails. Is he a braggart, arrogant, egotistical, or condemning of people? Or does he appear to be dependable, considerate, respectful? Is he so impatient he cant type a few times? Does he pay child support, does he resent paying child support. I know that is off topic, but its the kind of things I like learn to find out about the person. These things come out when you email. It might take a couple weeks to find out, but it saves me the risk of meeting up with some weirdo, who does nothing but try and get in my pants, or gripe about how women use him, or how his ex is a b**** who wont let him see his kids. No, I want to find that out in the comfort and safety of my own home. I dont take chances, I dont put myself or my children at risk. Usually the ones I have met too early have had too many issues. One guy, lived 20 minutes from me. Had a daughter. Did the "ex wife - child support" gripe, put down his ex and her new family to his daughter, run her in the ground, called her names. He was poisoning the mind of a child. I should have asked his opinion of all that prior to, cause healthy people, may not care about their exes, but they dont go about bashing them all the time. I look for a healthy attitude. Some you win, some you lose, and if a guy wont date me because I am cautious, well, what does that say about him? I wont date him, because he isnt cautious. Either way, I find out about him. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/9/2008 1:02:36 PM | | I guess I'm like the guys - I like to meet up right away and see if there is any connection. I'm not interested in lots of emails and phone calls. People can be very misleading over the phone and email, then when you meet in person, they are not what you expect at all. If there's an interest, I want to meet right away, and either move forward, or know that person if off my list! | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/9/2008 1:13:30 PM | use dating sites the way you want to use them.
if you dont wat to meet someone, tell them. But beware, you may lose them!
Be honest, dont mess people around!
Be true to yourself, and what you want fromthese sites.
If you want to live in cyberspace, thats fine, meet other people who want to live in cyberspace.
If not, come to the real world and meet real people.
The longer you put it off, the harder it will be. Take precautions when you meet someone.
Dating sites are only a different way of making that first introduction.
Tell the truth!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/9/2008 2:10:40 PM | Ok, asking to meet up almost instantly is a bit too quick.... but the guy thinks the lady is only going to fall for the next "bad boy" with a silver tongue, topless photo... & end up chatting to him for hours on end, knowing how girls only go for the bad boys these days. haha. If he isn't messaging her - there are plenty more idiots on this site who will be doing.
Next.... | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/9/2008 6:24:12 PM | now i'm not a woman [in gender anyways] but i've had my fair share of e-mails from guys i have never talked to before about wanting to meet that minute.it amazes me.even guys that are not looking for a girl like me do the same thing.
one thing i do hate is when i come here to check e-mail,i will have 2 or 3 IM's appear instantly.i know i can turn it off but if someone wants to talk to me i'll talk.at times i wonder what head the guys are thinking with.
Krystall | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/9/2008 8:10:32 PM | | I have met girls on this website after talking to them for a few hours... one day... two-three days.... or up to a month or more. It's really all up to the chemistry you feel mutually for each other when you first start talking, and how the girl's personality is. On multiple occassions I've signed on to this site, talked to a girl, got her number, texted her throughout the day, and then at night called her and asked her to hang out that night... she would say "yes" and we would hang out that night. Is it fast? sure. But I agree.... I prefer to get OFF the internet ASAP. I can't possibly tell if I truly like a girl or not until I interact with her in person..... everybody is different online. A girl can be funny online and then you meet her and she's cold as ice.... or a great typist and conversationalist online but in person she's very shy, quiet, and dull.... You just never know. Therefore, GET OFFLINE ASAP. That's my philosophy. Sometimes it runs me into trouble because I ask for a girl's phone number quickly and she's turned off by it. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/10/2008 3:14:31 AM | I think IM ing someone, is as rude as popping into someones home uninvited.
Send them a normal message, if you're interested. If they are, they'll get back to you.
Meeting someone sooner is most likely better. Just like blind dates in the ole days.
Had many dates with perfect strangers ! (and some not so perfect) We're all strangers for a short time. We just have to play it by ear. Wade slowly in, or if you can swim,
Jump right in. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/10/2008 6:38:26 AM | The sooner you meet, the sooner you know if he is what you want and if you are what he seeks.
:-)
So say yes, and go meet your honey in a safe environment and see what you're walking into. ---> There are people with less than candid profiles. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/16/2008 1:13:07 AM | | Giving you a phone number is not asking to meet with you in my case. It means that emails are now done, quickly a waste of time. We are 10' tall and gods on the internet if we want to be, so to speak, if we are liars. Phone call says quite a bit. One or two phone calls and I know if I want to meet a girl. Actually one for me. To me a phone call is the only way to move forward to a meeting. We are all here to move forward. Not to rush. It's all about face to face. That matters in the end. Second phone call and no meeting set. I'm done. Play it safe. Use good judgement. Email is a waste of time. Remember one thing. Trust is something that should be earned. The phone conversation should be scrutinized by you. I have talked to women that in emails seemed fine. Phone conversation sent up red flags for me though. For me email is a waste of time. For me I don't expect a reply in a few days but after a week I assume that person is uninterested. Different for many here no doubt. How many are just looking to score and how many are genuine good guys. Phone call is a good way to weed through that lot and see who is who. Good luck. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/16/2008 1:43:48 AM | I am not into meeting immediately after saying hi. Yes, even if that very day I spent my waking hours, emailing, chatting or phoning that one person. In my experience, if the person is in a rush, he is interested only in one thing or is unable to carry his end of an intelligent conversation. If he has a difficulty online, he will have a harder time looking me in the eye and having an intellectual repartee in person. And I don't care if he is Adonis or Brad Pitt.
I agree with some posters who say that you cannot be meeting everyone. You have to be able to weed out some and would have only some time to meet a few or you would feel like you have another fulltime job just having coffee and such just for meeting arrangements. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/16/2008 1:54:58 AM | I am sure this might of been said, but I really didnt want to read thru all the pages to find out, but the computer is getting in the way of meeting people. We want to get to know some one thru email, and maybe on to the phone. Yes It helps alot but in the end you need the face to face meeting.
I think thats one of the down sides to internet dating, I am not saying to go and meet some one after the first email, just dont spend months and months going back and forth with the emails.
I dont think I said what I was trying to , its late and I should be asleep.
Internet dating is a tool, or the ice breaker | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/16/2008 1:57:51 AM | | Most guys want to meet because there are so many ladies that have no intenstion of ever meeting and just waste other people time. It could be because they are scared of meeting a nut case or are just shy. To me if you are willing to talk then be open to meeting, if you dont like the coffee date I would say going to one of the many functions that POF has. That way you can meet where you know others are making sure you are safe. But if the lady has no intention of meeting for any reason I would say those people should get off of POF , so people wanting to find that right person will know the other person is honest about what they are looking for. | |
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