| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/16/2008 2:13:35 AM | | Wow, this thread is huge! I've not scanned through all 16 pages but my general answer is this: Emails, MSN and phone are fine but at some point you have to actually make the jump to meeting and I think the sooner this can be done, the sooner people can start having fun, participating in fun dating activities, whatever they may be. I would encourage probably a week or 2 at most of email, MSN etc and then speak on the phone for a bit as it's much easier to convey emotion and get a sense of some one this way. I get rather annoyed with people who keep putting off the meet after weeks and weeks. I certainly don't message people asking to meet in the 1st, 2nd or even 3rd message, but after a few long emails and conversations back and forth, if they don't want to meet then I start to think perhaps they're not actually interested and stop making the effort so much to talk to them. Also It's hard not to come across as pushy. You ask them if they want to meet at a given time and place, they say no. You suggest a different time, they say no again. At what point do you say ok, do you actually want to meet or are you just messing me about? :) I d understand the side of people who get odd requests though for marrage etc and disagree with this just as much if not more so. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/16/2008 2:23:52 AM | I COULD NOT SLEEP AFTER READING YOUR PLIGHT, SO I DECIDED TO OFFER YOU A REALITY CHECK. I CAN UNDERSTAND IT BEING A REAL BURDEN ON YOU, HAVING TO SORT OUT ALL OF THOSE E MAILS FILLING UP YOUR "IN BOX". (POOR THING).
"PART OF ME THINKS THAT THEY JUST WANT TO GO TO BED WITH ME", (DO YOU THINK!!)
"THEY COULD BE REALLY SWEET GUYS WHO ARE AFRAID OF LOSING THEIR
E MAIL IN MY IN BOX WITH THE AMOUNT OF MAIL I RECEIVE", (YEA, THAT'S IT).
GET OVER YOURSELF SWEETIE. THERE ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT WOUILD LOVE TO HAVE YOUR "DILEMA". | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/16/2008 2:41:43 AM | Yes, I get these same messages. To me, it shows signs of desperation. I can take the perspective that they are more assertive enough to ask that right away, but the reality is, is that women don't and won't feel comfortable doing those things right away.
I usually don't even respond when this happens, unless they write a really interesting message that seems genuinely interested in getting to know me. Then I strictly keep it to messages on here for a bit.
I do think that they mainly want to see how easy it would be to get me in bed. They are just more open about it. It's sad that some people are desperate enough to get any date by doing this that soon. I think that if they are easily giving out their phone numbers and email, how many others are they giving it to? Which might signify a player:) | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/16/2008 2:44:18 AM | I really don't think it is a fear of closeness.
I think it is a fear of giving your number out to potential stalkers:)
We want to feel you out on messages first, get that initial connection if there is one, then usually after that we are more willing to take that chance on the rest. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/16/2008 3:12:33 AM | How many messages do you need to know you want to meet or that you definitely do not ?
If a person seems likeable, I'd rather spend half hour (or hour, or few hours) in their company talking and getting to know them, than try to figure out how much of what I'm getting is smoothed out version.
IMO in person it's easier to communicate, check for chemistry, and figure out if you want to meet again. Sometimes they don't talk a lot, because they're shy, nervous, whatever. You can SEE by the way they look.
How do you hold hands with computer?
Internet is to meet people, not carry on a virtual relationship. I want hugs, kisses (eventually) and if there is no first meeting, no first (and consequential) dates, how are you "dating"? | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/16/2008 3:27:49 AM |
I think all people online should avoid the "I dont know you well enough to meet you line"... its a catch 22, you'll never really get to know the person by email.
i agree this site is to meet someone and if i met you on the street you have to get to know me face to face so why not meet and get to know them, myself im not a writer my smarts are in the technical field i can build a computer or tear apart and rebuild a motor but cant write for shit so get to know me in person cause if i write you you prob wont want a secound email wich goes to show why im still on here as they never want to meet and get to know you | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/16/2008 3:49:05 AM | For myself, I like a few messages to see if there is a connection in words (also can they spell?). Then I'll give my phone number. Talking on the phone let's me HEAR what they sound like (although most times a voice does NOT match the person). Then... if all goes well, we agree to meet.
I have in the past done the long emails, phone conversations and feel a real connection but when we met in person... the connection was gone!
Some may say I am shallow to allow the appearance of a person contol how I feel. Bottom line, if I am not feeling it looking at him....it's not going to go further. I have to WANT to look at him!
Maybe that's why I've been single for 18 years!  | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/16/2008 4:58:13 AM | | shytigress has some good points. In addition, distance would have a bearing on a quick meeting. I don't see much problem with locals meeting right away. It there is a problem, you just leave and go home. I believe long distance prospects should include a few more details about the person. Like some very recent full view photos not just the face. Ten year old photos show dishonesty right off the bat. I would expect some nervousness at first meetings. I would give them time to relax before making any judgements. At least I hope they would feel the same way. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/16/2008 5:09:33 AM | I agree with Tamigirl....I wont give out my phone number or MSN...until I have e.mailed with a guy for a while...I dont even like the IM on here.
I had a guy yesterday asking me real personal intermate questions...first time he had e.mailed me too...why does he think he has the right to do that...so e.mailing first is safer for we women...just my opinion!.. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/16/2008 5:34:32 AM | | I used to do this all of the time. The number should be given out soon and you should meet quickly if there is a connection because of simple competition. Other men from the site are going to pursue you as well so they have to take it offline fast. Also, it's good to meet up while things are still "hot." | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:41:06 AM | | I do get an average of 1 to 4 numbers a week, just sent to me randomly. I do not think it is just to "hook up" I think some people are just very confortable handing out their numbers. I have no issue with it if there are things in common and after a couple e mails we may be compatable. The ones that do bother me are when there is just obviously nothing in common, and I have to wonder why are they interested in me calling them? Hard to say on this one....thats a tough call. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/16/2008 12:02:21 PM | I know it's been said before, but I think the sooner the better. I've been on both sides and believe me when I tell you how disappointed I have been when I decide to meet a man I've emailed or even spoken with extensively on the phone and feel NO chemistry. Thats not to say he isn't nice but just not someone I find attractive in person. On the other hand, if the chemistry is incredible look at all the time you've wasted!!
Be smart, be safe and GO FOR IT!!! | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/16/2008 12:11:58 PM | If however a man would like to speak to me , the best way to get me to accept is to first make sure I'm interested, then accompany his number with a nice email. I 've had a few men just send their number with a note saying "I want to talk to you "or "call me". It may seem petty but I don't respond well to demands !!" I''d like to talk " or would you call me" have a much more civilized tone and will get a more positive response from me.
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/20/2008 5:21:15 AM | I've run across a few that just wanted phone sex, yupper. That's why they are so in a hurry to give and get numbers. They're not on here looking for anything serious. Just looking to have a little fun, at anyones expense. The nice men that are interested, and are indeed looking for a normal relationship; seem to wait a decent time, to ask for
your phone number. Realizing that everything worth having, does take a little time.
Hopefully we all know how to weed out the bad ones. We don't need a green thumb for that.  | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/20/2008 5:35:22 AM | CALI...I see nothing wrong with meeting as soon as possible....I have lost count on numerous times by sitting here writing or using the phone for endless hours, weeks, months to finally meeting and then nothing comes from it. so you see, my time is valuable and lifes to short. just be cautious, keep it public for your safety...go with your gut instincts, if your not comfortable with it...then dont do it.  | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/22/2008 10:51:10 PM | I really don't see any problem with going out to meet someone rather quickly. After a couple emails, and a phone conversation, I think that is the next logical step ... right?
For me ... it's hard to find out if there is any chemistry over the internet. You really need to talk to someone face to face.... and as long as you agree on a public place, where you feel safe ... I think meeting sooner, rather than later, is a good thing. (smile) | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/22/2008 11:51:21 PM | It is too easy to build a relationship exclusively on-line and then meet and realize that you have zero sparks. What you have been doing for days or weeks is a keen to writing your own romance novel.
Better meet quickly and see if you are compatible. It is also a great way to figure out if he is truly available. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/23/2008 12:05:01 AM | | I like to meet as soon as the woman is comfortable. With any extended emailing or talking on the phone, you tend to build up a persona of the other person and it's usually built more upon fantasy than reality. It's happened to me, and just lately to two female friends. Each woman thought she had found the real, true love of her life. Their was a connection there. Both women were so disappointed that they came home very dejected. And the guys are now totally out of there lives. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/23/2008 5:58:33 AM | GUILTY...I was IM-ing one lady,conversation went very good, so I said
"I don't want to ruin everything by asking your number".
She said it's flattering,but she would like to get to know me better first.
Wow, what a great respond,right?
I read a few pages about this, and I glad to see that most women doesn't think,it's being desperate, or want to jump in bed right away.
I am guilty of asking for numbers, and pushing for a meeting.But I am doing it at her space, we'll exchange numbers, meet, whenever she is comfortable.
Having said that, I won't wait for too long. I want to hear your voice,see how you really are.If you don't want to meet after a reasonable time, do you have something to hide?
Some posters had bad experience with a phone, or at the meeting, like the guy voice didn't match with the way he was, or the picture was old, he didn't look nothing like his picture, blah, blah.
Newsflash. I had those bad experience too. Yet, I don't assume all ladies like that. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/23/2008 6:16:32 AM | | I tend to prefer to meet people immediately myself, so I'd be THRILLED if a guy were to just ask me to meet for a cup of coffee or a drink, rather than wanting me to give him my phone number (which he'd then ALWAYS have, regardless of how we got along...and believe me, there are some psychos out there who should NEVER have been given my number!). You can't really tell what kind of chemistry you're going to have with a person without meeting them face to face, so some of us are big believers in that face to face meeting asap, rather than investing a lot of time exchanging email, or instant messaging, or (godforbidden) phone calls, only to find out there's no chemistry when you finally do meet. There can be a much larger investment than time at that point, people can become emotionally involved via email, only to find out they were wrong about each other once they meet in real life. IMO, there's nothing wrong with wanting to actually get to know a person, asap. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/23/2008 10:35:00 AM | I say meet right away!!! I never give out my phone # until after we meet, and thats only if I want to see them again. It's just coffee at Starbuck in the light of day. I've never had any problems with that. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/23/2008 4:14:36 PM | | Me personally, I don't like meeting to quick. I like to have a chance to figure them out a little. Talk to them on the phone for a while,at least two weeks. That gives me a chance to get a feel of the person. I met a woman the first month i was here. Thats the way i went about it with her. Slow. It just seems to work out better that way to me. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/24/2008 4:01:25 PM | | I have to agree with yu zopz. I dont know how many times I've chatted with someone for quite sometime on the intent of meeting someday...and it just never happened. Those people just want to chat and enjoy having a string of people to chat to. This is a DATING SITE...that's what its all about. It's just a medium to meet and screen people your interested in. It hard to really get the just of a person typing in a little box. I contact someone, chat a few lines then ask if they'd like to talk live. You can tell a lot by a persons voice...like when they start to studder when you ask if their married..LOL. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 7/24/2008 4:41:38 PM | I don't like talking on the phone or giving out my number, but I don't mind meeting quickly. I think it's easier to tell if you are interested in someone in person than over the phone or internet.
If there's no attraction, you haven't wasted any time falling in love with emessages.
Nutt | |
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