| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:25:42 AM |
I've received a number of messages from guys pretty much giving out their number almost instantly and within the first or second email asking me if I'd like to meet them for coffee. Everyone has different comfort levels. Instead of assuming that potential suitors who you feel are compatible would naturally understand what your comfort level is via mental osmosis, why not express what that comfort level is? Your profile doesn't accurately describe your comfort level sentiment.
Part of me thinks that they just want to get in bed with me, but the other part of me thinks that they could be really sweet guys who are afraid of losing their email in my inbox with the amount of mail I receive - it's so hard to tell who belongs to what category! If you are getting flooded with e-mail, why not send a short note with specific questions that would either qualify or disqualify these potential suitors?
Or better yet, initiate correspondence with guys who look interesting to you? Threads like this come up all the time in these forums from people, most often women, who complain about correspondences that they aren't initiating. | |
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Mizzi
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Joined: 5/2/2008
Msg: 52 | |
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:33:43 AM | What do you expect when you look so hot and have bikini shots in your profile? You are too hot and guys get overheated when the look at you lol.....
Seriously I dont have a bikini shot but I get them all the time, and I just delete them. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:17:57 AM |
I have exchanged emails with a lady and she seemed to enjoy conversing with me. When I did give her my number, all of a sudden she disappeared. Why is that?
Because if you never meet and only chit chat, they can build up this fantasy world about the other person. Actually meeting ruins it because you aren't perfect, don't ooze sex appeal or have some great, high power job, abs of steel or walk with a sext swagger. To actually meet means that they will see you are just like everyone else. Fantasy ruined.
As long as people are 'just chatting,' you can be any person they imagine you to be.
It doesn't apply to all, but I think it applies more often than many people like to admit. I think some women just like the attention from online personals and actually meeting ruins it. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:25:28 AM | Yep - me
This last saturday, and can I say I am so pleased I went. Nice man, pleasant company and we have been texting and phoning ever since, I am sure we will meet up again real soon.
Nope talking for one hundred messages on here cannot compare with sitting with someone face to face, if you like them it is magic - if you dont like them, Where is that door. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:47:59 AM | | OK so I didnt read all the replies here but it seems most people dont want to meet right away and keep it online and try to get to know the other person....but can you really get to know a person just online....why waste time online only to meet in person after chatting for awhile and finding out you dont like each other in person? | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:48:39 AM | If you are on here long enough, you will learn that there are two types for meeting......the ones that seldom if ever meet, and the ones that want to meet in a short amount of time.
There are many on here that hide behind the computer and use it for their fantasy, and will not take that leap from fantasy to reality by meeting and greeting. They can talk long and hard about what they may want, but when it comes time to find out, they seldom, if ever do.
The other type wants to actually meet someone in person and will make those suggestions to help that happen. They usually are the ones that will give you their personal email account, send you more pictures, ask to have more pictures of you, either give or ask for a phone number, and then follow through with actions that lead to meeting.
I find that the best way to do this is get off the computer and on the phone and decide when to meet and where. Finding a halfway point that is very public and meeting for a drink or coffee seems to be the best, and if there is enough attraction and chemistry, then you continue on and make it a date, or set a time for a date and do it.
If someone works very hard to stay behind the computer, then you have your answer, and if someone gives you a number, or asks for yours on the first email, you have an answer as well. Maybe somewhere in the middle is more realistic, but for me at least, I prefer making things happen sooner much better than later, in order to find out what is there or not.
Just my opinion......   | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:09:58 AM | | I agree with you. There is one man on this site that is playing with women! He states he is handsome and a professional in his line of work. Should have guessed he was kind of stuck on himself but his good looks and his sweet talk drove me right to him. He stated he thought we should meet so I gave him my phone number and he called all week. I also like to talk and email before meeting the first time. Must admit he had me going so I met him at McDonalds for coffee. He was very charming in his ways. He was a good looking guy and would mention his ex alot in his conversations. It was an hour and a half of him stealing a kiss whenever he could and his hands were anywhere he could put them. Of course he had accomplished what he wanted..........making me think he was somewhat interested in me. Well needless to say, the phone calls stopped and he is always on this site so I knew he was probably doing the same to some other woman. He states he is not into head games but he is sure playing a game of his own. I wouldn't be afraid to bet he is still seeing his ex or maybe not even divorced as he states. Just Be Careful..........believe me I emailed him and told him I felt about his playboy attitude. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:18:06 AM | If I am going to meet a man, I want to meet him SOON. A person's energy/aura tells so much more than words on a page or even over the phone.
However, that doesn't mean that I want to meet him one hour after I received the first email. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 11:56:01 AM | Some of you seem to be overlooking what is said .. its not .. we talked for awhile and then he asked to meet .. IT IS ... HE sent me his phone number and wanted to meet right off . WITHOUT us saying anything to each other .
Sure i of course agree meet if you feel that spark and have talked but UH .. when a guy sends you a phone number and a lets meet when you have not even said HI that my friend is strange and a red flag . The fact some of you are downing a girl for her worried about these guys who send out phone numbers and lets meet as a first contact is strange to me . | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 12:02:13 PM | | No, I think you have it wrong...."pretty much giving out their number almost instantly and WITHIN THE FIRST OR SECOND E-MAIL asking me if I'd like to meet them for coffee. " | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 12:18:45 PM | HE sent me his phone number and wanted to meet right off . WITHOUT us saying anything to each other . I suggested to either tell the guy that is inappropriate, or spell things like this out on your profile. Then if the guy does this, the reply is "sorry you didn't read my profile, bye". Without giving feedback to the guy, the guy doesn't know what he is doing is inappropriate according to the OP. Lots of people do want to meet quickly, however, I understand the OP's sentiment, it's sort of unreasonable to do a "hey baby here's my number let's get together" deal, that smacks of disingenuity. Like a numbers approach more than anything. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 12:23:44 PM | | Actually Op, I think many guys, if they are going to email a lady, have already decided that she meets the qualifications for at least a meet and greet. While there are a few of us dedicated to the forums, most men, like most women, live in the real world and don't spend much time emailing strangers. While some undoubtedly want to bed you right away (think about it, it is a dating site and dating is a testing ground for marriage at least for most people. Would you consider the possibility of marriage to someone you wouldn't want to sleep with?) most only have that in the back of their head at this point in time. Reality is that most will be turned down, and have been turned down by others. They are not interested in spending weeks sending emails to someone who they don't know whether they have the character and personality--and given dated or fake pictures on the net maybe even the looks--that make for a potential future. If they are serious about romance and understand the numbers and liklihood of success in internet dating, more than three emails tells them your not serious about a real world social life with them and they shouldn't be with you either. For most men, a dating site is about getting real world dates. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 12:31:48 PM |
Some of you seem to be overlooking what is said .. its not .. we talked for awhile and then he asked to meet .. IT IS ... HE sent me his phone number and wanted to meet right off . WITHOUT us saying anything to each other .
Actually, you are the one I think overlooking what is said. Let me refresh your memory:
I've received a number of messages from guys pretty much giving out their number almost instantly and within the first or second email asking me if I'd like to meet them for coffee.
It ws never actually said that nothing had been said previously before the request to meet. You're implying that part of it. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 12:34:32 PM | In the beginning of my online dating experience I, too, was worried about meeting someone early on....feeling a need to get to know them better. But I have learned, with certain precautions in place, that I prefer meeting early on.
These fora are filled with stories of people writing for months, starting to "fall" for someone you don't even know. As many other posters point out, NOTHING helps you learn about the potential or lack there of like meeting in person.
I always meet in a public place, they NEVER have my home address, or even my last name. I send copies of their profile along with other information (such as phone number if they have provided that, the site the profile is from, and the place and time of our meeting) to my sister and my daughter. If I do not call them within a certain period of time after the meeting, they would go into action.
I have never been stood up and have never felt in danger.
At these meetings I have often discovered their pictures to be old and nothing like the person I meet; they have lied about their age or something else significant; they have no sense of humor; or they are lacking in something else I consider vital. I've also been blessed to meet some wonderful men in the process and enjoy their company instead of simply emailing.
How much better to have a cup of coffee and know within two minutes this person is not what you're looking for than invest weeks or months emailing back and forth only to learn all this later.
Rose Mary | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 12:42:32 PM | I think the key is to pay attention to the conversation and the profile , If you have questions before you meet you feel should be answered before you should ask them ... Those answers will help you . YOU will be the best judge of the situation . Obviously when you meet do it in public .. I think as far as the type of man that would do this ... your right there is always a mix .... funny thing is when it comes to some of this .... were alot alike Men and Women Just want to enjoy life and share it with someone ...
Good Luck Cali Chick Be careful ... and look both ways before you make that date . | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 12:55:21 PM | I would prefer to meet someone as soon as possible, because you or them can quickly become friend-zoned if you leave it too long to bring it up. It far too often happens that something with potential dies because it didn't get further than msn.
Don't try to figure out who belongs in which category.
We take chances out there in the world. When you meet people out in the real world at a bar or in a social setting, do you ask them to email you first so that you can get to know them before having a face to face conversation? I think you should know the answer to that.
Yes, there are a lot of crazy people out there, as well as those who either play mind games, or just want to notch another mark on the bedpost. Both online and the real world has their share.
If you're at all concerned about whether he's just looking to get laid, meet in a public place, and make it clear before hand that he should not expect to get laid.
If you think that all guys out there are only thinking about getting into bed with you, you will probably miss out on a nice guy, whereas if you consider that some of those guys might be nice guys, and take a chance on being disappointed that they are just looking to get into bed with you, you might find what you're looking for. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 1:07:55 PM | | I agree totally with jaystoltz. Talk by phone after a few e-mails and if you decide you are interested in the person, meet for a quick (or long depending on how it goes!) coffee. If you are worried that he is a stalker or a murderer have a friend tag along with you (not with you but at the same location). That way if he's really creepy you can meet your friend and get the heck out. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 1:18:52 PM |
Part of me thinks that they just want to get in bed with me, but the other part of me thinks that they could be really sweet guys
Maybe they are both??
If you follow the standard safety rules( meet in a public, well lighted place, have a cell phone with you,let someone know that you are going to meet someone,etc)
and keep that meeting light and geared toward getting to know each other socially rather than sexually, it can sure save you from building up a big hope that doesn't play out in reality.
Cindy O | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 1:42:31 PM | I think a few emails back and forth is OK - but I always wait for the lady to give me her number first. I'd never ask for it. I mention a date if I think we're getting along well - I did have an emailing frenzy (5000 word emails) with a lady and then moved on to texts and verbal for about 3 weeks - then we met, we had one date and I dropped her because I was too attached too early. She'd given me so much attention in those 3 weeks I felt we were in a relationship by the time we met! So I like a few emails and then a meeting time.
OP I'd stop mind reading what they want and just focus on how you want things to be so it makes you comfortable. Too much trying to out-think the 'opposition' distracts you from focusing on what you want - although it does help you to more clearly define what you don't want. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 1:54:18 PM | ACTUALLY to those of you who are correcting ME I Am the one who said that i got instant phone numbers and emails and i have now had guys and one girl emailing me private telling me how i should not be so nervous and go meet those who CHOSE me to get their numbers ... I am the one who posted i got them right off SCROLL BACK . mssg 11 !
ANd when someone just sends a phone number instantly without me even so much as a hi i find it strange and a turn off also .
SO dont assume please .. I was NOT implying i was referring to myself . | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:14:38 PM | I prefer to meet someone ASAP to find out whether or not we have potential - you can't really find this out over the phone, e mails, etc NOT because I'm some horned out maniac who took one too many Viagra.
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:21:55 PM | See I really dont understand why a guy would think that would be safe, I am sorry, I like to talk to a guy for at least a few weeks, you never know what kinda of person that guy is, and frankly if he does not understand then he really is not worth the time.. usually the ones that want to meet you right away are the ones that want to get you in bed, and I am very sorry but that is just not going to happen with me.. I am sorry but
your not getting the milk for free!!!! Some men are pigs and just want SEX and I am sorry im not all about that!!! Sorry guys | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:22:15 PM | | my pt of view is that most woman are afraid their bodies are too much bigger than there pictures they put online ,, or just their insecurities , and of course they want to make US GUYS responcible for their insecurities ! | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:23:09 PM | I agree with you ingeniosoquixote that time is a valuble thing to everyone...especially anyone with busy schedules....for that reason I prefer to meet someone soon after the initial contact...you're not spending time wisely if there's no chemistry/attraction after 3/4 weeks of exchanging emails/IM's.....HOWEVER....I do see the other side of the argument with safety being the most important thing...in my opinion, the best scenario is for a woman to bring a friend(s) to a first meeting during the day at a public place so that mutually both parties can decide if there is any attraction...then they can decide on a first date schedule. I know this sounds like science or something, but this is the day and times that we live in now.
Also...I don't give my number unless they ask for it. Even then I'm picky about who gets it. | |
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