|
|
|
|
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:24:22 PM | its a tough one but if you really did clique with someone then it wouldnt even be debated as you would both want to jump the next hurdle... if something says no then obviously its either too soon or they just aren't for you
can only chat about so much online and without body language its almost impossible as text is easy to be taken out of context | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 2:32:49 PM | | I use to be the type who insisted on emailing and instant messaging guys because I felt they were moving too fast and it intimidated me some. But after almost missing out on a great guy because of this silliness I have a new attitude. Just because they want to meet you quickly doesnt mean they want to jump into bed with you, besides its your decision how far you go on that first meeting, not theirs. Some guys hate typing and you do get a better idea about the person in person. Mind you I wont meet every guy in person right away, it depends on the guy. In a way I was hiding behind the safe way of emailing an IM, its like a wall that keeps you at a distance but really if you are sincere about finding the right person then just do it. Thats my new attitude anyway. | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:02:52 PM | I think some of you guys are forgetting a few facts. If I wanted to meet guys immediatly I am perfectly capable of trolling a public place and handing out my number. I don't want to see you immediately. In all likelyhood I would reject MORE folks as in person we judge on the exterior or worse yet accept dates with guys I did not like to be polite.
The following is a true story of why getting to chat a bit first is better-
I belong to a biking club and I was planning this trip to Rosarito Mexico for their 50 mile bike ride. I began to email converse with a guy interested in comming. I thought his personality was absolutely amazing!!! Later I ran into him at a Halloween party through the same club. He was in full costume- makeup included and I still did not know what he looked like. I did note he was on the short side though. He had a date and we did not talk much there.
After the party we continued to email-finally after a month I consented to a date-kinda blind for me. I was pleasantly surprised to find out he was very handsome and very built.
I would have never looked at him twice if we met too soon as his height would have turned me off. I am glad I got to know his wonderful insides first.
I think I can detect more from a couple witty or witless emails and a call than I can in person. People get nervous in person and or put on acts. I love the screening that this media allows. Safe and in my jammies I can narrow down the possiblities of countless guys. In person I would not be able to do so so easily, so comfortable and so safe.
That is why I am here.
I will never meet a guy immediately. If he does not have the time to email me a few times and score my number- then phone me- he is not worth my time to meet in person. | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:15:29 PM | Now I don't give my number away on first contact, but I will offer it sooner than later...usually once I'm sure she's read my profile enough that she's interested.
Here's the real reason why: it lets them know I'm here and for real. Everyone says they don't want phonies, no headgames, real guys only etc etc etc. Well, this goes to proving I'm not one. Gimme a call. Hit or miss, at least you know. If you're that paranoid, then call from a payphone. (I don't have call display, but you don't know that)
I get what the OP is saying...it'd be a little strange to get a phone number on first contact. My first thought of that would be that the contactor was having fun with a friend by giving out their phone number. I dunno.
But if there's interest...then pick up the horn and call. No one's gonna slice you thru the phone. | |
|
xNUBx
|
Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 80 | |
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:51:10 PM | I personally dont like the phone.
I prefer IM/email for awhile.I mean why not speak online abit to get to know each other first and see where that leads. | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:51:22 PM | | WOW he wanted to drive 5 hours just for coffee??? RUN very fast because he seems extremely needy and desperate and not quite right in the head. | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 4:02:47 PM | I prefer to meet immediately myself. I don't want to build up a rapore with them for weeks really get to know them, than absoluely do not like them when I do meet them. I have no time for idle chit chat, a zillion text messages or ims. A few e-mails, few phones calls and possibly meet within a week's time. Why sit on here forever??
Just me I guess | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 4:45:53 PM | | this may change things for me I e-mailed someone I found attractive on POF she replied we had a week of e-mailes exchanged some info about each other, then we started having phone conversations for a few days, she had stated she wanted to c/w dance which I do quite well, I invited her to a club that I frequent and have been going to for 10 years I thought she might be comfortable there as I could introduce her to some friends of mine that are very nice, we agreed to the place and time I even offered to pay to have her car valeted and told her when she was ready to leave I would get the door man to escort her to the car for safety she agreed then on Friday we talked and confirmed the meeting she also said she was excited I replied me also but alas Saturday comes around I started getting ready, but at 7:30 pm a hour and a half before the date she texted me saying she couldn't make it and could we make it another time,, wow not even a phone call or a explanation about why she had to cancel, this has never happened to me before, I have met 7 women on various sites in 2 years one was just like her pic and was a wonderful woman but lived too far away, the other 6 were duds they lied about their their pics ,were 10 to 15 years old and the weight was 20 to 50 lbs more than they said, I on the other hand have very current pics some from halloween 07-- new year 08 and look just like my pics so what gives, hey girls you don't think we will notice, as for her she didn't and isn't getting another chance | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:45:50 PM | | I meet them pretty quickly if I can, and if there is interest on both sides....Saves the wasting time chatting on here....When you can talk in person and get a better idea of them.... | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:48:34 PM |
WOW he wanted to drive 5 hours just for coffee??? RUN very fast because he seems extremely needy and desperate and not quite right in the head.
That's why I told him not to contact me again. For some odd reason tonight he added me to his favorites, and before I could click over and remove him, he removed himself!
If they want to drive 5 hours just to meet you for coffee, you know they are hoping you'll be dessert, too.
(That said, if we had been corresponding/talking on the phone for a while and I felt comfortable in meeting him, then I'd have no qualms about him driving up for just coffee) | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:05:52 PM | This message is directly to the OP. The Buddha always counseled that the 'Middle Path' was best.
On the one hand there are those who want to meet immediately, and on the other spectrum there are those who will not meet even after a month's worth of e-mailing. I find each of those extremes to be red flags.
What many of the respondants have failed to address is the sheer number of new e-mails a woman like you has to process each day. That's hard enough to do in itself, without a bunch of guys trying to hit the accelerator. Compared to most women in this world, you are highly attractive physically. While your profile is admirably long and full of information, a portion of the men searching won't get past the 'wow' factor of your photos. I would bet it is those same guys that want to go straight to the meeting. It's as if I can hear them: "Dude! I'm on the cusp of going out with a major babe." You don't need that sh*t.
Take what time that YOU feel is best. I think anywhere between 3-8 e-mails, 1-2 phone conversations and you're good to go. You might even tone down your appearance on that first meeting. If he turns out to be a hottie and a nice guy to boot, you can tell him you had a doctor's appointment and didn't have time to dress up for the occasion. If he's less than stellar, toning it down will at least mean he won't drool all over you, and you can say early on "Oh! I've got a doctor's appointment to go to!"
This is the same advice I would give to my niece, who just happens to be 25 and very attractive as well. | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:26:55 PM | I get that all the time! It cracks me up that after exchanges a few messages how they want my number and get mad that I won't give it out, and I try to politely tell them it's because I don't know them and then they ask 'well how are we supposed to get to know each other?" mind you that is after maybe one short message exchange, and some get really pi$$ed that I won't give it out. One that I found hilarious was this one guy that IM'd me on here who insisted I give him my number and I said 'give me yours' and he said 'no' and I said 'why not' and he said 'because I said no' and I asked then when should I give him my number if he wasn't going to give me his and boom! He closed the IM box just like that! I get a kick out of some of these fools that are so pushy and act 'insulted' when you don't recipricate the way they want you to.
 | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:36:52 PM | A few emails then instant messenger. If worse comes to worst, you can always block them on IM. With your phone number, there isn't anything you can do to make the person stop calling, short of making a police report.
If things are flowing on instant messenger, there's no guarantee they'll flow in person, but there's a much better chance. I would say that you should meet after having talked for a week. Waiting over two weeks and what's the point.
Ladies, give me a break. Had you met the guy in person, you would have exchanged numbers, then probably set up a date instantly. What's the difference between that and this? Either way, the person is a stranger. | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 11:00:43 PM | I have gotten plenty of messages like that (when i had my 'other ' profile with pics)
I think some guys just dont like to talk on the phone.... i have met plenty of them in my life, they just dont know what to say....
but in person , can actually hold a conversation. 
Also , i think all of us are just curious, if your attracted to someone and have things in common, then just meet, before you put hours of emails and conversation into that person....
I have personally talked to someone once on the phone and ended up dating him, and i have met a great guy, whom i talk to and text all the time for a few weeks , that i absolutely adore........ | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/13/2008 11:07:53 PM |
See I really dont understand why a guy would think that would be safe, I am sorry, I like to talk to a guy for at least a few weeks, you never know what kinda of person that guy is, and frankly if he does not understand then he really is not worth the time.. usually the ones that want to meet you right away are the ones that want to get you in bed, and I am very sorry but that is just not going to happen with me.. I am sorry but
your not getting the milk for free!!!! Some men are pigs and just want SEX and I am sorry im not all about that!!! Sorry guys
And some guys would rather not waste weeks talking to someone online or on the phone only to be strung along with meeting 'some time' or not at all. It's a tad more than a slap in the face when you get that. | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 3:57:03 AM | Bren1954 Says,
People seem really desperate to find THE ONE. it's sad, I wish the guys would just slow down.
I must be the only guy that wishes the women would slow down. A lot of them are just to pushy to fast. It makes me run the other way. I don't know, Maybe i have had more than my share of nutty women in my life. The last one before i got married threw a gun in my face when i told her it was over. To this day i never forgot that wet feeling in my pants nor have i forgotten having to pull my underwear out of my crack where i had gotten so scared that i sucked them up ! Let a woman scorned that knows how to use a gun throw one in your face, Pucker factor to the max! I been very careful ever since of who i meet. I have been divorced almost 8 years and i am still careful. As time goes on the more nutty people get. It pays to be careful. Men and women alike.
 | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:13:50 AM | And some guys would rather not waste weeks talking to someone online or on the phone only to be strung along with meeting 'some time' or not at all. It's a tad more than a slap in the face when you get that.
I think us women feel the same way. I could show you a list if men that all have said that they wanted to meet me but then never could actually be committed to a time. They still try and talk to me even months (or years in some cases) later and still continue to tell me they want to meet me, lol.
After about 2 weeks if we haven't met after several attempts on my part then I sweep them under the rug and move on. I have better things to do with my time than make chit chat with someone that isn't into me enough to get off their butt and get coffee for an hour. | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:24:28 AM |
We take chances out there in the world. When you meet people out in the real world at a bar or in a social setting, do you ask them to email you first so that you can get to know them before having a face to face conversation? I think you should know the answer to that.
Ladies, give me a break. Had you met the guy in person, you would have exchanged numbers, then probably set up a date instantly. What's the difference between that and this? Either way, the person is a stranger.
The difference is, IRL we've already stood face to face, heard the voice, seen the head to toe package, know there's an attraction either way, and can look forward to getting together again. Online we haven't established any of that.
Offline the person's already in front of you, offline you have to make a special trip to find out...I try to diffuse that by meeting somewhere along the way in my current travels when I have a free half hour or so.
Granted, web cam/phone conversation takes a bit more of the mystery out of it, but until you're there in person, you just don't know if you're interested enough to look forward to learning more. It has an uncertain anticipation to it that offline encounters just don't.
With me, it's not about safety so much, it's about knowing if you care that you meet - online there's not much to go on (besides stats and profile information). | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:43:35 AM | I know what you mean, I tell them right up front that I will not met them, I have to get to know them better but there have been a few that don't seem to understand this.lol
And I wont spend my valuable time getting to know you until I see that you are who you say you are and that we BOTH know there is sufficient chemistry present to make the effort worth while.
This is a fundamental difference between men and women. Most women are more interested in developing the emotional side first while men generally have no interest in the emotional side if the physical side doesn't exist.
Add to this the fact that most men who have internet dated for more than 30 minutes has already been through multiple experiences where they have invested 1000 emails and 100 phone calls just to meet someone who is not a size 2 but is instead a size 22. Dont get mad at the men for not trusting you to be who you say you are, get mad at the women who abuse the system... also, using the "I dont know you well enough" is nothing more than a trust issue.
And the "I dont know you well enough" or "you just dont know who is out there" mantra speaks to insecurities, trust issues and/or an inability to handle life with good judgement. Meeting someone off the Internet is no different than meeting a total stranger in a grocery store... would you give them your home phone # and address right off the bat? Get real! I suspect these are only excuses made up by people with issues or no real intent to ever meet anyone.
Beyond that, only 20% of all Internet daters will actually ever meet someone face to face. Those of us who are serious about finding a mate have no desire to waste our time on someone who only wants a penpal.
I don't want to see you immediately. In all likelyhood I would reject MORE folks as in person we judge on the exterior or worse yet accept dates with guys I did not like to be polite.
Nothing wrong with rejecting someone as a potential mate based on the exterior, that's why we all have different taste in people. You are supposed to find someone you are attracted to.
As for your excepting a date just to be polite, does that mean you put out just to be polite too? Accepting a date just to be polite is your issue. As one lady posted earlier, extended emails and IMs is just a way to hide behind the computer. | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:45:29 AM | I am ready to start a new tactic.. I used to have no problem meeting right away, I am more comfortable, and used to think I communicated better offline.. but after online dating, I am reluctant to meet, because once I do, I never hear from them again. I can have a great phone and e-mail/ im conversation for weeks/months , in person the date seems to go great as well, but then I never hear from them after the first meet.
Therefore I have come up with a new plan
those I am interested in, get along great with on the phone/e-mail I wont meet, since seeing me seems to be whats turning them off.. they like me until they physically see me, so, if we don't meet then the friendship can last
Those I have no conversational ability with via IM.E-mail or phone I'll meet. Since once they see me, I wont hear from them again therefore I don't have to fear hurting their feelings, and at least it gives me someone to hike with bike with or see the city for a day, and never hearing from them again wont be so bad
BTW, When I was meeting right away, I also was showing pictures from 1- 2 months earlier so I dont think that was the issue. | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:50:02 AM |
Meeting someone off the Internet is no different than meeting a total stranger in a grocery store... would you give them your home phone # and address right off the bat?
Actually, no - that would be kind of not smart. Especially someone you don't know having your address, wtf?
He gets/gives a cell # and that's the extent of it... | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:53:48 AM | I can have a great phone and e-mail/ im conversation for weeks/months , in person the date seems to go great as well, but then I never hear from them after the first meet.
Thanks for proving our point so well... we invest weeks and months just to meet and find out there is no chemistry... and most likely you dont hear back from them because they are either not physically attracted to you or who you present in public is a 180 from who you present in emails.
Those I have no conversational ability with via IM.E-mail or phone I'll meet. Since once they see me, I wont hear from them again therefore I don't have to fear hurting their feelings,
Sounds more like its your feelings that get hurt... LOL If its his feelings that are hurt then he feels duped.
Try it our way, meet for coffee or icecream first and do it quickly and see how your luck changes. I bet you get a different set of results.
Actually, no - that would be kind of not smart. Especially someone you don't know having your address, wtf?
He gets/gives a cell # and that's the extent of it...
Exactly! Use good judgment and everything works out pretty well.
And ladies, for what its worth, we guys have to be careful as well... especially those of us with kids at home. There are a lot of crazy women out there. | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:13:13 AM | I was doing it your way, meeting right away, and never hearing from them, so your theory about me coming across different on the phone or e-mail over a long period of time is false.. if I don't meet then it seems to last longer..
Men on dating sites should just admit it, they want the playboy centerfold they see on Adult dating sites, and want instant chemistry.. relationships take time, which is why I have better luck through clubs and organizations, there I seem to meet more people up for long term
And why would my feeling be hurt if someone I am not interested in doesn't call back? And who are you to say his feelings are hurt because he was duped? How was he duped and how would you know?
Your making alot of assumptions and you don't even know my situation
| |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:34:04 AM |
I like to talk to a guy for at least a few weeks, you never know what kinda of person that guy is,
You can talk to a guy for weeks or even months and still not get the same feel that you can get for him face-to-face (and the same for a woman). I have had it happen to me and I have talked to/read about others having the same experience.
If a man lives some distance from me, I'll give him a few weeks, but someone within close driving range, nope.
usually the ones that want to meet you right away are the ones that want to get you in bed . . . I am sorry but your not getting the milk for free!
Erk! Since I like to meet soon, that must mean I am looking for free milk--but keep in mind, only if it is nonfat. | |
|
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:42:59 AM | >>>this one guy that IM'd me on here who insisted I give him my number and I said 'give me yours' and he said 'no' <<<
Pamela, the same thing happened to me when I emailed a woman. I typed out a couple of short paragraphs with a little more about me and her was just 'I don't like emailing so send me your # and I'll call you'. I asked her to send me hers instead so I could call her (Call me old fashioned but I think it's courteous for the man to make that first call). Anyway my email was read and deleted!
Another time after 4 or 5 great emails I asked for her #. She said she wasn't ready. WTF? I'll be that is not uncommon. And that's why some men want to meet right away instead of exchanging a few emails that come to no avail. That's not an excuse but it's a reason why they do it. Also we don't want to get into an 'email only' relationship.
I like to exchange a couple of emails and see how interested she is first. If she puts in just a bit of effort and asks something about me or shares a little more about herself she's showing genuine interest and I'll ask for her #. Then perhaps a date. | |
|
|
| Page 4 of 22
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 |
|
Home
login 
