| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:48:14 AM |
Your making alot of assumptions and you don't even know my situation
Unless I missed something, your 2nd post completly contradicted your first post - which would cause any man to run.
Men don't run/not call if they are attracted to the person AND they receive positive signals. If what is spoken doesn't reflect the profile and the content of your emails most men will be polite, let the date end and when alone bang his head on the steering wheel and then forget the whole thing happened.
You can appear neutral to a guy in which case he may opt for another date just to see if "things" improve. Most likey with no change on the 2nd date, there will not be a 3rd.
I know some guys have a heirarchy of goals: If goal one (meeting the right lady) doesn't happen and by that I mean the woman shows up and isn't quite as attractive as her pictures state and she's not quite as "on the ball" as her profile and emails indicate they may take her off the "potential" list and put her on the "lets see if I can get a quick lay" list... which explains about 80% of the guys who try to get in your pants during your coffee meet... he's saying "you're not a keeper but you might be fun!" | |
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MrD777
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Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 102 | |
| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:50:21 AM | I can tell more about someone in 5 minutes of talking on the phone than I can in 20 e-mails.
You can get a FEELING,from human connection,from hearing their voice ,that you cannot get from e-mail.You can hear their laugh,understand a little what makes them laugh;hear the kind of things they say when they are not restricted by hunting and pecking,(like I am doing now)etc.We use human instinct,which is the most important factor in internet dating.It's not a perfect method,there's always an element of risk,but how much risk?What's the worst that can happen from talking to a person?
I think it will just move things along,negatively or positively,more quickly. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:08:32 AM | How did my second post contradict my first? I am not seeing it.. you are admitting that if a woman isnt attractive than the guy wont give her a chance which is what I also siad.. and who said they are trying to get in my pants? I NEVER siad that.. so where DOES that put me then?
Also if the guy is banging his head becuase he met me then his expectations are way to high.. I feel any opportunity to meet a person is just that, an potential friend, etc, no expectations.. I never regret meeting anyone, and I am nuetral when I meet.. I never expect anything.. no expectations means no dissapointment.. enjoy the moment
So your saying becuase of my looks and personality I dont have a chance? Go look for snow white, I hear she exists somewhere.. in your imagination. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:10:53 AM | | I personally think that if someone wants to meet up stright away(man or women) then they are just after one thing and no 2 guess what that is! Whenever i get messages that have phone numbers or ask to meet up straight away I don't even bother looking at the profile i just delete straight away. I think if a man cant understand why a women in this day and age would not want to meet up without chatting for a while first then his probably stupid and self centered anyway. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:16:56 AM |
I think us women feel the same way. I could show you a list if men that all have said that they wanted to meet me but then never could actually be committed to a time. They still try and talk to me even months (or years in some cases) later and still continue to tell me they want to meet me, lol.
After about 2 weeks if we haven't met after several attempts on my part then I sweep them under the rug and move on. I have better things to do with my time than make chit chat with someone that isn't into me enough to get off their butt and get coffee for an hour.
Exactly why I want to meet someone fairly quickly. I've wasted so much of my time on people that want to meet 'some time' and never have a concrete date or anything. It's just the ambiguous 'some time' and it never happens. That or they blow me off for meeting and want to 'talk a while' first.
After that, it just turns into little internet chat buddies. Sorry, but if I wanted that, I'd put chat/email or whatever, or better yet, not even be here in the first place. I can find many more like minded people from other sites and message boards I go to.
I'm sorry if anyone doesn't understand the fact I don't want to be strung along with the hopes of meeting someone. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 11:07:38 AM | | I get such emails too and I just delete them. Just guys looking for sex and men who are desperate. I need to get to know someone via telephone and IM before I consider meeting him or not and get an idea of what kind of person he is. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 12:08:25 PM | | Well, I've had a couple of really pushy blokes, met them and........................................ yep, you're right, they are pigs and just after sex!!!!!!!!!!! I have no faith anymore, it's a waste of time looking for something different. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 1:23:45 PM | | I like to meet in person because its a whole different experience than typing on the keyboard you get to read facial expressions and body language and not to mention find out if there pictures 10 yrs. old..... | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 1:31:04 PM |
Beyond that, only 20% of all Internet daters will actually ever meet someone face to face. Those of us who are serious about finding a mate have no desire to waste our time on someone who only wants a penpal.
Can you show me the source of these statistics?
I'm one of the "I don't know you well enough" people and I do meet them when I'm ready and only then. If a guy isn't willing to invest a few emails then a few phone calls before meeting, then he's not worth meeting.
You can tell a lot about someone in a phone call. But please, no text messages -- I left my teen years a long, long, long, long time ago! | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 1:33:28 PM | Yes, this happens quite often. I do not meet someone right away. I don't wait for weeks/months, but I want to talk first.
If I cannot have a decent conversation with someone via email/IM/phone rest assure we aren't going to have an interesting meet up. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 2:50:55 PM | All you people declaring that someone isn't worth meeting based on his desire to meet up sooner than you are IMO being ignorant, shortsighted, unfair.
If you don't feel comfortable meeting someone too soon then better to say that than to label people as " not worth meeting ".
Is it possible for you to comprehend someone who tried your approach only to finally meet someone , there's no spark, and now they have learned that it's too much a waste of time to have this happen again ? Or it's too much of a gamble that you are communicating with a chain yanker who never really intends to meet you ?
And as for being unsafe, how is it unsafe to meet in a public place ? Obviously, you don't disclose personal info too soon. And don't meet in an abandoned barn in the middle of nowhere.
People who are unsafe can fool you by coming across as "normal" as long as they need to until you agree to meet them anwyway so.... | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 2:58:26 PM | | I totally subscribe to the philosophy to meeting someone if there's some interest. I don't have much time to waste on "getting to know someone" over e-mail. Just like some women who've have bad experiences meeting some "creep", I've met some women who seemed quite interesting online but turned out to be quite disappointing in real life. I'd rather find that out as soon as possible than invest serious time into some superficial battle of wits online. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 3:12:26 PM | One reason this subject keeps going back and forth is the fact that "a long time emailing" and "a short time emailing" has not been quantified. For one person a long time is 2 emails!
I allready posted I value bantering some emails, ims and a phone call or two prior to meeting as YES I can decide whether I want to meet you from that. I am not a man thus less visual. If you cannot f**k my brain you are never going to f**k me. It is as simple as that.
To clarify, my position I would probably if schedules permitted meet up after one-two weeks of banter. I have nothing to hide as I look like my recent photos and that is just stupid to assume that. Furthermore, if ANY man was unable to respect that he can swim away.
If I avoid meeting you it is not that I am hiding it is cuz I DON"T LIKE YOU.
If you want to meet the same day of contact maybe you should just go to a bar. I would rather take my time choosing. Besides gas costs too much.
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 3:57:30 PM | Message 111 - SON SHINE: "All you people declaring that someone isn't worth meeting based on his desire to meet up sooner than you are IMO being ignorant, shortsighted, unfair.
If you don't feel comfortable meeting someone too soon then better to say that than to label people as " not worth meeting ".
Is it possible for you to comprehend someone who tried your approach only to finally meet someone , there's no spark, and now they have learned that it's too much a waste of time to have this happen again ? Or it's too much of a gamble that you are communicating with a chain yanker who never really intends to meet you ?
And as for being unsafe, how is it unsafe to meet in a public place ? Obviously, you don't disclose personal info too soon. And don't meet in an abandoned barn in the middle of nowhere.
People who are unsafe can fool you by coming across as "normal" as long as they need to until you agree to meet them anwyway so...."
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So because some of us choose to take a different approach and not the one that YOU take now we are all ignorant, short-sided and unfair? Where does it state that YOUR way is the "right way"? Has it worked for you thus far?
To come here and start name-calling other members to me is the "ignorant" behavior.
Remember in ANY relationship there are two individuals in the equation, and both POVs should be heard/respected. You seem to be someone who if you don't believe in MY WAY - take the highway. That is surely not conducive towards establishing a relationship.
Good luck!
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:10:52 PM |
So because some of us choose to take a different approach and not the one that YOU take now we are all ignorant, short-sided and unfair? Where does it state that YOUR way is the "right way"? Has it worked for you thus far?
The point being that if you are going to say someone isn't worth meeting because they'd rather meet sooner is an act of ignorance. Not the fact that someone may want to wait.
Look at how many people have said that wanting to meet sooner rather than later aren't worth meeting and how they're just trying to get in their pants. Those are the things that were being referred to.
Let's make this simple.
All you people declaring that someone isn't worth meeting based on his desire to meet up sooner than you are IMO being ignorant, shortsighted, unfair.
Now let's put the bold together. People declaring someone isn't worth meeting are IMO being ignorant, shortsighted, unfair.
Now throw in the middle part of based on his desire to meet up sooner than you are. Then you have this basic little sentence. Just because someone wants to meet up sooner than you does not make them unworthy of meeting. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:28:07 PM | ZopZ: "The point being that if you are going to say someone isn't worth meeting because they'd rather meet sooner is an act of ignorance. Not the fact that someone may want to wait.
Look at how many people have said that wanting to meet sooner rather than later aren't worth meeting and how they're just trying to get in their pants. Those are the things that were being referred to.
Let's make this simple."
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Lets make it even simpler.........I don't think anyone has the right to think someone is "unworthy" of meeting period. However, that is my opinion. Where I deem someone not practical to meet if I can't have a conversation with them i.e. unintelligent or all about me/me/me. So why should I meet this person immediately without having had a conversation or two, if I can tell right away through a telephone call that they aren't? Saves us both the time.
Thanks for your effort in making things "simply"..,.,..... | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:34:06 PM | | Guys who asked to meet so soon pretty much scared me off. I want to get to know them better first if it's an online thing. Exchange recent pictures, chat, e-mail, etc... then eventually move on to exchanging phone numbers if all goes well previously and there are NO red flags. If they have a problem with that as to meeting first thing, there's your first warning. They're not taking your feelings into consideration. A woman has the right to be careful, there's a LOT of looney-tune guys out there and you can't be too careful. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:40:56 PM | | I don't feel I need to met every guy who messages me. I can't get men to make me interested before asking for a phone number or wanting to met. I've dated a lot & at this point in my life I want at least know a little bit about the man. Why bother? Thinking about taking my profile off since no one wants to message. I have to be intersted before wanting to talk on the phone or meet. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:46:33 PM | OF CAUSE MAN ARE OING TO WANT OT MEET WITH YOU . YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOUR PICTURES ARE VERY SEXY. IF YOU DONT WANT TO
ATTRACT HIS KIND OF ATTENTION THAN TONE IT DOWN. I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. BECAREFUL CAROL | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:50:25 PM | I personally think that if someone wants to meet up stright away(man or women) then they are just after one thing and no 2 guess what that is! Whenever i get messages that have phone numbers or ask to meet up straight away I don't even bother looking at the profile i just delete straight away. I think if a man cant understand why a women in this day and age would not want to meet up without chatting for a while first then his probably stupid and self centered anyway.
And its women with views like this that make me thankful they do a read/deleted. They save me the time, effort and price of a cup of coffee to learn they're total idiots with a completly distorted sense of reality and self worth. So, for all the guys you read/delete I will say "Thank You!" 
Can you show me the source of these statistics?
Those statistics are everywhere... often quoted by every expert on Internet dating in existence. It's the dirty little secret within this industry. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:52:01 PM | Zopz , how I appreciate individuals such as yourself who don't necessarily agree with me but at least understand a point without letting a defensive mindset impede your thought process.
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:53:11 PM | | I'd rather meet someone I'm interested in right away rather than emailing a lost cause -- and you never know until you see them eye-ball to eye-ball -- even phones do nothing to determine this connection. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:53:44 PM | | Guys you are doing it right - three emails max. No meeting in person that is it. The girl is not interested. Move on. We are not here to play pen pal with the girl next door. How lame is that. These girls that have nothing better to do with their time than exchange a hundred emails then never meet, very lame. You have these new born sluts/jailbait chicks that put up there pics. These attention whores will just waste your time as they have no intention of meeting. Your time is just to valuable to waste on them. And another thing I hate to say, there is a reason why they are here in the first place, these chicks cannot meet a guy any other way. In general the girls that do Internet dating are of very low quality. I am only on here to meet foreign girls as I travel a lot. In America this is a waste of time, I know from experience. Just get out and meet people in person it works way better :) | |
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| Dating is like driving down the freeway of life....
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:55:45 PM | | If you are getting constant requests for your number or they keep putting their phone number up and we havent spoken for very long, I tend to start to pull back. I totally agree with Tanya-baby, it comes across desperate, even needy and I cant stand needy or desperate types. People on here have to remember dating is like driving down the freeway of life, some are in the slow lane, some the fast lane and some just overtake everyone and are so fast they are off on their on schedule, we all travel at different speeds because it is what is comfortable for that particular person, it doesnt make them wrong if they go a little slower although if you were the passenger in the car that was speeding, you may have reason to be a little shaken and someone has probably pulled them over a few times and told them to slow down. Its how I see it, so one really has to feel out the person well to find out what their speed is and try and find some middle ground. People lose interest so quickly and emails do indeed get lost, but its a risk you take, the right one, wont slip through the cracks. | |
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| Guys asking to meet with you immediately
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:56:07 PM | I can only share my thoughts based on my own experiences... first off, you should never let yourself get pressured into meeting someone you're not comfortable with.
But with that being said, I'm not here to play email tag. I came to this site to find the right person for me. Just in the past few days I've run into a couple situations where I've encountered someone I liked online, sent them an email, and gotten a really positive response that turns into emailing back and forth until "Oh, I met someone else and I'm going to try sticking with them." or "I met someone off this site and they were a creep, and I'm sure you're not like that, but I'm going to delete my profile. Have a good life."
It's one thing when you send out messages and don't get responses, that's par for the course. But it's exponentially more frustrating when someone you seem to be getting along with cuts and runs (not blaming them for it, just saying). So yes, I absolutely suggest meeting within the range of 3-5 emails. If a woman says she wants to get to know me better before meeting, I don't mind humouring her but I already know it's never going to go anywhere. I'll email back and forth with her, always putting thought into my responses, but eventually she'll stop writing, because she finds someone else or has a bad experience... that's how it goes. I'd love nothing more than to be proven wrong, and I don't press the issue when I bring it up... but waiting to meet, in my experience, means not meeting at all. | |
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