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 xchaosx
Joined: 9/11/2007
Msg: 101
She is a complete mindf*uckPage 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
She probably only wants to get back with you because the guy who knocked her up took off and now shes desperate for someone to be her baby dad
 manila one
Joined: 4/30/2008
Msg: 102
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:48:52 AM
my friend at 49 I have been where you are !

take a piece of paper right down the reasons to talk to her on one side the reasons not to
on the other side and then take the piece of paper and throw it in the bin and don't talk to her believe me you will be doing yourself a favor get a nice girl who will respect you
and not mess with your feelings. (walk away its a train wreck -run)
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 103
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:18:05 PM
"Riding down the highway...... "

Would you rather the OP went back to a woman that cheated on him?
Would you rather that he spent his hard earned money on a woman that dumped him,
got herself pregnant by someone else, lost her job, her apartment and now only wants him
back to support her?
Would you rather he sell himself short?

See, I don't agree with the input by those that side with the girl, because SHE CHEATED ON HIM!!

Once a cheater, always a cheater, in my book. MY book. You don't have to like my opinion,
but careful about calling me out on it....
 TouchOfClass316
Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 104
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She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:44:42 PM
You know, I've read your dilemma and several posts which all point to the "girl" that's the manipulator.. and she might be. However, it does take 2 to tango. I'm reading a lot about "HER", so my question is "what's your part in this"? You're answering the phone, You're ALLOWING yourself to get all involved in her life's problems, You're allowing your heart to be torn between 2 different girls. WHY? What are you getting from it?

Yes, you loved her and might have love in your heart for what USED TO BE or more importantly WHAT YOU WANTED IT TO BE. That will probably remain there for the rest of your life. We take something away from every relationship we're in. What you think, feel, dwell on; the actions your make & how you treat other people in your life (namely the new girl)--- THOSE ARE YOURS AND YOURS ALONE.

Dysfunction cannot function without a partner.. you have allowed yourself to partner with her dysfunction.. why?

So, look deeper inside yourself. You know what has happened. Either you want to be in her dysfunction and accept her for who she is.. cheating and all (or) get out. Tell her your done and be done. Don't answer the phone. period. Yes, you might greive for a time but you'll be healthier inside at the end.

I'm not negating your pain. I am however going to challenge what you do with it AND your life. We all have choices and must take responsibility and be accountable for the choices, good & bad, that we make without blaming it on someone else.

Good Luck and be gentle with your soul
 Riick
Joined: 2/9/2006
Msg: 105
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She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:53:14 PM
Leopard doesn't change it's spots, nor Tiger it's stripes. At least not spontaneously.
Ask any of the women here - who married a man who cheated on his (former) wife:
"Has he also cheated on you?"
Don't be surprised at the very high percentage who say YES.
Leopard doesn't change it's spots, nor Tiger it's stripes. At least not spontaneously.

On the other hand... maybe you find that sort of behavior attractive?
 6irlfriend
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 106
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:22:39 AM
That is exactly what she is-- and it's time you tell her that she played herself. You aren't attracted to charity cases and it's too bad she had to become one to recognize what you are.
 mary27
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 107
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/19/2008 5:20:09 AM
It's sounds to me as if with all the hormones kicking in, no home, no job and a baby about to drop, she is needing someone, ANYONE who will come to her rescue.

The truth is, none of this is your doing, and she needs to find another avenue, hopefully a productive legal one. She has many options and many charities that will help her.

You on the other hand, have just met a new lady, who you seem to be getting on with rather nicely, don't mess up a chance at a wonderfull new life , not for this girl.

Leopards don't change their spots, they just hide in the shadows and wait to strike again.

Take care and good luck Mary
 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 108
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:51:15 AM
OP... this is exactly why I will not date anyone who has just broken up with someone. My last boyfriend had only broken up with a woman he loved a couple months before me. He SWORE to me he would never take her back, that she had her chance, and that he deserved better. So, I eventually opened my heart to him and let him in fully. Then, she called, wanted him back and guess what? He went on and on about how he made a mistake, should have waited for her, blah, blah, blah. It's been a few months, and they have since broken up. He made the wrong choice.

He broke my heart... and why? Because he didn't give himself enough time to get over her before he brought me into his life. It was unfair to me.

I've noticed that a lot of people truly believe getting "back on the horse" is the best way. From the perspective I'm looking at now... that is the worst thing to do.

The new woman in your life trusts you. She has opened her heart to you. And for a lying, cheating, uncaring woman, you would be willing to break her heart? You'd be making a huge mistake to go back to someone so untrustworthy when right in your own backyard you have someone who genuinely cares about you.

Sharzi
 mytfineman
Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 109
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She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:53:21 AM
You...

(regaining composure)

you deserve better than her. You can be weak and take her back and accept the chance that she'll cheat on you again or leave you again. You also take the chance that there will be no drama at all from the alternate guy she put in YOUR life by virtue of your choice to stay with her. And to get this potential misery what did you do? Love !??! Not a fair deal, Love for Misery.

like i said:

You deserve better than her. Bite your lips, deal with the heart ache, cut her off and continue with the new girl knowing she brings none of the drama of this drama queen. I say this from experience of having fallen for a girl that cheated on me, it only ended after I told her to f-ing leave me alone and cut her off. You have to be able to say that otherwise she'll use her power (your Love) over you to sidle her self into your situation.

Does new girl know about this drama with old girl? You either need to tell new girl what is going on NOW or cut old girl off NOW if you are to maintain a level of integrity in this situation as far as I can see.

Much success on your choice.
 kelco333
Joined: 12/14/2008
Msg: 110
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She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 1/7/2009 9:29:36 AM
This probably seems a strange answer but you need to go back to her, feel the pain again and again. Only you will know when you've had enough. At the moment you want her back, no point in trying to deny how you feel. It's not fair to the new woman. Go back until you want to get away. Then you will move on.
 Sumo_sumo
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 111
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 1/7/2009 9:31:16 AM
Dude, your ex is getting her justice and you're still to p*ssywhupped by her to enjoy it.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 112
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 1/7/2009 9:39:48 AM

but she is bearing a child that is not mine


To me that right there says it all. Move the fvck away from this woman. She needs to figure out what she did and try to get together with THE FATHER, not you. You in the other hand needs to stop being manipulated by women that now wants you so she would have a sense of stability for her baby, regardless of you. Once all this is done, she will cheat on you again.

Dude, women have two instincts. One, is to find the best genes possible to reproduce. The second is to create the most stable nest to nurture her off spring. The first and the second one, are not necessarily the same man.
 TeresaP1020
Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 113
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She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 1/7/2009 9:47:37 AM
Don't take her back. It's a bit convenient that "she wants you to be with her and that she loves you and you are the only one for her." Maybe she should have thought of all of that before she cheated on you and got pregnant with another man's child, got kicked out of her apartment and quit her job. Most likely, he has moved on and wants nothing to do with her or THEIR baby. You are doing fine and well on your way to healing by learning to trust this new girl. Sad but true, if you take her back, once she has had HER baby and is feeling "settled" she will again cheat on you.
 cubanguy
Joined: 8/1/2007
Msg: 114
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She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 1/7/2009 10:41:12 AM
I fail to see the 'moral dilemma'. The ex doesn't love you, is using you.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 115
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 1/7/2009 11:15:09 AM
without knowing any more details, it sounds like she's mostly wanting someone just to be there for her to provide her with a place to live and a father for the baby

and because she knows you like her, she's chosen you
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 116
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She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 1/7/2009 11:33:11 AM
Jesus...it's better to be alone or with someone a bit more stable than be subjected to this kind of torment. I think the ex is after you for money to help raise her kid (which is not yours). I know you have feelings for the ex, but don't let yourself be used (again)...have some self-respect and healthy anger to protect yourself from this kind of nonsense. Tell her to lose your number, don't call you anymore.
 arcticdude
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 117
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She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 1/7/2009 11:43:12 AM

Any and all information would help me.


Knowledge alone is useless if not applied. You have all of the information. It's in the title of this thread...you wrote it. Use it.
 Ice-ey9
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 118
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 1/7/2009 11:59:22 AM
Follow what your heart tells you, and go back to her. Don't listen to what anyone else has to say. In fact, you should give up your own room for the baby and start saving up for the kid's college fund. What kind of man do you think you are? Start by immediately giving her at least 50% of your monthly gross earnings as well.
 briargate
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 119
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 1/7/2009 12:34:37 PM
Any updates from the heartbrokenkid? Or is this just an ongoing situation?
 Pamperpooch000
Joined: 11/7/2007
Msg: 120
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 1/7/2009 12:41:31 PM
I haven't read the previous postings, so forgive me if this is a forgone conclusion, but I would say that the only reason your x wants to be with you is because things aren't going too great for her at the moment, so she sees you as a better option. As far as your hankering over her, the reason you want her more than the girl you are with at the moment is because she presents a challenge, but challenges can become all too boring once you get into a relationship with them. I'm not saying stick with the girl you are with. If you don't feel strongly enough for her then she isn't right for you either, but I'm saying ditch the past and move on to something better. The past always seems more alluring, because we tend to remember the good bits of it, but if you look closely I'm sure you will see there were moments when it was completely draining.
 ripley65
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 121
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 1/8/2009 3:23:36 AM

Any updates from the heartbrokenkid? Or is this just an ongoing situation?


Yup briar,,,,but no one ever scrolls the pages to seek out the OP's other posts! lolol


From the OP:
I have also ceased all ties with her and i clearly stated that i do not need her saying things that she probably does not mean at all.

Thank you everybody that replied. I think this kick in the rear really helped me.
 elizabethnotliz
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 122
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She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 1/8/2009 4:10:11 AM
dear original poster (Heartbreakkid):
Please look up co-dependent and what that means and how dangerous it is to live that way.

You may have loved her, but she broke your heart (or as Aiden said in Sex and the City) YOU BROKE MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get over this user. She crushed you and now is in a bind and knows you would provide her with anything she needs. Narcissistic USER biotch that she is.

If you stay with her you will cement a pattern of being manipulated and hurt by her for years to come. When something is painful it is because it is hurting you.

Codependency and Narcissists are a match..made in hell

EDITED TO ADD: that I regret that someone kept this post alive after the OP updated (thank you above poster for finding the update)and said he had moved on. I don't like to post to irrelevant threads, Sorry 'bout that. I think the advice is good however. lol
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 123
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 1/8/2009 12:16:31 PM
Heartbroke, I just want to give you a great big hug. Letting go of someone we love is the hardest thing we'll ever have to do. I know you wish you could just go back to the way things were before. But that chapter is over, and even if you took her back, things could never be the same. How cruel of her to try to walk in and out of your life at her descretion with no thought to how these things make you feel. I think you need to step away from her and let her take responsibility for her own life. Try to get yourself disconnected from her, physically and emotionally. Focus on the things in your life that bring you joy. It will take a little time, but you will move past this. You deserve to be with someone who will love and respect you. I wish you the very best.
 Incuubus2113
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 124
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She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 1/8/2009 12:21:21 PM
Get out and have sex with at least 10 different women and see if you still feel the same.
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 125
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She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 1/8/2009 1:37:03 PM
I understand what you're going through. You fell completely in love with someone who is emotionally unhealthy and she always will be. DO NOT GO back for the little "inch of maybe" that things will change, because more than likely your heart will get ripped again. The way to deal with this is called NO CONTACT and it is a prescribed method for dealing with sick partners with whom you are still emotionally engaged. Bar her from your phone contacts and email contacts.

I'll bet that you will be hurt by how fast she will replace you with another if you stop being available to her but in the end it is so telling. Expect her to drop into your life every few months or so to see if she can establish a "hoover" for an emotional "fix". Ignore it.
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