Jane_S
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Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 26 | |
| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:17:47 PM | You are correct in that point. You should never wait that long before you let them meet your children or your children just make sure that your home is safe. It is good to go to dinner with your children and your date. Usually they will show up the wildness in a resturant more than at home. At home they will usually be preocupied with something else. But in a resturant they will ask for things and your date can see how you will react when they do. I have brought my son out on a few dates with me but never the first and never with out the date knowing I was bringing him. Ask if if would be ok before I did cause of babysitting situtation. If they would have said no then would have canceled the date till another time.
You have to be honest from the start just make sure your ready for them to meet eachother and make sure it is the right time. I think you should know if something is going to happen or your gona spark within about a month of dating if you date everyweek and talk daily you will know. You dont have to invite your date to a sleep over just to come over and meet your children and have a dinner or coke. I do not invite my date over for a stay over not a good example for my children to see. And they dont understand if your going to let them sleep over not good.
Always set a good example for your children both men and women it is a two way street. Not always the women that has children sometimes it is the men too.
Have a blessed day. | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/18/2008 10:28:06 PM | Remember there are two sides to every coin.
A potential soul mate will take a strong interest in showing you his world and seeing your world eventually. They should also be interested in observing you being with your children, too. The way you interact with your kids (including how they behave) and/or react to your new love interest can help make (or break) a potential long-term relationship.
Being a single daddy myself, I can appreciate and respect that kids always come first!
Unfortunately, not everyone will agree with my values... but, I am sure you already figured that out!
Good luck to you! :-) | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:06:26 AM | For some strange reason . . .I understand what (const.guy) is trying to say and do agree. If you wait that long to introduce your children to someone that your trying to start a relationship with you can't really know each other that well. I always introduce my dates, with ground rules about being "hands-off" in front of my son, as early as 3-5 dates depending on how comfortable he is about the idea. I want to know before 6 months if he can really handle that fact that I have a child , and he will be good to them.
Now ladies, about making your home a safe haven I can understand! But who are you kidding, If you've given your full name to your date's by 6 months they can get all your personal info. anyway. It's your responsibility to caution the children about a possible new friend, and if things get more serious between the two of you then it's your responsibilty to keep and eye on your kid's, and most of all trust your instincs and listen to your kid's! | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/19/2008 9:16:55 AM | I have been on the dating scene off an on for 6 years...never never never have i met a man that would have an issue with that request.
What kind of losers are you dating that are making this a big deal?? My son has met 2 men in 6 years...they were both one year relationships....
Stick to your values, our children come first and any man that does not get it is not worthy. | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/19/2008 11:58:08 AM | I applaud and respect you for NOT bringing them home. I think there are alot of womenwho are too weak to stand up to those who wish to infringe upon their sensiblities and those of their children for their own selfish desires. the guys who rejected the idea of waiting several months before going to to your home were most likely looking for a quick fix dispite what they might have said and say. Actually, your decision to wait also weeds out most disingenious imposters as well as the users and other losers who simply lack character. I say KUDDOS to YOU  | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/20/2008 10:55:27 AM | | I am exactly the same way. I will not bring a guy home or into my son's life until I know it's goin somewhere. I learned from my mistake. So far I have been lucky enough to find guys that are understanding, or at least they say they understand. Hang in there. If a guy wants to get pissy or w/e about you having your reasons for not bringin them home w/ you, then they aren't good enough for you. | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/20/2008 7:12:06 PM | Being new to the single-dome and a single mom of 2 teens....I was wondering too...I was married for 15 years and just split-up with my only boyfriend of almost 5 years...I'm so new to dating now and putting myself on display wondering about the rules...I think rules are standards that other people put on others and themselves...I want to throw the rulebook right out the window!!!
Had to laugh at const guys commentsjavascript:smilie(' ')
javascript:smilie('') ....you are so right!!!!...the kids could be little hellions!!
Yes,I think you must not let your kids think you have men like "panties of the week"....but when you are seeing someone on a on going basis...I don't think that there is a time limit when you can bring the new man over, 6 months OMG.....just go with your heart and common sense and just let it happen...I know people have said to me "don't get involved too soon after a split up, wait a year, Dear...who makes those rules anyways???...I think it is the same people who puts all the expiry dates on products that don't really expire , and has made everyone so uptight and fearful of everything we consume, just go with the flow and believe fate will guide you through the madness out there...... it is a different world of dating ......I wish everyone good luck, love and happiness to you all  | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:13:49 PM | >>>I believe in keeping my house their safe place . Anyone else have this problems <<
This is always a strange one for me. Although I am a man this is also my kids safe place! I am not just going to invite anybody to my house either! I have had a pretty close call in a previous relationship with a psycho ex. Renting a hotel room seems kinda sleezy. In addition, I don't really date women without kids, most aren't interested in dating a guy with kids. Or we just aren't looking for the same things.
This is always just a really tough situation. I guess it doesn't help that my decorating style is something along the lines of early american bachelor. | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:49:00 PM |
I am really confused here. the guys i have dated have a real problem with me not wanting to bring them over to my house. I have children at home and i keep my dating/social life seperate from my home life until i see how its going to work out . I believe in keeping my house their safe place . Anyone else have this problems Is there a way to show them your home without introducing them to your children?
It's natural to want to see where someone lives. Perhaps this could be accomodated without making you uncomfortable. | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:16:39 PM | | Fortunately, I haven't run into this problem. I, like most others on the site, don't believe that my daughter needs to meet every person I date or have a friendship with. Most people I've met understand and accept this without any difficulty. I think that if a person is trying to force the issue, he doesn't respect your boundaries, and perhaps you should distance yourself from this person. | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:45:14 PM | | Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I think that what the young lady is doing is the right thing to do. I do the same with women i date. (when their mature , most of the time they run when right out the door i tell them i have children) , but if they make it past that stage they are the ones getting pissed off if I don't take them back to my place. AND AS FOR THE WOMAN BEING THE SELF PROCLAIMED PROTECTOR , HAHAHA , THAT IS THE REASON I AM SEPARATED. THE WOMAN DIDN'T THINK CLEARLY ABOUT ALL OF THE THINGS SHE DID AND THE PEOPLE THAT WERE INTRODUCED TO MY CHILDREN. AND NOW MY CHILDREN ARE TIRED OF SEEING DIFFERENT FRIENDS THERE ALL THE TIME AND THEY GET TO SPEND NO TIME WITH MOMMY. NOT ONLY IS IT BAD AND SELFISH TO INTRODUCE ALL THE DIFFERENT GUYS IN MY CHILDRENS LIVES BUT HELL SHE EVEN HAS THEM SPENDING THE NIGHT IN THE SAME BED , WHEN MY CHILDREN WAKE UP THEY SEE THIS. mY DAUGHTER AND I HIDE NOTHING FROM ONE ANOTHER THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SECRET. iF I AM GOING OUT ON A DATE . I TELL MY DAUGHTER I'M GOING UOT ON A DATE , SHE HAS NEVER MET ANY OF THESE PEOPLE AND IT WILL STAY THAT WAY FOR A WHILE. Now with all of this being said I think its fair to say both men and women are the same and equal in all aspects. | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/23/2008 1:55:49 PM | Ok I have to give you credit on this one because I am the same way with my son and my dating/social life. Ever since my divorce and stuff, and then me and my ex g/f breaking up the only people that I have come over to where I live is a couple close friends, and some of them I don't want over unless my son is not home. I do this both to keep my home safe, but also I do not want attachment issues arising with my son. I have gone on dates, and a few times people have kind of got mad about it. Besides the facts I have stated we know why a lot of people want to go over to someones house, and sorry I have more dignity and respect for myself and other people then that. Like I said I applaude you for what you are doing, and I do the same.
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:46:55 AM |
OP: My guess is, they might be suspecious, think you have a "man at home" or something you're hiding.
This is a good point. How many threads have there been where the woman is not allowed to see the man's home? The answers come streaming in "He's married and doesn't want you to find out!"
I still maintain that it's natural to see where/how a person lives. And until you see how they are with their children, you won't know what they're really like. | |
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/26/2008 11:49:11 AM | you are so right, bringing a man into a home too soon, is distrastorous, my kids, did not meet my ex boyfriend until 3 months after dating, and first time he stayed over was 6 months, but my eldest did not like him from day one, thought it was a loyalty thing between his dad, but kids are the greatest indicator for creeps, turned out he was right.
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| why do men have a big problem with me not wanting to bring them to my house for awhile after we
Posted: 5/26/2008 4:05:58 PM | I agree that kids deserve their home to be protected and safe. They also deserve to have a mom (or dad) who is happy. How hard is it to be online, talk on the phone, and get together outside of the home a bit before you introduce the new person to your kids? My kids are 6 and 10, and both very excited that their mom has finally met someone wonderful from this site- but they have yet to meet him and this is not going to happen just yet. Let your kids know gradually that there is someone special, and that if things keep going so well everyone will meet and spend time together. The alone time should happen when the kids are out of the house.
It isn't all that complicated. | |
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