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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/18/2008 5:55:03 AM |
People have different level of tolerance to pain and discomfort. Sometimes, I becomes a flight for survival. One never knows where the truth lies, therefore one should not judge without knowing the exact conditions that lead somebody to make a specific choice. Walk in a person shoes, before judging.
My feet are size 11 1/2 and very wide from preferring to go barefoot. Trying to squeeze into tiny shoes isn't going to happen because I would only cause my self to be frustrated when I couldn't get them on and so much pain if I actually got them on that I couldn't walk across the room let alone for a mile.
To give up making judgments would mean I'd have to shrink my brain into such a narrow mindset that would hurt too.
For all those having trouble with getting a date and needing to remain without judgments I suggest you check out meet-an-inmate.com. They're looking for non judgmental partners too. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:00:31 AM | | It's very sad. I think sometimes the burden of caring for an ill family member just becomes more than they can bear. When this happens the spouse is more likely to start longing for escape. When I see the spouse or family of a patient becoming "burnt out" in the situation, it is wise to obtain respite care or if necessary facility care for the patient. The whole situation is just very sad. I cannot find it within myself to judge your friend. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:48:12 AM | I never thought I'd agree with this MAC guy....but I do. The second we meet anyone
we are already judging them. Just think about it...you wait to see how they act...
are they cordial or confrontational right up front before they even open their mouths.
We all judge to some extent. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/18/2008 7:05:16 AM | | Many years ago, in our salad days, when we were green - a woman in my social circle left her husband who was suffering from cancer and shacked up with a single man also in the social circle. The single man was quite well liked by all, but we were shocked at the behavior of both of them. I don't know what eventually happened as I moved away soon after, but I think feelings toward the new couple would never have been quite the same. Even so, you sort of have to get along with people in a small town. You don't really have a choice. Both of the shack-ees worked at my same place of employment (there weren't that many options in town) and you can't really fire someone for what they do in their private life. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/18/2008 4:51:35 PM | | She's in one heck of a bad place, I can't even imagine how hard their life has been, all of them the children included. She should be thankful for those who choose to not want to get to know her better, it would be worse if they stuck around to make her life even more miserable! She should be honest, be who she is and seek what she wants out of her life. Not everyone will judge her badly, not everyone will not want to be with her. She needs to not try to analyze and worry over those who aren't interested so that she's not missing out on those who are interested in her and want what she has to give. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:45:46 AM |
It's very sad. I think sometimes the burden of caring for an ill family member just becomes more than they can bear. When this happens the spouse is more likely to start longing for escape. When I see the spouse or family of a patient becoming "burnt out" in the situation, it is wise to obtain respite care or if necessary facility care for the patient. The whole situation is just very sad. I cannot find it within myself to judge your friend. ABSOLUTELY Jana! It is VERY sad indeed. Those who DO judge this woman will BE judged with the same measure of selfishness and hatred that they have judged her. They propose the idea that anyone who defends her are themselves irresponsible dogs; when in truth, it's more likely that at some point in their lives they failed to hang onto someone with threats of suicide, or sudden pregnancies and are now projecting their lame attempts for sympathy onto the tragic lives of those who are in REAL situations, with REAL illnesses. Some would have you believe that a spouse abandoned them over having to come up with an extra $20 a month!!! Most believe that this woman was a lazy bum who suddenly had to get a job; I suspect that the truth of the matter is....that she already HAD a job....and to make ends meet...she had to get a 2nd, and maybe a 3rd job. The same people who judge this woman post in numerous threads that women are incapable of doing any job worthy decent pay, and yet, when it suits their purpose, will suggest that she is deliberately selfish for NOT doing what they've already judged her (all women) incapable of in the first place. Then if the woman has to work 2 jobs to keep up with the bills.....they'll judge her for not being a good wife because she was 5 mins late with dinner on the table...and because the laundry isn't folded and put away when they wake up in the morning. These "judges" are the same ones who will never lift a finger to help....but will condemn ANYONE who is helping. How often do you see family members who unmercifully critize the caregiver for not taking care of their sick son/brother/uncle adequately...but who refuse to offer to get off their asses to take him/her for a doctor's appointment at 1pm so that he/she won't have to take 3 hrs off work (without pay). Then they critize the caregiver for serving tuna casserole 2 days in one week, saying they're lazy and should have a 3rd job so their ailing spouse can live a better lifestyle!
NO person who has ever been in the position would every condemn this woman. ONLY those takers and life suckers who refuse to be satisfied until someone has paid for what they think they're suffering would condemn her. "Respite" is a fallacy in MOST cases. As a "caregiver".....when my daughter died 23 months ago....I asked for "respite" and was told to suck it up.....find someone on my own...surely I could figure out how to manage BOTH caregiving and making funeral arrangements....after all....that only takes a few hours of my time. Caregivers are NOT ALLOWED to be sick themselves, suffer personal tragedy, or have any personal needs. Forget your annual mammogram, pap smear, forget dental appointments.....you're NOT ALLOWED to take care of your own petty needs......the disabled persons needs must ALWAYS.....ALWAYS come first. Too bad that there's only 24 hrs in a day and that 3rd job means you don't sleep.....suck it up.....the disabled need to be entertained...after all....THEY have needs....and they already feel really bad that they can't take care of themselves (as one post implied)
I'm not in any way going off on all persons who are disabled and truly "NEED" care. There ARE those who feel badly about the burden they put on their families and who become unnecessarily depressed because of it, when in fact their families don't consider it nearly the burden that they think they do. However, there ARE those who see disability as an entitlement....the RIGHT to inflict bad tempers, unreasonable demands, and outrageous hostility onto anyone who comes into contact with them. I think that we may have seen a few examples posted here. I find it very difficult to believe that an otherwise healthy relationship would fall apart in a matter of a few months over a lousy $20. Much more likely that the bitterness and hostility over a temporary illness was the "straw that broke the camel's back" in a marriage that was doomed in the first place by overbearing meanness.
When I was 12 yrs old, my cousin became paralyzed in an automobile accident. (He was 18 yrs old) I still remember what one nurse told him; "Gary, I have 44 patients, you therefore deserve 1/44th of my time". That summer, I learned to shave him, brush his teeth, shampoo his hair...mostly just turning the pages of his book. On weekends (when I didn't have school) I spent nights at the hospital, sleeping in a chair so that my Aunt could go home....not to rest, but to catch up on all the laundry and housework that her husband and other 3 sons WOULDN'T do.
In my opinion....ANYONE who judges a "caregiver"....who has been in that role for ....as the OP said....."double digit years"...is a leech...a faker, a whiner....a taker; a selfish, inconsiderate, lazy, life sucking bum....one who is incapable of doing ANYTHING...but judging. | |
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| When the going gets tough, the tough get going...
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:23:41 AM | Yes we all have our own walk to make in this life.We judge so quickly as if any of us are perfect.We all have our own demons to face and if this lady made a choice to leave (she is the one who has to live with it.) I am thinking maybe she wasn't getting all that she needed.Walk a mile in someone's shoes before we judge.Take care of what is in your own yard before judging your neighbor.and even after all that(just mind your own business...How's that for a idea. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/19/2008 8:03:40 AM |
ABSOLUTELY Jana! It is VERY sad indeed. Those who DO judge this woman will BE judged with the same measure of selfishness and hatred that they have judged her. They propose the idea that anyone who defends her are themselves irresponsible dogs; when in truth, it's more likely that at some point in their lives they failed to hang onto someone with threats of suicide, or sudden pregnancies and are now projecting their lame attempts for sympathy onto the tragic lives of those who are in REAL situations, with REAL illnesses. Some would have you believe that a spouse abandoned them over having to come up with an extra $20 a month!!! Most believe that this woman was a lazy bum who suddenly had to get a job; I suspect that the truth of the matter is....that she already HAD a job....and to make ends meet...she had to get a 2nd, and maybe a 3rd job. The same people who judge this woman post in numerous threads that women are incapable of doing any job worthy decent pay, and yet, when it suits their purpose, will suggest that she is deliberately selfish for NOT doing what they've already judged her (all women) incapable of in the first place. Then if the woman has to work 2 jobs to keep up with the bills.....they'll judge her for not being a good wife because she was 5 mins late with dinner on the table...and because the laundry isn't folded and put away when they wake up in the morning. These "judges" are the same ones who will never lift a finger to help....but will condemn ANYONE who is helping. How often do you see family members who unmercifully critize the caregiver for not taking care of their sick son/brother/uncle adequately...but who refuse to offer to get off their asses to take him/her for a doctor's appointment at 1pm so that he/she won't have to take 3 hrs off work (without pay). Then they critize the caregiver for serving tuna casserole 2 days in one week, saying they're lazy and should have a 3rd job so their ailing spouse can live a better lifestyle!
Thanks for the fine example of reading in between the lines, projecting your disgust onto those that don't agree with you and some excellent name calling.
I know I didn't say about lazy bum, all women... I saw no one mention hatred.
In my opinion....ANYONE who judges a "caregiver"....who has been in that role for ....as the OP said....."double digit years"...is a leech...a faker, a whiner....a taker; a selfish, inconsiderate, lazy, life sucking bum....one who is incapable of doing ANYTHING...but judging.
Right, only YOU have the right to judge and any one that disagrees with you deserves to be called such names.
I think it's good your profile says dating because who want's to have an LTR with someone that justifies having an affair? | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/19/2008 11:59:35 AM |
I think it's good your profile says dating because who want's to have an LTR with someone that justifies having an affair? LOL! It DOES????? That's funny, cause I just looked...and lo and behold..it says what it's ALWAYS said...."LTR". Well, gosh....maybe we all need our eyes examined...because we know that MAC has NEVER, ever been wrong about ANYTHING.
Right, only YOU have the right to judge and any one that disagrees with you deserves to be called such names. Ahhhhh, so, you don't like having your OWN game played right back at you! Poor Baby!
As for my profile and dating preference....please do NOT concern youself. Fortunately there is no great shortage of people who recognize temper tantrums as such....and are fully cognizant that NONE of my posts has even slightly hinted at "justifying affairs". I am curious however how some people can defend divorce in some cases....but not in others....and it would seem that the ONLY difference is ....which one is on the "worse end" of the "for better or worse". By stating, "Did she break the marriage vows....YES"....then hang her. You are also saying that if she broke marriage vows due to having her child raped or murdered...that REGARDLESS of reasons....she broke the vow...so hang her. Your intolerance knows no bounds.....and I STILL stand with those who do NOT condone or justify infidelity...but who have the good sense to recognize a truly difficult and sad scenario and who will admit that if placed in the same sort of circumstances....don't honestly know what we would do. Of course the Holier than Thou folks will continue to insist that THEY would NEVER do such a thing...but then.....it's rather a difficult thing to prove isn't it? Put your money where your mouth is.....and marry someone who needs that degree of attention and resources....and then come back and PROVE yourself! Part of having the "right" to judge someone; is in knowing when NOT to judge them. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/19/2008 12:15:18 PM | The problem I see with this thread is that the OP hasn't really given enough information, or perhaps she doesn't know. If the woman posted herself instead of the friend and told all, it may make more sense.
As it is, everyone is projecting their own senario and assuming what happened.
To judge or not to judge, that is the question... We all judge and even those who did judge negatively gave the woman credit for staying as long as she did, at least most of them did.
We don't know if the woman worked 3, 4 or 5 jobs, nor do we know if there were other family members helping. Also we don't have a clue as to whether the man was mean-spirited or a nice guy that became disabled, or if the marriage was over before the disability. The OP said they were very much in love. But, really, nobody knows but the 2 people. JMO | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/19/2008 3:37:38 PM | We also know that without exception, it is the female who is expected to work 3 jobs, maintain an active sports schedule for the children, entertain his family on all holidays, babysit for his neices and nephews when his brother comes to take him out fishing because he doesn't get around much. Men of course, can't load a dishwasher or change a diaper...because....they "work" (1 job).
Also we know that somewhere in his double digit years of ailment...he worked a job for 30 years and single handedly paid for a home...which one poster believes that she extorted from him before telling him she wanted something on the side. We (you) also know as unrefutable truth that when she said she needed "more" that she was definitely talking about sex....and could not have possibly meant that she wanted 1 day a month off to go have lunch with her sister or her mother.
We also know that even if he had raped their 13 yr old daughter 2 weeks before being diagnosed with the debilitation disease...that claiming illness voids any other considerations.
LOL! hey....why bother to post any forum topics at all......everyone...just email the "Know it All" and save yourself a lot of reading! | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/19/2008 3:56:06 PM | We don't know any of the above ^^^^^ ... All we know is what the OP posted, and never did she say how horrible he was or that he raped his daughter. That is just sick!! Or that he went fishing with buddies while his poor wife worked her A$$ off.
If she left him, so what? She is not the first person to leave someone who is sick.
The problem is coming to POF to ask for approval. She is the one who has to live with her own decisions, the same as the rest of us. JMO | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/19/2008 8:02:52 PM | It can be summed up in these words "different strokes for different folks".Some people can be caregivers for one week , some one year and some a lifetime. When people agree to "for better or worse", they in most cases havent experienced the worse. They have no idea what they are facing.
We all can be judgemental , and usually judge on our perception and on our upbringing.I have experienced similar, when you talk about your immediate family. You tend talk about your own, and to you it means life itself while to others in the family it means sh*t happens and you yourself have to go on.. Who is right, depends on who is doing the judging. When one feels guilty they always ask for approval, some will say yes, while other will say no way, just like this site. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/19/2008 8:09:59 PM | Subjects like this one make us think. Cause us to wonder what kind of people we really are. Recently in an msn group of mine we asked the question "Would you stay and care for an ill partner". One of the answers I loved came from an older woman who has a great life and marriage. She said they had both promised each other that if either was to fall ill that the other one would put them in a health care facility. Each wanted the other to enjoy what was left of their lives, not babysit them until death. This to me showed how much they loved each other. I argued that caring for a loved one was the last gift you could give them. She argued back that her last gift to him would be his freedom.
One thing I have learned as I've aged is that nothing is black and white. While we all judge, and that is why we have these forums, we should be careful not to judge too harshly. How many times have each of us looked back and known we should have handled a situation better? We usually forgive ourselves and strive to do better in the future. Looking at both sides of this discussion has made me look inside myself, wonder how selfless I really am. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/19/2008 8:13:41 PM | I originally felt this was a dumb thread, that the OP was lying about it being a friend rather than herself whom she was describing.
However, as I've watched the thread grow, something else has become more important. The strong opinions, pro and con, posted on this thread suggest to me that feelings about abandonment in illness are very deeply felt by our age group. I think possibly as we get closer in age to needing caregiving, it becomes more of a hot button.
I think that the "friend" erred most in not being able to discuss her needs and issues with her ailing husband before she went and did something that was pretty severe. Had they talked about the caregiver's needs and the patient's expectations, and worked out some respite plan, they might still be married today. But not everyone has assertiveness skills, especially not at a younger age. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/19/2008 8:20:33 PM |
Of course the Holier than Thou folks will continue to insist that THEY would NEVER do such a thing...but then.....it's rather a difficult thing to prove isn't it? Put your money where your mouth is.....and marry someone who needs that degree of attention and resources....and then come back and PROVE yourself! Part of having the "right" to judge someone; is in knowing when NOT to judge them.
No one on this thread claimed to be Holier than Thou.
No one on this thread insisted they WOULD NEVER DO such a thing. Some have said they faced such a dilemma, and told us what they DID.
Some posters have said leaving a sick spouse is the wrong thing to do; they did not imply that they would NEVER do such a thing.
Others have said that leaving is understandable given the circumstances. Again, they did not imply that THEY would do such a thing.
If you want to tell a tragic story that you experienced first hand, that's all well and good; however, implying that your scenario is defacto the truth for all cases and individuals is just wrong. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/20/2008 4:35:55 AM | Yes Ageless Wonder, you are correct.....we DON'T know ANY of those things. Some of us not only don't want to know....but have admitted that such information would be rejected in any case....because knowing might make it more difficult to make such black and white judgements.....like...."did she"..Yes....Lynch Mob.
If you want to tell a tragic story that you experienced first hand, that's all well and good; however, implying that your scenario is defacto the truth for all cases and individuals is just wrong. I strongly suggest that you READ the WHOLE thread again! Not everyone who stated that they were empathetic and would withhold judgement in such a sad and tragic situation said that they condoned cheating either; yet SOME posters have responded that the ONLY people who would refrain from making the same judgement they made are obviously people who have cheated on their spouses, or who intend to....or have done exactly what the person in the topic did...and are still years later trying to justify it.
I agree, if anyone wants to tell a tragic story, fine. However, don't expect us to all believe that EVERY woman who's ever found herself in the situation had NO more complaint than that she had to shell out and extra $20 a month, and that the illness was ONLY 4 years long, and that she had previously been an idle housefrau who was doing nothing more than throwing a tantrum because she had to go get a job. As I've seen a LOT of assumptions being made here....I simply decided to make a few of my own.
Granted, it is a terrifying thought that we might become ill and then abandoned; but imposing ones OWN story of bitterness onto someone (anyone) who has or is suffering a REAL....long term tragedy in their life is by no means helpful either to the person making such a difficult decision, or to those who may some day be turned to as a friend, and asked...."what do you think". I shudder to think that the best advise I could offer a friend is that they're a rotten person because they're whining about trivia. (getting a job and spending an extra $20) a month.
Isn't it funny that from one who suspects that the woman in question made off with the ailing husbands home and pension will imply that my equally ridiculous statements are wrong scenarios simply because the fall onto the opposite side of the fence than your own? How is it that YOU can know that your scenario is correct (she basically robbed the disabled guy) and know that my scenario (the guy was a pediphile) is wrong? Ohhhhh, I know.....because she was female.
Well, let's see....I have a true disability story for ya here....from about 100 years ago. My GreatGrandfather....an ordained minister....a travelling Evangelist.....wife died in childbirth of their 3rd child. My GreatGrandfather left with my Grandmother, age 3, my GreatAunt Katherine, age 2, and Great Uncle, Paul...age 1 month needed a "caregiver". Grandpa married Delilah, left her and his 3 young children because he had to work. Less than 1 year later, Delilah gave birth to William, and Grandpa of course continued working (which meant he got home about once every 3 or 4 months). By year 2 however, when he came home....his 3 children from first wife LiliMae (my greatgrandmother) were living with their grandmother. WHY? Because Granny Hylton (my great-greatgrandmother) had gone to take some things to Delilah and found her 3 granchildren locked in a wet fruit cellar, filthy, starving and frightened. They had been there since Grandpa left....and is where they had spent most of the 2 years that Delilah was in charge of their "care". The year was 1915. Delilah was committed to an insane assylum, and Grandpa DIVORCED her.
Now, will you uphold the same.....for better or worse, til death do us part; or will you consider that...he's a man....he HAD to work. Isn't it funny how we don't expect men to both work...and be excellent caregivers who NEVER get tired or sick or depressed....but we so easily dismiss the difficulty of the task when it's on a woman's shoulders? They hypocracy I've seen in this thread is astounding.
Switch the roles once. Say that it's a man who for 20 years has worked multiple jobs, cared for children and a sick spouse, and who had had NO marital relationship in all those years.....would you judge him as vehemently and with the SAME standards that you have judged her? I seriously doubt it!
The very same people who condemn THIS woman for not being able to continue carrying this huge of burden.....are the SAME ones who post in thread after thread that NO woman CAN "do it all". They condemn the same "kind" of woman for even thinking that she can do....what they're now condeming her for not being able to do. If the woman in question were to read these opinions, she would have never stepped up to the plate in the first place......because she would have realized that she was damned if she did....and damned if she didn't. She had NO chance of EVER doing what was right (in most of your minds) because you had already determined in your bitter, hateful little hearts...that his disability was HER fault and her responsibility from the get-go and the ONLY way she could EVER satisfy any of you.....was to herself take on the illness and die quickly so that he could look like the White Knight because he stayed with her for 6 months. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/20/2008 6:00:27 AM | The very same people who condemn THIS woman for not being able to continue carrying this huge of burden.....are the SAME ones who post in thread after thread that NO woman CAN "do it all". They condemn the same "kind" of woman for even thinking that she can do....what they're now condeming her for not being able to do. blah blah blah
I guess you're having trouble seeing the difference between condemning the act vs. condemning the person. I saw no one condemning the person but you.
Now all the extraneous scenarios you've presented are to justify your position of 'don't make a judgment' but within your arguments are some vehement judgments mostly against men.
You call 4 years of my recovery trivial and decided to make false assumptions because you judged you were reading false assumptions.
My particular illness, hashimoto's disease, was inherited and a life long illness that gradually put me in a coma because it was undiagnosed until my ex abandoned me. The last 2 years of that marriage were extremely frustrating for her because she felt entitled to a life of luxury and I was not giving it to her. I was just 'sleeping' on the couch all day and eventually wouldn't even wake up for her attempts to make me feel worthless.
Your distain for men seems to cloud your ability to differentiate between bickering and presenting a healthy argument. There is no argument that can win a bickering match. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/20/2008 6:03:20 AM | LOL! Well, I didn't have to look far....the topic was right above this one! (keyword: selfish)
The leader of our lynch mob states:
Ann Rand had an interesting point of view on pure selfishness that I share, that one wants to feel as good as they can but most choose the wrong things to define their selfishness. For those of you unfamiliar with the Objectivist Philosophy, this is AYN Rand's (not ANN) theory which the lynch mob leader agrees with.
Ayn Rand rejects altruism, the view that self-sacrifice is the moral ideal. She argues that the ultimate moral value, for each human individual, is his or her own well-being. Since selfishness (as she understands it) is serious, rational, principled concern with one's own well-being, it turns out to be a prerequisite for the attainment of the ultimate moral value. For this reason, Rand believes that selfishness is a virtue.
As you can see, there are MANY people in the world who will pass themselves off as whatever they need to pass themselves off as.....in order to gain their own way. Another quote by the same author who our lynch mob leader says he admires:
'I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine'-- John Galt in 'Atlas Shrugged', by Ayn Rand Of course we're expected to ignore that the masculine form "man" was intended to include "women"....who are in the family of "Man"; because it allows the manipulation of facts to remain sublime.
People, you NEED to be very wary of who's opinions you listen to. There are 9 million stories in the "Naked City".....and you've just seen 1. People do and will talk out of both sides of their mouth depending on which side furthers not what is "right or wrong"...but what suits their own agendas. Keep in mind what my Dad always told me...."Never tell anyone your problems....1/2 of them don't care...and the other 1/2 are GLAD that you have them".
BTW. I AM a "disabled person"....100% permanent....and I will NEVER ask another person to "sacrifice" their life...for the sake of mine. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/20/2008 7:28:58 AM | Everyone relates by there experiences. That is human nature. It may not be the same senario but sometimes the results are the same.
During my 34 years of marriage every time I was sick and needed help, he was off galavanting with another woman. I didn't even know it at the time because I was so sick, and I wasn't a sickly person all the time, one was an automobile accident, another I had a hysterectomy, and the final straw, I had an embolism in my lung, in a coma and he didn't come to the hospital to see me.
I don't blame all men for what happened to me. Some people can't handle sickness I guess but when you are on the receiving end, it really hurts. JMO | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/20/2008 8:13:11 AM |
During my 34 years of marriage every time I was sick and needed help, he was off galavanting with another woman. I didn't even know it at the time because I was so sick, and I wasn't a sickly person all the time, one was an automobile accident, another I had a hysterectomy, and the final straw, I had an embolism in my lung, in a coma and he didn't come to the hospital to see me.
His lack of caring would be reason enough for you to abandon the marriage let alone the infidelity.
I don't blame all men for what happened to me. Some people can't handle sickness I guess but when you are on the receiving end, it really hurts.
It's your level of maturity that got you past blaming all men. From your posts, it's apparent if you ever did blame men, it may have lasted about 30 seconds.
I was going to ask if you'd be part of my personal lynch mob but I could tell you still can make you own judgments. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:26:37 AM |
I was going to ask if you'd be part of my personal lynch mob but I could tell you still can make you own judgments.
LOL, well I would never lynch you if that is what you mean. Thanks for your response, and yes I make judgments, and pretty good ones at that. I enjoy reading your posts also, and don't take much on these boards that seriously.  | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:42:32 AM | This must happen to some unfortunate couple every day.
There's another thread about men preferring to remain single: a frequent response as to why men SHOULD marry is "to take care of each other." Then there's a thread I began asking if married men are happier and healthier [than single men]. Given this thread, and given the possibility, I wonder if people who were so sure of themselves in either thread might now seem a lot less opinionated, a lot less black-and-white, and a lot less judgmental.
I firmly believe that a large part of being a successful human being is developing one of the abilities that makes us distinctly human: the ability to put onesself in the place of another--compassion.
No one can judge her on this one. She must live with any decision she makes, for only she knows everything involved in making the decision. I can empathize...I take care of my mom, who's in ailing health. She lives with me, so I am familiar with how dating decisions are impacted.
Best wishes to her. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/20/2008 10:09:17 AM |
There is respite care...the ill person can be taken to a care facility for the day or for a weekend....someone can be hired to come into your home to provide care if friends or relatives are unable or unwilling to help out. As I read this I look forward to a time when the taxes we pay in the US go toward these types of social programs. I'm absolutely CERTAIN that baby boomers--once in this or similar predicament, once they personally suffer through it--will change this setup of pay-for-every-gottam-nickel-and-dime-service health care nightmare we're experiencing now.
I cannot afford nor can my live-in-my-home mom afford the unbelievably expensive "adult baby sitters" who work for our county's social service agencies. Oh well, that's the way it is. | |
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