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No one can judge her on this one. She must live with any decision she makes, for only she knows everything involved in making the decision. I can empathize...I take care of my mom, who's in ailing health. She lives with me, so I am familiar with how dating decisions are impacted.

yes, well walk a mile in someone elses shoes, then decide.... it is all about choices, not really about emotions at all. Nobody really knows their limits until they actually come face to face with them.

Your friend has to do what she needs to do. We humans are not infallible.

No one knows what will happen until they are faced with this situation.

When making vows to marry someone, one is supposed to understand that there will be no justifications for not honoring them.

Really?? So hypothetically if, 20 years into the marriage, a spouse was exposed as a pedophile serial killer there would be no justification for "not honoring" marriage vows ?

I guess by your argument that you support women staying in the marriage when they are getting beaten too?

Got any more dumb hypotheticals?

Ann Rand had an interesting point of view on pure selfishness that I share, that one wants to feel as good as they can but most choose the wrong things to define their selfishness.

Ayn Rand rejects altruism, the view that self-sacrifice is the moral ideal. She argues that the ultimate moral value, for each human individual, is his or her own well-being. Since selfishness (as she understands it) is serious, rational, principled concern with one's own well-being, it turns out to be a prerequisite for the attainment of the ultimate moral value. For this reason, Rand believes that selfishness is a virtue.

I say 'don't cast stones if you live in a glass house'. Everyone is different and so are the couples and none of us knows what we would do until hits where we live. How many boys left their pregnant girlfriends, husbands when the kid had physical problems and wives struck by breast cancer....walk a mile in someone elses shoes before casting stones.

However not everyone knows they are marrying a pedophile. My very best friend, after 18 yrs of marriage, found out her husband had molested his step-daughter from his previous marriage when he got arrested visiting their old home town.

So WHICH is it Mac? Do you or do you NOT agree with selfishness? Have you lied??? Which of your lies are we to believe????

Got any more dumb hypotheticals?

LOL - I gave you examples of situations where your absolutist premis was clearly false. They're not all that hypothetical - if you read the papers you'll see it happens quite a lot. Lot's of people enter into marriages and then find out that not everything was as it seemed at the time.

My problem with your judgements are that you are criticizing someone for not being able to do what you yourselves couldn't do....yet you have the audacity and the small mindedness to criticize someone else. I strongly suspect that if she were to fall over dead from the burden that you'd all be pissing on her corpse and cussing her for being selfish for dieing knowing that she was needed in order for someone else to survive.

Once again MacK......WHICH one of your lies are we to believe?

Got any more dumb hypotheticals?

Rand writes, "[A]ltruism permits no concept of a self-respecting, self-supporting man—a man who supports his own life by his own effort and neither sacrifices himself nor others … it permits no concept of benevolent co-existence among men … it permits no concept of justice" (VOS, ix).

For her, the truly selfish person is a self-respecting, self-supporting human being who neither sacrifices others to himself nor sacrifices himself to others. This value-orientation is brilliantly dramatized in the character of Howard Roark in The Fountainhead. The further elements of selfishness - the character traits that, when translated into action, implement a concern for one's own real interests - are discussed and illustrated in that work, in Atlas Shrugged, and throughout Rand's non-fiction.

I have a friend that was married to a man who was diagnosed with a debilitating disease many years ago. At first she was devoted to him and their children, she worked, looked after the children, kept them in sports and recreation and basically did most of the things that a single parent would do, except she also cared for her partner. The prognosis of the sickness was/is not known and after many, many years (double digits), she finally came to a conclusion that she needed more in her life and that she had to leave him or at least have something on the side.
As her friend, I understood her dilemma and supported her decision, while other friends did not, they judged her and condemmed her for deciding to leave and to top it off, her partner eventually decided to leave the matrimonial home and go into a centre that cared for people with the disease.
Now she regrets having told her partner (whose initial reaction was a terrible bout with depression).
Not only that, she is finding that she gets numerous invites out, but when potential new relationships begin to bud, very often, the man backs off and disappears when she tells him about her past with her husband.
Do you think this is a good reason for not wanting to be involved with someone? I don't understand how someone could judge a person this way, if they had not had the experience or witnessed the experience themselves, can anyone enlighten me (and ultimately her)?

I have a friend who WAS married to a WOMAN who was diagnosed with a debilitating illness many years ago. At first, HE was devoted to her; worked AND took complete care of the children, not only cooking their meals, and making sure that they were bathed and always wore clean clothes and had their homework assignments done each night, but he made sure that they were involved in many sporting and recreational activities. For double digit years he's basically done all the things that a single Mother would do in addition to caring for his ailing wife. The prognosis of her ailment is not known and after MANY MANY years he came to the conclusion that he needed something more in his life. He longed for just one time before he died to once again be looked at as a man....not as a nurse or a babysitter. Although he had loved her and took his vows seriously, after decades of setting aside his needs and desires as a man, he was exhausted, depressed and devoid of his own identity. He was no longer a man, but simply, Johnny, Susie, and Charlie's Dad; and Jane's nurse; and the paycheck. In his desperate desire to have a woman look at him for who he was...not just what he could do for her; he determined that he either had to leave her....or at least fulfill that ONE "selfish" need of his own....after so many years.
(NOW, here's the the story goes awry)
As his friend....and his brother- in -law (Jane's brother) I'm frankly surprised that he's waiting so long to come to his senses and realize that he NEEDS to have a life of his own. He has gone above and beyond the call of duty, and is past the breaking point from all the demands put on him. I know a divorced woman who is very discreet, and who has no desire to be married who would be perfect for him to relieve his stress and anxiety; which I believe would go a long way toward revitalizing him and would help him gain renewed strength and patience in dealing with the thankless job of caring for his wife, my sister. The problem is.....my Mother and sisters. They question every minute that he is away from Jane. When his cousin comes to sit with Jane while he takes the boys to football practice, they criticize him for putting his sons ahead of his wife. Mom insisted that she would do their grocery shopping so he can't even get out of the house for an hour on Saturday....and since she deliberately ignores things on the shopping list that he needs....like razor blades, he gets the 3rd degree about why he was 10 minutes late coming home from work (He stopped to get the items that Mom neglected to get.)
He's a good guy and he's proven that through the years of sacrifice he's made for his family, but I'm afraid that if he doesn't get some relief soon he's going to either have a heart attact or commit suicide. He's done everything anyone could ask of a man and I think it's time that he considered his own life. I really want to help him, but my one fear is that even if I introduce him to women who seem dead set against marriage or committed relationships, they will change their minds once they meet a guy who has demonstrated such a capacity for selfless devotion and compassion.

And I'd like to think that I have enough moral strength to at least judge myself as doing something very wrong if I were to walk out on an ailing spouse -- just as I have judged OP's friend.

How typical of you Mac to pick and chose out of context that which suits your own purpose.

"....it has nothing to do with her sense of morality....and everything to do with how easily she can be stuffed into that role a second time.