| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:01:31 AM | “It's really quite simple. First put on a pair of jockeys and then put the litter in a 2nd set of jockeys. Make sure both pairs are a bit too small or use some medical tape to prevent the leakage.” [msg. 174]
See? … now that’s the kind of positive input that could stop someone from walking out on an ailing spouse – double Grampers with duct tape around the edges (to use the Canadian version).
Seriously though, I do find it interesting reading through this thread, reading the amount of ‘walk in my shoes, first’ posts that it seems to add up to the conclusion that personal experience with a morally-questionable decision justifies it. And no matter how I look at this, it always comes out: “If I do it, then it makes it OK.”
cdn guy | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:59:20 PM |
And no matter how I look at this, it always comes out: "If I do it, then it makes it OK."
Yeah, there's alot of that going around..........
For shame, leading someone on for 3 months or 20 some yrs. only to say........I wasn't serious and my intentions were not sincere or honourable....unless it's for the "good times".
Just makes you shake your head, don't it? | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/30/2008 6:17:52 PM | I still think a lot of people are dismissing the obvious signs (in the specific case described by the OP) that that particular woman might have had a mental breakdown.
There's no rational reason for someone who provided "double-digit years" care for her partner to suddenly proclaim to him (and their children, for heaven's sake!) such hurtful stuff, and then further to backtrack and wait until the poor man opted for a long-term care facility, and even further reveal the whole troubling story to prospective new lovers rather than hide and deceive them (as I'd assume a truly hard-core creep would do).
A lucid person would have either have found some sort of spiritual strength to continue without personal satisfaction, or found some sort of discreet way to achieve personal satisfaction and fulfilment without devastating everyone in the family, and at the very least would be spinning a fake story in the wake of it all.
This doesn't at all sound like a cut-and-run scenario by an evil person. It sounds more, to me, at least, like a tragic case of one person being physically infirm, and another being mentally infirm. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/31/2008 3:00:01 AM |
This doesn't at all sound like a cut-and-run scenario by an evil person. It sounds more, to me, at least, like a tragic case of one person being physically infirm, and another being mentally infirm.
Being that the op mentioned therapy, I assumed some sort of mental infirmity. But I wouldn't say it was a breakdown. 2 affairs were mentioned and that would indicate to me some sort of long term decisions and planning were involved.
However, those 2 men that dumped her may have done so because of her instability instead of her cheating.
To go so far as to say this woman is evil is not a judgment I would make without actually knowing her but to judge the individual acts as wrong is what I did.
Did the 2 men in the affairs know they were getting involved with a married woman? If so, they were just as sleazy as she was for seeking other relationships. If she started the affairs by deceiving those 2 men, then that's 3 men's feelings she demonstrated no concern for. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:31:05 AM | How many times does a problem have to appear in individual lives for it to be recognized as a social issue, not a personal one? Many, many people find themselves caring for a loved one (spouse, child, parent..) with little or no help from family, friends, or social agencies.
All those who feel that they have the right to judge other people's behaviours under extreme circumstances also have the moral responsibility to help out. When a loved one becomes chronically ill, it is usual for family and friends to express deep concern and provide helpful assistance in the early days. 18 months later the caregiver feels isolated and under stress.
Just as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village to care for the infirm. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:52:35 PM | | I would run from your friend. I have something and when and if I find a girlfriend I need to know that when I get bad or really have to depend on someone else they will be there for me. When two people marry, they are in theroy committed to each other for all times, both good and bad. She didn't love her mate, love is about putting the other person first reguardless. How would she like it if the shoe were on the other foot? | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/1/2008 5:04:14 AM |
All those who feel that they have the right to judge other people's behaviours under extreme circumstances also have the moral responsibility to help out. When a loved one becomes chronically ill, it is usual for family and friends to express deep concern and provide helpful assistance in the early days. 18 months later the caregiver feels isolated and under stress.
Just as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village to care for the infirm.
Minister:
"Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and provide your extended family and friends to help out should your partner's health turn to sickness. If you lose the extended support, Do you promise to seek out other partners for to insure your 'needs' are being met?"
Now there's a vow that would be easy to keep. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/5/2008 4:33:13 PM | It began in the innocence of youth. Driven in part by passion, partly by the desire to become. They became together. Are you sure its alright he asked. Are you protected? The last thing he wanted was another child. His first one was a mistake. It still bothered him. Its thought was still destroying him. How could he abandon a child to a mother without a father? But she didn’t want him. She wanted another. So he reluctantly left. Tried to move on. But he couldn’t escape the harsh feelings that he was a failure. A betrayer of trust to a child. The abandoner.
Now when he found out that she was pregnant, he was determined. The feelings had to end. He would marry her and never betray a child again. He never questioned her intentions. He knew he would make it work.
At first things were good. They struggled to pay bills as young families do. Then another child. She began her strangeness. Her grip. Slowly, hardly noticeable. You can’t visit your mother she would say, she hates me. You have your own family now. Forget her. She only wants to destroy us. His mother was old, frail. He wanted to spend time with her. Whenever he wanted to visit her, they fought. Oh did they fight. Horrible. The kids watched. The kids. He promised never to betray. Then it also began with his sisters, brothers, friends. All were out to destroy their family. How dare you take their side. This is your family. They are not. He knew she was wrong. He was brought up in a loving warm family who were all happy, successful. Raised on a farm. They all loved one another. How can you abandon your own family and go and visit your sisters who want to destroy us. He hated the fights in front of the kids. How he hated it. How he hated his life.
His mother would die. He spoke at her funeral. He loved her and wished he could have saw her more alive. More pain. More guilt. He hated it. He hated his life. So he worked. He had to. She wanted a new car. A better house. He worked. He worked. It was his new escape. Drinking only made things worse but work made things better. After all, his mother always told him of the value of work. “work makes life sweet” she would say. How could it be wrong? He learned that it was not worth the fighting. The horrible fighting. He would sneak away to visit his other family, but when she found out it was hell. Phone calls were hell.
Life goes on, there were some vacations, good memories. Three children now grown. His business was grown as well. The work was relentless. Sometimes he would go in and just sit. His escape. His sanctuary.
One day a thought came over him. Where did my life go? What have I done? I am so tired of work. How he yearned for the days of youth when he was free. When he ran through the forests with his forest friends. When he could spread his wings high on a mountain and soar. What is this hell that consumed him? What is it? Why is there no escape? Was he to die this way? He began to reach out. To discover. To touch his toes in the water before him. She did not like this. He had obligations. The bills. But the kids are now grown. Her grip gave way ever so little. She fought back. Struggling to tighten it. How horrible of him to abandon her for his insane fantasies. His family. How could he want friends? How could he want to visit his horrible sisters? They were finally destroying them as she predicted. His children knew this as well. If his own children could see how he was destroying their family, certainly he would quit this dream. It was madness. He ached. He desired. He could not let go of his newfound desire to soar. It became stronger with every protest. Every fight. Every dirty look. Oh how she fought it. But it never went away.
One day he made a deal with himself. He would give up his other family if he were allowed to follow his dreams of the forest. It would mean he could have friends. Escape from the madness of work and drink. How dare you think of running off with friends? Am I not your friend? Are your Children not your friends? How dare you abandon your Children? Traitor. Abandoner. The words stabbed him deeply. Her years of apprenticeship turned her into a warrior. She knew every weakness. Mastered every weapon.
He needed escape. The desires grew. At times overwhelming. He had to fight her weapons, or die. Either way was escape. Either way was welcome. The more he fought, the tighter her grip. But he knew he would win. He had to. He began to prepare. No more drink. No more work. No more. No more. A new escape. He ran. He ran. Becoming stronger with every breath. Every step. Then stronger. The sun rose through the trees. Exhilarating.
Then she became sick. What is this new weapon? How can he fight this? This weapon tore through his heart. His dreams. His world. Shattered, they lay in pieces. What escape is left now. The sickness could last years. Decades. A lifetime. Only one way remained. One door left to open. He could not abandon her in sickness. He could not abandon his family in sickness. But he could not stop the flood that had begun. His dreams would live on. His dreams would never die. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:14:17 PM | NEVER JUDGE UNTIL YOU HAVE WALKED A MILE IN SOMEONE'S SHOES.
Always remember that.... Life is not always kind. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:50:51 PM | During my 24-year marriage I spent 17 years being a caregiver to my ex (who survived 5 brain injuries). I loved him unconditionally. I stayed because I took my marriage vows seriously. I married him for better or worse: not better and no brain injury. My "needs" weren't met in all those years, but my "needs" were also the last thing on my mind. I also raised 3 daughters and took care of everything around the house.
Almost 10 years ago we were involved in an accident and I had to learn to walk again. My youngest daughters were my caregivers. He was too busy to be one.
One day more than 2 years ago, after our middle daughter died, he just didn't bother coming home. He disappeared. Found out later that his "needs" were all he was worried about. I guess some of us know what true commitment is and some of us just can't handle it. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:58:47 PM | | I am so sick and tired of dirtbags and their f#%&%king needs...what she needs is to have a disease herself and be left to die alone. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/6/2008 8:12:34 PM | ^^^Oh my goodness!
That post is too scary for words! We can all have opinions Sir, but you are definately harbouring some scary hostility. I sincerely hope you can work on that for your own good to improve the quality of your life.... | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/6/2008 8:37:54 PM | | THE VOWS THAT MEAN NOTHING ----> In SICKNESS & IN HEALTH! Uhmmm guess she did not mean it after all! Poor thing...As for her " Dilema" --> well was she diagnosed with something? Your " friend " will be getting no sympathy from me ! | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:00:25 AM | | Threads like this make it clear why the divorce rate is what it is..if a man had done this the women here would be shrieking and calling him every name this site would allow...but it's one of the sisterhood so it's ok. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:48:08 AM | imsophie1, I pray that your life gets better, because you are indeed a saintly woman.
Peace and Blessings! | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:49:35 AM | Trimvirat, I am one of the "sisterhood", and personally I DON'T think it's okay....it does suck! | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:37:07 AM |
f she wanted to have an affair, she could be discrete about it.
Why should she have an affair? That's disgusting. There are no exceptions in vows. DO you really need sex? There's always toys. If you can't live without sex and sex>love don't marry. If you're not willing to give up sex don't marry. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:18:11 PM | | If you truly loved someone you would NOT desert them when they were ill. This is just more of the " what about my wants and needs" generation. It is all about "ME". I have met so many people that put themselves number 1 in their relationships and if one thing will scare me away its behavior like hers. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:25:43 PM | | Yes.... there is much more to a relationship than sex... but there are those that say their own needs must be met or they will go elsewhere. They are shallow and sorry people. [My last relationship ... he has a LOT of issues he refuses to see. ] | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:34:04 PM | There are people who understand what it means to honor a vow, people who know what the word 'committment' really means (and all it entails)
Too often, people want to think "Oh, that could never happen, I'll never be faced with that decision". I think there's a good reason why marriage vows have the best and worst included (richer/poorer, sickness/health). People need to seriously consider that eventually, the 'sickness' part is going to come.
When you really love someone, it doesn't matter that they're sick, all you want is for them to be well, to be healthy, you're not thinking about yourself.
Real love doesn't run when the going gets tough....real love stays
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things....Love never fails. | |
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TLC_
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Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 196 | |
| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:47:04 AM | OP, Your friend walked out on a what sounded like a otherwise great relationship.
Regardless of understanding her reasoning or not, my thoughts would be along the lines of “This woman runs out when things get tough”,
I would like to think my partner would stick around in such a situation, just like I would do if the tables were turned | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:32:37 AM |
Yes.... there is much more to a relationship than sex... but there are those that say their own needs must be met or they will go elsewhere. They are shallow and sorry people. [My last relationship ... he has a LOT of issues he refuses to see. ]
So would you not have an affair? Stay faithful. I can honestly say I would. I would be able to live off self pleasuring lol. If I don't feel that way about someone I wouldn't marry them. | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:11:53 AM | ."At first she was devoted to him and their children, she worked, looked after the children, kept them in sports and recreation and basically did most of the things that a single parent would do, except she also cared for her partner."
How lucky for her she could do all that, she must be in good health, I bet her husband wishes he was. Your friend is selfish and cruel, you need to see that and distance yourself. She will probably find all the sex she can deal with....but thats about it JMO | |
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julyn
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Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 199 | |
| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:41:32 PM | | i don't participate in the forums...they are usually so banal and silly...but being so self-rightous....how easy for you all..and how typical .... | |
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| He is sick, she left him...
Posted: 8/22/2008 11:23:16 AM | Hey, if a guy like me can be married for 26 years with 3 kids and thought I had
the very best friend in the world, get very sick and then told to get out. And I get
back on the horse after getting better, then anyone can do it.
My ex is and RN and a Bible thumper. Anybody can rationalize anything.
She told the church I left, and I answered her separation with a request for dissolving
so she could say I divorced her.
I always wanted her to be happy, and I knew she wasnt. It was the hardest thing I
ever did because I didnt want to divorce her...
Some things people will do for Love!
It is really weird though, kinda like going thru all the high school stuff again :-)
Patrick | |
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