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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:55:36 AM |
ive lost my respect on him.
Well... somehow I can understand this. Hmmm... weren't you happy the he let you know not wanting to dive deeper into a relationship? I mean he could have pretended he would...
Personally I am glad if people make things that clear... intentional or unintentional, even if behaving like a$$<|'#+*... | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:38:26 PM | restless, no he didnt let me know--lol-- i figured it out myself.
he got a "blueballs" from me though,to get even with him --(evil grin)
all i know--he was only attracted to me because i was fun to be with...being attracted to each other it doesnt mean anything and wont lead into something.....by ALL these means..dating, hang out, hook up and some crap is still nothing when a person is not really into you... those feelings are meaningless.
oh i believe you---you say it as a man. | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:50:26 PM | Maybe dating means "trolling"...Huh, "What, where am I"?..."Possible sex"!...Whats impossible sex"?...
Define what is, "Really is"...Dating means ?...
Please she a little light on my terminology...
I know what a few beers and a little possible sex is but I dont know how to define dating..
PLEASE FORGIVE ME (RUBIESRED)I DONT MEAN TO BE A GOOBER..IM JUS FUNNING..I LIKE PLAYIN WITH WORDS.. | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:45:15 PM | I can only define what dating means to me. To me, dating is spending time with someone. Getting to know them with the clear intent of eventually having a relationship.
But here's the thing, many people have replied and thrown their support behind stating what you eventually want in a relationship: the end goal.
I,personally, do want a LTR. But I feel too many people say LTR and mean RIGHT NOW. So, in my view, it should be the IMMEDIATE goal that we should ask for. And at the same time, I'm plenty flexible.
When I say "dating" I mean, "Let's get to know each other." To clarify, when I go out with a friend it's a date. (Almost all of my friends are women, so when I'm out with one of my few guy friends it becomes "hanging out". Yeah, it's a double standard lol)
If it's a woman I'm interested for a romantic relationship, it becomes a "romantic date".
This is our problem, we all are have different goals and things will often mean different things to different people. If I ever have a question, I will ask a woman what she means by something. This is what has to be done to make any relationship work, and sometimes we lose sight of that. Even those of us that know better! | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:06:32 PM | msg #49>>>Dreamer, otoh, is on a mission. Dreamer dates strictly to discover whether that profounder bond is in the cards. For Dreamer, dating's value is as a means to the end she seeks. For Mystic, dating is the end in itself.
. . . .annnd
I haven't looked, but I'll bet Dreamer selected LTR as her objective. Mystic selected Friends. But, as Mystic so plainly says, she wants Friends as a starting point, where Dreamer wants an LTR as her final objective. This just goes to show that people don't especially mean what you think they mean when they click on something. You have to actually meet them and talk to them before you will know whether Mystic, for instance, refuses to go past friendship, or whether Dreamer would go for an Intermediate Term Relationship while she looks for long term.
ahh Vulf my long time forums friend... you should have looked before assuming I selected LTR as my objective. I selected Dating.. I must admit I had to think about it awhile before deciding between all the choices. I'll get back to explaining how I came to the decision to select "Dating".
First I'd like to explain that my last post stating that dating is a pleasurable fact finding mission is because the first few dates are just that... most times the first date gives me enough information to know whether or not there will be subsequent dates. The subsequent dates are the ones Mystic describes. I'm in total agreement with her there.
Now back to how I came to the decision to select "Dating" as my objective for being here - back then anyway.. now it's more for the forums than anything else ... but, back to the point I was making...
There were 4 selections to which I gave thought .. the other 4 were ruled out from the get-go: Other (whaaat ?), Intimate Encounter - are there any women in the pond who would select that? Activity Partner - wouldn't that be the same as the Friend choice?
Talk/Emailwas not selected because #1 I'm not into the pen-pal thing, however there are exceptions and #2 I'm not into IM - I find it invasive and #3 I really don't give good phone. I use the phone out of necessity. I actually dislike making small talk on the phone for any length of time - I'm just not a phone person that way.
Friends was a consideration because friendship usually leads to dating.. but then I decided against selecting it because doing so could possibly give others the impression that I'm not really serious about finding someone - never thinking that the word dating would have the same meaning for some people.
Long Term was decided against because in my mind that selection kind of jumps the gun in the progression of the way things work with me. Meaning, in my mind just because I like someone and want to spend an occasional few hours with a guy doesn't mean he's automatically on the proverbial list of a future LTR. For me, the natural progression would be that friendship leads to dating which could very well lead to perhaps developing into a connection on the level of long term.
To me selecting Dating was the safest choice. I'd venture to say that Admin probably had no idea the term would be so debatable and didn't realize his fishies would be so diverse in their definitions of dating nor did he think them to be so judgmental.
We should all lighten up - relax. Why don't all those who are whining and nit picking about why some selected dating and others LTR just leave POF and let the rest of us enjoy discovering each other? There's no room for such silly negativity on a site that is supposed to be social and fun. In the world outside of POF we meet someone we like and we agree to get together for a few hours for the enjoyment of getting to know about each other. We don't hand the other person a check list before agreeing to get to know each other or grill them about why they want to get to know us that would be silly. If that ever happened to me I'd run like hell.
I agree with Vulf ...
it creeps me all the way out, frankly, that so many people grouse about what others click on. Their complaint is that people don't mean by their click what one assumes they mean. They complain that their disappointed assumptions prove deception. They are wrong. They simply want to skip the part where they meet a variety of people other than those they might click with. Boo fvcking hoo! Meeting people is the only way to know if you click. Remember, even you don't know everything about yourself. Nor can you describe what you do know with perfect clarity. And, even if you knew it all and could say it all, no one would ever know if they cared for you until they meet you.. Would they? Are you really summed up inyour puny profile?
Once again Vulf vocalized exactly how I feel and saved me the typing.  | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:15:14 PM |
Checkinearly^^^^I never said all men...unfortunately the greater majority I've met using this site and others...and yes, it's very sad..if I were truly "jaded"and thought 100% of the men were this way I'd have long ago removed my profile and stopped attempting to meet a man...what I originally posted was really just me being a smart-azz.
I'd love to meet a man that is honestly looking for an emotional connection in addition to some knock your socks off physical connection, know of any man you can send my way???
I think this is funny how many people don't see a common denominator.
If you get played THAT often by THAT kind of guy, you need to take a look at the common denominator and see WHY it happens. Probably because you make it easy for yourself to be put in such a position?
I put "dating" because I'm not looking for anything long-term or serious specifically. If long-term or serious happens, great. If not, even better. I've got other things to do.
The qualities of a person determines the qualities of the person they attract...so just because YOU attract A-holes, don't assume that the "Greater majority of men" are A-holes. | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:39:47 PM | ^^^^Yeah kid the common demoninator is that PEOPLE lie...and you don't know they are lying until they meet you and then show their true colors of what they really want.
As far as the quality of the person, you're correct in that I'm an honest person, therefore, I make the mistake of assuming others are also being honest and until I get to know the person, I trust they are being honest with me...which has been my "fault".
However, I refuse to allow the lying azzholes of the world to change who I am as a person... I'll waste my time meeting them; but I'll walk away without any doubts that I at least still hold to my ethics.
You're a young man, so I wouldn't expect you to understand that one doesn't have to be a AZZhole to unfortunately cross paths with them... I know many people in my age bracket have experiences similiar to what I've had...
Count your blessings if your experiences have been more positive than negative using online dating sites; but be ware the longer you use the sites the higher the risk to meet people less than desirable will be...no matter how great a person you might be  | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:13:01 PM | Like I said. They lie. You attract people that lie. Yes, I'm young, but I'm mature and intelligent enough to figure out that the kind of person you ARE dictates the sort of person you ATTRACT.
If you're a doormat, you attract pricks. My dating experiances have been positive because I MAKE them positive. I make mistakes, and I learn from them, instead of crying into my pillow every night because I got played instead of looking at the big picture and finding out why it happened and fixing it so it doesn't happen in the future.
You've already let the lying A-holes change who you are...LOOK AT YOUR POSTS! You STILL haven't learned!
Just because you're a good person doesn't mean you won't meet ***holes, ****es,****, and hoes...How you present yourself will deter them. Posting things on your profile like "I'm tired of games!" or "Aren't there any nice guys left?" is a red flag to guys like me, who see that as "I'm easy! Take advantage of me!" and then I click the "Back" button and see what other attractive women there are in my area.
The fact that you don't expect me to understand what you're saying tells me that YOU don't understand what I'M saying. Get it together, do a personal inventory of your emotions and flaws, and the sooner you grow to recognize them and fix them, the happier your dating experiances will be. | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:17:42 AM | ^^^^Ah the arrogance of youth, got to love it....
if you re-read what I wrote, I said it's my "fault" as in I take responsibility for trusting people before I meet them to have been honest with me... However, as soon as I find out and it doesn't take long, I'm out the door....doormats stay and get stepped on...I don't, I leave the situation and cease all further communications...
I choose to not automatically think the person is a liar, now if that makes me "faulty" and needing fixing according to you, what does that tell me about you? We tend to "judge" others based on how we are as people. Example, decades ago-my first b/f always accused me of cheating on him-I could never figure out why....until, the truth about him came out, he was in fact, the one cheating...
For the record my profile never said I'm tired of games or no players or asked if there aren't any nice guys left? Because hell if I get an email from self professed nice guy I run fast.
I do agree that if you present yourself as a doormat, those types will most likely be first in line to try and step on you...unfortunately some people mistake my not being obnoxiously b*tchy as a sign of weakness in my personality...I'm far from a weak minded individual and when need be, I can be the biggest B*tch in the room 
Now as far as "attraction" online goes-since most of initial attraction is based on physical characteristics presented in pictures-and a few words written-NO ONE can control who finds them attractive including you...
I'm sure you've received emails from women you didn't find attractive for a variety of reasons including your perception of them being "players". I have a blocked list longer than a favorites list-so again, it's not that I'm naive or stupid and just let anyone get to know me.
And again since you referred to my post on this thread, I'll restate while some of it is true, it was written more for humor~comprendez?  | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:43:40 PM | I never said YOUR profile said those things...last I checked this was not the "someonesex profile" thread.
As far as being on a dating site...you're actually more wrong than you would be if we were discussing being in a singles bar, or whatever you "old folks" (tongue in cheek, so nobody get their panties in a wad) used to do back in the day;) The nice thing about this website is you can read a little bit about what people think of themselves and decide to put on these here pages, so even if she/he is INCREDIBLY hot, you can also tell if they're dumb as a box of rocks or full of horse hockey.
When you (well, I, at least) am initially attracted to somebody I'd JUST met in person, yeah, their physical features are what attract me. Since there's nothing to read, I think "DAANG, she's got a nice butt/rack/face/fupa/whathaveyou", and that's their first impression...not what comes out of their mouth. I can typically pick up a woman more easily in person, having never met, than I can on the internet. Like I said...it's all in presentation.
As for the arrogance of youth...nah...I've only gotten MORE arrogant with age, so ladies, in a decade WATCH OUT. You will meet the most handsome, intelligent, never-wrong, humble man you've ever met. | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/18/2008 5:21:42 AM |
x-rayTechGirl : i havent seen on him that he wanted the relationship into the next level
Guess I've got this wrong, assuming you asked straight questions or had some discussions about things as introduction to your kids and family, moving together, plans... whatever... not getting an answer here or getting hesitation would answer the question anyways imho
he got a "blueballs" from me though,to get even with him --(evil grin)
hehe ...are you saying he had balls?
all i know--he was only attracted to me because i was fun to be with...being attracted to each other it doesnt mean anything and wont lead into something.....by ALL these means..dating, hang out, hook up and some crap is still nothing when a person is not really into you... those feelings are meaningless.
I agree and as your other post too I could completely adopt this one as well.
oh i believe you---you say it as a man
Sure... as I am one. But actually I am always trying to put the gender stuff at topics like this aside. Being genuine and honest about your intentions is supposed to be independend from sex (beside some peoples unbalanced experiences probably)
Again, sorry for the misunderstanding. | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/18/2008 7:53:00 AM | I have 'dating' on my profile but i state clearly in the write up that i believe we must have shortterm goals to meet long term objectives...needless to say im 'dating' you before i am in a relationship with you.
Put it this way...the word means squat. He simply found someone else that he liked better or discovered something in you that scared him off - im not saying this to hurt you I am just a realist. When a man is really into you...you will know, they do not let you go, dating, friends, talk, long term...does not matter.
There are lots of people on here that are searching for the elusive 'grass is greener' effect...let them. | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/18/2008 8:40:17 AM | OP,
I recently changed my status to Dating, you know why?? Because many men are spooked about LTR. yes, that is my ultimate goal. Friends first, dating than possibly a LTR.
I changed mine because of that fact and numerous men that have contacted me, said LTR when in fact they should have changed theirs to Intimate Encounter. I believe they only put LTR to get through the intimate encounter filters.
Anyway, dating to me I guess and my experiences on here . means, they want to date you and other people, looking for the right one, no strings attached.
I guess I am going for the same thing now as well, because anymore to me, not 1 actually wants to date for a LTR in the long run.
But, I am upfront about my beliefs and morals, I DO NOT have sex unless I am only dating 1 person and in a relationship with them, my choise. Those that do not agree with it, can hit the road!
Happy Fishing!!! | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:07:24 AM | here's my shot.
NOT all profiles that you have read here are honest for what they are saying.TALK is CHEAP.I dont care if some people scared of me that i put "LTR" in my profile they can say whatever they want and i have my own says too--what scared? that's an excuse!scared of what ?hurting?well, i tell you---"No one comes out in a relationship UNHURT, that's part of the package"
IF a person scared of me because i want a relationship not just a *bleep*...Its gonna be the other way around..ill be the one who scared of them.....because they gonna leave you, they are not strong enough, they are shallow and immature.
brb...i have to go ...hey restless you dont need to say sorry i got your point ....ill get back in your post later. | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:20:14 AM |
Its confusing as most profiles list off all their wants as looking for a sensitive, loving woman etc., yet they just want to see you on the odd occasion for a few beers and if at all possible sex!
Well not really THAT difficult to grasp.
If a man goes to a non-"libertarian" site posting with an obvious "I want dirty sex" subject he'll get no answers, worse he'll probably get banned or flamed.
If a man goes to a "libertarian" site, all he'll get is other men looking for the same and no woman ever even reading the ads, since those very few woman who DO love sex get enough men in real life and need no internet for that.
Conclusion, if a man really wants sex and is a little bit smart then deception is the only way.
The world is not a nice place, get over it. | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/18/2008 11:57:42 AM | OPie and so many more are making one big, simple mistake. Profiles are not product descriptions. No one writes a profile with the main purpose of disclosure. Everyone writes a profile to create a lure, as best they can, that will attract someone they will like. We write for a good impression, not an accurate impression.
You didn't write your profile to serve my interests. You wrote it to serve your interests. After all, you know nothing of my interests, because we're strangers. You couldn't write your profile to my needs even if you wanted to. And you don't want to, anyway. That is as it should be.
OTOH, you have only so much ability to write your profile even to serve your interests. You don't know what to write that will attract the people you want. You have some experience, some ideas, some guesses, some assumptions. But you don't know what will make good bait. You just have to try things. You put things in. You take them out. Are those edits "deceptions?"
I'm sure you've noticed one of the common results of this limit to our abilities. So many people don't even try to reveal themselves. They say the most generic, unrevealing stuff: "I like restaurants." "I wear jeans." "I don't want to meet lying, violent drunks."
They might as well have left the thing blank.
But, truth to tell, every profile is, effectively, blank. Even if your profile is an exhaustive, precise revelation of your every flaw and virtue, I still don't know a single thing about you until we talk (or chat), and I form my own impressions. Even then, I know nothing about you, not until we meet. I can't begin to know you in any real sense in advance of meeting you! All I know about you before that is what I have imagined from some lines of text and a couple of bad snapshots. Those things are not you!
Frankly, I think a lot of our whiners on this point resent the chore of meeting people who don't serve their interests. There's something unsavory and selfish in the way they play GOTCHA, in the way they scold complete strangers for putting them out of their way, for not living up to this or that impression. It's as if they want everyone else to be the well-labeled products, so they can shop conveniently. Well, screw them. None of us are products; everyone of us is doing what s/he thinks will attract what we want. It's the same as it is on the street at the hop. People come at us however they come, and we find good in them or we don't. And no one has the time to keep score.
Cheers!
Vulf  | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/18/2008 1:06:07 PM | | yes your right i have found this out too dating means just meeting the odd time for sex and not a relationship as one would think i thought this was a dating site and it seems like a adult site most guys on here are just looking for sex and not a relationship | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/18/2008 1:20:36 PM | | I have no idea what dating means,,,other than an easy way for men to get sex. My last b/f has friends on his, but what he really means is friends w/benefits. I am so damn slow, it took me two yrs to discover that this guy didn't want a relationship, just "fun". I told him the other day that he really needs to change his profile search to intimate encounters, he leads them on to believe that he cares for you and then shoots you down with his standard: you are seeking more than I am, I just want to have fun. So dating is whatever you get out of it. | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/18/2008 2:03:16 PM | Sorry restless, I don't get it. I don't mean it's not funny. I can't tell. I can't figure out what you're trying to say there.
You don't have to explain it or anything. If it were me, I'd want to know I wasn't being clear.
Cheers!
Vulf | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/18/2008 3:04:25 PM | restless you said:
Guess I've got this wrong, assuming you asked straight questions or had some discussions about things as introduction to your kids and family, moving together, plans... whatever... not getting an answer here or getting hesitation would answer the question anyways imho
NO i didnt discuss with him re: family ,kids moving together, etc.....ive told him.."i dont know if Ill get married again, it there's a man that will tell me, hey there's still life after divorce..then ill marry again"
what im trying to say when i said i havent seen him the "relationship in the next level" is about time to change dating status into"boyfriend/girlfriend stage"
As what i understand of"dating"--its just pure fun..see if you guys clicked,if theres chemistry and so on full of crap whatever the dating stage is all about.
we both passed that stage--we both clicked,we had chemistry, we felt same way(we liked each other unless he was lying what he felt on me), we made out, we groped but not **bleep*For 3 months of seeing him..what else he wanted to know about me...my life was an open book...he just never read nor listen on it...the guy was busy thinking how he would jumped into my bones.
actually before ive decided to meet him in person ive chatted with him for a month over the phone and online--so i was thinking time for me to see what was "real" about the dude.so weve met--and there he told me--he liked me right away and i felt the same way with him.
So here come's the conflict arised:he wanted a **bleep** but he didnt want any responsibilty for my feelings he only wanted fun + sex ---wow, what a lucky **stard!!!
whatever his agenda was---it was too bad because he didnt get it.
lesson learned of dating the dude:i wont go out to a man again who's gonna tell me"let's go with the flow" i found that control on man's side--he will row the boat whereever he wants to go--he has no destination to dock at the side. | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/18/2008 3:59:28 PM |
Sorry restless, I don't get it. I don't mean it's not funny. I can't tell. I can't figure out what you're trying to say there.
You don't have to explain it or anything. If it were me, I'd want to know I wasn't being clear.
Vulf, needless to say it wasn't meant offending.  cheers
Okay, let me explain anyways. I think I've got your point, the way you meant it...
It was your example of product descriptions that made me laugh since more than just a few sprang to my mind that perfectly fit into the patterns you drew about profiles.
Unlike product descriptions you said that we write for a good impression, not an accurate impression. Well, once I bought a printer... you'd think it was a shredder, beside the fact that it was slow and loud.
Nothing about this was mentioned in its description.
Picking up what you said... I think it was written to serve the vendors interest first, not mine. I also assume they even didn't know my interest (beside printing I didn't want a loud, slow, notorious paper jammer) since I was a stranger for them. I really think product discriptions are written the way to make customers interested in a "long term relationship", no matter of the risk having a short encounter because of some issues... | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/18/2008 4:09:02 PM |
lesson learned of dating the dude:i wont go out to a man again who's gonna tell me"let's go with the flow" i found that control on man's side--he will row the boat whereever he wants to go--he has no destination to dock at the side.
LOL... I learned the meaning of such a wording right this minute. Two months ago my world looked a little different... then I started to read the POF forums... | |
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| What exactly does Dating mean?
Posted: 5/18/2008 4:25:23 PM | you gonna learn LOTS from me in my own words though my grammar sucks sometimes-- just bear with me..not only wordings you gonna learn but POV from a woman's perspective re:dating in such--haha.
well ive learned too,what men's perspective re;dating
so cheers!!
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