| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/14/2008 5:42:40 AM | think its just you, I think if your smiling all the time and expect everyone else to do like wise then your going to notice when people don't.
I don't smile constantly when im out in public and really don't expect others to do the same, but maybe because of this it just seems a lot of women try to say hi or smile at me. | |
|
| |
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/14/2008 8:20:28 PM |
If you're actually looking to meet women, then your best bet is to become one of the guys the girls don't give the blank stare to. Lose weight, tone up, get a good job, become financially secure and make some female friends to get you out and about. Good luck to you! :)
Parts of that seem very superficial; yet some of it makes sense.
Being financially secure helps, but how is a woman going to know that without meeting you unless you're dressing in expensive clothes? And then it gets back how much is enough when it comes to that financial security?
As for the lost weight and tone up part, I'm not going to respond to that. It's a generic answer built around superficiality.
You know, it occurred to me last night that posting these questions (at times) doesn't seem to make much sense anymore.
Why I say that is because everyone on here is repetitive and asks the same questions, but never looking within themselves to find the right answers - or the right questions. We all want to know why everyone else is the way they are and why they don't want us. Many of us never ask ourselves why we want (or need) a relationship and what we're doing to keep people away.
I understand that I'm not the "nice guy" anymore and don't see females in general in the same perspective as I once did. It's a small character flaw just recently discovered. | |
|
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:02:45 PM | | So you're using a (probably faulty) 10% number figure to justify 100% rudeness? Waysouth being smiled at by a big black scrubby looking hobo is different than being smiled at by a fellow college or high school student, or just a regular looking man just like the OP. Jeez, first we couldn't approach you people in the library, dance clubs or the gym, and now we can't even throw you a friendly smile any more? What on earth is this world coming to!?! | |
|
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/15/2008 1:12:48 PM |
Why I say that is because everyone on here is repetitive and asks the same questions, but never looking within themselves to find the right answers - or the right questions. We all want to know why everyone else is the way they are and why they don't want us. Many of us never ask ourselves why we want (or need) a relationship and what we're doing to keep people away.
Or we don't ask ourselves why anyone would choose us over someone else. I'm sorry you feel my answer was built around superficiality, but I believe in providing answers that will actually benefit the questioner. I could tell you to keep going as you are and that a woman will love you for what you can provide now because that is a definite possibility. I don't at all discount that possibility, but why not stack the deck in your favor by making yourself the best possible option? If you feel the rewards are not worth the extra effort, then that is your right. I personally feel that the guy I'm looking for will be worth the extra effort I'm making to improve myself. And if I never find a guy, at least I get to reap the benefits. :) I still wish you the best with whatever you choose to do.
What's the solution? As a guy who finds it difficult to talk to a women in public, I need some help here.
and now we can't even throw you a friendly smile any more?
I don't think that most women have a problem with men at large smiling at them. The communication break down seems to occur when men they're not interested in interpret the smile as meaning there is an opportunity to approach.
Granted, women taking the role of pursuer would help matters and relieve a lot of confusion.
The simple truth is that women would love to smile at all men and only have the ones they're interested in approach them. This desire is problematic since men can't read the minds of women, so women put up shields (blank face, listening to iPods, look through you, won't smile back, etc) to avoid being approached by men they're uninterested in. This then leaves some women frustrated because the men they are interested won't approach either. *shakes head* It's a doozy. The only options left are to approach the men you are interested in, or to smile at the ones you are and not smile at the ones you aren't. I just smile at everyone and take the emotional hits when I'm forced to reject someone. It's a lot easier in the long run. | |
|
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/15/2008 4:16:48 PM |
Welcome to the outer-rim of the "defense mechanisms". Suburban Detroit is pretty heavily populated, and a lot of pushy men are .... You hit that nail on the head *rivereye*. My daughter used to reside in Warren, MI, my son-in-law is from Detroit........a big grin could get a woman followed to her car or all over the mall if she goes around "sincerely" smiling at men staring and grining at her. It's the defense mechanism as stated above. Kinda like, "don't ask, don't tell".......only it's .......don't look, don't smile.
Here in BFEgypt , where I am, it's not that way, but then again, there's no one I want to smile at around here.
Why does this bother you? Maybe you ought to smile at yourself in the mirror and check out your smile. See if there's something that's averting them from your smile? | |
|
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/15/2008 4:55:01 PM | *sigh* I made a mistake once of returning a smile from a guy who was standing near me at a bus stop. We chatted briefly (very briefly), and that was that. Just friendly chatter to pass time until the bus came (or so I thought that was all it was!). Now, ever since that fateful day, not only has he been trying to flirt with me/grab my attention whenever he sees me, but he'll purposely go out of his way to follow me wherever I stand at the bus stop AND sit down RIGHT beside me, despite there being many empty seats elsewhere on the bus.
See, I was initially just being friendly with him...but I guess to him that means I obviously must want him. *sigh again*
I'm very careful with whom I return smiles, as you can imagine why. It's not because I'm a cold-hearted *fill in the blank*, not at ALL. I'm quite the opposite! It's because I'm on guard or I simply don't feel like returning your smile. End of story. | |
|
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/15/2008 8:28:54 PM | But you probably wouldn't have a problem with the guy if it was someone "hot" or someone you were interested in. Since it was just a normal guy it makes you uncomfortable.
It surprises me about people. Shouldn't it be a thankful thing that someone is paying attention to you??? Shouldn't you say, "wow! It's cool he/she finds me interesting enough to want to talk to me or finds me attractive".
It kind of gets into my theory about men and gay men being attracted to them. I'm not gay and it wouldn't bother me at all if a gay man was attracted to me. I wouldn't date him or want to do him, I'd just take it as a compliment that he found me attractive. Some guys are so freaked out about it they want to kill the guy. It's stupid.
It's the same when meeting someone in public. If they make you uncomfortable - tell them. If it's just because you don't find them attractive then that another story altogether. | |
|
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/15/2008 8:55:29 PM |
It surprises me about people. Shouldn't it be a thankful thing that someone is paying attention to you???
Should be, yup. But it's one of those things in life, where you never miss it until it's gone. I think being an attractive woman is a double edge sword. On one hand, you get showered with compliements during the best 20 years of your life, then the sword starts getting dull and everything stops -- even your husband stops noticing you.
It's no one's fault though, so I don't take pity on the guy nor do I have any sympathy for the woman.
I can understand how it might get frustrating having guys who are not your type constantly hit on you, but at the same time, I can also understand how a lonely guy might interpret a friendly smile as a "come on".
There is no right or wrong answer, I think you just need to roll with the punches. | |
|
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/15/2008 9:12:03 PM |
I have to concur with some of the posters and say it's a wall to keep you from approaching her. Some guys interpret a smile or a "good morning" as "Approachable" and will therefore approach. So they put up the "I don't see you" blank stare to avoid having to reject someone.
If you're actually looking to meet women, then your best bet is to become one of the guys the girls don't give the blank stare to. Lose weight, tone up, get a good job, become financially secure and make some female friends to get you out and about. Good luck to you! :)
qft, do all of the above, and stop hating yourself, its oozing out of the internet and contaminating my keyboard | |
|
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/15/2008 9:15:48 PM | | If they flash their pearly whites at you that means they are interested. Sounds like they are not. | |
|
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/15/2008 9:16:50 PM | ugh yea u know what, ya'll might have no read the memo but BODY LANGUAGE tells 90% of the story. You need to look comfortable with yourself!! Act fearless, who the f- cares if some 17 yr old hottie sees you looking at her, make eye contact to tell her - hell yes i was staring at you cus you're damn gorgeous, and then start flipping through the newpaper.
Ya'll gotta lrn2self-esteem. | |
|
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:05:21 AM | | if someone smiles at me, i ALWAYS smile back. sometimes i even smile at people i don't know...just because. sometimes though, people think i'm interested in them, so i stopped smiling first...LOL | |
|
| |
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:56:02 AM | But you probably wouldn't have a problem with the guy if it was someone "hot" or someone you were interested in.
That's entirely different. I'm referring to someone whom I was initially being friendly with at first by returning his smile (and some friendly chatter). That's all. I was just returning a friendly gesture. However, when you're not interested in someone and you are blatantly giving them the cold-shoulder and they still don't get the hint, it gets highly annoying. Yes, it would be different if I was purposely flirting with a man, but I was NOT; however he must have mistook my smile as, "Hey baby, RARR!! ;-)"...which was my whole point to begin with. Misread signs like that can really toy with people.
Besides, how do I know the guy I'm returning my smile to isn't some weird, perverted freak who's going to follow me home, rape me, beat me, etc, all because I acknowledged his existence?
I know that's a long shot, but you have to be safe out there.
Edit: Okay, I'm making it sound like I walk around and don't return any smiles. lol. That's not true, I'm usually very friendly with most people. Alright, glad I cleared THAT up. :-P | |
|
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:27:23 AM |
But you probably wouldn't have a problem with the guy if it was someone "hot" or someone you were interested in. Since it was just a normal guy it makes you uncomfortable. Great, so put this one woman. We are not paying enough attention to you because you are not "hot" enough.
How about we place the blame for this where it belongs? You are caught in the "a few complete jackasses have made it hard for everyone" syndrome.
Shouldn't it be a thankful thing that someone is paying attention to you??? Shouldn't you say, "wow! It's cool he/she finds me interesting enough to want to talk to me or finds me attractive". Flattering can become scary in a heartbeat.
I'm not gay and it wouldn't bother me at all if a gay man was attracted to me. I wouldn't date him or want to do him, I'd just take it as a compliment that he found me attractive. Would you feel the same way if he followed you and was not going to take no for an answer? How about if he grabbed your butt without your permission? Still flattered? What if he corners you? Still feeling special now?
I have had men follow me, and had to drive around to elude them because I did not want them to see where I live. They have followed me to the gas station from the freeway. I had a man I smiled at on the at a stop sign follow me to my birthday party, this year. He was in fact quite hot, but following me made him significantly less hot and approaching terrifying.
I'm clueless when being flirted with. In my eyes it never happens, but an ex-girlfriend used to say it did. So, you admit you might be one to misread signs as well. You might be harmless but not everyone is. How are we supposed to suss out those half crazed perverts out at first glance, when all we have is a smile to go on? Do "nice guys" have a "nice guy smile" that can be easily distinguished from the "guy who wants to bone down with you now and is willing to do anything to make that happen" smile? Do dangerous predators have a different kind of smile? Perhaps you could enlighten us. | |
|
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:51:58 AM | Its just you and millions of other angry, loosers. Grow up. Stop blaming others for your problems. Billions of people have lovers and get married. How could that happen if what you say is "them"?
If you want her to be the woman of your dreams, you be the man of hers. You are not too old to change, and learn new relationships skills..First, learn about yourself. There are many spiritual or relationship resources to discover the good things in you, and get rid of the negative. Now if only I could do that...but I am not blaming "them". | |
|
~Kyn~
|
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 43 | |
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:02:40 AM | Two further comments to this thread.
Firstly...
But you probably wouldn't have a problem with the guy if it was someone "hot" or someone you were interested in. Since it was just a normal guy it makes you uncomfortable.
This ^^^ wouldnt make a difference to me.
I do not go anywhere to actively pursue men (certainly not whilst shopping or standing in the street) and am only interested in getting to know a man when I come across him socially.
Secondly...
I usually frown and turn away from people that have a perpetual joker grin goin on.
Kinda creeps me out
^^^ The last guy I "smiled" at...who used to walk his dogs past my house...
... Stalked me for years and Id never given him anything more than a smile ONCE.
(incidentally he wasnt bad looking at all)
The guy was seriously mentally unstable...so now I keep my head down and keep my eyes to myself with perfect strangers.
Now ...thats my choice... sorry people like the OP take it personally...but its not my problem, I refuse to give a man any kinda interest if Im not actually interested in him...and I dont intend to put a sign around my neck with a detailed explaination of why Im not smiling back or intend to get into a conversation with every guy who thinks its something personal against him. | |
|
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:02:59 AM |
It surprises me about people. Shouldn't it be a thankful thing that someone is paying attention to you???
Sure, I'm thrilled when anyone pays attention to me. Although I think I'm the cat's meow, everyone didn't get the memo. And frankly when I'm 60, I probably won't be turning any heads since I doubt that memo will get out to everyone as well. So I do appreciate it now because it's not going to last forever.
What bothers me is that men can't read body language worth a damn, so I have to be assertive to get my point across. Some react well, and some don't. Those that react well are a breath of fresh air while those that don't are terrifying. I don't think the fact that some will react poorly is reason enough to back down from being assertive, but I do understand it.
I can't blame anyone for choosing to act or react in a way that potentially protects them from crackpots. I don't take it personally when someone doesn't smile back at me, and that happens every single day. I'll say good morning, and the person will walk right past me. It's fine. I smile and I smile back because in the end I don't want a few crappy people to determine how I live my life. | |
|
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:03:46 AM | I've thought about this before...after the millionth time some guy out in public that I didn't know told me to smile. Screw that.. I will smile when I want to and not to make some stranger comfortable. I see no reason to feel responsible for what strangers feel, or think of me, or my mood or facial expression or lack of eye contact..
I've NEVER heard anyone say this to a man...ever. It's like if you are female you are supposed to be friendly and approachable and HAPPY all the time. Why? Why do some men feel the need to even care about how I act in public... or what my mood is? Sometimes I'm in a pissy mood, or have a lot on my mind...
I don't make eye contact with strangers.. often.. and I'm not interested in being open to being approached in public... AND a LOT of men misinterpret casual friendliness as attraction or interest. It's best just to go about my business and ignore most guys. Saves me the trouble of rejecting someone I was never interested in in the first place. I learned this before I was 15.
and why oh why do some guys stare at you from their vehicle when their wife or girlfriend is sitting right next to them?.. crikey that irritates me.
Peace | |
|
~Kyn~
|
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 46 | |
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:09:29 AM |
I don't make eye contact with strangers.. often.. and I'm not interested in being open to being approached in public... AND a LOT of men misinterpret casual friendliness as attraction or interest. It's best just to go about my business and ignore most guys. Saves me the trouble of rejecting someone I was never interested in in the first place
^^^ There ya go...
...now add that to my previous post
Some men are friendly...some are insane. | |
|
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:10:41 AM | | So what you're saying is, "don't smile or approach me in public, be it the grocery store, library, bookstore, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse. Don' t approach me in the bar or club unless you know I'll be attracted to you. Because MEN have made me uncomfortable in the past by misconstruing my friendliness. | |
|
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:20:38 AM | ^^^In everyday life, a woman should be able to exchange a polite smile with others without it even being about dating/attraction. This is the point. If you're going to approach - do so with caution if you can't get a read from someone. Most women are where they are for the place, not the men. Including clubs and bars...
In my case I talk to who I want to offline, so I'd prefer if no one approached me and let me do so if I see someone I like - but I realize no one can know this from a distance (but I'm working on it).
In Jazmella's case a man took her quick and polite friendliness as interest - after a while, it's annoying when this starts happening with a lot of men you smile back at. Sucks, but it is what it is. If more men were polite and we didn't feel like giving a quick smile would turn into a hassle, than we'd do it more.
Of course we smile back at men we're attracted to, because we don't care if they take it as attraction.
And I'm with Ravenstar66 - any man who asks me why I don't smile will hear "oh I smile plenty when I see something worth smiling at" from me...because it's a dumb thing to say to me. It won't change someone's day either way...and of course being the rebellious type, I will frown more just to be difficult and do the opposite. | |
|
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:27:20 AM |
I've thought about this before...after the millionth time some guy out in public that I didn't know told me to smile. Screw that.. I will smile when I want to and not to make some stranger comfortable. I see no reason to feel responsible for what strangers feel, or think of me, or my mood or facial expression or lack of eye contact..
The number one way to make me hate someone with the fire of a thousand suns is to say that to me. Too many men see women as pretty little objects that are only out to make their day look prettier, and I'm not going to fracking smile unless I feel like fracking smiling. What if someone just found out their grandma died? What if they saw their dog get hit by a bus that morning, and they were looking for a toy to give their child who wasn't home yet and didn't know? What if they had a horrible headache and wanted to effin die because of it?
Telling some random stranger to "smile" makes you look like a douchebag. Don't do that.
| |
|
~Kyn~
|
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 50 | |
| Why do women do this?
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:28:41 AM | RE: post 52...directed at me?...will answer just incase...
So what you're saying is, "don't smile or approach me in public, be it the grocery store, library, bookstore, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse.
Yup. Thats exactly what Im saying. I have absolutely no interest in a man whatsoever in any of those places.
And the sooner alot of men get that through their heads ...the better.
Don' t approach me in the bar or club unless you know I'll be attracted to you.
I dont go out to pick up men...even if I go clubbing Im there to DANCE...thats not my focus nor my intention and Im not interested in dealing with it simply because men wanna sniff around like dogs.
^^^Its English...What part of that is difficult to comprehend? 
Because MEN have made me uncomfortable in the past by misconstruing my friendliness
I think it was fairly well qualified in my post why...and regardless of WHY I dont wanna deal with it...its MY choice...not yours to argue me into YOUR way of thinking....
...cos men who wanna badger women like that... who wont accept a No from complete strangers who owe you nothing...who just cant leave other people alone when its clear they want to be left alone...become stalkers.
Im a friendly person socially...but sheesh...
...if I tell a man No...I mean it...and if Ive gotta go Zero to B!tch in an instant to get it through their heads...I'll do it...cos some of you just dont listen
 *throws tantrum*...in the last 2 days Ive had about 12 men do nothing but abuse me in email when I knock em back even though my profile says Im not single.
They dont READ it or CARE...they just wanna be pricks for the sake of it.
arrrrgh!...Im goin back to read/delete...and if anyone cares why I bother reading them, its cos sometimes the emails are about forums and I genuinely like the forum people.
*feels better and stops ranting*  | |
|
Home
login 
