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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:01:10 PM | Funny isn't how we all want the same thing. There's a song like that -- by Amos Lee -- where he is looking out of his appartment at all the other buildings, windows dark, or lit up, and he's wondering why we are all shut away, alone... togather. It's a funny world like that... People complain about POF but I think it's a very good start making a change. I mean, what else is there? Bars?
Life isn't like the movies, you don't bump into Mr or Mrs Right looking at books, or sitting on a bus, for the most part it takes effort, and it's work. But starting to make a change is the main thing...
I was totally lonley before coming on here. I have a very close family, and friends, but there's nothing like an intimate friend. Someone you can actually talk to, touch, and love. It's what we all want. | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:05:13 PM | When I first joined POF I was in a longterm relationship that was going nowhere. We cared for each other, had a lot of fun together, but at the end of the day were still two people with very different dreams and values.
I had moderate success on here after making first contact with a few guys, and joining the local POF social group. Recently I am enjoying chatting with two very different men, both of whom have potential as life partners. One of them, at least while chatting, seems to meet all my "requirements." The other has become a good friend.
I am not here to find someone to make me happy, to complete me, or to give me a reason to exist. My happiness comes from inside. I am content to be on my own and quite capable of supporting myself, but would enjoy sharing my life with a special man.
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:06:50 PM | sure!
I know exactly how you feel!
I was at the crossroads a few years back ~ not my first time to be there either~ it never happened in my early years ~ but much later in life ~ when dreams, loyalitys and commitments came undone ~~ left wondering why? ~ did I ever plant that rose bush, buy this house, ~ and the lake property? ~ what was I thinking?
Can't place your hopes and dreams in a holy bucket, ~~~~ of consern for friends.
After a few years of no girlfriends to druggy girlfriends ~ back to no girlfriend ~ I took some advise, ~~ "you want things to be different ~ you got to do different."
I attacked life! ~ quit focusing on what was around me and decided that there was a world of good things out there to be found and I was going to find it! ~ and I knew where I'd been looking ~ so no need to look there "anymore"
Knowing little about computers ~ it was a vertical learning curve. ~ Didn't find POF right away ~ it to some three months to get here ~ and even so ~I was starting flat footed ~ there was no rush to my door ~ I had to learn some things. ~ so I was engaged to a degree. ~ I began to understand ~ that there were others out there~ "LIKE ME!!!
I live in backwater USA ~ this is not the center of the Universe. ~ This is the Hobbit"s Shire, where everything stays the same ~ and people expect you to do and be the same~ every day!!
I boarded up the house and moved to Port Isabel and started work in the ship yards ~ manly work, low pay and zero benifets ~ maybe towlet paper , if it's not flooded so bad that you can wade in to use it. ~ Months later , I went to sea as a deck hand, ~ then engineer, then chief engineer ~ Moved to mexico and commuted to work ~ stayed there two weeks and at sea 4 to 6 weeks. ~ Loved the land of mananna and the pretty brown girls ~ that got so excited to see me ~ walk in.
I got me a new additude ~ and have put the love of women in a good, health, proper perspective ~ and I do love them so!
I'm back home now ~ I love the POF site and the many friends that I have made. ~
No man is an Island ~ but don't allow your life to ever center around one thing ~ mix it up ~ keep it honest, keep it real ~ and you find your joy! besides all the many thing I'm involved in ~ I 'm learning to play the violin, where I ever do or not, is besides the point ~ always be reaching beyond your comfort zone. My tooter comes every friday morning where I'm ready or not. ~ at the very least ~ I pick up around the Casa cause I know he' s coming.
PS , yepper, lots of booze was between sentences ~~ you got to sleep, pills works better. ~ You'll get to where you won't need any of it ~ beware of old man alcohol ~ he'll sneek up on you.
Dance | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:17:53 PM | Sad question, but I understand.
I got 'hooked' on the internet back in 2001 when in a serious relationship that allowed me to pursue an area that I loved, that being music, promoting, video and MC'ing to name a few things.
Most of the bands communicted via IM's and such. I even became a member of a site that supported local bands and held a party so we could all meet in person.
When I moved back to MI I knew nobody except my family and thru a jilted lover of a good friend of mine heard about this site and signed up so I could view her new interest.
I found this site interesting and at the time was looking to meet new people in hopes of gaining a new core group of friends.
I have met some very good ppl thru here and another site (met my current roommie from another site).
I met my current guy I am dating via yet another site that yet another I met on the net (can't recall if it was this one or the one other I am on) told me about.
I've seldom been lonely, but this past year I DID finally realize I was and made more of an effort to get back to being my usual social self in person.
OP, you sound like you are doing what you can, volunteering is a great thing!
I understand the desire to drink to self medicate and such and that is not a good thing, but unless you want to be on sleep meds (also not real good IMHO) and don't go out driving, you are safe doing so. There are some natural sleep aides as well. Not that you were asking for my unsolicited opinion on that.
I wish the best for you and everyone else on here who truly feels so lonely.
Personally, I like my alone time when I can get it at times.
At other times I feel the need for contact with others, but then I work with the public and being alone can be nice at times.
LOL | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:50:50 PM | Lonely? What does it mean?
I live alone and have been single since i was twenty-one and became a father. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me, being single that is. The love of my little girl is the greatest affection I have known so I don't feel particularly unloved... and those friends I grace with my presence tell me they love me also  .
But of course there is something very different about the love people search for here on Plenty of Fish. I sometimes I feel an emptiness that bites hard, and it comes to me that I, just like you, really need someone sometimes. Call it a girlfriend or whatever... semantics. It was this feeling that drove me to join PoF... for all the good its done! | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:43:10 PM | Everyone's life is different, but I'll tell my story in case it helps.
I have had times of horrible lonliness. When my first wife died of cancer, I was raising 3 little boys alone. I felt a crushing desperation and horrible lonliness. Too soon after her death, a beautiful young woman came into my life and we married, in spite of warning signs that it was not a smart thing to do.
When we divorced - I was afraid of the long dark tunnel I felt I would be entering... the pain and lonliness again - perhaps even worse this time because now there was rejection, too.
But I now felt that since getting involved too soon had resulted in so much pain, I would HAVE TO get to a place where I would be OK with life even if I never found a mate again. It was in this frame of mind that I've tried to approach "Plenty of Fish". My mind has raced off with the possibilities of true love, but I think I've learned to be realistic in my expectations. (I like 'Da Hitman's gag, calling it "Plenty Offish"!)
I can't say that I'm always happy about it, but I am truly going to be reasonably happy in life even if I never find a lady that I share mutual attraction with.
And, like others have said - booze is something many people (including myself) have tried to help themselves in times like this, but it WILL NOT help - and it MIGHT really, really hurt. | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/28/2008 3:08:36 AM | This is what you have to "get over "~
If you have lived a life that for years you have been coupled up ~ this be comes "normal"
when you find yourself alone after years of being with someone ~ you are incomplete!
you feel incomplete, You have learned to indentify yourself as a mated person, to think, act, and talk as a mated person. ~
It's very uncomfortable to be without a mate. ~ you are lacking, empty, void in some way. ~ You miss what ever they gave you, a warm touch, love, sex, talking, sleeping, eating habits ~~ they are ALL screwed up!!
It takes years to get passed this ~ It's much easier to find another and you are not sure that you want to get passed this. ~ You think like a mated person. ~ You are incomplete without a mate.
It very strange feeling ~ nobody loves me!!
I didn't even like to go out and being seen alone ~
This is the battle that you fight ~ learning to be complete~ alone!
Few of us make it ~ to this ~~ this , place. It's flys in the face of normal and acceptance by many.
The road is yours to choise. ~ for me, ~ I'm just passing through and have no strong feeling one way or the other anymore. ~ I love my days and night and share then with the people I enjoy being with or alone. ~ I'm no longer torn up on the inside.
I am my own man ~ I enjoy the ladies and the girls ~ and have many close friends all over three states. I am not a loose man that chases skirts, my intentions are on a higher level ` I make friends for life.
not lonely ~ anymore
Dance | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:25:51 AM | Your circumstances probably triggered a chemical imbalance mentally. A doctor, even a general practicioner, can prescribe something that would work better than oj and rum. Of course, you also need to address the circumstances that triggered the mild depression if that is what you are experiencing.
Your first post was 5/14, so how are you doing? | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:24:53 AM | man,I was completly devastated.My wife and the "in laws" had attacked me so hard for two weeks with the intent of breaking up my family and kidnapping my son and I didn't even know anything was wrong.I got in an altercation with a neighbor that landed me in jail and my wife took offf with the baby.I walked 23 miles home from jail with no water in 90 degree weather.My wife told errouneous lies to my neighbors,accountant,insurance agent,filed ex parte restraining orders on me,my business is failing .....my feet were litterally rotting from the walk home,I had to barracade my home since the neighbors I had the altercation with are rumored to be some people you do not really want to mess with,but they apparenly are not as bad as I thought ....
I haven't seen my son in almost four months and I was his primary care giver ...
I have not found ONE person n hereto become a compatable friend with.The one lady on here I look for everyday I know I am unable to attract ........
I can not even afford to dtive 45 miles to the stripclubs to buy 15 minutes worth of conversation .........
so in answer to "How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish" my answer is completely ...........
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:03:23 AM | ... Apparently, not lonely enough lol... With the "interesting" responses I got, most guys would have been best to head downtown and pick up a hooker lol. When I changed my status from 'other relationship' to 'friends' only 3 stuck around to keep talking.
I can get lonely but sex isn't what's going to solve that; I can head to the gym or for a run and be much happier.
Oh well... one doesn't know what they're getting (at POF) until they find out lol.
No problems!!! Cheers!!! | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:11:56 AM | OP, I actually wouldn't have called myself lonely in the way you describe it. I found POF by way of a gentleman I was corresponding with on another dating site. I had joined that one with a friend of mine (I never ended up getting a paid subscription, but she did). I wasn't happy with the quality of matches I was getting there and was frustrated by the restrictions of the unpaid member. So... I ended up here. Granted, I tend to spend more time on the forums than actually looking for a viable match, but all in all, it's not a bad place.
Here's the thing... I'm surrounded by loving family, great friends and have a generally full life. However, as time goes by, more and more people are pairing off. I got tired of just hoping I would meet a great guy on the street or on the occasions I go out with my friends. I don't meet new people through work, and while school is in session, I don't have a lot of time to socialize. I certainly don't look to the internet as my only interaction with other people, as that would be rather futile. If by communicating with people here I can find a match, that would be wonderful. If not, it's not the end of the world either.
After my last big breakup, I took a long time off before trying to date again. I needed to feel more comfortable being on my own again and heal my wounds so that I would be ready for a healthy, loving relationship once again if the opportunity presented itself.
Even though this thread was originally created a while ago, your description of your feelings concerns me, OP. Looking for a partner to complete your life is just setting yourself up for disappointment. Learn to love your own company first, and other people will likely learn to love it, too. Best of luck to ya! | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:16:11 AM | There you go ~ learn to attack life!
we all go through these period of disorgintation and numness ~ (forgive the spelling)
we fall asleep ~ we get to where ~ we don't see opportunities!
we host fears of failing ~~ we quit smiling
once you have lost your smile ~ you are going "no where"
So your job today ~ is to get your smile working again ~
go to the mirror and practice, and practice hard ~ make sure it works.
you smile at the world and it will smile back ~~ 90% of the time.
and reframe from acting or behaving needy ~ it runs people off.
Consider yourself living in a world of abundance and think it until you believe it's true.
You are strong and powerful ~ and have much to share.
Quit thinking about whats "not" there and be gratiful for what is there!
Two arms, two working legs ~ good feet ~ two eyes ~ and ears that really work.
a coffee pot and morning sun a rising! This is your day to have and do ~ attack!
Make the best of what comes before you ~ happiness was never promised to the lazy.
You live in the vinard of the Lord ~ you job here is to work and make yourself complete. ~
Prepair for the second round pick ~ your death and rebirth ~
sorry , didn't mean to scare you. ~ where you believe or don't believe ~ no matter
it's still ~~ the tools you need to dig out of a hole. ~ So start digging today
Be still sad heart, and ceese repineing
behind yond clouds ~ the sun still shining
Thy fate ~ is a common fate of all
In every life some rain must fall
"A Deary Day" longfellow
I can't say it ~ any better then that
Dance | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:34:41 AM | | I sometimes get depressed, and I don't recognize it as feeling lonely or isolated. I think if you can recognize that you just need friends, then DUH, go out and make some friends! You can make good ones here. If you find that for some reason you are unable to make friends, seek some sort of counseling to find out what is in the way of connecting with people. Alcohol will probably make the situation worse, though. Best of luck. | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:51:15 PM | i joined this site (when i was single) because a friend of mine is on this site and talked about it. you refer me to ANY site, and i will join it. i'm probably a "member" of a billion other dating/forum sites that i can't even remember them anymore.
...so...i wasn't really lonely when i "discovered" POF. | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:01:14 PM | Not lonely really but rather just needing to stay active and meet good people.
I tend to do fine by myself with the sad "I need a relationship" day popping in every
now and then.
PoF is a great tool though because it's free...there's no time limit or people limit so
you can enjoy the benefits right now in perpetuity.
O | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:07:02 PM | I was bored as h-e-l-l or should I say needed a little stimulation...
I was finishing up clinicals and wanted something to break up the monotony. So, I was happy when I joined and found the forums.
Not lonely, I'm never lonely, perse , with 3 girls...  | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:48:06 PM | I am not really lonely, I have never really had a person in my life who I have called friend or a relationship where I was myself. So I have adapted to being strong and independent ppl just push things on you and pressure you into what they think is right.
I had some weird experiences at first when I joined but all in all I enjoyed it. I have had ppl from the past bug me on here, but it shows that they still care and have some grudge issues with me. I havent had these problems recently so I think they finally have solved whatever was going on inside their heads. | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:55:22 PM | ~OP~ Like others, I don't really get lonely (per se) for a relationship. More like you state, missing a close friend or 5. I've moved some in the past 5-7 years for professional and personal reasons and it does seem that my circle no longer exists, well, it doesn't except for my faithful POF friends. I've been here for so long (at two different times) but I came here strictly for forums. In the past 4 years, it has waivered between "well, maybe I'm OK with dating" to "hell NO, that isn't in the cards at all...." I've met two men in the past 3+++ years. BUT, my friends here ~ definite lifelines. This is where I come when I need to know others are in the same boat(s) as I am. Hopefully we can all help each other and one day NOT be here anymore. HA, I'm a dreamer!! Good luck OP, it does get better.  | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:32:32 PM | dear liam
most people hope their life will improve when they find a new partner, so very few would want to get involved with a depressed young man who drinks and smokes and whose friends had enough of him...
so you'll have to improve your life and mood before you can hope to be happy in a relationship
perhaps this will help:
make a list of the qualities you would hope to find in a partner
add activities you would like to share with her
when you have done this, try to acquire the above qualities for yourself
then join some groups who do the activities you like...and see what crops up
now cheer up, get on with it, and good luck to you
:) hertzi | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:58:09 PM | Lonely, no. Lonely is a state of heart that discounts what you do have, focuses only on what you had. or desire. Lonely is a choice...a choice i will not waste the present on.
Alone, yes. But not even this fully. I have ginger, my amazing portuguese waterdog.
I have an incredible circles of amazing friends. (and it perpetually expands ...here too! Thanx ya'll for the profound sentiments shared)
above all, i seek spirituality. | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:21:38 PM | Just as lonely as you... and believe what heartseekertrue posted... and consider this:
you will take time to be lonely, wallow in your self-pity, and maybe even bawl your face off into a gallon of rum & OJ. but remember, please, to tell yourself that this will happen once, and you'll do it in as few nights as possible (2-3 should be a maximum), and resolve to yourself, that after that's done, you'll get on with your life, because you ARE a good person, and you deserve to be as happy as anyone else, whether you're with someone or not.
Loneliness is a state of mind, and it comes from the idea that we need someone to complete our lives...get over that, and you'll see that you, or I or anyone is only as lonely as we want to be, being with ourselves, a significant other, or a thousand dear friends...
Keep reading these forums, learn to filter through the bulls**t, take to heart the words that ring true, and ask questions. Many of us WERE very lonely, but by getting feelings out in these pages, we've found others feeling exactly the same, so we were NEVER really alone... it was just a matter of time till we found each other.
"All we need to do is make sure we keep talking..."----Stephen Hawking | |
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| How lonely did you feel when you discovered plenty of fish?
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:57:13 PM | | i get pretty lonely, but i lack any medical insurence so seeking professional help might not work, its not that this lonelyness is through thought, i dont think about anything and it seems i emotionally feel emty, even if im not thinking a thought, how can you fight that. much to that affects my physical being in a powerful form. where i just look down and not smile. but it always feels as if my thoughts come AFTER the feelings come. how do you fight something like that. without having such a strong will to control something without even knowing why | |
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