| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:43:53 AM |
What on earth does her motivations have to do with the outcome?
Everything! All of the women who profess to want to know if it were them would probably tell this woman to go fly a kite if she showed up looking to spill the beans. Honestly, you're in love with someone and planning on spending the rest of your life with him and some chick you don't know shows up and tells you that she's been doing the horizontal mambo with your guy and you're going to believe this stranger? I don't think most women would.
If the OP's motivation is to get revenge she should find another method that doesn't involve this woman - it's not her fault the guy is a creep and she probably won't believe the OP anyhow. | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:50:26 AM | Tell him that you're going to tell her. Make him squirm. He deserves to be a little uncomfortable, and that should make him just a tad. Even if you don't tell her, let him think that you're going to. Maybe he won't be so quick to have more than one SO in the future. Then again, some never do learn. | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:08:15 AM | if you're not afraid of the guy going postal... or getting back at you... then fine...
Most people would walk. Then, he's not your problem anymore.
Want to get even?
Live a good life. | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 5/16/2008 12:47:22 PM | | Just tell her with the emails. You'd want to know if it was you about to get married to the dude, regardless of the other woman's motivations | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 5/16/2008 12:49:03 PM | | OP tell him your silence will cost him $1,000 and then go on vacation, like near Cleveland LOL | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 10/7/2008 4:05:41 PM | Hey theses are all good posts
Now i know you said you was having sex with the guy and the reason you made sure you where the only one he was seeing is because you dropped the protection which would be naturall after awhile because the trust factor kicks in .
So in effect he was putting you at risk and his other gal
If you kept the protection up then fantastic because you covered the main base .
sounds pritty nasty when you put it in print lol
Hopefully he wasnt doing some one else as well
MORE IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW IS YOU AND PERSONALLY I HOPE YOU WORK IT OUT | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 10/7/2008 4:08:21 PM | | Leave it alone, leave it all behind you. Make a clean break. | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 10/7/2008 4:23:39 PM | I hate guys like that..players. I am sure you must feel decieved and betrayed by this new information , and perhaps its best that this woman does find out. I know if that was my sister ,I would want her to know the type of man that he is.
I think you should email me the phone # ...I can call her for you...lol...you set up the time and place of the next date and I would be more then happy to inform her of this idiots behaviour and his where abouts...
T | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 10/7/2008 4:39:33 PM | I think she should know. Tell her.
I'd like to know. I'd like to have the right to informed decision if I were in her place. | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 10/7/2008 4:47:38 PM | | Personally, I'd want to know but I would probably hate you until I got my wits about me. Mostly she's not going to believe you, I mean they are engage, many would rather marry someone they are going to hate afterward than break an engagement and feel like a fool. I know, dumb, but it seems to be true. I don't think you can win here (not that you are trying to win anything) no matter what you do, but as much as it will probably do nothing, telling her is the honest thing to do, but really it's up to you. Does he know you know? You may want evidence he can't lie out of if you are going to do this. Otherwise, walk away, any guy this brazen is going to get caught at some point. | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 10/7/2008 5:42:48 PM | "I want her to know exactly what she is getting into, we are all over 35, and she has 3 children under the age of 16, and he has a 17 year old daughter, that adores the finance.......what should I do?
I would tell her. I would want to know. She can then decide if this is the type of man she wants as a "Role model" around her children.  | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 10/7/2008 6:19:29 PM | OP, without even reading the rest of the posts my perspective is, when kids are involved it's a no brainer. If you have verified that what you have heard IS the truth, and that there are children involved, the human thing to do IS to tell the truth.
But, I'd start with him first - give him an opportunity to hear what you've learned, then to hear that you are going to provide his bride to be with the truth about his interactions with you and finally, to hear that you are done with his sorry hide, no IFs, ANDs or BUTs about it - don't let the door hit his sorry arse as he exits, stage left!
It isn't about revenge, it's about preventing innocent children from being dragged into a bad situation. | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 10/7/2008 6:23:05 PM | The guy was up front with you and there was no comittment made if I read your post correctly. He has a kid of his own so he has been in a serious relationship before. Both of you enjoyed each others company intimately and that is all there was to it.
Move on, leave it behind you and do not be vengeful as it wont get him back. | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 10/7/2008 6:32:07 PM | | I dated a guy from this site for a year. We had decided to become exclusive then after my teenage daughter got pregnant he asked if we could take a step back which involved seeing other people. We did this for 6 months and then I told him I was not going to do this and he asked if we could become exclusive again. I agreed but it didnt feel right, so after a little digging, I found out he had been still talking inappropriately to a married woman he had an affair with two years before he met me. I knew her name and her husbands. I kept debating on whether to tell her husband. I decided not to, because even though you say it is for her benefit, you know that is to hurt him. I found that when you try to hurt him, you are not allowing yourself to get over it. Although you may feel better, DO NOT lower yourself to his level. You are better than that and just because you were lonely (which lets face it, was why you allowed him to manipulate you in the first place) he was going to take full advantage. She will figure him out. If you tell her, he will talk about how crazy and obsessed you are with him and she will still marry him. | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 10/7/2008 6:33:44 PM | I'd want to know If I was her - marrying a cheater means theres a LOT more cheating and pain you will be dealing with for life.
I'd rather deal with the pain then and there then continue It for life - cheaters do not ever stop, whatever extra lies they string after It and more promises built on lies - just like the first lot were.
Your either a cheat or your not - It Isnt grey area - If your not and you meet someone more important then the present partner - you leave and take It up AFTER you have ended the present situation. If you are a cheat ( or they are ) Its a life pattern and It will not stop - but they do learn to lie and string you along more.
She does deserve to know, and If she Is silly enough to fall for his lies and stay - kudos to her - at least that was her choice when the next round of pain heads her way - and you know you didnt allow her to ruin her life by staying out of It. | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 10/7/2008 6:43:05 PM | I would walk away and never look back. By getting involved with his soap opera, you are empowering him to have control over you. Just cut any connections.
You are all older than 35, presumably mature enough to handle your situations. Why involve yourself further just so she would have an informed decision? Is that your responsibility? She must have friends who have taken up that responsibility or she must have done some sleuthing herself. She has a child. That is automatic. LOL
I suspect she may be already aware of it. If not, why prolong your connection with him? Many posters here have articulately expressed their experiences in this same scenario and either they were not believed or they did not believe the other woman. Why go down to the level of your cheating bf? You are a victim. Why be victimized further by trying to be in the middle of this fiasco and waste more of your time and emotions?
You are not responsible for what they do with their lives. Cut your losses. Let go! Good luck!  | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 10/7/2008 6:49:59 PM | Break it off with him. Write her a letter with an overview of the timing of when you and he met and that he wanted the NSA sex. In your letter, tell her you just found out about her and you've just broken things off with him as a result and wish her a good life and mean it sincerely. In the letter tell her that he lied about his not having contact with her.
Then move on. He's a jerk for going there if he was engaged. He lied to you in order to have sex with you. She needs to know. | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 10/7/2008 6:54:42 PM | | Tell her and walk away. He won't want you after that, so you are finished. She deserves to know what he is like. He didn't tell you about her because he wants her. If she wants him after knowing about you that is up to her. You can never have him as more than you being his bit on the side, and you won't have even that if you tell her. | |
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| To tell or not to tell
Posted: 10/7/2008 6:55:44 PM | | Blackmailing him could get her prison time. It's not worth it. | |
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