| |
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/17/2008 1:51:35 AM |
It's been one year..!!! If he is unable or unwilling to tell you he loves you....WHY !!!....are you wasting your time..??? I know people get hurt....and bla...bla...bla. I'll tell you this.....if you were the one for him and he knew it.....He would be telling the world !!!....which is exactly the way it should be.....don't settle for what you are getting here.....You deserve the world!!!
Again, here we go, stereotyping and generalizing.
Time is not a factor here. Love and faith are....
God Bless,
Scott | |
|
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/17/2008 1:53:18 AM | Ask your heart **OP**, not the forums. Only use what you read here as influence, and use much discretion. This is shark infested waters.
God Bless everyone here.
Scott | |
|
| |
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:32:31 AM |
I have noticed posts on this forum on whether or not people who are in relationships should still frequent dating sites. He does. Several of them. I have told him that I think it's wrong. His reply was if you can't live with it then leave.
The writing is SO on the wall here. You don't need to ask him for an answer - his non-answer WAS an answer. | |
|
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/17/2008 5:39:57 AM | telling someone you love them - feeling love for them should never be conditional on wishing to be told it also. it seems you are stuck in this belief if it is said, it must be reciprocated.
all your posts are saying you don't believe he loves you. you don't feel it, you don't hear it and it sounds like he really does not treat you with love - making you wait while he's at the pub, insisting on chatting with other women......
if you had not overheard that drunken comment, then it sounds like you would be trusting your truth a lot better - and no, believing one drunken indirect comment and the only professing of love towards you in the year and was not even to you - is just foolish and i'm sure you know this. one other side thought - is it possible he drinks too much to protect himself from his emotional pain? it does sound like he might need to do some healing on himself.....that he really is not ready to offer love....that he perhaps does not love himself enough, so can't love you. but of course i do not know him (but i did know my ex husband who also drank....hence my wonderings).
follow your guts. you've written it enough here in your post your truth- just seems you need someone or everyone to tell you to move on already. i don't like to say that, but my thoughts are even if he does love you in his own way - it is not in a way you feel loved....so, as another poster said, even if he told you he loved you at this point, would you honestly believe him? would it take away all your doubts?
i also wonder, why are you afraid to ask him? you'd rather live in wishful thinking than know the truth? well, my guts are telling me everything in your posts say you know the truth. read them back to yourself as if it was your sister or best friend or daughter telling you this stuff. what would you advise her?
keep in mind your love for you comes from within you. that is thee bottom line. please try to remember - to offer it is the gift - receiving it is the bonus. i have found when there is real love, it is mutual, even if it does not manifest necessarily in the same way with both people.
basically, trust you heart. it is speaking louder than your mind I think - it needs to be heard and you're the one it is talking to. besides, your last line spoke your truth clearly and without question -
I would rather leave the relationship than be with someone who doesn't love me back. it's time to honor your truth. you can't heal this man with your love....he has to do it.  | |
|
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:27:49 AM | I'm not sure you should put much into the fact that, a mere 2 months into your relationship he was 'drunk' and mentioned in your presence that he loves you. I gather from your post that you've been together now for some time. What matters is where you're at now.
One thing I've learned; it's never a good idea to remain in a relationship where you're having to question the love of your partner. Yes, for some the words "i love you" don't come easily.......but it's the actions that count.
It's their actions that show whether they love you.
Do they show you respect?
Do they show respectfulness?
Do they show you that they care about you and your feelings?
Do they consider you when making decisions that will affect you as a couple? (or do they always do their own thing)
Do they include you in many parts of their life?
Are they proud to introduce you to their friends and family? (or do they keep you a secret)
Do they "have your back", so to speak?
Do they make compromises or must things always be their way, on their own terms, always just to meet their needs?
If you're in a relationship and you're left with doubts about whether they love you - because their actions just don't consistently show it, then it's not a good relationship and you're best to move on. Life is short. We all deserve love. Find someone who will love you just as you love them. | |
|
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/17/2008 9:56:04 AM | The thing is...it shouldn't be that hard to love me, in my opinion. If, by a year, he can't say it just once, then it probably won't ever happen. And if I don't feel it even by 6 months...then,my friend, there's no love.
Some people are going to disagree with this opinion, and that's cool. This is just my conclusion based on my experiences. | |
|
| |
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/17/2008 2:07:58 PM | You shouldn't have to ask. If he loves you he will tell you. He may not utter the actual words but you will know it in his deeds. If he treats you as if he loves you he more then likely does. You state that he does show you sometimes and that you believe he may be holding back to protect his heart. That is very likely I think people give in to the perception that men don't feel as much as we really do. Our hearts break just as much as a womans and once experienced the scars left behind can harden us just as they would you.
I have to ask you if you truly meant that you loved him when you told him that. Are you sure its there? If it is you should take a look at what your asking. You don't say that he treats you badly, that he is unfaithful, that he kicks his dog. You simple feel that after a year he should tell you he loves you. Love is by far the trickiest of emotions we have because it is more then just that. It can bloom in an instant or take a lifetime to fully grow. Everyone is different and everyone changes in time. Every relationship is unique to those in it.
You profess your love for him so you have found something there in him that makes you more then you were. If that is true leaving that just because he may be trying to protect himself will do nothing but harden his heart further. Whatever you found will likely die. You also need to remember that sometimes we may not want to admit how we feel even to ourselves. Perhaps he isn't ready to accept that he may or may not love you. He may need time and if you care for him you should give it to him as long as he remains true to you. We always take a leap of faith when we give our heart to someone and you may find yours bruised and battered in the end but you may find something wonderful as well. A year is not that long unless your holding your breath. If you love him give it as much time as it takes for you to both know what you really feel. Time spent with someone you love is never wasted even if they don't love you back. It is still better then no time at all or for that matter no love at all.
DK | |
|
| |
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:00:38 PM |
mutual love exists as much as the words do, and since the words carry different meanings... love isn't very universal from one person to the next.
Nonsense. There is "love" the emotion, then there is "love" the verb.
OP, I cannot tell you when it is or isn't "ok" to ask the man if he loves you, but if it were me and I was wondering, I would certainly ask him to tell me how he felt about me. Good, bad, or indifferent, I would rather know than not know. | |
|
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:17:07 PM | You are afraid, aren't you?
You are afraid of what his answer is going to be. Because, honey, you know what the answer is.
A year on this? 3 times a week you see him if you are lucky? You are not feeling it because he's not doing it for you?
I would say that you are in a "FWB" situation in which he makes you wait for him, you wait on him, it's his dime his time, and you are hoping that he sees how wonderful you are, how devoted you are and what a perfect partner you would make him.
Don't hesitate to ask him if he loves you. DO IT NOW!
It will do you good to have a bit of power and gumption back. Hear his answer. See him squirm. Then walk.
Make promises to yourself that you will never be in a situation like that again unless the guy is totally into you. 100%. Then you will never have to second guess whether he loves you. You will know. | |
|
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/17/2008 11:17:21 PM | Pull back a bit, do your own thing, dont answer the phone occasioanlly, give it a couple months and he'll tell you he loves you | |
|
| |
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/18/2008 7:23:46 AM | I think asking if someone loves you after a year is totally acceptable. Hell, sooner than that is fine. Just not TOO early.
You're definitely in the clear, I'd say. | |
|
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/18/2008 7:24:40 AM | | ^^^^^but geez, should you REALLY have to *ask* your partner if they love you; after being together for a year? If there's such doubt as to whether they do by the fact that they've never said it but most importantly because they just don't really "show it" - what is the point in asking? - you already HAVE the answer. | |
|
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/18/2008 3:36:21 PM |
Nonsense. There is "love" the emotion, then there is "love" the verb. [ /quote] Wouldn't that then be the act of love , such as loved or loving. Love is NOT a verb. I think you mean a noun, no ?
Either way , yes I agree, ask him directly, Because we all know that a person would never think of decieving another about what there true intentions or feelings are, Just because he says it, It must be true! ha !
OP, what do you FEEL about the situation ? Your gut should be able to answer that question for you, Anything else is just looking to validate what you already know. | |
|
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/18/2008 5:49:45 PM | Eagles's Cry posted the words by the late Keith Whitley...."When you say nothing at all" It has been deleted I guess....I wonder why?
Lovely song...one of my favourites...
Sigh...idealism, illusions, dreams....so very nice to have them.
Reality check!
We need to hear "I love you". We humans learned to talk as a communication tool in our evolution as a species. Use it.
Animals say it to each other all the time when they are enamoured. The most delightful sounds come out while they are touching each other, licking each other, grooming each other or nuzzling each other.
When a man can't say "I love you." to someone he supposedly loves....then I have to look at him sideways.
This forum is filled with all sorts of unhappy females who have been terribly neglected by the males of our species. The courting words are not only for getting into her panties. | |
|
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:04:08 PM | ^^I was fortunate enough to read it when it was here and it moved my heart so. Thank you EaglesCry and I wish it could return to inspire others!
And, wallflower, I was trying to remind the OP that I believe love is most loving when it in unconditionally offered.....to show perhaps, like EaglesCry was trying to show her, that sometimes you don't need to hear the words returned to know you are loved.
So, doesn't mean I'm terribly unhappy or neglected (gee, I think that was the biggest projection I've heard today)....it means I know the power of thought and feeling and loving and being...and sometimes doing all that without words is even more powerful. | |
|
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:25:46 PM | I once had a love of mine tell me that she loved me. I said I love you more. Her answer to that was do you really want to win that argument?
The fact of the matter is love is a word that is totally over used, and like $500.00 suits that you wear everyday makes it nothing special, just a commonplace every day occurrence.
If his actions show you he loves you then chances are he does. If he had an episode in his life that makes it difficult for him to say that to you but you still know he loves you then let it slide..
It is after all just a word and the meaning behind it is subject to debate...
If your not feeling from him what you feel your giving then tell him that it's a problem for you, and move on.
He may re-think the issue and tell you what you need to hear. | |
|
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:27:11 PM | WeAre1...
I think in OP's case she needs to hear the truth of their "relationship". If she is not feeling it..and has to finally ask about it, then ask it.
If you are in a secure relationship where actions do show it, then I can understand that feeling that Keith Whitley wrote about. I have been there.
But....a big but....we also have the tool called communication with words. A little does go a long way. Isn't it worthwhile to do things that can make another person smile? Especially if you do love them?
Spyralygra....
Love is a very special word. Do not ever denigrate it to nothingness. That is so cold of you to do do that. I got bad chills when you said it was meaningless.
Stick with women who can live without it.
| |
|
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:37:27 PM | I agree, in fact I suggested it this way in my post earlier in this thread (mess. 31)...."i also wonder, why are you afraid to ask him? you'd rather live in wishful thinking than know the truth?"
What I took affect from was your statement, wallflower, "...This forum is filled with all sorts of unhappy females who have been terribly neglected by the males of our species....."
I feel I am going off topic now, so I just ask you to please be careful with those big projections when they are negative. Maybe in those moments instead of generalizing and projecting onto others, perhaps that's a time to put in a personal comment about your own life experience. | |
|
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/18/2008 7:05:44 PM | NOT!!!!!!!!!
NO ONE SHOULD EVER HAVE TO ASK IF THEIR LOVED......REMEMBER
THE THREE TO SIX MONTHS RULE...........YOU SHOULD BE VERY CLEAR AT THIS POINT ( VERBALLY & EMOTIONALLY) WHERE YOU STAND..........IF NOT
GIVE HIM ROOM, BE NICE AND ENJOY YOUR INDEPENDANCE.......THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA TO LOVE!
MOST CARINGLY,
DR. JAN:angel | |
|
| Is it okay to ask if he loves you back?
Posted: 5/18/2008 7:13:34 PM | I have been buzzled by this for sooooooo long. Why do people think that when they say I love you to someone that that person has to say I love you back. When you tell someone that you love them it is because you want them to know at that moment. What if at that moment they are not quite feeling it for you. Why force someone to tell you they love you. Let them tell you in there own time and in their own way. It sure would mean a whole lot more.  | |
|
Home
login 
